Happier Without You

by Nicole Thorn

  “We told you as soon as we could,” Poe defended. “We kind of had a lot of talking to police that we had to do.”

  “So? What, are you ashamed of me?”

  I yanked the ice cream away from her, taking a spoonful before I gave it to Poe. “Very. What with your little weird dog, and the way you curse at random strangers.”

  “Fuckers have it coming.”

  “So true,” Poe agreed. “Do you think we can get out of school tomorrow? Not that I think I can’t handle it, but I sure would like to skip another day of pointless study guides.”

  I didn’t look forward to the stares we would get. Tammy wouldn’t be in school, and I assumed she’d miss out on the rest of the year. She’d get charged with assault, and my parents were looking into a restraining order for me and Tammy. Just to make sure that she stayed the hell away from me at all times. Poe’s parents wanted to do the same for Brent.

  It had been stressful, this being the first meeting between our parents. At least they didn’t say anything that I had to be embarrassed over. My parents mostly wanted to make sure I was okay, and that Tammy and Brent weren’t. My father fretted over every scratch on me, while Mom badgered the officer who took our statements. All in all, it could have been worse.

  “We can call in sick,” I suggested. “We all got mono from our creepy three way relationship everyone assumes we have.”

  “Mostly because my brother started that rumor,” Cathy commented. “He thought it was funny.”

  “It is,” I said. “I would think the same thing if I knew about three people having sleepovers where they share a bed. We might be the weirdos here.”

  Cathy held her hand up. “Would it be weird if we were eight and doing this?”

  “No.”

  “Then we’re not weird. We like chillin’ and sometimes we fall asleep. It’s not like we share toothbrushes.”

  “Not yet,” Poe said. “But I’m down when you guys are.”

  “Any time, baby,” Cathy said, smirking at my boyfriend.

  We decided to keep hiding out at Poe’s place, because it seemed safer than mine. Cujo slept on the floor in the corner, tired after a long day of also sleeping. Poe’s whole family stayed home that day, and that was the only reason my parents didn’t force me into my house. They thought I would be safe if we had adults there, despite the fact that actual cops guarded Tammy at the hospital right then. My parents could get real crazy when they wanted to.

  Once we polished off the ice cream, we laid shoulder to shoulder on the bed. I found it sad that my feet didn’t have even the slightest chance of reaching theirs, sense my genetics made me tiny. How fucked up.

  “What happens when we have to go back to school?” I asked. “When everyone wants to know what happened, and asks me why my neck is purple?”

  My fingers pressed to the bruise, making me flinch in pain. I didn’t know how long it would last, but I wished it would vanish when I woke up in the morning. Then maybe I could forget how it felt to have Brent on top of me, deciding that I didn’t get to be alive anymore. I hadn’t been prepared for a feeling like that, knowing that I wouldn’t get back up again. I’d been wrong of course, but it didn’t make the leftover terror go away. I still felt his hands on me, and my breathing got slow if I thought too much about it. Maybe it would always feel like that.

  Cathy took one of my hands. “If that happens, then we’ll be there with you. We’ll be there to make it better.”

  “What if it doesn’t get better?”

  “It will,” Poe promised me. “Let me try and talk you out of being worried.”

  “Not likely.”

  He smiled. “I’ll try anyway. We have about a month left in school. Then we’ll never see any of those people again. They might stare or ask questions, but they’ll lose interest. They always do. So when we have to walk into that school and meet hundreds of eyes, we’ll be there on either side of you, ready to beat back the people who get too close. Do you think you can live with that?”

  I’d started out alone, and been content to stay that way. I found Peter, and I believed magically, that everything would be okay after that. Then I learned the hard way that life doesn’t like it when you make plans. I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew what I could survive now. I wasn’t alone, and I wouldn’t be alone. It might have clicked then, that not everyone was like Peter. Not everyone left when it got too hard. Sometimes, they laid in bed with you, splitting a tub of ice cream and holding your hand. Making promises that I knew they’d keep. Sometimes, you could get what you needed, even if it wasn’t what you thought it would be.

  “Yeah,” I said. “I can live with that.”

  Epilogue: Yeah, It’s Just as Lame as I’d Expected

  The whole room bled blue and white, and I wanted to throw up in my mouth. They told me that it would be fun, and I had to come. Forced into it with guilt Jamie knew would work on me. He’d bought me a ticket to prom when he picked up everyone else’s. Minus Cathy, who got in for free. So it got me stuck in a green dress that showed off curves Cathy assured me looked sexy, and with my hair all done up in curls Ana contained for me. Let the party begin.

  I walked into the decorated gym, my arm linked with my suit clad boyfriend. He looked hot as hell, and I felt like a leaf that tried too hard. Ana and Jamie full on ran into the room, her looking stunning in yellow, and Jamie in a suit she picked out for him. He had his girlfriend cradled to his chest, while they sang along to the song playing. Cathy saw us from the stage, and laughed at her group of weirdos.

  “Promise me this won’t end in my death,” I asked Poe. “I can’t let it end like this.”

  He took my hand, lacing our fingers. “I promise you, Clover, I will get you out alive. Everyone else? They’re on their own.”

  “Good enough.”

  We walked together to the dancefloor, though I had made it perfectly clear to Poe that I couldn’t dance. I did not have the ability to not look like an alien robot monkey. He said that made it all the more appealing, so there I stood, looking around at a couple hundred students with much more skill than I had, and I decided to go with it.

  To an upbeat song, I danced with Poe, looking like an utter fool for all to see. It didn’t feel so bad once I started, because I realized of course, no one looked at me. They all had better things to do, and I had a boy to dance with.

  Poe took my hand, twirling me around and around. I almost tripped and fell onto his chest, but I caught myself in time. He took advantage of my inability to balance, and switched from our goofy dance, to a more traditional one. We both hummed along to the music.

  “How does it feel to end our high school experience on a cliché?” I asked Poe.

  He smirked. “Feels good. All of high school is one big cliché, so why not enjoy it?”

  I shrugged. “You might have a point there. We might come out ahead, since we’re not getting a hotel room and screwing.”

  “There’s always time if you change your mind. Or you can let me have at you in the back of my car.”

  “How romantic.”

  The song changed, and I got dragged away from Poe for a dance with Ana. She swung me around the room, forcing me into an upbeat dance while Poe got the business from Jamie. Poe looked perfectly willing to slow dance with Jamie, and I prayed that someone took pictures so I could use them against Poe later. One needed to be framed on my wall.

  We switched partners, and Jamie pulled me around like crazy during a Disney song I was surprised his sister’s band played here. We went with it, Jamie singing to me as the people around us stared at him doing the different voices. I laughed so hard I could barely keep up with him.

  “Are you having a good time, darling?” he asked me. “If not, I could always kick it up a notch. I’m pretty sure someone is supposed to spike the punch.”

  “No thanks. I’d rather stay sober for this, so I can remember it fondly.”

  “You use sarcasm, but you’ll eventually be happy you’re here. When
you’re telling your kids about your insane year of high school, you get to tell them about how you ended it out, dancing with the coolest guy you know.”

  I smiled. “Poe?”

  “Whatever. I meant Uncle Jamie. You didn’t have to hurt my feelings.”

  “Sorry. Uncle Jamie.”

  That made him smile, and we went back to our dance.

  The band got a break, and generic music played over the speakers. Most went to grab something to eat, while a few wanted to dance with their dates. I happened to be Cathy’s date, so she came right over to me. Poe followed, and the three of us danced in a cluster.

  “This isn’t so bad,” I admitted. “Kinda dumb, sure, but not torture.”

  “Told ya so,” Poe said. “Trust me next time.”

  Thankfully, there wouldn’t be a next time. No more dances for the people about to finish school. Only the adult stuff for us.

  “You look lovely,” Cathy said. “Green is your color.”

  “And pink is yours.”

  She gave a twirl, and flipped her hair to show off her look. Combat boots and a hot pink dress did wonders for her. She looked like an angry Barbie doll.

  My friends each took one of my hands, and we bumped up those three way rumors a little bit. I didn’t mind it. It might have been a little fun to get some weird stares these last couple weeks of school. I would have come off more interesting.

  “How much longer do we have to stay?” I asked.

  Cathy checked the time. “Prom ends at midnight. If you guys wanna take off, we can meet up then. Get something to eat.”

  “Oh, that sounds good,” Poe said. “Burgers?”

  “Please,” I begged. “Then we go back to Cathy’s place and make a blanket fort. I bet we can stay up till sunrise if we pick the right movies.”

  “It’s a date!” Cathy declared. She kissed my cheek, and hugged Poe. “See you guys later. I’m back on duty.”

  She ran off, and I eyed the door. My escape from this very high schooly feeling night. But Poe held my hand, pulling me back to him. “Wait,” he said.

  I moved back to him. “What for?”

  “I’d like one last dance before we head out. I thought we should make some kind of traditional memory here. Ya know, for fun. You mind?”

  I didn’t, so I let him take my hands, and sway me around the dance floor.