by Varsha Dixit
Ojas ingested the tears choking him with a large sip of water. “I’m a horrible man. I should be shot. I don’t have the right to live.” He grabbed his stick and got up sluggishly. Ojas walked to the kitchen window that overlooked the pool and presented his back to Doyal. He was blind to the blue dazzling water that lit up in several places and sparkled like gold as it was touched by sunlight.
Ojas was hiding the tears that streamed down his face from Doyal. His throat was raw, and his mind ambushed by torturous agony. The guilt made him want to put a gun to his mouth. I’m a cruel bastard. I don’t deserve to live! The thought had taken a house in his mind and was becoming more endearing to him with every passing second. I have no right to be alive.
“If you were a horrible man, Gina would never have fallen in love with you.”
“Gina did not know what I’m capable of. I’m a cur!” Ojas wanted to shout but he wasn’t sure if he could without his voice cracking. He brushed his eyes carelessly and took slow steps to the kitchen exit. He stopped, his face held high and looking ahead. “Get out of my house and if you ever come back here, I will have you thrown out.” He spoke stiltedly, no real anger in his voice.
“There are no surprises with him. No highs, no lows, and no expectations! Ritesh is not going to promise me the world and then pull the rug from under my feet. What you see is what you get. He is never going to rouse me to crazy passion nor will a breakup with him devastate me.”
Ojas froze but Doyal kept reading off her phone. “Ritesh does not want children. Maybe that is best. I’m not a great mom, we all know that.”
The last sentence felt like a kick to his stomach. Ojas slowly turned around. “What is that?” His voice was guttural as he leaned heavily on his stick with both his hands.
“Kyra asked Gina why she is marrying Ritesh and this was Gina’s reply.” Doyal put her cell down, slowly.
Ojas leaned against the nearest wall. Fresh tears crowded his eyes. He turned his face into the wall; he had no fight left in him. “What will make Gina happy and whole, tell me? I will do anything! Tell me!” He cried out.
“Kill yourself!”
Ojas’s eyes flew open. “Done.” He sounded relieved.
Doyal’s gaze slightly widened at the determination in Ojas’s voice. The “done” had rung out loud and clear. “I was being sarcastic.”
Ojas met her gaze, his expression unyielding. “I wasn’t!”
Doyal cleared her throat. She had never met someone who spoke of killing himself with such sincerity. “No, Gina needs something else from you. It might seem harder than killing yourself.”
“Try me!” Ojas’s eyes were haunted.
Doyal stood up. “Bring Gina’s family back in her life. You took them away from her, it’s your responsibility to bring them back.”
Ojas jerked his head and stared at Doyal. “That’s crazy! They will get more upset upon seeing me. It will remind them of a very painful past. They will hate Gina more.”
Doyal shook her head, her expression wry. “Remind them of a very painful past? Do you think Gina and her parents have ever forgotten what happened? The memory might have lost some of its sting but neither Gina nor her parents are happy without each other. Gina was her father’s world and she will never forgive herself for letting him down. Only her father can talk some sense into Gina. And if you accept your blame and beg for Gina, she might have a chance with her family. Her father is the only one who can send Ritesh packing from her life.”
Ojas stared at his feet, his mouth pulled to a side with his brows meeting in the middle of his forehead. “Even if she and Ritesh stay together, Gina will at least have her family with her.”
“Yes, at least!” Doyal mocked.
Ojas straightened away from the wall and gave a sharp nod. “I’ll do it!” I guess I could live for a few more days. The thought of seeing the old Gina gave some warmth to the chill that seemed to have permeated every pore of his being.
“You are not going alone. I don’t trust you.” Doyal said, her manner brisk. “I am coming with you. I have booked two seats on a flight tomorrow morning.” Doyal averted her gaze to hide the relief she felt. She had a plan to help Gina, but it hinged on a completely unhinged man. She had not expected such a quick capitalization and what she did not anticipate made her uneasy. “I am moving into your house for a day. I don’t trust you to not go back to the bottle.”
Ojas’s chuckle was harsh. “You shouldn’t. That’s the kind of man I have become. Please share the flight details with my PA. He will show you to your room.”
Doyal did not say a word but her steely gaze was enough.
Ojas took in a deep breath. His head was hurting like someone was tying a cord around it, but he was determined. “I won’t let Gina down. You have my word.” He raised his hand to give a salute, but it shook too much so he dropped it.
Doyal snapped her fingers. “One more thing. This is in no way an invitation or an encouragement to come back in Gina’s life. If you even so much as think—”
“Stop right there!” Ojas raised his hand, his expression pained. “Look at me,” he raised his walking stick. “I am not man enough for Gina or any woman. I’m a cripple, a drunk, and if that isn’t enough, I’m a complete bastard. I would not inflict myself on any decent woman.”
“Thus the hookers?” Doyal mocked.
Ojas flinched. “Don’t disrespect them. They provide solace and company to some of the most loathsome people.” Ojas hobbled out of the kitchen and missed the look of surprise etched on Doyal’s face.
Chapter 10
Next Day
Pune Airport Lobby
Doyal noticed but did not comment on the tremors she noticed in Ojas’s hand. Doyal had watched him like a hawk since yesterday but Ojas had not once asked for a drink. He had been deathly quiet. His complexion was swallow and he was sweating excessively.
While Ojas had gone for a shower, his PA, who genuinely seemed to like his boss had confided in Gina about Ojas’s obsessive aversion to stepping out of the farmhouse. For five whole years!
Doyal had simply done one thing that was as natural to her as breathing. She had taken charge. From getting in the car to getting the boarding passes, Doyal had simply ordered Ojas around and he had listened. Once, while she had been handling all the talking at the check-in counter, she had caught a fleeting expression of gratitude on Ojas’s face.
“Do you want some water or something?” Doyal was forced to ask as Ojas wiped beads of sweat that shone on his forehead.
Ojas flinched like a child caught shoplifting. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I can’t do this!” His voice was hoarse and strained like his face.
Doyal blinked. “What?”
“I can’t do this! I just can’t. I need a drink.” Ojas got up, his movements jerky. He was shaking all over. “I need a drink!”
Doyal saw the other travelers gawking at him. She caught his wrist. It was cold and damp. “Sit down!” she ordered, ignoring the vibrations she felt in his arm.
Ojas tried to pull his hand away, refusing to look at her. “I need a drink! I can’t do this.” He fumbled with his stick, trying to hold it in both his hands. “Please. . .whatever your name is…I’m begging you!”
Doyal too stood up, barely reaching Ojas’s shoulder. “I know you are nervous but please think of Gina’s happiness. Take a few deep breaths.”
Ojas’s chest rose and fell heavily, his breathing painfully fractured. His shirt was sticking to his back. “I can’t help anyone. Let go!” He pulled his arm.
Even in his panic, Doyal felt Ojas’s overwhelming physical strength. Thinking quickly, she slipped a bracelet off her delicate wrist and put it on Ojas’s wrist. Because of the elastic in it, it went on quickly around Ojas’s thick wrist.
Ojas glanced down. He stared at the oval, earthy colored beads. The feminine bracelet was jarring on him, like a red strawberry among a basket of lumpy potatoes. He raised his eyes, his look questioning
.
“It’s Gina’s bracelet. Her anti-anxiety mechanism. I brought this as a reminder of what we are doing and why we are doing it.”
Doyal gave an inward sigh of relief as Ojas reached out and touched the beads and kept running his fingers over them. The panic in Ojas’s eyes was dissipating, to be replaced with a familiar haunted look. He let Doyal pull him down to the chair. “Hold on to it! Please, don’t lose focus. We owe this to Gina.”
Ojas fell back in the seat with a loud thump. “Water would be good.”
“Sure!” Doyal sat down next to him. She reached into her leather satchel and pulled out a bottle of sparkling water. She uncapped it and handed it to Ojas.
Ojas finished the twelve-ounce bottle in a single gulp. She handed him a mint next.
“Thank you!” Ojas sucked hard on the mint. He glanced at the bottle in his hand. “Aqua deco water? You must be making a lot of money.”
Watching him, closely Doyal said. “Is there a thing like enough money?”
Ojas nodded and rested his head back, closing his eyes. His complexion was still pale, his lips clamped as he swallowed heavily.
“I will share with Gina what you are going through for—”
“Don’t!” Ojas eyes flew open. “I’m cleaning or trying to clean the mess I made. She owes me nothing. Once this is done, she and I will never meet. You and I will never meet.” He went back to his reposeful pose even as his shoulders stayed stiff and sweat continued to trickle from his face to his throat.
Doyal hated but could not resist being impressed by the man’s sheer willpower. He was an utter mess but somehow holding it together.
“What did you mean by ‘we owe this to Gina?’ Why do you owe her?”
Doyal realized her slip of words. She flicked something imaginary off her trouser crease.
“Tell me. Talk to me!”
Doyal looked up to see Ojas staring at her through hooded eyes. His piercing gaze was unsettling. Doyal could see a glimpse of the man Gina had once described to her as devastatingly astute.
Doyal sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. She gazed straight ahead. Her body language shouted one word: defensive. “Four years ago, I bumped into Gina’s sister and she told me Gina was in Singapore. I had someone track Gina down and I knew exactly where Gina was and where she worked in Singapore. That’s all!” she shrugged delicately.
“That’s not all, is it?”
Doyal fidgeted in her chair. “I have been to Singapore several times in the last few years for work.”
Doyal glanced at her watch. Damn! Still twenty-five minutes to boarding. Being someone who worked 24/7, Doyal usually loved coming to airports earlier than required. This was her ‘me’ time where she would browse shops, make impulsive buys, and splurge on herself. No one knew that most of the labels Doyal wore or things she used belonged to the stores that had airport outlets.
“Doyal!” Ojas’s terse voice interrupted her thoughts.
“You don’t stop, do you?” Doyal rolled her eyes and exhaled. “I should have checked on Gina. Once, I even went up to her office building but then I walked away. All because of my ego! I could have helped her earlier. I should have helped her earlier. Gina was always there for me in college. Always buying things for me, never questioning or lording over me because she did those things. None of the Wallflowers did. Those were the only five years before I started working that I never went to bed hungry, ate good food, had all the toiletries I wanted, watched movies in theatres, read new books and the list keeps going. It might not mean much to you all who were born in affluent families but for someone like me who had seen so much poverty, it meant a damn a lot.” Doyal cleared her throat. “I let my ego overshadow the promise we made that Wallflowers would always look after each other. At the time I needed the looking after, they were there. And at the time Gina needed us the most, we weren’t there. I was the only one who knew where she was, and I didn’t tell the others. Because of my ego! I let Gina go through so much alone when she didn’t have to. I had the means to take care of her, but I didn’t.” Doyal took a long pause and rubbed her collarbone as if it was hurting. When Ojas spoke nothing for a while, Doyal turned to him.
Ojas was looking at someone standing behind her.
Doyal turned around and stared at the person standing there. She turned back to Ojas, her voice as cold as an ice cube. “What is he doing here?”
Chapter 11
“Hi Bhai!” Puru, Ojas’s younger brother, greeted him casually as he dropped his backpack close to Doyal’s open-toe sandal.
“Excuse me!” Doyal felt the hair on her nape bristle. It wasn’t the first time she was meeting Puru. Her gaze was indifferent as she met Puru’s coffee-colored smiling eyes.
Ojas got to his feet and nearly stumbled in his brother’s arms. Puru held Ojas. On witnessing the personal emotion that passed on Puru’s face as he held his brother, Doyal quickly averted her face, feeling like an interloper.
Surprisingly and much to her annoyance, Doyal realized that she remembered Puru’s craggy features well. And she wasn’t good with faces.
Ojas was classically handsome whereas Puru’s face was rugged with deep-set eyes, long nose, and a wide mouth framed by moussed thick auburn hair that had a tendency to curl.
Doyal had met him once for a few minutes and had taken an instant dislike to Puru because he had dared to laugh at her, his manner cavalier and condescending. By mockingly addressing Doyal as a ‘little girl,’ he had made fun of the one thing that Doyal was most conscious about—her short height. If that hadn’t been enough, he had nearly doused her with a cold stream of water after an angry exchange of words. Doyal was the one angry and the one talking.
Doyal tried not to look in Puru’s direction as he and Ojas spoke in quiet voices. A few quick sounds of backslaps and shaking hands and then they took a seat on either side of Doyal.
Doyal quickly scooted her legs away from Puru’s bare legs in olive green shorts and turned to Ojas. The question on her lips died when she saw the gleam in Ojas’s eyes. He was still sweating but there was a hint of smile on his lips and he looked years younger.
“That’s my wingman, Puru. My brother! In case I can’t do what I’m supposed to, he will take care of things.”
Doyal tried to nip her irritation, which was growing exponentially due to the man seated on her other side. “How will he do that?”
“Puru knows everything as it happened.” Ojas sobered. “All the wrongs I have done.”
“But I want you to tell her parents, not him!” Doyal asserted.
Puru leaned forward and interjected. “He will! Now, why don’t you just sit easy?”
Doyal took her time turning her head to look at Puru. She then looked away, pointedly. “Don’t tell me what to do.” Her tone was snippy.
Ojas moved and stood up, his movements not very steady. “I need to use the restroom.”
Doyal began to get up.
“Please don’t!” Ojas shot out. “I’m not going to drink in there.”
Doyal sat back even though her eyes held doubt.
“The lady is not convinced. Come with me, Puru.” Ojas ordered and started walking, his gait slow.
Puru got up, glaring at Doyal. “He’s here, isn’t he?”
“He’s the reason we all are here.” Doyal replied and turned her face away. She was sure as hell not going to feel sorry for Ojas.
“What about you dropping the ball on Gina? Heard the part about you going to Singapore and not meeting her.” Puru tossed at her before following his brother.
“Douchebag!” Doyal muttered. Her head was throbbing. She was holding it together by a thin thread. Doyal had no idea if what she was embarking on would help Gina in any way. But I have to try!
Doyal reached in her bag and took out some painkillers. She popped one in her mouth and swallowed it with water.
Within a few minutes, Ojas and Puru were back. The brothers were somber but talking. This time Puru sat on the othe
r side of Ojas.
Doyal used her toe and shifted his backpack away from her. She ignored Puru’s sarcastic ‘thanks.’
Doyal addressed Ojas. “Have you thought what you will say? Do you want to do a practice run with me?”
Ojas’s mouth clamped tightly and he shook his head.
Puru gave Doyal a slow smile that hitched up his cheeks on either side and showed a perfect set of teeth. “Maybe you and I could rehearse. After all I’m the back up.” He goaded.
Doyal ignored Puru and addressed Ojas. “I booked only two tickets.”
Ojas nodded. “My PA booked one for Puru. The flight is nearly full.”
“Okay!” Doyal nodded and lowered her eyes to hide her look of glee. But you only know the flight number; you don’t know that I got us first class tickets. Your pest of a brother is not sitting with us.
“Thank you for the concern, Doy!” Puru purposely used Doyal’s nickname like those close to her did.
“It’s Doyal for you.” Doyal said, her voice even. Would he pass out if I drop his backpack on his head? She longingly eyed Puru’s heavy backpack that lay inches from her.
Doyal reached into her satchel and pulled out her cell, ignoring Puru’s immensely amused gaze. He was laughing at her again. Doyal’s gaze cooled and the mask came back on. The one she wore at the meetings with her fiercest opponents. Insincere, double-faced men are what I’m most adept at handling. She had worked with a lot of them. The best way to deal with such men is to not react or respond. Doyal got up and walked over to the side and called her assistant number three. For the next fifteen minutes Doyal immersed herself in what she enjoyed the most: her work. She had a strange feeling that Puru was steadily watching her. However, she looked every way but his.
Soon Doyal, Ojas, and Puru made their way to the aircraft that smelled heavily of breakfast food and air-freshener. Giving brief smiles to the airhostesses fawning over the first-class passengers, Doyal sunk in her seat, took out her laptop, and arranged the things she would need for work during the flight.
