by Karen Deen
Lex’s mother.
“Umm Eloise, sorry, I thought you were Lex.” Sweat starts pouring out of me under her gaze. The way her eyes are looking me up and down. I’m standing in heels, stockings, and a hotel robe.
I must look just like she expects, a hooker.
“Mrs. Jefferson to you. We need to talk.” Not even giving me a chance to say anything, she storms into the room that smells like sex, and the bed proves the point with my clothes strewn all around it.
Standing stunned at the door, I see Ashton out of the corner of my eye. I know I could call him over and he would deal with her, but I can’t. This is Lex’s mom.
“It’s okay,” I mouth to him, when it’s really not.
“Sure?” he whispers.
Nodding my head, I slowly close the door and turn to face the firing squad.
“Umm Elou…I mean, Mrs. Jefferson, why are you here?” I pull the robe tighter around my body and curse Lex the whole time in my head, because I don’t even have panties on.
“For goodness sake, get dressed so I don’t have to look at you like that.” She glares down her nose at me.
I want to tell her to fuck off, but at this stage I agree. I need clothes on. This is so uncomfortable. Scooping up my clothes and rushing into the bathroom, I quickly dress while trying to keep myself from falling into a panic attack. I haven’t had one since that day in court, and I’ll be damned if today will be the day to fall back into that place.
Standing in front of the mirror, I look as pale as a ghost. This is not how this meeting should have been. She has totally caught me off guard. Running my hand down my skirt and buttoning up my jacket, I take a deep breath and imagine Lex’s voice in my head. Telling me he’s got me and to breathe.
Okay, let’s get this over and done with.
“At least you have learned how to dress more appropriately since the last time I saw you.” She’s standing in the middle of the room like she doesn’t want to touch anything. It’s not like we’re in some cheap-ass hotel. This place is five star and not somewhere that hires rooms by the hour. Although it just dawns on me, that’s exactly what we’ve done.
“Thank you for the compliment, I think.” I’m biting my tongue and it’s already getting old.
“So, what did you have to discuss with me that couldn’t have been done with Lex around? Because that’s why you are here, isn’t it? To talk without him here.”
“You watch your tone, young lady, and his name is Alexander.” She shifts her weigh from one foot to the other, and I can see she’s winding up, ready to take aim at me.
“I don’t know who you are or where you come from, Mia, but I do know you aren’t the right person for my son. There are certain expectations on him, and you fall far short of those. I mean, look at where we are. He brings you to a hotel for sex in the middle of the day. No gentleman of his status would even contemplate that. It’s disgusting.”
I’m stunned, but I can’t argue with what she’s saying. It’s what we did, and if I’m honest with myself, deep down I know I’m not in the same league as Lex.
“The truth is hard to hear, isn’t it, Mia.” Her stare is like a knife piercing my soul. “You need to know some facts about my son. He was born into a social circle you can never fit into. One that is centuries old and something that you being an orphan will never understand, a family heritage.”
Oh god, breathe, Mia, breathe, count… What are the numbers? Shit.
“I know your life and I know how you’re pretending to try to fit into your sister’s world, but you don’t. You haven’t been brought up in this world and will never be accepted. I can’t have your background being dragged out of the shadows for Alexander when his political career takes off. And he will become a politician. I haven’t worked all my life to make that happen and then a little tramp comes in and derails that. Jacinta was the perfect woman to partner him through it all, but you wrecked that and now she wants nothing to do with me either.”
Ten…that’s it, ten. What comes after ten? My chest is screaming for air. I can’t think. All I can do is hear her words. They won’t stop.
“So, it was fun while it lasted, and he has got his little fling out of his system, but it’s time for him to stop and get on with his life. I’ll be damn sure I won’t let you keep up this little game you’re playing trying to take all his money. So, I’ll just set you straight now. I control his money. That’s right, you can’t get your hands on it and neither can he until he’s married to someone I approve of, and then I sign his trust fund over. So, if he’s stupid enough to think he can stay with you, then you both will live in poverty together. But then again, you’d be used to that, wouldn’t you, Mia. Because that’s where you belong, not trying to play happy families with your little bastard children.”
Nine, it’s nine, breathe. Just breathe. Block out her words. Make it stop. Her voice, it won’t stop.
“I’m not surprised you have nothing to say. You have no argument because you know everything I’m saying is true.”
No, it’s not true. I can’t breathe to talk.
Eight, seven…breathe. I just want to run. I need to run.
“I think I have explained the situation clearly enough, but there is one last thing you need to remember. I know my son lost his head and assaulted a man because of you. He may have been lucky so far trying to cover that up, but if I choose to make it known, Alexander will never work as a lawyer again and that will be all your fault. But if you disappear from his life, then it will never be heard of again.”
I promised I wouldn’t run, but I can’t breathe. Six, five…it’s not working.
“The choice is yours, Mia. Keep fucking my son and dragging him down to your level, or walk away and let him live the life he is destined for. I’ll be watching for your decision. Good day.”
I know she’s moving, I just can’t see properly as the room is spinning. Four…air, that’s it, keep dragging in that breath. The air helps the pain stop. Hearing the door click, I fall on to the bed, my legs giving way as the tears are falling.
Three…breathe. I don’t know if I even want to breathe anymore.
The kids…breathe for the kids. I need to think about the kids. Sing, you need to sing. Make the bad lady’s voice go away in my head.
Two…breathe. Oh, Lex, I’m so sorry. I just can’t do this. I don’t know how to breathe without you.
The sound of the door opening has my vision slowly coming back, but the tears won’t stop as I look up to see Ashton standing there, with a face that says he wants to kill someone.
“One… that’s all I’ll ever be is just a lonely one.”
“Mia, I’ll call Lex,” Ashton says with his phone in his hand.
“No! Please no. No one can know. Please, Ashton no.” My chest is getting tight again and my breathing starts to race.
“Okay, okay. You need to breathe with me, Mia. You can do this. We know you can. Let’s count. Ten, nine, deep breath…” He doesn’t understand. I don’t want to breathe without Lex, and I know now I can’t have him. I love him too much to do that to him.
Ashton places his arm around my shoulder and keeps talking and counting for me. On the outside, it might look like I’m coming out of it, but the only place I’m going is to my dark corner. The one in the back of the room where no one can see me. The place I’m used to, and where I know how to function. I don’t have to keep being happy, I just stay numb. It doesn’t hurt as much there.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here with Ashton on the bed when I finally stop crying. He doesn’t talk, he just sits and holds me. Like I said, he knows my secrets and I trust him with my life. He and Mason have become the brothers I never had.
“I’m sorry, Ashton, you shouldn’t have had to see that.”
“Bullshit. I stopped being your bodyguard the moment I met you. I’m your friend first, and I chose to keep you safe second. I’d do it even if Lex wasn’t paying me.”
“Wait, what? I thought Paige was paying
you.” I sit up taller and look at him as he pulls back a bit.
“No, Mia, Lex took over weeks ago, and don’t you dare complain. If you were my girlfriend, I would do the same. He wants to protect you any way he can, so he knows if he can’t be with you then at least I am. I respect that.” Ashton stands up and gives me a bit of space.
“Oh god, this just keeps getting worse,” I mumble.
“What does? Mia, talk to me. This stays between us. What did that woman say to you? Because no normal mother leaves a person in a full panic attack like you just had.”
“You wouldn’t understand even if I told you. Just know that if I ever turn out like her to my children, you have permission to shoot me or lock me up, either will work.”
“Right now, I’m pretty sure I want to shoot her, and I don’t even know what happened. But I know you would never be like her, it’s just not in you, Mia. And knowing Lex, it’s not in him either, thank god.”
I just sit for a few minutes and my phone starts vibrating in my bag.
“Shit, Paige, she’ll be wondering where I am.” I fumble with my bag trying to find my phone.
“It’s okay, I messaged her to say you weren’t feeling well and I was going to take you home. She’s probably just calling to check on you. Because there is no way you want to go back to the office looking like you do, no offence.”
“None taken, I can’t even look in the mirror. Thank you. I’ll call her from the car if that’s okay. I just need to get out of here.”
“Sure, let’s go. I’ll have one of my guys meet us at the apartment, and after you’re settled, I’ll go back to the office and get the kids from daycare. Even though Jack will hate me for picking him up early. He loves that place and all his new friends. I think he has them eating out of his hands with his natural charm.” He smiles at me and holds out his hand to pull me up from the bed.
“Ugh, don’t remind me. Imagine that boy as a teenager with testosterone kicking in. He’ll be a nightmare, I’m sure.”
“Probably, but he’s your nightmare so I can just sit back, watch, and laugh.” We both laugh a little as he opens the door for me.
“Wow, great friend you are. Thanks for the support.” I feel like I’m doing the walk of shame to the elevator after what Elouise said. She made me feel so cheap and dirty. I thought I was past feeling that, but in a moment, she put me right back there.
Today I learned one thing.
Money doesn’t make you a nice person if you were born a nasty one. That woman is nasty to the core and nothing will ever change that.
I can’t stop her from hurting me, but I can stop her from hurting Lex.
Which in turn just makes me hurt more, and that’s what she wants too. To punish me for Jacinta.
Once again, I’m responsible for wrecking another life.
I should have listened to my head when it was saying to stay away from Lex, but I stupidly followed my heart thinking this time it would finally be different.
I didn’t even have to tell him I loved him.
Just thinking it and feeling it so strongly in my heart was enough to ruin it anyway.
Edward always told me I was no good and no one would want me in their life.
I should have believed him.
Sitting in the back of Ashton’s car, I just stare out the window trying to get my head together on what I need to do. I’m not sure Paige believed me that I was sick when I talked to her, but she went with it and for that I’m thankful. I just need this afternoon to make a plan and then I can move forward.
“Ashton?”
“Yeah?” he replies, looking at me in the rearview mirror.
“You don’t happen to know any apartments for rent, do you? I think I need to start my new life, on my own. It’s the only way I’ll ever be able to prove to myself that I am who I am by my own merit.” I look back out the window in my daze as the world is a blur passing by.
“You really sure that’s what you want? Because there’s going to be couple of fights over that decision.”
“I know, but yeah, I’m sure. I need to become the true Mia Kennedy before I can be anyone else to others.”
“I totally understand, and I will stand behind you one hundred percent. As for the apartment, funny you should ask. The lady next door to me moved out yesterday, and it’s still vacant. It’s not as fancy as what you’re used to, but it’s nice and it’s safe. And has the best neighbor, or so I hear.”
“Thanks, Ashton, it sounds perfect. Will you help me? I have no idea how to even apply for it.” I try to give him a smile.
“As soon as we get home, I’ll make the call. And don’t worry, the universe has a habit of making things happen the way they’re supposed to. Out of the darkest times there is always a door that will let in some light.”
“Thanks, Ashton, for everything. I couldn’t do this without you. And like I said, please don’t tell anyone what happened. Not a word.”
“And like I told you, I think that’s a mistake and you should tell Lex the truth, but I respect your choice and my lips are sealed. I’m going to hell anyway, so what’s one more lie.”
“No one as caring as you goes to hell, Ashton. It doesn’t work that way.”
“I’m not sure I believe that,” he replies.
Well, I need to believe that, otherwise what I’m about to do is going to send me to hell for the rest of my days, even while I’m still living.
Sing, I need to sing. I just wish I could.
But for the first time there’s no star to be seen.
And nothing to wish on.
My light is dimming and I’m heading back to the dark.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
LEX
Leaving Mia in that room, looking sexy as fuck, was not an easy task.
It was hard, very, very hard.
Listening to the judge hand down the verdict doesn’t even make my heartbeat change today. I’m happy for my client who didn’t deserve the charges brought against him. I could see plain as day that he was innocent.
It’s now that I really know there’s only one reason my heart beats, and that is for her.
My Mia.
“Congratulations, Counselor,” Jacinta says as we walk side by side out of the courthouse to our cars.
“Thanks. You knew he was innocent all along, better luck next time.” We both laugh a little. Since the day we talked with the most honesty we’d ever had with each other, our friendship has developed to a good place.
“You know I’ll never admit to that, don’t you?” she says, trying to keep a straight face.
“I’d be shocked if you did.”
“By the way, can you talk to your mother? Seriously, that woman is ridiculous. I’ve been avoiding her and all her millions of phone calls and text messages for two weeks, but I’m just about to take out a restraining order on her ass. She just never gives up!”
“Ah, and now she gets it.” We laugh as we reach our cars that happen to be next to each other. “I’ll do it over the weekend. Sorry she’s such a pain. I’ve just been enjoying my time in my little mother-free bubble. But I can tell you this now. It’s Friday, I’ve booked babysitting, and it’s date night with my girl. So, nothing short of a big explosion is going to stop me from spending the night with Mia.”
“Lex.”
“You know I like hearing you call me that. Alexander is only reserved for the wicked witch.” I roll my eyes at her.
“Oh my god, you can’t call her that. You’re right, but still. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you something.” She hesitates a little. “I’ve been thinking about what you said, and I just wanted to say thank you. Things are looking a little different now and you made me think in new ways. I never felt like I had a choice. So, thank you.” She is a beautiful woman when she smiles an actual happy smile.
“Hey, I just laid out the arguments. You connected your own dots, but I’m glad. So, does this mean no more bitch-face Jacinta who thinks she has bigger balls than me in th
e courtroom?”
“Fuck no! I didn’t say I grew a heart or anything. That Jacinta will never leave, but she might just take time out every so often, if she can find the right man to do that with.”
“And there she is. Welcome back, Counselor.”
“You can be just as big an asshole at times too. Now go home. There’s some crazy woman who for some reason is waiting to see you. Some people just can’t be helped.” She places her hand on my arm and gives me a little squeeze as she opens her door and places her briefcase inside.
I walk to the other side of the car, and I’m about to hop in when I call her. “And Jacinta? I can’t wait to meet him.”
“Who?” She looks confused.
“The man who removes those balls for good.”
“Ugh, goodbye, Lex.” She’s just shaking her head at me as she gets in her car, and I open my door already planning my night with Mia.
I call and she picks up after a few rings. “Hey, baby, are you ready for tonight? I’m just leaving work.” There’s a little silence on the other end, which is unusual not to hear the kids, but maybe she isn’t home yet.
“Hi, Lex.” Her voice is flat with absolutely no emotion.
“Mia, are you okay?” I’m already putting that accelerator pedal down a bit harder than I should be.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just not feeling great. Is it alright if I come over for a while but don’t stay tonight?” Now I’m getting concerned. She almost sounds like she’s crying, but I can’t tell.
“Of course, but don’t worry, stay home and I’ll come and stay with you.” I don’t want her to have to leave if she doesn’t feel like it. Date night can wait. Hell, we’ll be having date nights for the next fifty years.
“No! I mean, no, it’s okay, the quiet at your place is what I need.”
What the hell is going on?
“Okay then…I’ll come by now and pick you up.”
“No, it’s okay, Ashton is heading that way now. Mason just got home so I’ll meet you at your place in about twenty minutes. Is that alright?”
No, but I can’t say that because I know that she needs control in her life, and something has definitely derailed her since I last saw her, so I have to let her run this show.
