by Nicole Thorn
I hurried out to the lunch room, and I searched for Poe and Cathy. I didn’t see Cathy, but Poe waited for me at our table. I went right there, not stopping for a damn thing.
Every movement from my feet came in the form of a stomp, and it didn’t get better when I saw Kelly sitting with her friends. Half the cheerleaders huddled around a table, and their heads all turned to me when Kelly pointed. That anger I had for Peter, fluttered up when I saw it. I saw Kelly’s lips moving, and the girls around her snickered. Was it not enough that she stole my boyfriend? Did she have to make fun of me too?
Peter wasn’t too far behind me as he walked into the lunch room, and I felt his glare on me. Kelly’s would have been pretty close behind, but I didn’t pay attention to that right now. I had a goal in mind, and didn’t want to stop until I got it.
“You look frazzled,” Poe pointed out as I stood beside him.
I sighed, and looked down at my shaking hands. “Peter picked a fight with me, and now I feel like I could break his neck with my bare hands. Where’s Cathy?”
“With her band,” Poe said dismissively. “Do I have to go have a talk with Peter?”
I smiled a bit. “Thanks, but I fought my own battle just fine. It’s more a matter of how the hell I’m going to be able to get through the rest of today with any kind of focus.”
Peter loved setting me off, didn’t he? Even now, he sat with his girlfriend, and went right back to being totally fine. He spun my whole world around, ruining me, and the bastard didn’t have the decency to care. He set the dynamite on fire, and ducked for cover. Part of me started thinking he did it for fun, because he knew it would have gotten him some attention. What I still didn’t understand, was why he tried so hard. Why did he act like I mattered, and then treat me like I didn’t? It seemed like the meanest game.
Poe smirked, and then stood up. “Who said you have to?”
“The board of education.”
He laughed, and then held his hand out to me. “I say this calls for a date. Do you trust me?”
“Dunno, Aladdin. What are you gonna do to me?”
The crooked smile did something funny to me, making my stomach flip pleasantly. “I’m going to start with getting you out of here. You only have to take my hand and run away with me.”
I did.
Chapter Fifteen: Yeah, This Feels Platonic
We made a break for the parking lot before anyone could notice us taking off. I looked up at the graying sky, hearing thunder as I did. We’d have rain in about ten minutes at most, but I didn’t mind it. Peter never got the appeal of watching it rain, which I found strange, since a lot of people did. Something about a darkening sky made the blue ones look so much better.
“Damn,” Poe said as we got to his car. We stopped, and he sighed in the direction of the school. “I left my backpack in the lunch room. You mind waiting a couple minutes?”
“We have all day.” All day to do whatever the hell we wanted, not having to answer to anyone. As small as this was, it made me feel free, looking up at the sky before it rained on us. I didn’t have to do a thing that anyone told me. Peter, my parents, my teachers. No one. I wanted to stay like that as long as I could.
He squeezed my hand before going back toward the building. I leaned against his car, my heart racing with excitement as I waited for him. I’d never ditched class before, and the fear of getting caught mixed with the joy of doing something new. It didn’t even matter what we did, as long as it wasn’t here.
I put my hand on my chest, feeling my heart race while I stood there in the almost rain. I felt alive, and excited about something for the first time in a while. Well, that wasn’t true. I’d been excited when Poe took me out last time, and when he leaned closer to me in the booth. Was it wrong of me to half hope he did that again?
When I heard footsteps in the gravel, I mistakenly thought Poe came back to me. I didn’t see him, but I saw another boy walking my way. I didn’t know him, or recognize the greasy blond hair. I hadn’t seen his bloodshot hazel eyes before, or his too lanky figure. He scratched at his face, and I kind of wanted to duck behind the car so that he wouldn’t have seen me. I had a feeling he already did.
“Hey,” he said to me, trying to smile.
“Hi,” I said back.
The boy stopped in front of me, looking over his shoulder. “You’re friends with Poe Martin, right?”
Oh, a friend of his. Even though he didn’t have friends… “Um, yeah. Clover,” I said. “Who are you?”
A drop of rain hit his hand when he extended it to me. “Brent. An old friend of, of Poe.” He cleared his throat, stopping to hack into his sleeve before he gave me his hand back.
I felt like I had to shake it. “If you want Poe, he’ll be back pretty quick. He left to grab something.”
Brent held his arms, and shook his head. “Nah, that’s okay. I can catch him later. To be honest, I’ve been trying to find, find a way to talk to him. It’s been a while.”
I assumed so. This guy didn’t really look like the kind who Poe would have hung out with. I didn’t want to be a jerk and judge, but he was so, so skinny, and he looked out of it. That spelled something obvious to me.
“Do you mind my asking what you need then?”
He smiled so sweetly. “I wanted to say hi, and see how Poe’s been doing. Are you his girlfriend or something?”
“Nope, we’re friends.”
“Cool, cool.”
It was the most awkward of silences as I tried to think up something to say. He didn’t ask questions, which made it a lot harder. The boy swayed on his feet, and eyed the car I leaned on. He smiled at it, but it looked broken.
“But he’s been all right?” Brent asked me. “Happy?”
Was it my place to tell him the truth there, or did I lie? I wasn’t sure which would have done more damage. “He’s okay. Look, he’ll be here in a minute.”
Brent cut me off. “No, I should head off. Can you do me a favor?”
“Um…”
“Don’t, don’t tell him you saw me.”
Before I could stop him, Brent rushed off in the other direction, weaving behind cars and light posts until I couldn’t see him anymore.
It had started sprinkling when Poe got back to the car, and he opened the doors before I had the chance to speak. He started it, turning the heaters on so that we wouldn’t shiver.
“Sorry,” he panted. “I had to take a different exit so no one would see me.”
“It’s okay,” I said through chattering teeth.
I debated bringing Brent up, because I felt like I needed to. It involved Poe, but the boy asked me not to say anything. Maybe he regretted approaching me. Since I didn’t want to get him in trouble, I decided to shove it aside for now.
“We can go do something,” Poe offered. “See a movie or get you something to eat.”
“Anything you want.”
“Or, my house is going to be empty all day. We could go there.”
Why my stomach started doing that flipping thing again, I didn’t know. But it told me what my answer needed to be, and I pretended like I wasn’t sure why. It would have been smarter that way. Still…
“Yeah, let’s do that.”
Poe smiled, and then headed off to his house.
By the time we got to the house, the rain had started pouring hard enough to require the windshield wipers. He parked in the driveway, and we had to rush inside. It didn’t spare us from getting soaked on our way in.
“Sorry,” Poe said when we got to his room. “I didn’t mean to trap you in the rain. I can throw your clothes in the dryer if you want.” He moved to his closet, and started picking out things. He grabbed a new shirt, and turned to me as he waited for an answer.
“I don’t have anything to wear.”
Poe pulled the wet shirt off of his body, and hung it over his laundry basket. “I can give you something to borrow,” he said, as if he wasn’t shirtless in front of me.
Yeah, I should
have turned around, or closed my eyes or something. But a wet Poe stood only five feet in front of me, and I stared. Hard. The boy wasn’t all muscly, despite the fact that he could have pretty much made any body for himself he wanted, thanks to his magic. Instead, he looked wiry, and a little bulky. Strong enough to lift me up if he wanted. Not that there was a reason for him to do so…
“Uh, sure,” I said, managing to look up at the ceiling. “Wet clothes…aren’t fun.”
“Nope,” he said, putting a new shirt on. “Follow me.”
We walked together to a little room down the hall, and he had a pile of clothes with him. He brought me to the laundry room, and opened up the dryer. Then he tried to kill me, unbuttoning his jeans.
“Whoa,” I said, shutting my eyes. “As many times I’ve hoped to be deflowered in a laundry room…not like this, Poe. Not when I haven’t even had lunch.”
He snorted, and I heard his pants unzip. “Cool your britches, sugar. I don’t want to be in wet jeans, if you don’t mind. If you’re still in the mood for deflowering, I can go make you a sandwich.”
“No need.”
Once he changed, he handed me a sweater and a pair of pajama bottoms. He’d put on a pair with Mario and Luigi all over them, and I got his Triforce ones.
“I’ll let you change,” he said, and then headed out of the room. Well…why did I get to watch him and he didn’t watch me? Did he not want to watch me? That had to have been it. I wasn’t anything to look at, and not worth creeping around for.
Bleh.
I threw my pants and shirt into the dryer, and then debated the bra. It hadn’t escaped the water, and wearing it would have been uncomfortable. But, ya know, not wearing a bra in front of Poe. That seemed to be a statement if I’d ever heard one. The thing was, I kinda wanted to test these waters. Why? I didn’t know. But in the bra went, and out I walked in just his sweater, and his pajamas.
“You look adorable,” Poe said casually, strolling past me. He looked over his shoulder before crossing into the room again. “Thought I should let you know.”
I blushed, and then hurried off to his bedroom. I hoped into bed, and under the covers before he could look at me again. Hiding seemed to be the best idea at the moment, because I felt some major embarrassment on the horizon.
Poe eventually sauntered in after me, smiling when he saw me poking my eyes out from under his covers. “What are you trying to do to me here?”
I pulled the blanket down to my chest when I sat up. “Huh?”
He waved his hand. “Never you mind.”
I moved aside to make room, and Poe dropped down onto the bed. He picked up the remote, and started looking for something to put on.
Without Cathy on Poe’s other side, it felt different being in bed with him. Cuddling with two people wasn’t the same as one, and even less so when I kept thinking about kissing one of them. Guilt ruined the day dreams, because it didn’t feel like I should have been allowed to want that from someone other than Peter. Stupid as it sounded, wouldn’t it have made me a hypocrite, considering how it made me feel to hear how quickly Peter had moved on. If I did the same thing, what did that make me?
“You wanna fill me in on what happened with you and Peter?” Poe asked as he put on a cartoon I’d never seen before. “Because you looked especially upset when you showed up.”
I shrunk back into the blanket, covering my head. “It was a bunch of icky stuff.”
“Tell me anyway.”
“I might come off looking awful.”
“You’re golden, baby. Don’t worry about it.”
The smile and way his arm went around my shoulders did it for me, so I caved, and risked looking like a whiny little brat. I started at the beginning, telling him all the facts, and leaving out how rotten and pathetic I felt during that fight. How many times did Peter and I fight like that, only for me to walk away feeling like it had been all my fault? How many times had I needed to apologize for making him feel bad, while I got to deal with my own icky feelings?
Every damn time.
By the end of it, I’d snuggled even further into the blankets, and Poe had to come in after me. He pulled me halfway out, laughing at me.
“Stop that,” I said, reaching for a pillow to hit him with.
Poe kept me from getting his pillow and showing him who was boss. “I will not stop this. You’re under the impression that you were in the wrong with Peter, and I have to set you straight.”
When I settled down, Poe and I laid shoulder to shoulder on his bed. He took my hand, and we stared at the ceiling together. “There’s no right or wrong way to feel here, but you’re not at fault.”
“You believe me?” I asked. “You believe I didn’t write the letter?”
“Of course I do. One, I don’t think you would want to get back together with him. Not when you know now how he…is. Two, you’re not the kind of person who would try and steal him back from that Kelly chick.”
“Thank you,” I said. “For thinking better of me than the guy I dated for over a year.”
“Peter doesn’t count as a person, so you shouldn’t be bothered by anything he says or does.”
“Not so easy.”
Poe squeezed my fingers. “Yeah, I know. Give it time.”
That was what everyone said.
***
I blamed it on how comfy the pajamas were, and nothing else. But I woke up, all tucked under Poe’s chin, and safer than I’d felt in a while. I could have moved the second I became aware again, but I simply didn’t feel like it.
The rain had picked up since we’d fallen asleep. Now, it pounded on the windows, nearly startling me as the thunder cracked along with it. I flinched at the last bout, and wanted to hide deeper under the covers. I didn’t know why. The thunder couldn’t hurt me.
I turned around, adjusting so I could get comfortable. Poe put his arm around me, and I listened to the sounds of his even breathing. I relaxed again, trying to decide how long we would lie there before I got up.
Poe grumbled, and adjusted a little himself. I got squished against the bed, and tried not to giggle when he threw his leg over me. I wiggled, and he grumbled again.
So now I had become trapped, but it felt more like a game than anything else. Every time I moved, he moved in response. I wanted to test the waters, having a little fun in this terrible day.
I pushed back, pressing my butt against him. The grumble wasn’t so grumbly this time, but Poe didn’t react until I wiggled. His arm tightened around me, and he pushed right back. I did it again, and got the same response.
This wasn’t…okay. It couldn’t have been okay, and I straddled the line of messing up something that could have been great. I had a friend in Poe, and he enjoyed being that for me. Against all odds, he liked me, and here I laid, rubbing up against his happy parts and ruining the whole thing. Same when I almost kissed him. He hadn’t tried again, so clearly he’d only been joking. I needed to be careful, or I’d end up friendless and humiliated.
I went still, deciding to end it. Sleepy Poe didn’t agree with me, because his hold tightened, and he pushed against me as I heard his even breath change. He nuzzled against my shoulder, and I smiled to myself.
I could have played more, making myself happy, and him as well, if what I felt against me meant anything. But I saw that line, and couldn’t make myself cross it. I felt so fragile, and I couldn’t let any more of myself break. What would have been left of me if another fissure got added? How much more could I have taken before it all came crashing down?
I turned, struggling since Poe had me pinned. I ended up on my back, and he let go of me. This…this felt like more than a friend thing, and that meant I had to run far away. Get out before it could have been taken the wrong way, and we would have to talk about it.
Looking down, I searched for a way to wiggle out of Poe’s arms for a graceful exit. Then I thought about how it would have made him feel to wake up alone. It would have been mean, and not worth my getting o
ut of some awkwardness.
I pushed Poe’s arm, nudging him a little bit. He grunted at me. “Woman…the hell you think you’re going?”
I laughed quietly. “Are you awake?”
“No. Shush.” He ran his hand down my face and whispered, “Sleeeep.”
I nudged him again, sitting up and forcing him to break his hold on me. “It’s gonna make it real hard to get to bed later if I do that.”
“Not my problem.”
Scoffing, I flicked his shoulder. I got all happy, playing with him. What kind of a loser did it make me that every single little thing we did made me giddy? “It’s kinda weird that we’re in bed together. Don’t you think?”
Poe’s eyes opened like slits, and they stayed on me. “Friend naps are totally okay and not weird. I mean…unless you wanna make it weird. Which I’m down for.” He laid back. “Have me.”
I cleared my throat, and folded my hands on my lap. “Very funny.”
“Well I try.”
Poe sat up with me, getting shoulder to shoulder again. He didn’t say anything, but he smiled, and let me rest my head on him. Interesting, I thought, how nice it felt to be physically close to someone. I didn’t know why it felt like that. Same with Cathy. I could sit in a room with them, and I wouldn’t think about the painful things. More than a break or reprieve, it felt like something entirely new. Like a step in the right direction, and a chance to get to a point where life didn’t hurt as much. But as I found out too damn often…
New grief always waited around the corner.
Chapter Sixteen: Life Keeps Getting Weirder
I’d been abandoned by Cathy, in favor of her practicing with the band. They all met after school to make up their set list, and kill time I guessed. Rumor said that they had to play outside today, since the school band had the music room. Poe and I had been officially invited to watch, but the lacrosse team had practice, and I wasn’t sure how up for it I would have been. Poe didn’t like that.
