Seasons of an Amish Garden

by Amy Clipston

  Katie Ann winced as if he’d physically hurt her. Her soul was crushed.

  “Ephraim!” Mamm yelled. “Stop it. You’re going to say something you regret.”

  “Don’t worry, Mamm,” Katie Ann whispered through her tears. “I’m leaving.”

  She hurried up the stairs to her room. After slamming her door, she flung herself onto her bed and sobbed into her pillow. She’d lost both Mandy and her brother, and everything was ruined.

  CHAPTER 7

  Chris hurried up Emma’s back-porch steps as a grin tugged at his lips. He wanted to see Katie Ann and find out how today went with Mandy.

  Katie Ann had been in his thoughts all day long as he’d sanded a set of kitchen cabinets for a customer. He’d sent up prayers, asking God to bless her day and help repair her fractured relationship with Mandy. While he prayed, he analyzed his feelings for Katie Ann, and he realized he was in love with her. He truly loved her, and he couldn’t wait to tell her.

  After completing all his chores, he had cleaned up his work area, showered, put on fresh clothes, and then rushed over to Emma’s house. He longed to tell Katie Ann he loved her after he found out how the day had gone. He just hoped she loved him too.

  When he didn’t see her at the bake stand, he had hurried up the driveway to the garden. He found a group of young men and women weeding and watering the crops, but he didn’t see Katie Ann or Mandy. Most likely, Katie Ann was helping in the kitchen, baking more goodies to sell at the stand.

  Chris headed into the kitchen through the mudroom, where he found Mandy and Emma sitting at the table.

  Mandy wiped her eyes and as she looked up at Chris. “Hi. How are you?” Her smile wobbled.

  “I’m fine, danki. How are you?”

  When Mandy shrugged, concern filled Chris as he took in her expression. She didn’t look happy. Did that mean her afternoon with Katie Ann hadn’t gone well? Or had she and Ephraim broken up?

  “Where’s Katie Ann?”

  Mandy and Emma shared a look, and then Mandy looked back at him. “She’s not here. She’s at home.”

  He crossed the kitchen and came to stand by her. “Is she krank?”

  “No.”

  “So why isn’t she here?”

  Mandy hesitated, and worry washed over him.

  “Please tell me what’s going on,” Chris said, nearly pleading with her.

  “We had an argument, and she didn’t come with Ephraim and me.” Mandy ran her finger over the wood grain as she stared down at the table.

  “Oh.” Chris nodded as understanding filled him. Their conversation hadn’t gone the way Katie Ann planned. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Ya, I am too.” Mandy sniffed, and then she wiped at her eyes again as Emma rubbed her shoulder.

  “It will be okay, mei liewe.” Emma’s voice was soft and comforting.

  “I hope so. I don’t know what to do without her friendship.”

  “Just give her time,” Emma said. “She’ll calm down and realize she needs you both.”

  Chris turned toward the door just as Ephraim walked in. “Ephraim. Hi.”

  “Hi.” Ephraim shook his hand, and Chris took in the lines on his forehead.

  “Mandy just told me Katie Ann stayed home today.”

  “Ya.” Ephraim blew out a deep breath.

  “I told him we argued with her,” Mandy said, her voice shaky.

  “You both argued with her?” Chris divided a look between them.

  “Ya.” Ephraim’s frown deepened. “It was pretty bad.”

  Tears rolled down Mandy’s cheeks.

  Alarm sliced through Chris. If Katie Ann had argued with both her brother and her best friend, she must have felt so alone. She needed him. She needed him now.

  “I’m going to go.” Chris started for the door. “I’ll see you all soon.”

  He almost tripped over Hank as he rushed to his waiting buggy. He climbed in and guided his horse down to the road, his heart pounding with worry.

  When he arrived at Katie Ann’s house, he guided the horse up the driveway and halted it in front of her back porch. Leaping from the buggy, he tied the horse to a nearby fence and then took the back steps two at a time. He knocked on the back door and held his breath as he awaited an answer.

  The door opened, and Katie Ann’s mother greeted him. “Hi, Chris.”

  “Hi, Leona.” Chris removed his straw hat and fingered it in his hands. “I’m concerned about Katie Ann since she didn’t come to Emma’s like she always does on Tuesdays. I wanted to check on her.”

  Leona frowned as she pushed the door open wide. “Ya, come in. I’m not sure if I can get her to come downstairs. She’s been up there all afternoon and refuses to leave her room.”

  Knots of unease formed in Chris’s stomach as he followed her into the kitchen. “Mandy and Ephraim said they argued with her.”

  Leona heaved a deep sigh that sounded as if it had bubbled up from her toes. “It was terrible.” She shook her head as her frown deepened. “I’ve never heard Katie Ann and Ephraim argue like that.”

  “May I ask what happened?”

  Leona hesitated, and he regretted the intrusion.

  “I’m sorry. You don’t need to tell me.”

  “No, it’s okay. I’ll tell you.”

  As he listened to Leona’s account of the argument, dread unfurled in his chest like a noxious weed. With all his praying during the day, he’d never imagined it would turn out this way. He had expected Katie Ann and Mandy to have an amicable conversation that would end in a renewing of their friendship. He’d never thought she would lose Mandy’s friendship and destroy her relationship with her brother.

  “I’ve tried to talk to her,” Leona continued, her eyes wet with unshed tears. “I’ve gone to her room four times and begged her to talk to me. Each time, she asked me to leave. I just don’t know what to do. I never argued like this with mei bruder. I’m not sure how to help them work it out.”

  “Would you like me to talk to her?” Chris offered, hoping he could be a blessing to Katie Ann and her family.

  “Ya.” Leona stood. “Maybe you can talk some sense into her and encourage her to apologize to both Mandy and Ephraim. I can’t stand to see the three of them in such pain. I hoped mei kinner would always remain freinden.”

  “I’ll try my best to get through to her.”

  “Danki.” Leona disappeared, and soon her footfalls sounded from the stairwell.

  As he waited in the kitchen, Chris scrubbed his hand down his face and silently prayed that he could somehow reason with Katie Ann. A few minutes later, he heard footsteps on the stairs, and then Katie Ann appeared.

  His heart felt twisted as he took in her red, puffy eyes and the sadness etched in her face. She looked as if she had cried for hours, and he longed to take her into his arms and comfort her.

  “Chris.” She walked to the table and sat down across from him. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was worried. I’ve been thinking about you all day, and when I got to Emma’s . . . I wanted to talk to you.” Chris reached across the table for her hands. “How are you?”

  She stared at his hands for a moment, and then she set hers on the table, allowing him to take them in his.

  “I guess you know what happened.” Her voice was soft, her tone unsure.

  He nodded. “Ya.” He forced a smile. “You can fix all this. Just tell Mandy and Ephraim you’re sorry, and everything will be fine.”

  Her eyes narrowed as her lips pressed together into a thin line. “Why should I apologize? I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Chris squeezed her hands as he contemplated how to convince Katie Ann she’d been wrong. “I know you’re hurting right now, but I bet you all could have handled the situation differently.”

  “How could you possibly know that, or how I feel? You weren’t there.” She pulled her hands out of his grasp and sat up straight, lifting her chin.

  Losing the contact of her skin left a c
oldness in its wake.

  “I understand you better than you think.” He ran his fingers over the wooden tabletop as he spoke. “Mei bruder and I were always close, and we spent a lot of time together. We used to go hunting and fishing, and we’d talk for hours while we were on those trips together. Then it all changed when he met Mary—probably more than I let on when we talked about this before.”

  Scowling, she crossed her arms over her chest as she studied him.

  “Arlan didn’t have much time for me anymore once Mary became part of his life,” Chris continued, despite her sour expression. “I remember one time I asked him to go fishing with me, and he said he couldn’t because he was having supper at Mary’s parents’ haus. Another time he had to cancel his plans with me because he was going to take Mary to spend the day at a lake. I was angry, and I was hurt. In fact, I was jealous of Mary.”

  Her expression warmed slightly, and he was certain he spotted tears in her eyes.

  “But then I realized I had overacted.” He did his best to keep his words measured and not accusatory. “I knew in my heart that it was natural for Arlan to fall in love and to pull away from me and our parents. We’re expected to meet someone, fall in love, get married, and start a family. It’s a difficult transition, but it’s what we’re expected to do. Now Arlan is married, and Mary comes first in his life. But I know he loves our parents and me. And he’s still my best freind. We see each other at work and church, and sometimes we still go fishing. I’ll cherish the time we had together when we were younger. Our relationship has changed because we’re older now, but we’re still close. And he’s still mei bruder.”

  He finished speaking, and a heavy silence filled the kitchen. Pressure built in his chest as he awaited her response.

  Her eyes narrowed again as she leaned forward, her pretty face expressing more anger than before.

  “What did I say wrong?” he asked.

  “You think I overreacted?” She nearly spat the words at him.

  He paused, uncertain how to respond.

  “If I overreacted, then why have other people also noticed the change in Ephraim and Mandy?” Katie Ann’s voice rose. “Rosalyn Beiler commented that Ephraim and Mandy never have time for anyone else lately. Clara had to get the baking supplies even though it was Mandy’s turn because, she said, Mandy was too focused on Ephraim to remember them.” She pointed to her chest. “How am I the bad person when others have said the same things I’m saying?”

  “I think it’s more complicated than that. I think this is just what happens when two people fall in love.”

  Her angry expression remained as she stood. “You should go.”

  “What?” He was stunned.

  She pointed at him. “You don’t understand how I feel.”

  Her furious words punched him in his gut.

  “I do understand.” He sank back into his chair. “Katie Ann, I came to see you because I was worried about you. I thought about you all day, and I prayed for you all day. I care about you.” He took a deep breath. It was time to tell her how much he cared. He reached deep inside himself and found all the courage he could muster.

  His hands trembled as he looked into her beautiful eyes. “In fact, I wanted to tell you that I love you.”

  Her eyes widened for a fraction of a moment, and then they narrowed one more time.

  He sucked in a breath, awaiting a response, but she remained silent. He’d made a huge mistake. From her reaction, it was apparent the feeling wasn’t mutual. The betrayal paralyzed him for a moment as he tried to recover.

  He pushed back the chair and stood. “I’m sorry I came. Goodbye.”

  She stared up at him, a tear tracing her pink cheek.

  He started for the door, his heart heavy and the weight of his disappointment and hurt bogging his steps.

  When he’d made it outside, Chris looked up at the sky and shook his head. Not only had he misinterpreted Katie Ann’s feelings for him, but he’d also stuck his nose in where it didn’t belong. He’d pushed Katie Ann away by telling her she’d overreacted, and the pain of her rejection crushed him.

  Chris climbed into his buggy and guided his horse toward the road. Maybe somehow Katie Ann would realize he truly loved her. All he could do was pray for her and beg God to fix what had broken between them.

  Katie Ann covered her face with her hands as sobs choked her. She’d lost three of the people she most cared for—Ephraim, Chris, and Mandy—in just a matter of hours. She folded her arms on the table and tried to calm herself as her tears continued to flow. Her mother’s and Chris’s words echoed through her mind, and soon guilt became a snake that twisted her insides.

  What is wrong with me?

  Maybe she had been too harsh with Mandy, and perhaps she had overreacted. But if that were true, why had her angry feelings overcome her? Didn’t her feelings matter too?

  As her tears subsided, she began to whisper a prayer. “I don’t know what to do, Lord. I’m afraid I’ve lost three of the people I love the most in this world. Please help me figure out how to fix these broken relationships. Guide my heart, Lord, and help me make things right.”

  A calmness covered her heart, and she knew that with God’s help, she’d fix things—somehow.

  Katie Ann stepped into Emma’s empty kitchen. She set a container of chocolate chip cookies on the counter, and when she felt Hank rub on her leg, she bent and rubbed his head.

  “Katie Ann,” Emma announced as she walked into the room. “It’s so gut to see you. How are you? Have you worked things out with Mandy and Ephraim? They haven’t said.”

  Katie Ann shook her head as tears filled her eyes. “No. I’ve wanted to apologize to them ever since we argued a few days ago, but they’ve been avoiding me, and I don’t know what to say anyway.” Her throat had thickened so much, her words barely squeezed out. “I’m so embarrassed. I realized Chris was right when he told me I overreacted, and now I’m afraid they’ll never forgive me. It took all my courage just to come here today, assuming they would be here.” She sniffed as a tear slipped down her cheek.

  “Of course they’ll forgive you.” Emma led her to the table. They sat down on opposite sides, and Emma leaned in to take her hand. “They love you. They’ll forgive you as soon as you tell them you’re sorry.”

  “But what if they don’t?” Katie Ann hated the whine in her voice. Ephraim was right. Too often she thought of herself before anyone else, and that had to change.

  “They will.” Emma squeezed her hand. “When I first started dating Henry, my best friend, Sally, was jealous too. She and I had a falling-out, and we didn’t talk for about a week. Then she apologized, and I told her she’d always be my best freind. As I told you a few weeks ago, we’re still close to this day.” She smiled. “Mandy loves you. She won’t give up on you. And neither will Ephraim.”

  Katie Ann wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. “You think so?”

  “Ya, I know so.” Emma pointed to the back door. “They’re already out working in the garden. Go talk to them now.”

  “Okay.” Katie Ann walked out to the porch and saw where Ephraim and Mandy were, side by side. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she walked down the steps and to the garden. When she approached their row, she slowed her steps, silently hoping Emma was right.

  Ephraim stood up straight and faced her, his expression warmer than she’d expected. Had he missed her as much as she’d missed him these past few days?

  “May I please talk to you?” Katie Ann fingered her black apron as she came to a stop in front of him and Mandy. Her heart seemed caught in her throat as she studied them.

  “Ya.” Ephraim glanced at Mandy and then back at Katie Ann.

  “I want to apologize.” Her voice sounded shaky as guilt chewed on her stomach. “I was wrong to yell at both of you, and I’m really sorry. I’ve been immature, selfish, and mean. I’m froh that you found each other, and I realize that I need to back off and give you both space. I miss both of you, and
I hope you can forgive me.”

  “I’m sorry too,” Ephraim said. “I was too hard on you, and I was thoughtless. I’m sorry for all the terrible things I said.”

  “You are?”

  To her surprise, Ephraim smiled. “Of course I am. You’re my baby schweschder. I don’t want to lose you. You’re important to me.” He pulled her in for a quick hug.

  “You’re important to me, too, Ephraim.” Then Katie Ann turned to Mandy. “I really miss you.”

  “I miss you too.” Mandy hugged her. “I’m sorry for being a bad freind. I’ll try harder.” Mandy sniffed and wiped her eyes. “And I realized you were right. I have alienated our freinden, and I haven’t done my part with the garden. I’ve been too focused on Ephraim, and I need to find some balance. Also, I did ignore you, and I promise I’ll do better.” She smiled through her tears. “I want to hear all about Chris. Let’s get together tonight and talk, okay? Just us maed. No buwe.”

  Katie Ann shook her head as dread poured through her. “There’s nothing to talk about. Chris is upset with me.”

  “What happened?” Mandy’s eyes widened.

  “I argued with him too. I think it’s over between us.” Katie Ann bit back the bitter taste of regret.

  “I think you’re wrong.” Mandy pointed past her. “He’s watching you right now. Look.”

  Katie Ann spun and spotted Chris standing by the porch. He raised his hand and waved, and she returned the gesture.

  “Go.” Mandy gave her a little nudge. “Talk to him. We’ll talk later. I promise.”

  “Okay.” Katie Ann’s heart thumped as she hurried across the porch. “Hi.”

  “Hi.” Chris nodded toward the barn. “Can you talk?”

  “Ya.” Anxiety curdled in her stomach as she walked beside him. She followed him inside the barn and then faced him. “I’m so sorry about what I said.”

  “It’s okay.” He touched her arm. “I’m sorry for coming on too strong.”

  “It’s not you.” She shook her head. “I was immature and selfish. Everything you said was right. I did overreact, and I’m sorry.” She looked into his kind eyes. “I understand if you want to break up with me, but I can’t stand the thought of losing you. Please forgive me.”