Captive Desire (Planet of Desire)

by Robin Lovett

  I cover for her, stepping out into the center of the corridor, blocking Dargule from shocking her in the back with his gun. It works. He does not hit her.

  He shocks me instead.

  The static grips my whole body and short-circuits my nervous system. To keep from falling to my knees, I twist and lean sideways in to the wall, but I suffer with the satisfaction of knowing Assura will succeed.

  Whatever happens to me is not important. She will live. No matter what species she is, no matter what her ancestors may have done to the person I loved most in this world, Assura must go on. Her survival is the only thing with any meaning to me.

  “Did you think you could save her from me?” Dargule croons in his sickeningly sweet voice. “It would be better if you’d killed her.”

  I do not have time to answer. He shocks me again, and I see spots. The pain is worse than the last time, the electrical current burning hotter than before. Dargule has improved his toy.

  “I made it so much more special,” Dargule shouts maniacally. “A present just for you.” The shocks rage through my nervous system, scorching my nerves, burning me from the inside out. This isn’t something I can fight. He’s going to kill me.

  I realize too late what I’ve done by taking the fire for Assura. I’ve chosen to save her life—the final step of the Attachment.

  I grasp the wall to stay on my feet and cling to consciousness, even as the pain threatens to take it from me.

  My ability to love is not tied to some cultural tradition of mourning. To lose another hundred years—or even another hundred seconds—without loving Assura would be a crime against not just my own soul, but hers.

  Dargule walks closer, his voice sounding nearer. “She’s such a good little torturer. She does everything I say. Do you want to hear what I’m going to make her do next?” He stops beside me, his breath on my face. “Or should I say, who?”

  I feel the Attachment thundering through my veins like a tide battering the shore. The need to protect her, the fear for her life. I know logically she can protect herself, but suddenly, I don’t care about anything anymore except making sure she comes out of this alive and whole. I have no feeling left in my limbs, but I react on instinct. A growl low and ominous resonates from my chest. I grab Dargule’s arm and wrench it so hard, his titanium armor splinters like plastic, and his bone breaks with a vibrant crack.

  He squirms in pain and tries to jerk away. But I already have his shock gun.

  I press it to his throat, twist it to the highest setting, and squeeze the trigger. His scream is high and piercing and rings through the hall like beautiful music to my ears.

  I pause the gun long enough to say, “You will never speak to her again.”

  He whimpers a pathetic sound of pain, and I hold the trigger down. The shocks course through his limbs until he is convulsing with seizures. His eyes roll back in his head, and his body goes limp.

  Dargule falls to the floor with the hard thud of dead weight.

  I breathe a sigh of relief and say a prayer of hope that Assura made it safely to the bridge. But I lose all balance and swerve against the wall. The shocks may have stopped, but the damage is done, my organs and sinews burned inside me. I fall to the floor.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  ASSURA

  I crash into a pair of guards who I knock unconscious in a one-two punch from my elbows. I run, the corridors eerily silent, and take the security lift up the three decks to the bridge and find it, unbelievably, unguarded. Seems like Lennina’s information that everyone has gone to the hangar is correct. I get inside the bridge. I know why no one was exempt from the meeting to guard it. The panels and controls are all locked. A view of the stars and planets spreads wide before me in the viewing wall. I try console after console and am unable to gain access.

  Shit.

  I’m not a hacker. Computers are not my specialty. I have no idea what to do with them. But I can hot-wire. I know how to make electrical current connect and disconnect.

  I shove my boot through a metal panel in the wall and wrench it off with the full force of my new Ssedez strength.

  Inside, I start pulling at wires. I yank off a sharp piece of the metal and start cutting and rewiring things. It’s a guessing game, but maybe something will work.

  An alarm sounds on the panel by the large captain’s chair in the center. I run to it and see a security question. One that is obviously for Dargule.

  And one I know the answer to. It’s the cell number of his favorite prisoner, Zeigan, the Ssedez. I know every one of the cell numbers by heart.

  From there, it’s easy. I check the security cameras for the hangar, and see every single crew member is there receiving instructions from Dargule’s commanding officers for their new mission. I’m lucky that in this instance Dargule is such an egocentric control freak with a flair for drama, he insists on talking to everyone at the same time. The only people he excused were the prison guards, whom we already took out. And Dargule, who apparently decided to skip out on his own show to catch me…and Gahnin.

  Gods, I hope he’s still alive.

  I enact the security lockdown procedure that secures the hangar entrances and exits. Nothing short of an atomic bomb that would destroy the entire ship will be able to open those doors now. Except me, from the captain’s chair.

  The entire crew is imprisoned. They cannot get out. No idea what we’ll do with them, but for now, they’re out of harm’s way.

  I halt the ship’s engines and pull up the communicator. I record a message for Jenie, letting her know what I’ve done, and send it to all frequencies on the Fellamana planet. Someone will get it to her.

  Then, I forage for weapons and arm myself, blasters on my hips, knives in my belt. And jackpot—I find two of Dargule’s favorite new toys in the compartment beside his chair.

  I pull up the security cameras and double-check all the corridors to make sure no one skipped out on Dargule’s meeting. Every camera comes up empty of people. Everyone is too afraid of Dargule’s punishments to disobey his order to be in the hangar. They’re all trapped there.

  I flick to the camera feed I really want to see, on the level where I left Gahnin to fight Dargule. The first thing I see is Dargule lying on the floor, unconscious.

  But I can’t rejoice.

  Gahnin is lying beside him.

  I secure the unconscious Dargule in a vacant prison cell first, to be sure he can’t wake up and attack me while I’m helping Gahnin.

  Gahnin, his big body lying bent, is unconscious but breathing. He must have been hit hard by the shock gun. Hard enough to knock him out, but he should wake up in a moment.

  I wait, one minute, two, and he doesn’t.

  I start to panic.

  What if Dargule shocked his brain somehow, and his mind is—

  “Gahnin!” I shake him. “Wake up. Do you hear me?”

  He doesn’t respond, does not move at all. Panic builds in my chest, and my palms begin to sweat. I have no idea how to give a Ssedez first aid. I cannot lose him. I’ve only just met him. Only just found out that he likes me, sort of.

  He sacrificed himself for me. My heart pounds, and my eyes sting. He did it despite his rightful hatred of me, despite what I’ve done, despite what humans did to his mate, despite knowing what could happen to him if he risked his life for mine. He could have completed his Attachment. For me.

  I should feel guilt. He should never have to give up his mourning for his mate, for anyone. But even with all that, I can’t stop myself from thinking—if he comes back, he might be mine, forever.

  I don’t know what’s right anymore. If it’s better for him to live or die or if what I’m vainly hoping should be impossible; all I know is, he cannot die. I won’t let him.

  Then…I feel them.

  Against my lip. Something protruding from my mouth.

  I lift my fingers and gasp, feeling the sharp points.

  I have fangs. They’re not as long as his, but they’re there
with a strange-tasting liquid dripping into my mouth. My gums ache, and the sight of Gahnin’s bare, vulnerable throat ignites an instinct in me.

  I want to obey it. But…how can it possibly work?

  His skin is impenetrable.

  He was able to bite me, though, after my skin changed. I have to try.

  I strike, and my fangs slide into his neck with an ease I never would’ve guessed. I feel the venom slide from the tips into his vein, and the relief comes from a place so deep inside me, I have to moan.

  I sink my fangs in as deep as they’ll go, until my lips meet his skin, and something else happens.

  A fullness, a rightness starts in my chest, a kind of completion, like the laws of nature and my existence have finally met and molded in perfect harmony. Like my body and its desires have physically joined with my heart as tightly as a yin and yang.

  And it’s with Gahnin. I have to wrap my arms around him, to hold him as close to me as I can. I want to care for him and protect him and love him and never stop.

  I want this feeling forever.

  I want him, forever.

  A groan sounds from deep within his body, and he stirs back to consciousness, and his hands come to my head, holding my bite as close to his skin as he can. His hips start to writhe as though in arousal, and I feel it within myself, too.

  The need to have him inside me, to be one with him, to make love to him, is like a lit fuse within me.

  I reach for his cock, not caring where we are or who might be watching, but he palms my cheek and stops me. “Wait.” His breathing is ragged and out of control.

  “What?” I can barely think around the drive in me to mate with him. It’s untenably strong, as fierce as life and death. It’ll physically hurt if he forces us to stop. His fangs are out, fully descended and hard as steel behind his leather. I don’t understand why he’s stopping me.

  He fingers the spot where I bit him on his neck. “Do you know what you have done?” he says with shock and wonder dripping from his tone.

  I’m pulsing from my heart to my lungs and every ounce of blood coursing through me with the need to be with him. I force myself to breathe. I don’t know what it is I’ve done, but it’s bad. Something about me biting him back has stirred a life-altering response.

  He presses his hand over my heart. “Do you feel it?”

  His palm against my chest brings only a sliver of the closeness I want to feel with him. I want to merge with him—body and soul. If I have to let him go, it would be like cutting off a piece of myself. It’s as though I have become Attached to him.

  I gasp in horror. “No.”

  He eases himself to sitting in front of me. “Yes.” His hands wander over my shoulders and down my arms, as though he can’t stop touching me, and his touch is reverent. Like I’m precious. Like I’m worth an extraordinary value I didn’t know I possessed.

  “The Attachment…” I whisper. My voice feels balled up in my throat, like no sound wants to come out.

  “The Attachment,” he echoes. His eyes brighten, his wonder blazing into something stronger. Something with his whole heart…

  “Don’t love me,” I blurt.

  He strokes my cheek with his fingertips and smiles, “Why not?”

  “Because I’m not…because you can’t…because…” I don’t know what I’m trying to say. All I know is that this is impossible. “I’m not lovable!” It comes out bitterly childish and coarse, like my emotions and feelings have overwhelmed my ability to form cohesive thought. I don’t know how to explain myself.

  “Of course you are lovable, Assura.” He presses a delicate kiss to my forehead. “There is so much about you to love.”

  “No, no. No, no, no, no. No.” I push his hands away, not wanting to be touched. Well—my body is raging with the need to be made love to—by him. But it terrifies me so much, I don’t want him touching me anywhere. I might say to hell with it, and just do it without thinking or remembering that this is all messed up, twisted and wrong.

  A pain slashes across his expression as though my rejecting his touch is a physical blow. “Assura, please.” He reaches for me. “This is the way it is supposed to be. This is what you and I are meant for. This is not something you can refuse.”

  “I’ll refuse anything I fucking want to!” I jump to my feet. I don’t want to look in his face. I don’t want to hear him tell me what I can and can’t do. “I did not sign up for this. If I had known that biting you would do this, I…” I choke, afraid I’ll lose it and cry. I can’t believe I forced him into this.

  “You what?” he snaps, standing in front of me. “You were just going to let me die? Without your venom, I would have.”

  “You weren’t…I don’t know. You might not have actually died.” I sound ridiculous. Like a stuttering child, making excuses.

  He stares at me hard, both eyes drilling into me. “We both know there is no scenario where you would have willingly allowed me to die. Do not deny it.”

  “You could have warned me!” I scream. “You could have told me that biting you would be another step in making this permanent! Then I would have at least made the choice. Now… now…” My voice cracks, and I turn away from him. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know how to walk out of here without him. Who am I without him?

  He is me and I am him—we are one and the same.

  Fear, harsh and stormy, comes over his face. “You are refusing me…” He swallows hard, and his fangs, as I watch, begin to retract into his mouth.

  “Of course, I’m refusing you. My people killed your mate and your unborn child. We slaughtered them in a brutal genocide. I tortured one of you.” I point toward Zeigan’s cell in the next room. “There is no scenario in the universe where you and I should ever be together.”

  His upper lip curls, and a snarl breaks from his throat. “Those are my problems. Not yours. You have yet to give me one single reason why you are rejecting me.”

  I inhale to reply with no words.

  He’s right. Those are all reasons why he shouldn’t be able to love me or form an Attachment to me, and yet here he stands, ready to commit to us. “Why?” I breathe in disbelief. “How could you possibly consider having me?”

  Sadness turns down the corners of his mouth. “Oh, Assura, do you not know?”

  There is nothing he has to say that I want to hear. “No, I don’t. And I don’t want to know. You’re the one who should be asking what you don’t know. What things I’ve done, you can’t fathom. The horrible crimes I’ve committed. I was Dargule’s number one for years. You have no idea what he made me do. If you knew, you wouldn’t be standing here. You never would’ve touched me.”

  He gapes, stunned. “I care not what you have done. I know you.”

  I shake my head. “You’re blinded by the Attachment. By chemicals and hormones poisoning your blood so you can’t think straight. If you were in your right mind, you would never want me, let alone love me. You didn’t lie to me before. Your attraction to me has been only chemical from the start, and that is all it will ever be.”

  “Assura…”

  “You don’t know me! You can’t love me!” No one can. No one should. I don’t want them to. I back away from him.

  “Please do not do this.” Agony contorts his features, as though seeing me leave causes him physical pain.

  I feel it, too. Like a raking of my heart over hot coals and a rupturing of my internal organs. Like I’m defying the laws of physics and, once I leave him, I will no longer exist in space. As though he is the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. I will die if I am not with him.

  I leave anyway.

  “Assura! Assura!” he shouts after me. The anguish in his voice rings through the doors and echoes into the bowels of the ship. It pulls tears from my eyes.

  This may kill both of us. But I can’t be his, and I have no right to call him mine.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  GAHNIN

  She does not look at me o
r speak to me all day.

  She focuses on freeing the prisoners. One by one, she opens their doors, feeds them, clothes them, comforts them, all by name, each with murmurs of support and assurances that they are liberated and will be reunited with their families. And that they never have to see Dargule again.

  Assura refuses to look at Dargule.

  It is left to me to restrain him when I discover he is still alive. I ask Assura if I should kill him, and she ignores me as if I am not there. I cannot tell if it is because she does not want to talk about Dargule or if she does not want to talk to me.

  So I chain him in his cell and check on him often.

  I function, somehow. She is functioning, some way. I glimpse her alone on occasion and see the misery on her face that she is trying to hide from the others. It matches the suffering I feel within myself.

  I know now that even Tiortan, as tender and compassionate as she was, would have forgiven Assura for whatever crimes she was forced to commit, for whatever things her species has done to others. Assura has more than earned her redemption, if she ever needed it to begin with. She chose to hurt people herself so that Dargule wouldn’t harm them even worse. She made it as bearable as possible for them, all the while planning a way to help them escape.

  Assura is so wholly lovable, she becomes more so to me every hour I watch her. The only problem is that she cannot see this about herself. She does not know how good she is. How empathy is so embedded in the marrow of her bones, no one could doubt it, no matter how she tries to deny it.

  No wonder she cannot accept my love for her. Or even believe I could love her. She sees only the pain she has caused and not the good she has done. I wrack my brain for how to help her forgive herself and see herself as worthy of being loved.

  My body longs to do it physically. To make love to her until I have touched her soul and wrapped it in ecstasy so she can feel how much I love her. Though, with our history, I’m not sure any amount of lovemaking would help. It would probably make it worse, reinforcing her belief that my Attachment to her is only physical and not emotional.