The Pretender
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Chapter 19
«Poor, stupid Hork-Bajir,» Visser Three said, dripping fake pity. «You can't even appreciate the magnificence of this morph. It's called a Kaftid.»
The Visser's Andalite head narrowed and stretched forward till it looked like the head of a seahorse. You know, with that rigid, tubular mouth? His neck elongated. Two leathery wings that could not possibly have allowed him to fly grew just behind the head.
His four-legged body mutated, growing a fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth leg! The tail disappeared altogether, and where there had been blue fur highlighted with tan, there was now a green, slimy, froglike skin.
93 I yanked Bek close, fought a wave of pain, and tried to dodge around the monster that Visser Three was becoming. But Bek was in full panic. He was yelping and crying and trying to get back to what probably seemed like the safety of the building.
I tried to lift him up but I was unfamiliar with my Hork-Bajir body, and worried about cutting the young Hork-Bajir with my blades.
At last I managed to get an arm around Bek's middle and ran around the Visser's right side.
Too late!
SsssPASSSS!
A liquid the color of antifreeze squirted from the monster's pouting mouth. It missed me by millimeters and hit a fallen two-by-four.
Hsssssss!
Acid! In seconds the wood was smoking and disintegrating from the corrosion of the greenish-yellow acid.
«Hah-hah-hah!» Visser Three exulted. «Are you ready to surrender, Hork-Bajir? You're not a fighter! Your people were meant to be our slaves!»
Surrender. What an excellent idea. With Bek in my arms, I couldn't risk a direct attack on this hideous, acid-spitting alien freak.
"I surrender!" I cried.
«Down on your face, then,» he snapped. «l
94 have Andalite bandits to deal with. Down on your face in the mud, slave. And keep hold of that little one, too.»
"Yes. Down on face," I said, trying my best to sound like a Hork-Bajir. I knelt and started to stretch out. And that's when Visser Three got overanxious. He started to rush past me, desperate to reach the others.
He stepped a little too near. And suddenly, instead of eight legs, he had five. One fast, powerful swipe of my arm. Blade! Blade! Blade! I was like that new three-blade razor.
«Arrggghhh!» he bellowed in pain and rage. He began to topple over, unable to support himself with his one left leg. But even as he fell, he twisted his head and took aim. Point-blank range.
Point-blank at Bek.
Jerking every muscle in my body, I rolled over Bek, putting my back between him and the Visser's acid spray.
Pain! Unimaginable pain! I was burning alive! I was on fire!
I couldn't think, couldn't control myself, not even for a moment.
I got to my feet, staggered, screaming in agony, to the lagoon, and plunged into the water.
Water. Blessed, muddy water diluted the acid before it could eat right through my spine.
95 Relief!
But even as I shuddered at the lessening of the pain, I realized that I had let Bek go. I rose up from the lagoon, dripping mud, and looked frantically toward shore.
No Visser Three. No Kaftid.
And no Bek.
«Nooooo!» I cried in anguish.
From the wreckage of Frank's Safari Land came a burly, deceptively roly-poly animal. It ran to the water's edge and stopped. It reared up to its full height, as tall as a Hork-Bajir.
The grizzly bear blinked nearsightedly. «To-bias?»
«l lost Bek!»
«Get out of that water or you'll lose your butt!» Rachel yelled. «You've got gators coming after you!»
«l lost Bek!» I cried.
«Forget him,» she said harshly. «The Yeerks are bailing. So are we. There's cops and fire engines and paramedics coming. We're out of here!»
96
I had lost the young Hork-Bajir. The Yeerks had him. I had lost him.
Maybe they'd get him to reveal the way to the secret Hork-Bajir valley. Maybe.
Maybe they'd make him a Controller. All because of me. Because I'd let pain distract me. Because I wasn't focused.
That had been the human in me. The human in me had given too much weight to pain. A hawk knew better. A hawk didn't care about pain.
I was in my meadow. The sun was just coming up, rising to hide behind the gray blanket drawn across the sky during the night.
I was ravenous.
And why? Why had I not eaten? The human in
97 me. How else to explain the strange confusion I felt, the horrific visions of myself as my own prey?
Human.
I could become human again. Right now I could do it. Right now I could tick off the two hours and never, never have to kill to eat. Well ... at least not have to do my own killing.
A quick morph, two hours, and I'd be back. Back where I'd started. Human. Tobias the boy.
Ever since the Ellimist had given me back my power to morph and allowed me to reacquire my own original DNA, the question had hung in the air. Rachel wondered, I know. Once she'd suggested it to me: Why not just become fully human again?
I hadn't given her an answer.
I saw the other hawk float suddenly into my field of vision. He was getting bolder. More aggressive. How long till he attacked and I withdrew? If I'd been a true hawk, the battle would long since have been drawn. Even an old, sick hawk would have put up a better fight than I had so far.
He was floating above the rabbit hole. My rabbit hole. He was pure hawk. The real thing. Not some freak with a talon in one world and a foot in the other.
«Hey there,» I thought-spoke. «Yeah, you.
98 Hawk. Why don't you go pick on someone else's territory?»
No answer. Of course not. Words meant nothing to him. They weren't even background noise. They might as well have been silence.
«Those are my rabbits, you jerk. Get out of here. I know I don't eat them, but they're still mine. I know I'm unable to hunt and kill like a hawk should, but do you have to rub my nose in it? My beak?»
The hunger came up in a wave.
What a sickening life. What a disgusting creature I was. To live my life as a hawk, I had to fight another hawk. A bird fight. And over what? A rabbit? A few mice? I was going to fight that bird for the right to kill and eat rodents?
Before, I'd had no choice. Now I did. I was choosing to live as a hawk. Choosing to build a life around a scruffy meadow and the pitiful rodents in it.
Maybe I was crazy.
Before, I'd been able to tell myself I had nowhere else to go. No one to take me in. No parents. No family. Now there was this Aria person. She was actually going out of her way to find me, to care for me.
Maybe.
«Tobias?»
99 I jerked, startled. I recognized Ax's thought-speak voice and calmed down. He comes around sometimes. We are the weird couple of the galaxy: the alien and the Bird-boy.
«Hey, Ax-man, what's up?»
«Up is the opposite of down. Although, of course, those terms are meaningless outside the context of a distinct, localized gravity field.»
«0oookay.»
«Was that funny? I was attempting a joke.»
«Ah. Well ... I'm probably not the guy to ask,» I said evasively.
I looked down from my perch on the eerie-looking creature who was my friend. When you look at an Andalite, there's just no avoiding the obvious: They aren't from around here. He was looking up at me with one stalk eye. The other was roaming left and right, while his main eyes gazed out across the meadow.
«Have you eaten?» he asked.
I could lie. «No.»
«There is insufficient prey?»
«Yeah. And one too many predators.»
«Yes, I saw the other member of your species.»
«l have no species,» I said. «I'm a one-of-a-kind freak.»
Ax didn't have an answer for that, I don't
100 think Andalites approve of self-p
ity or other pointless emotions like that.
I sighed. «Sorry. I'm hungry and in a bad mood.»
«Hunger is distracting,» Ax allowed. «Since the others are in their human school today, I thought perhaps we could investigate this Aria woman some more.»
«We should be finding that little Hork-Bajir I lost,» I said bitterly. «Not checking out my relatives.»
«You found the Hork-Bajir the first time by following the Aria woman.»
Was he implying something? No. It was just coincidence, wasn't it? Aria was a nature photographer. She'd heard about this strange animal and had gone to see it. She couldn't be a Controller. Why would a Controller complain about the treatment of animals at Frank's Safari Land?
«0kay, Ax-man. It'll give us something to do, anyway.»
I took a last look at my opponent. «Go ahead,» I said to him. «Go ahead, take the stupid meadow.»
101
We took turns, Ax and I. He used the roofs of the skyscrapers to demorph and remorph. Out of sight of curious eyes.
All that day a red-tailed hawk and a northern harrier flew around the Hyatt Regency Hotel. When Aria went to lunch down the street, we followed. When she visited an exhibit of black-and-white photographs, I morphed to human and stayed with her.
We followed her. Hour after hour. Waiting, watching for some contact with a known Controller. Looking for any attempt to visit the Yeerk pool hidden beneath a large part of our town.
A Yeerk must return to the Yeerk pool every
102 three days. We couldn't watch her for three days, but we could watch her for a lot of that time.
She didn't.
Instead, after eight hours of watching, we had seen her eat, seen her read the newspaper, seen her walk in the park, seen her return to the hotel several times and go back out again.
No one had approached her.
We'd learned nothing. Nothing at all, except that she seemed to enjoy her hotel room. She'd go out for a while, but return every couple of hours. She'd leave the curtains open. We could watch her, except for when she stepped into the bathroom and closed the door.
«What is beyond that door?» Ax asked.
«Toilet,» I said. «You know. Peeing and so on.»
«Ah. Are there no ... no toilet facilities except in the hotel?» Ax wondered.
«Sure there are. But, you know, I think women are more iffy about using public rest rooms than guys are.»
«Why?»
«Well, I don't know. It's probably the whole sitting down versus standing up thing.»
Ax had no idea what I was talking about. But I guess he figured he'd let it go. Besides, having made her pit stop, Aria was on the move again.
We caught up with her outside. She was walking
103 quickly along the sidewalk. It was maybe three in the afternoon now. Time for us to be getting back to hook up with Jake and the others.
And that's when it happened. A little girl broke away from her mother, turned around, and went running back into the street. A city bus was barreling straight toward her.
«Look out!» I yelled out of sheer instinct.
There was a scream from the mother. But she was too far away.
I saw Aria's head snap around. She saw the accident about to happen. She dropped her camera and made a tackle-the-runner-on-the-two-yard-line lunge.
She hit the girl in the back, knocked her forward, and rolled with the little girl onto the narrow concrete median strip.
The mother came running. The little girl bellowed, but seemed okay. Aria got up and brushed herself off.
«She just saved that little girl's life,» I said.
«Yes. And she could easily have been killed.»
«0h, my God,» I said slowly, amazed. «She really is human. No Controller would ever have done that!»
«No.» Ax agreed. «That makes it very clear that Aria is not acting as a Controller would. Very clear.»
Something in Ax's choice of words bothered
104 me, but I forgot about it in the rush of emotions that followed.
I'd been assuming this was all a trap. I'd assumed Aria was a Controller.
But she wasn't. She was what she said she was. A human woman looking for her long-lost cousin Tobias.
My last excuse for remaining a hawk, for refusing to become human again, was lost. Now I could have a home. Now I could have a family.
True. All of it true.
I could have a home. Like a human being. A home!
I would not kill my breakfast. I would not eat roadkill. I would sleep in a bed. And Rachel would look at me without having to hide the pity in her eyes.
105
I. flew to Rachel's room that night. I couldn't sleep. And I was literally starving. But the last thing I could think about was hunting.
She'd gone to sleep early but had left the window open. I fluttered in and landed on her desk. When I realized she was asleep, I started to leave.
"No, wait. Don't go," she said, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and sitting up. She did not turn on a light. I was relieved somehow.
"You missed the meeting," Rachel said.
«Yeah. Sorry. What did you guys decide to do about Bek?»
Rachel tousled her hair. "Jake came up with the idea that the Yeerks would probably try to use him to trap the other free Hork-Bajir."
106
"This facility the Hork-Bajir wouldn't tell you about? The one where they've been raiding to free other Hork-Bajir? Jake figures they'll take Bek there. As bait."
«0r at least that's what Jake wants to believe^ I said resentfully. «Jara and Ket and Toby trusted me with that information. Maybe Jake's just looking for an excuse to squeeze the Hork-Bajir to reveal this place to us.»
Rachel looked at me like she was going to argue. Then she kind of laughed. "Maybe. Jake has gotten more subtle. It doesn't matter. We don't have another lead. Either Bek is at this site or he's down in the Yeerk pool or he's dead. In any case, we're going in tomorrow in broad daylight. School's out for a teacher conference."
I cringed. «l told Jara and Ket and Toby I'd get that little Hork-Bajir back.»
"We almost did. It's not your fault the Yeerks got him."
I let that go. It was my fault, but there was no point in the two of us going "yes it was, no it wasn't" all night.
«Ax and I followed that Aria woman.» I said.
"Yeah. Ax mentioned that."
«l - I think she may be for real. Not that it matters, really. I mean, you know . . .»
107 Rachel climbed out of bed and came over to sit at the desk close to me. "Of course it matters, Tobias. She's family. And she wants to take care of you."
I forced a laugh. «Yeah, that'll work out real well. "Hi, Cousin Aria. It's me, Tobias. No, over here: the bird. Yes, your cousin is a red-tailed hawk. Surprise!"»
"You don't have to be."
I pretended not to know what she was talking about. «What?»
"Tobias, you have the power to become human again. Fully human."
«Uh-huh.»
"You can go to this woman as a human. You can be Tobias again. You can have a family. Someone around to take care of you."
«l don't need anyone to take care of me.» I bristled.
Rachel jumped up suddenly. "Tobias, don't play dumb! You know what I mean. You think I don't know that you're going hungry? I can look at you and see it. Something is wrong lately. I mean, I saw you - never mind."
My heart was in my throat. «What?!» I almost screamed. «You saw me what? Eat that. . . that roadkill? How is that any different than what you do? Or any human? You go to the supermarket
108 and buy beef or pork or chicken that's been dead for weeks!»
"I don't care that you ate roadkill. Stop being an idiot! I care about you. And when I see you doing that, I know things are going wrong for you. But you're off in your own little hawk world and no one is allowed to help you. You'd rather starve than ask for help. You can't ever admit that your life may suck because
then you'll feel weak."
«I'm a hawk,» I snapped. «A bird of prey. When we're weak, we die. That's the law for us. I'm not a human being. Not anymore. No one helps a hawk. A hawk lives by his eyes and wings and talons.»
"You're a hawk?" Rachel sneered. "You talk, Tobias. You read. You have emotions. Those are human things, not hawk things."
«l know! I know! Don't you think I know? That's why I'm going hungry. Because I'm not hawk enough. That's why I let Bek get away, because I was human enough to care more about my pain and fear than I cared about doing what I had to do.»
"That's just stupid," Rachel said angrily. "It doesn't even make sense. You know what? You have to make a choice, Tobias. You can be a hawk. But you will never, ever, not in a million years, be a pure, true hawk. If you want to stay a hawk you'll be like you are now: confused, conflicted,
109 torn up inside, never knowing what you really are. Or... or you can be human again. All human. You can live with the Aria woman and eat at the table and sleep in a bed."
«And never fly,» I said. «Never fly again. Never see with hawk's eyes. Never morph again. I know you guys would all be nice to me, but I'd lose all of you. I'd lose being an Animorph.»
"You wouldn't lose me," Rachel said.
For a long while neither of us spoke. Then Rachel, in a whisper, said, "What am I supposed to do, Tobias? I'm a girl. You're a bird. This is way past Romeo and Juliet, Montagues and Capulets. This isn't Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio coming from different social groups or whatever. It's not like you're black and I'm white like Cassie and Jake. No one but a moron cares about that. We are ... we can't hold hands, Tobias. We can't dance. We can't go to a movie together."
«l . . . God, Rachel, don't you think I know all that? Don't you think I want to have all that? But I can't keep changing. I can't keep becoming something different.»
"One more change, Tobias. Back to human. You'd be free of this stupid war and free of all the danger of living as a hawk. I wouldn't have to worry about you anymore."
I couldn't take anymore. I just couldn't. It was too much. I felt like I'd explode if I didn't get
110 away from her. I couldn't be that near to her... couldn't.
I turned and prepared to fly.
"Tobias. It's tomorrow, by the way. Your birthday. I had Marco hack into the school records. It's tomorrow you have to see the lawyer and Aria. Whatever happens there - whatever you decide - come see me afterward, okay? Maybe we can have a cake with a candle."