Becoming His Awesome Beauty: Volume 1

by Sheila Holmes

  Ten young girls began dancing up the middle aisle, making their way to the front, climbing the steps to the stage area. They were dressed in long-flowing white gowns that moved like leaves being carried by the wind. It was what Awsty imagined a performance of ballerinas would look like in a grand performance at the civic center downtown. They each wore their hair pulled severely back in a bun at the nape of their neck, with a small wreath of Baby’s Breath worn almost like a crown. All of them were barefoot. Their ages looked to be maybe ten to fifteen.

  Awsty forgot about her “angry girl performance” momentarily. Her jaw unset, she uncrossed her arms and laid them on the armrests on either side of her seat, and actually pushed herself up from the slouching position she’d been in since she came into the worship center. For the next several minutes, she was totally caught up in this act of worship. Act of worship… act of worship? Was it considered worshipful to dance in church? Somehow dancing and church weren’t two words that paired themselves in Awsty’s mental schemata. She watched in sheer, unabashed awe, absorbing every single movement. It was beautiful! No, that didn’t capture it! It had amazing choreography? No, that wasn’t it, although it did! It was something else… What were the words she was trying to bring to her mind’s surface? It was like… No, it wasn’t like anything. It stood alone and she knew there must be a word or phrase that would express what her mind wouldn’t allow to come forth…

  Praise to God!

  That was it! It was the essence of praise to God! Is that it? Yep, she believed it was.

  However, Awsty didn’t want Grammy (or anyone else) to get the wrong impression. Just because she thought the dancing was cool, it didn’t mean that she wanted to be here. She hated it here. And, she hated all the people. Well, everyone but him.

  Who was he?!

  *****

  “Good morning! We’re so happy you’re here on this incredible Lord’s Day. How’d you like the worship dance team? “

  The congregation stood and applauded with total abandon. It must have lasted two, maybe three minutes before he motioned them to be seated.

  “I know, right?! Did you feel transported right into the presence of our Living God? I don’t think there’s ever a time they perform… no, perform isn’t the right word. These young women are believers in Christ and they very much see what they do as a ministry.”

  Awsty was mesmerized for the second time this morning. Only this time, it was for some totally different motives. She was sizing him up and down. Her eyes unabashedly wandered from the top of his head to the tip of his toes, then back up. Boy, was he gorgeous! He wasn’t unusually tall, but relatively average in height. Awsty was five foot- eight inches, and she tried to calculate his height. What, maybe five foot- ten or -eleven? She assumed he was a member and participant at one of the local gyms, because his waist was lean, but his shoulders had some muscle built up on them. He had the blackest hair she’d ever seen. It almost had a tinge of blue when sunlight shone through the ceiling height windows at an angle that shone right down on him at times, like a spotlight. His hair wasn’t straight and slick-looking like her own hair was today. His hair was wavy and a little long for one of these religious types. It almost curled a bit at the base of his neck, actually coming over his collar. And wow! That smile was something else! But, the real kicker was the dimple. One huge dimple in his… Awsty had to think this through. Let’s see, I’m looking up at him, and the dimple is on my right side, so it would be his left cheek. That thing’s so deep, you could hide a golf ball in it! Awsty actually grinned when she thought she’d like to poke her finger in his dimple and see how deep it went.

  Grammy looked over at Awsty just at the moment the young woman smiled. She was so glad to see any positive reaction on Awsty’s face. It never occurred to her that it had something to do with the ‘gorgeous hunk’ of a pastor that stood before them. When Awsty peripherally caught the sight of her grandmother looking her way, she made a concerted effort to return to the I-hate-this-place demeanor, which meant not only frowning, furrowing her brows together, and generally looking miserable, but it also involved more slouching, and looking down at her fingernails, as though she was totally detached from anything that was happening. Grammy turned a somewhat discouraged face back up to the associate pastor.

  Once Awsty’s private thoughts could continue, she offered a bored look back up to the pastor, and continued her perusal of his person. It’s said you’re not supposed to stare at people, but no one could fault her now, because that was what she was expected to do.

  The sermon was almost completed when Awsty wondered what the pastor’s name was. She didn’t have her own bulletin, because she’d refused to take the proffered one when she’d entered the worship center. Fortunately, however, Grammy’s bulletin was laying open on her lap, so Awsty took a sneaky side glance.

  She began visually scanning the left side. It read, ’Jesus Wept.’ Message today by Associate Pastor, Greg Tabor.

  Wait a minute! Pastor Greg. Associate Pastor Greg? He and his wife were the ones that took Grammy to the ocean to scatter Mother’s ashes. What was his wife’s name? Gracia, Gracie, Grace? Sheesh… He’s married! What a waste! Oh, well. At least she’d had something to concentrate on while he spouted that drivel. So ‘Jesus wept.’ Big deal! I’m gonna start cryin’ myself in a minute if this service doesn’t end and let me get outa here!

  Chapter 10

  Once Awsty and Grammy exited the church doors, Awsty turned to head home. She hated that she’d have to retrace that same path going back to the apartment. If Grammy weren’t so cheap, she would have driven the two of them to the services this morning.

  Barely having taken half dozen steps, Grammy called to her. “Aweso… Awsty, where ya goin’?” Awsty didn’t stop. She kept walking while she answered. “Back to the apartment.”

  Grammy didn’t walk after her. She stayed planted, which meant she had to speak louder than usual.

  “We’re not goin’ home yet. Remember? Church service and Sunday school. Awsty’s first reaction was to yell back to her, “Not gonna happen!” But, maybe it was just a bit too soon to test her grandmother further. If she knew for sure she could get away with it, she would have continued walking back to the apartment, but she wasn’t sure. It had been a long time since she’d been with Grammy long enough to know what would come of it. So, she made a big deal out of turning herself around, rounding her shoulders, and shuffling back to where Grammy still stood.

  “Ok, so where do I have to go now?”

  “Well, let me check with Pastor Greg.” She walked back just inside the church doors, where he had just finished speaking with some of the parishioners, receiving their verbal appreciation of the message. Rather than blocking the entry for those attending the second service, he walked just outside the doors and a few steps to the side.

  “Good mornin’, Pastor Greg. I’ve brought my granddaughter ta church this mornin’, and I’m not sure where ‘er Sunday school class is.”

  Pastor Greg looked beyond Grammy to Awsty. Sure that this crazy-looking young girl was not the godly young woman he assumed Grammy’s granddaughter would be, he smiled briefly at her, then let his gaze go beyond her, searching for a young woman who seemed in his mind to be more appropriate.

  When he saw no one else close, he asked Grammy where her granddaughter was. Grammy motioned to Awsty to step closer. When Pastor Greg saw this hideously-groomed young girl walk forward, he tried very hard to keep a friendly face, and not register the shock that had truly engulfed him. It took all he had within him not to scan her up and down. What nightmare had she climbed out of?! She looked like she belonged more fittingly into a Victorian castle on the moor, dimly lit inside by candles, and guarded outside by iron-clad window guards, and huge menacing gargoyles at roof and gate entry posts. Oh, might as well throw in a Ouija board and séance accoutrements for good measure. He didn’t have a clear mental picture where they belonged, but somehow they seemed fitting. But, Awsty had no idea th
is was going on inside his mind, because he maintained a warm and inviting smile as he introduced himself to her.

  “Hi, I’m…”

  “Yeah, I know. Associate Pastor Greg. You and your wife are the ones that took Grammy to the ocean to scatter my mother’s ashes. So, where’s your wife? I guess I should thank her too.” Yeah, right!

  Pastor Greg looked confused, and Grammy looked startled.

  “Oh, no, Sweetheart. Yer thinkin’ of our other associate pastor, whose name’s also Greg. Greg Cooper. He and his wife, Grace took me that day. Pastor Greg here…” pointing to the pastor standing next to her,” is… um…”, but she didn’t seem to know how to finish the statement.

  Pastor Greg finished it for her. “I’m widowed. My wife went home to be with the Lord two years ago come next August.”

  Grammy seemed to be relieved that Greg had completed the statement for her, but at the same time had a sad look that settled about her eyes.

  Awsty still had too much self-absorption about how unjust it was that she was even here today to respond in any compassionate way. She simply and curtly stated, “Sorry. So… uh… where am I supposed to go now?” Grammy was embarrassed by Awsty’s lack of caring about anyone other than herself, and said so. Not in words, but by the look of disappointment she gave her. This girl was ugly inside and out. Grammy never said it, but Awsty knew she was thinking it. And, she didn’t care. Why should she? No one ever cared that much about her.

  “ Well…” Pastor Greg began, “I can walk you over there myself. I don’t need to be back in the sanctuary for a few minutes yet. That way your grandmother can go ahead to her Sunday school class. Her class is in the opposite direction,” pointing that way.

  “Ok, so, are you ready?” Pastor asked Awsty, as Grammy slowly moved off to her own class.

  “Whatever,” Awsty sullenly responded.

  *****

  “What grade are you in?” asked Pastor Greg as they proceeded to the Sunday school room.

  “What grade am I in?! I’m twenty-one years old. I’m not in any grade!”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, Awsty. My mistake. I apologize.” There was no way to get out of this one for Pastor Greg. He’d stuck his foot in his mouth, he’d tried to deposit her in the high school classroom, and all he could do was apologize.

  “Let’s turn around here, ok? We need to go up those stairs that we just passed. You could actually have gone to either the College class or the Singles class this morning. But, the Singles class meets during first service. So, we’ll take you to the College group today, then you can make your own decision about next week.”

  Again Awsty responded. “Whatever.”

  When they reached the College class door, Pastor Greg asked if she’d like him to take her in and introduce her to one or two of the college kids, or the leaders. Her response was one word.

  “No.”

  “Ok, it was good to meet you, Awsty.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  Pastor Greg slipped off to greet a few more people as he made his way back to the worship center. Awsty , on the other hand, slipped into the College class, slid her way along a back wall, and plopped unceremoniously into one of the folding chairs. Alone, isolated, but at least she was there.

  As Pastor Greg looked back to see Awsty Truesdale slip unenthusiastically into her Sunday school class, his last thought of her was, “Whoa, that is one scary female!”

  Chapter 11

  “Good morning. Hope you all had a good week. I think John and Beth have an announcement they’d like to share with us this morning before we get started. John, would you and Beth stand and share with the class?”

  The couple was sitting a few rows back from the front, in the end two seats of their row. Close to the coffee and doughnuts that looked most inviting. When Awsty looked to John and Beth, her eyes slid longingly to the food and drink beyond them. People were getting up from their seats and helping themselves. Apparently this class was informal, because you could just walk around while the leader was talking, or the class hadn’t really started yet. She wasn’t sure which.

  While holding hands, John began, as they faced most of those present. “Beth and I are engaged, as of eleven-thirty-two last night. Yes, we know. You thought we’d never get around to it. Beth said either I had to propose or we had to break up.” Everyone started laughing at this, and Beth punched him in the arm with her free hand and made a fake I’m-mad face. Everyone present, except Awsty, knew that the truth was that this was John’s third proposal, and finally Beth had accepted.

  “What made you say yes this time, Beth? He hasn’t gotten any better lookin’. Did you finally decide to just settle?” This came from Brett, John’s identical twin brother. But, immediately after saying it, he realized that he was indicting his own looks and tried to make a save. “I mean, everyone knows I’m the better looking one!” In reality, both twins were attractive, not drop dead handsome, but really cute. Everyone cracked up, mainly because they were so identical that they were often addressed by the wrong name by friends at the church. Awsty, however, never even broke a smile. She was mildly interested in the fun everyone was having, but heaven forbid that she should break the illusion she had created of being unapproachable. This was the first and last time she would be attending, so she’d just as soon everyone left her alone.

  As Beth was flashing her diamond ring around for everyone to see before they sat down, Mason walked back to Awsty. He didn’t want to. But, he did. Frankly, he thought this girl was so scary that he was afraid no one would even say hi to her this morning, so he decided to be the first.

  “Hi, I’m Mason.”

  “Awsty.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t catch your name.”

  “Aw…sty.” She exaggerated the syllables and spoke louder than necessary. She looked at him while speaking as though he was severely mentally challenged. No, actually, a person wouldn’t speak so hatefully to someone with severe life challenges. Compassion would usually be offered, at least in this context… the church.

  Mason, who was known for his compassion toward others, said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that, Awsty. I really just wanted to hear you say your name again. It’s different and fun. I’m headed over to get a cup of coffee and a Danish. Would you like me to bring back the same for you?”

  “No, thanks.”

  “Are you sure? It’s no trouble.”

  “No, thanks.”

  “It’s awkward being new in a group, huh? It feels like every set of eyes are on you. But, I think you’ll find everyone here is friendly. We’re glad you’re here.”

  Awsty took a deep breath, and said what she hoped would be her last communication with this young man. “I don’t want coffee or a Danish; I don’t want to sit and visit with anyone while I’m here, and yes, it’s extremely awkward being new, especially if one of the ‘old timers’ won’t leave you alone, but keeps calling attention to you.” Since her arms were already crossed defensively in front of her slouching body, the only thing left to complete the effect was setting her jaw and glaring at him.

  “Ok, well, if you change your mind about the coffee and Danish, just help yourself at any time during class. We’re really informal here,” he said, then turned and walked to the refreshment table.

  Oh, she hated this place! Will this class be as long as the worship service was?! And, every time she looked around to see either someone staring at her appearance in disbelief or shock, or smiling at her in hopes of genuinely making her feel welcome, it just made her plain mad. All these hypocrites! They’re just a bunch of mindless, brain-washed drones that look alike, walk alike, and talk alike. She wished she could just slap the pleasant looks right off their faces.

  The very second the class was dismissed in prayer, Awsty made a quick exit. But, not before Mason made one final attempt. Almost running to keep up with her pace, Mason decided to try one more time. She barely got out the door when he walked briskly up behind her. Sh
e wasn’t expecting anyone to pursue her further, so she jumped when Mason spoke. In the spiked platform laced up heels she had on, jumping was not a wise move. Fortunately, Mason steadied her when she came down. Although she landed firmly again without breaking a leg, it was a land that twisted her ankle just a bit. Not enough to fall or cry, but enough to be aware of the pain the rest of the afternoon. She jerked her arm from his grasp. No “Thank you” was forthcoming.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to let you know we’re glad you visited today and hope you’ll come back.” He realized he was talking fast, but he was afraid that if he didn’t get it said quickly, she’d interrupt and tell him to go away.

  He continued before she could respond. “In fact, we’re having a potluck dinner tonight at my family’s house. You don’t even need to bring anything, just bring yourself. We’ll play some games, watch a movie or something, and just have a good time. What do you think? Seven-thirty sound ok? I can come pick you up, well… that is the three of us can… my roommate Jack, and our friend, Marcy.”

  Awsty planted her feet in a no-nonsense stance, put her black-fingernailed hands on her hips, and said in a measured tone, through very black painted lips, “No, Mason, I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to meet all your friends, I don’t want to socialize with them tonight, and I definitely don’t want to go out on a date with you… now or ever!”

  Mason’s jaw dropped open, his eyes widened to the size of two half dollars, and he just stood there watching her retreating back, as she stomped off.

  *****

  As the two of them re-traced their steps back home, Grammy said to Awsty, “While I was waiting fer ya after church, I had three different people come up to me and tell me about the confrontation between you and…”

  “Mason. His name is Mason. And, there was no confrontation. He kept bugging me all during Sunday school. Then, afterward, he followed me out the door, chased me down, and asked me out on a date, for tonight. I just told him no thanks. He looked too old to be in that class, anyway. ”