by Nicole Thorn
But then I saw Poe, and I saw how tightly his fist clenched, and how intensely his eyes stayed on the wall. He looked like he had to remind himself not to do damage, and I couldn’t forgive Brent for that. I couldn’t feel badly for someone who chose to hurt a person who loved them.
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Brent snapped. “They’d have me strapped down to a table and left there until I couldn’t feel anything anymore. They don’t want me better because they love me, they only want to get rid of their little embarrassment.”
I hated listening to the back and forth, but I had no other choice. While the boys fought it out, I held Poe’s hand. I let him squeeze the hell out of my fingers, knowing he had to have been unaware of the strength in it. I hoped he was also unaware of the desperate trembling in his voice.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Poe eventually said. “You need to quit coming around here, and calling me. I have a family to keep safe, and my friends.”
Brent scoffed. “So I’m not your friend anymore? Or is that girl more important than me? What? You get a girlfriend and forget about everything else in your life? Is she the one telling you not to help me?”
Poe squeezed my fingers again, and looked at me with guilt. Wordlessly, I tried to make that go away by kissing his shoulder. He rested his head against mine, and I wished I could have made this all go away for him.
“Clover didn’t tell me to do a thing,” Poe said. “I’m making this choice, and the choice is to stop helping you kill yourself. Talk to your parents, because I can’t do this anymore. I won’t let you use me.”
It surprised me when he hung up the phone and threw it hard to the other side of the room. I didn’t even see where it went. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, and sighed for several seconds.
“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” I asked. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Not much to say,” Poe told me. “This is Brent, and this is what he does. Nothing I tell him is going to change it.”
“Do you think he’ll go to his parents if he gets desperate enough?”
Poe shrugged. “I really don’t know. If he does, he’d probably steal enough from them to get through a few months, and then take off for a while. His parents might not call the cops, but ya never know. How many times does he have to screw them over before they snap?”
I didn’t know how to answer him. I didn’t know the parents, and I didn’t know Brent. The only reference I had was my own mother and father, and if his were anything like them…then it wouldn’t have turned out the way he wanted. Neglect or rage, neither sounded pleasant.
“What do you want to do about it then?” I asked.
“Nothing. I’m finished with this. I’m blocking his number, and I won’t speak to him if he shows up. I need to set a new precedent here. One that makes it very clear that I’m not going to put up with this shit anymore. If Brent wants to die, he can do it without me.”
I still couldn’t say a single helpful word, so I hugged Poe for what felt like a long time. He hugged me back, putting his forehead against my shoulder. I gave him what I hoped he needed.
“Do you wanna take a walk?” I offered. “We can get some air before it’s too dark. Maybe I can figure out a way to sleep over.”
Poe cracked a smile, and I felt a million times less afraid. “Yeah, I think I would do better if I had you over tonight.”
After I got dressed, we headed downstairs. I checked the clock, and we had about an hour before the sun set. Enough time to walk around the block a few times before it got too spooky.
“Give me half a second,” Poe said, already walking in the direction of the staircase. “Let me grab my phone in case my parents call. They’d freak out if I vanished out of nowhere.”
I watched Poe go upstairs, and had a thought that made me smile. If I ran outside really quick and gathered him a few flowers stolen from the mean old man next door. Poe liked the ones I brought him when I officially asked him to be my boyfriend. It felt worth a shot to me.
I hurried to the door, wanting to get back before he found the phone. When I got outside, I’d guessed wrong on the sunset. The sky had already turned orange and purple, bleeding across infinity as I froze my butt off in the chilly air. I needed a sweater, but didn’t bring one. I’d depend on Poe to keep me warm.
The old man’s car wasn’t in the driveway, so I took that to mean it was safe for me to steal from him. He had several different kinds of flowers, all around his yard. Nothing he would have missed, and I knew for a fact that he didn’t even water them. They only survived by the rain, and how relentless Mother Nature liked to be. I believed that random stuff like that were signs that something other than us existed. Something weird, who enjoyed fucking with people.
When I found a bunch of pink flowers, I thought they looked perfect, and I bent to steal a few. Surely no one would think anything of such a little sin. If I got caught, I planned on telling them my mother had gotten sick, and I wanted to make her feel better. That, or I would run and call Poe back later. He might have even gotten a kick out of the story, picturing me stumbling through an explanation, before bolting like a coward down the street. Surely, it would test his affections for me.
“Hey!” someone yelled, and I jumped as my heart stopped beating. The jig was up, and I had to test my lying skills.
I turned, flowers in hand, and got ready to lie my ass off. Only it wasn’t a neighbor that had caught me stealing, and I didn’t have a stranger ready to face off with me. I saw Brent standing ten feet away, hands in his pockets as he stared me down.
Chapter Twenty-Nine: This Is What I Like to Call a Clusterfuck
I gripped the flowers tightly in my hand, feeling the stems break and bend. I would have dropped them, if I had the ability to move from where I stood. Unfortunately, my feet remained firmly on the ground, unwilling to lift up and carry me somewhere else. So I stood there, staring down a boy who stared me down right back.
“Brent,” I said softly.
“Clover,” he returned. “Nice to see you. Have you been having fun with Poe? You’ve clearly done a number on him.”
Brent shook, but I doubted he knew how badly. It looked like his body almost vibrated, and his eyes stayed open so wide. He couldn’t quite keep his mouth closed, and his hands fidgeted in his pockets.
I should have called out for help, but I had my reasons not to. One, I thought it might have sent Brent off, and he would attack in an effort to shut me the hell up. Two, if Poe came out here to save me, then it put him in danger too. If I could keep this situation calm and relaxed, then maybe I could have convinced Brent that he needed to leave and never come back. Or at least leave for another few months. In that time, Poe might have figured out a better way to handle things.
“I didn’t say anything,” I lied. “Poe doesn’t really talk to me about you.”
Brent took a shaky step forward, and my instincts told me to make a break for it down the street. I didn’t know what drug Brent took, or if it would have made him inhumanly fast. Shit, I didn’t know how drugs worked. Weren’t there ones that made people crazy strong? What if I tried to run, and then Brent got me? Then, he might have tried to drag me off somewhere, and Poe wouldn’t have had the time to save me. Stall! I had to stall. If Poe came out here calmly, not knowing what waited for him. He’d have a chance if he didn’t come out in a panic.
“I know you’re lying to me,” Brent said. “Poe didn’t have anyone to tell him what to do. He’d help me sometimes. He cared, and was nice. I got food and clothes. Then you showed up.” The boy jabbed a finger in my direction, moving another step to me. “I know him. I know how he is. Alone. Then you. You decided to fuck it all up.”
Getting closer to the edge, I said, “Maybe you fucked it up when you decided to start stealing from people you love so that you could pump drugs into your body. You were selfish, and didn’t care what it would do to the people who loved you. You’re sel
fish now too, because you won’t leave Poe alone.”
Brent got in my face, so close that I felt his breath on me when he shoved at my shoulders. The flowers fell from my hand, and to the ground. Brent crushed them with a step. “Shut the hell up! You don’t know shit about me.”
“I know enough. You make Poe miserable.”
“Shut up,” he repeated.
“You need to get out of here before he sees you. You’re only going to make things worse.”
Brent shoved me again, and I almost fell back. He yelled at me to shut up again, but it only sounded like an echo in my head. Brent pushed me one more time, and my heel hit an uneven patch of sidewalk. I went down hard, falling onto my ass, and then back. My head hit the pavement, and blackness spotted my vision.
While I couldn’t see, I did feel pressure on my body. Brent got on top of me, and he gripped me by the hair. I couldn’t move my head, because he had me pinned so perfectly to the ground.
“You should have left,” he told me. “Left Poe alone, the way he likes to be. He doesn’t need you. I’m his friend. I know him better than you do, and I know what he needs.”
I didn’t say anything as my body trembled under him. Brent felt scrawny, but I wasn’t much better. If I wiggled, then he pressed harder to me. He had me there, and I couldn’t do a thing about it.
Brent stuck his hand in my pocket, terrifying me further. I never thought I would have been grateful for someone taking my wallet from me, but this could have gone worse. He tucked it into his own pocket, but didn’t release me.
“He shouldn’t be around you,” Brent said through heavy breaths. He coughed, his eyes bulging again. “You’ll poison him. He should help me. He always helps me.” Everything came out frantic, and all calm from him had vanished. I didn’t know my chances for escape.
“Please,” I said. “You can have my money. I don’t care. Just…please get off of me. Please,” I begged.
Brent’s hand wrapped around my throat, while the other still held my hair down. He bent to my ear. “I should save him from you. You all…you all ruin everything. His parents. His sister. He hates me because all of you.”
I tried shaking my head, but he squeezed his fingers around me. I gasped, and then no more air could get into my lungs. He held me so tightly, and the black spots got bigger. I needed… I needed to do something. I had to fight, but the world got heavy.
I wanted to break through the fog, thinking up a way to get out of this. Under…trapped under. Couldn’t see. My brain hurt, and I couldn’t feel the glass around me. I couldn’t call it for help. Couldn’t fight, couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe.
I’m going to die on the ground.
My fingers scratched at Brent’s hands as I choked on the word, “Stop.” He didn’t listen to me, and I had to hear his ramblings that I couldn’t make out. He wanted me to shut up, and stop moving. If I gave up, then what hope did I have?
The black spots started getting bigger, and I couldn’t hold on for much longer. My grip loosened, and my hand fell to the ground.
Brent screamed, but not like he had before. He didn’t scream words, but let out an unintelligible sound. Then Brent didn’t have his hands on me anymore, and I could breathe. It came painfully, burning my throat. I didn’t care, because I was grateful for the pain.
When the blackness started to fade, I saw a blurry figure in front of me. While Brent gasped and cried out in pain, he vanished from on top of me. Poe had him by the back of the shirt, and he tossed the skinny boy onto the driveway. The way Brent clutched his middle told me what happened, even in my foggy state. Poe hurt him, damaging the muscle in his torso. Attacking the boy who used to be his best friend, all to keep me safe.
I made an effort to sit up, and my palm further crushed the flowers I had gathered for Poe. I couldn’t stand yet, but I could see the boy I loved as he advanced on Brent.
“Please!” he screamed, clutching his body. “I wasn’t going to hurt her! I promise, I wasn’t gonna hurt her!” Brent yelled.
Poe didn’t say anything, and it took the breath right out of me when I saw him kick Brent in the face. His foot went right to his nose, and blood gushed onto Brent’s clothes. He sputtered, trying and failing to speak clearly. I thought Poe would have stopped then, but he didn’t. He dropped to his knees, and took Brent by the shirt. While Brent looked up at him, eyes bloodshot and wide, Poe’s fist crashed into his jaw. And again. And again.
“Poe!” I yelled with a scratchy voice. He didn’t hear me, and I scrambled to get to my feet. If I could do that, then I could also stop Poe from doing something that would eat away at him. He might not care about Brent now, but a version of him used to, and I needed to spare him that.
I swayed when I pushed to my feet, but I caught myself on Poe’s car. The sun had dipped into oblivion, and the nearest streetlight didn’t do much for me in the moment. The glow touched Poe, but only barely. I saw him hit Brent again as the boy started to cry.
“Please!” Brent said. “Please you’re my best friend I love you please.”
I couldn’t quite make it all the way to Poe, and I dropped to the cold ground. I reached out for him, tugging on the bit of his shirt I could reach. Ignoring how my knees scraped on the concrete, I pulled myself forward.
“Stop!” I yelled. “Poe, stop!”
I yanked him by the shirt again, and he stopped. His chest pumped as he panted, and we both looked at his blood coated hand. It shook, and I pulled him off of Brent.
“Poe,” I said, gentle this time. “Are you okay?”
He nodded, but didn’t look all there. His hands went to my throat, but so, so softly. It hurt, and I kept that to myself. “Are you okay?” Poe echoed me. “I saw…and he…”
“I’m fine,” I promised. “It doesn’t hurt.”
Poe put his arms around me, and his voice whispered in my ear, “I’m sorry,” over and over again. A hundred times, he said it. Breathless and broken. I held him, knowing that my saying I was fine, wouldn’t have done a thing. I could hug him, and it would say all the things words didn’t exist for.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I’ll keep you safe. I promise. I’ll always keep you safe.”
I hushed him, and nodded when he could see me. “I know. It’s okay. I love you. It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry…”
I pulled him back to me, running my fingers through his hair as I repeated my words. If I said them enough, he would hear me. His hands held my waist, and I felt the fear in them.
“I love you. I’m sorry,” he told me.
I didn’t want to hear the word anymore, and I didn’t want him in pain. We had a boy on the driveway, bleeding and still. His chest moved, so I knew Poe hadn’t gone too far. Brent might have even been awake, but unable to move. Good. That was a shitty thought, but good if he couldn’t move. That prick tried to kill me. Like, really tried to kill me. He’d done that to Malon. That sweet little girl…he’d crushed her body too, cutting her while she screamed. All sympathy I had for him, left my body.
“We should call the police,” I told Poe. “How bad did you hurt him?”
Poe looked over his shoulder, staring at Brent. “I cut him on the inside. He’s bleeding internally.”
“Then we really need to call someone.”
“I’d prefer you didn’t,” I heard someone else say.
I had no time. Before Poe could turn around and see the girl speaking, he flew backward and away from me. He soared through the air, and smashed into the garage. I screamed for Poe, but it did no good. The gust of wind that whipped my hair in my face, told me what happened.
Tammy stood three feet from me, smiling at the bleeding boy on the driveway. “Damn, I missed a party. I should have joined in instead of watching. To be fair, it was lots of fun watching you choke. Let’s do it again.”
Her hand came out in front of her, and the wind came back at me. It tossed me, making me roll on the driveway until I landed on the lawn. I hurried, needing t
o get up and make sure Poe hadn’t been hurt. I didn’t get the chance.
Tammy approached slowly, not needing to be any quicker. She used the wind to hold me down, locking me in place against the ground. I tried to move my arm, but it might as well have been glued to the grass. My chest could barely move to allow air in.
“You have no idea how much I’ve been looking forward to this,” she told me. “I knew if I waited, it would be better. It was supposed to be a little later, but couldn’t help it.” Tammy giggled, her nose wrinkling. “Don’t worry. Your boyfriend isn’t dead. I wouldn’t kill you guys. I’m not crazy.”
Sure she wasn’t. She felt really fucking sane from where I laid. On the grass. Trapped.
She got onto her knees, perched on top of me, and she tickled my shoulders. “You look so afraid. It’s lovely. Hold still.” Tammy pulled something out of her pocket, and I saw that it was a little camera. Not her phone, but something that printed small pictures from the device. “I like pictures,” she told me, aiming the camera at me and snapping one. “You made me feel bad about that. Weird… I’m not weird. I like the eyes. So much can be said in the eyes. Like right now.” She took another picture. “You look afraid. But I can make it so much better. I can make you beg for oblivion, all without saying a word. Wanna see?”
My pinned body refused to move, and I couldn’t do a thing as Tammy took my picture. Then I felt it. Air, crawling into my body slowly. It slipped through my lips, my nose, my ears. Pressure built, and my chest filled with air that did nothing to help me breathe. It felt like my ribs wanted to pop, and all I could think about was thrashing, getting free. I couldn’t lift past the invisible weight over me. How did I let this happen again? Why did I have to be so damn small?
