Forever Logan

by Elena Matthews

  “Is everything okay?”

  I shake my head, gulping heavily. “No, sir. I think maybe Ally would like to go home.”

  At the sound of her daughter’s name, Lydia gets to her feet and stands beside her husband. “What’s wrong with Ally?”

  “I think we just broke up,” I tell them truthfully. “I just want to thank you for being so welcoming of me, but I can’t be what Ally needs. I love her, but I don’t seem to be enough for her. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt her. I never meant to.”

  They both tilt their heads to the side, sadness in the contours of their faces.

  “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry,” Lydia says.

  “I’m sorry, son. Jeez, I don’t know what to say.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “There’s nothing to say, sir, only that I’m sorry.”

  They look at each other with sad smiles before returning their attention back to me.

  “Do you want me to talk to her?” he asks, genuinely concerned for me.

  I let out a breathless laugh, not because it’s funny, but because of how awesome he is. “No, that’s okay. If she wants to be with me, she knows where to find me.”

  He hesitates for a moment but finally relents, pushing out his hand to shake mine. “You saved my baby in that house fire, and for that, you will always have my gratitude.”

  Unable to say anything else, I just nod as I shake his hand.

  When I pull away, Ally’s mom steps up to me and envelops me into an enormous bear hug. “Hopefully, one day, she’ll come to her senses, but for now,” she says as she takes a step back, “she really needs to focus on her mental health. You were a good distraction for a while, but I think until she’s healed herself, she won’t truly let you in.”

  My throat begins to close up, so I can only nod.

  She gently taps my cheek. “Take care.”

  As soon as they’ve left the basement, I follow suit, but instead of heading back to the party, I take a quick turn to go up the stairs. I approach the door to my old bedroom, but I change my mind at the last second when I’m assaulted by memories of me and Ally not even from an hour ago. I turn the handle to the next door and enter my sister’s old room. I shut the door behind me, engulfing myself in darkness, and I blindingly find my way to the bed. Settling myself in the middle of the squeakiest bed known to man, I stare up at the ceiling, letting myself feel my heart breaking from the inside out.

  One hour ago, I was hopelessly in love.

  Now, I’m trying to figure out a way to cut my heart out without the need for surgery.

  I’m starting to think being single was so much easier. Feelings were never a factor, and I never had to worry about any women hurting me because I never let them get close enough.

  Then again, that life was very emotionless…and after a while, it became tiresome.

  With Ally though, she brought the fire out in me; she made me feel more things than I’d ever felt in my entire life. She made me want to be better. I just wish she had let me in all the way, but each time I gave an inch, she’d take a mile in her lack of trust in me. She was always waiting for me to intentionally hurt her, to tell me she was right all along about me, that I was just a piece of shit.

  I am one of the most resilient people you could meet; it’s why I make the perfect cop. But, for some reason, when it comes to having my heart broken by the love of my life, it’s funny how easily it wears me down.

  I’m just staring up at the ceiling, letting myself get sucked deeper and deeper into the darkness of my soul, when the door slowly creeps open, light flooding into the room. I glance at it from the corner of my eye and see Nate and Kaelyn walking inside.

  “There you are,” I hear my sister say. “We’ve been looking all over for you.”

  “Well, you’ve found me,” I tell them dryly, resuming my attention to the ceiling that’s kept me company for the past few hours—or at least, it feels like hours.

  The bed shifts on either side of me, and I feel the warmth of Nate and Kaelyn.

  Kaelyn brushes through my hair while Nate asks, “You doing okay, bro?”

  “What do you think?” I mumble back, void of any emotion.

  I can sense my sister’s eyes on me as she shifts to her side. “I’m sorry about before. I didn’t realize how serious you were about her.”

  Letting out a deep breath, I say, “Why would you? Once a player, always a player, right? I mean, Ally thinks I’m a piece of shit, so why wouldn’t you? Plus, you weren’t the one being an asshole; Blake was.”

  “Logan,” she says, taking hold of my hand and squeezing me tight, and the feel of her sympathy just makes the emotions bubbling up in my throat grow even stronger. “You are not a piece of shit. You are sweet, loyal, and so unbelievably strong. Any girl would be lucky to have you, and I’m sorry that she can’t see that. And as for Blake, I’ve already given him a piece of my mind.”

  I’d laugh if I had the ability to.

  Nate gently taps my shoulder with his fist. “Yeah, you should have seen her all up in his face. I think he literally crapped himself.”

  He snorts while I keep my face completely neutral. His humor fades with a deep sigh.

  “I’m sorry this is happening, man. I mean, I’m pissed at you for not telling me. You know, we’re twins, so we don’t keep shit to ourselves. But I get it; you wanted to wait to tell us until after the wedding. I appreciate that, but you didn’t have to keep it a secret because you thought you’d somehow steal the limelight. I never would have seen it like that.”

  “I’m sorry, man, but it’s not like it matters anymore.”

  “What are you talking about? Of course it does. You love her, and I’ve known it since the day you met her.”

  “Yeah, well, love can suck it.”

  With Kaelyn stroking my hair, I finally let myself be vulnerable.

  “I never expected this to hurt so much. I just hate that I wasn’t enough.” My voice cracks, and the tears I’ve been holding at bay finally leak from my eyes as a cry rips from my lungs.

  “It’s okay, baby brother. Let it out. I’m here for you, your family is here for you, and no matter what, we will always be here for you.”

  She leans her head against mine, comforting me in a way only a sister can. Pulling her into me, I sob against her while Nate squeezes my shoulder in a brotherly way. And for the first time in a very long time, in maybe forever actually, I cry myself to sleep from a broken heart.

  I smile around my champagne flute as I watch how happy my twin brother looks right now, just a few seats down from me at the top table. He’s dressed to the nines in a tux while his bride, who looks like a fairy-tale princess in her beautiful white dress, sits beside him. Nate and Remi are a match made in heaven, and though these five weeks have been the hardest five weeks of my life, being here, on their wedding day…well, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.

  I’m watching them laugh with each other when my eyes snag on the brunette woman sitting on the other side of Nate, and my heart throbs at the mere sight of her.

  Ally.

  Fuck.

  I miss her so much.

  She’s the only thing I’ve been dreading about this day.

  My obsession with her hasn’t faded in the slightest, especially with how effortlessly beautiful she looks today in her blush bridesmaid gown, flawless makeup, and perfect, wavy hair. How can she expect a guy to get over her when she looks like that? It’s not fair.

  And just to add to the torment, I’ve also noticed she’s wearing the gold heart necklace I bought her for Christmas. I’ve been trying not to read anything into it, but it’s hard not to. I mean, it must mean something for her to wear it today of all days, right?

  Since the ceremony and up until now, though I told myself I couldn’t look at her, that I wouldn’t let myself…I’ve failed because, every few seconds, my eyes travel to her.

  God, I hate her…except how can I hate her when I love her so much? She’s all I think about, day an
d night.

  These past weeks have been so hard, and trying to keep my distance has been harder. When we first broke up, I couldn’t even bear to be in the same room as her. I was still angry for her lack of faith in me, but as the wedding got even closer, I had to get over my sulking over Ally and be exactly who I was supposed to be—Nate’s best man. We managed to keep our interactions to a minimum, and if we spoke, we kept it only neutral with wedding subjects. We’ve been keeping things so neutral that we don’t even argue anymore, and it doesn’t feel right. It feels like a part of my soul is missing. I hate that we haven’t been able to go back to the bickering friends we started as, but maybe, once I’ve eventually gotten over her and my heart no longer aches every single time I glance in her direction, then we can go back to normal. Until then though, pretending we don’t know each other is the only way we can interact at the moment. It’s sad that things had to turn sour between us, but I’m guessing not all love stories have a happy ending like Nate and Remi’s.

  I have to say, I’m glad she didn’t bring a date with her. I don’t think I’d have been able to stomach her being with anyone else right now, if ever. I mean, when she was with Eddie, I wanted to punch him square in the face for being in the same vicinity as Ally, but now that I’ve been with her, now that I know what she feels like naked and sweaty beneath me, how she sounds when I bring her to climax, how she feels in my arms…well, I’d probably be arrested for murder. I contemplated bringing someone with me, but just the thought of being in another woman’s company just bugged me out, especially a woman who wasn’t Ally. Plus, I’m just not that cruel.

  After the dessert has been served, the wedding planner approaches us to let us know it’s time for the best man and maid of honor speeches, and she hands me and Ally a microphone each. Ally was supposed to go first, but she insisted she wanted to follow after me. Standing from my seat, I clink my fork against my champagne flute to begin my toast. I forego needing my speech because, frankly, I forgot it in my hotel room…so here’s where the high school improv comes into practice. Thank God I have charisma up my sleeve.

  “It’s become that time of the day where I finally get to toast the groom, and let me tell you, as his twin, I have more intel on him than anybody else in our family.”

  Everybody laughs, and I breathe out a sigh of relief.

  “I’m just kidding, of course. This is the best day of his life after all. I’ll wait to tell the embarrassing stories later tonight after I’ve had tequila shots,” I say, earning me more laughter.

  “I know, traditionally, the maid of honor is supposed to speak first,” I say, glancing over at Ally. “But she assured me she wanted to go second. She probably knew how much my speech would suck and that she could follow on with something way better. So, I can only apologize now. The real speech will be along in just a few minutes.”

  She throws her head back with a laugh, and for just a moment, seeing her laugh at something I said takes my breath away.

  Forcing my focus on my brother, Remi, and the guests around us, I continue, “When my brother told me he’d fallen in love, I almost fell off my chair, laughing. I thought he was kidding. Until this past year, we’d enjoyed being single, just like any bachelor, but it wasn’t until I met Remi and got to know how sweet, kind, and beautiful she was that I realized that Remi was his perfect match. As a twin, we’ve known each other our entire lives—hell, even before we were born.”

  “But I’m three minutes older than you,” he hollers, making laughter fill the ballroom.

  “Yeah, and you never let me forget it either,” I tell him pointedly, chuckling.

  “I don’t know if any of you know how they met, but Nate saved Remi’s life in a house fire. It almost sounds cliché that a gorgeous woman would fall in love with her hero. It only happens in fairy tales, right? Well, sometimes, fairy tales do come true, and Remi and Nate are proof of that. And do you know what? They deserve to have a happily ever after. Both of them have been through so much, especially in a short amount of time. They haven’t known each other as long as some couples do before they get married, but in Remi and Nate’s case, time wasn’t needed to measure their love for one another. They knew the moment they met that they had found their soul mates, so what was the point of waiting around? If you know, you know. And today, seeing them commit themselves to one another for the rest of their lives has not only made me proud that my brother has found the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, but it also inspires me to want what they have.” Instinctively, I look at Ally for my next words, unable to resist. “A wife, a best friend, a soul mate…I want that, and though, I might not have found that yet, when I do find my soul mate, I’m going to marry her the first chance I get.”

  Her eyes gloss over, but I force myself to look away and slide my gaze across to Nate and Remi.

  “You only have one life, so why delay the inevitable? I love you both, and I’m so excited that I’m gaining another sister. I think Kaelyn is even more excited than me. Growing up with four boys in the house—five, if you include my dad—was no picnic for her, and now, she finally gets the sister she’s always wanted and less testosterone to fight against.”

  “Hell yes, more girl power!” Kaelyn shouts from the table nearest to us, causing everyone around us to burst out laughing. She lifts her champagne glass, looking all pretty in her bridesmaid dress.

  Looking down at Remi and Nate one last time, I conclude my speech. “You are both so lucky to have found each other, and I wish you a lifetime of happiness.”

  Nate pulls Remi into his arms. He smiles at me while Remi dabs at her eyes with a tissue.

  Raising my glass, I look out to all the guests. “So, if you could, please raise your glasses for my brother and new sister-in-law and congratulate them on the first day of the rest of their lives as Mr. and Mrs. Jensen. Congratulations,” I tell them as everyone raises their glasses and hollers their congrats for them both before clapping at my stellar performance.

  And nobody has to know that it wasn’t my original speech.

  As I resume my seat, Remi takes hold of my hand, squeezing it tight. “That was so good. Thank you.”

  Lifting her hand to my lips, I brush a kiss along her knuckle. “You’re welcome, little sis.”

  Smiling, she lets go and rests her head against her husband’s shoulder. Everyone focuses on Ally, who stands from her seat.

  Bringing the microphone to her lips, Ally smiles warmly at me. “Well, your speech didn’t suck, but thank God I let you go first. Now, I can show everyone how it’s really done,” she says before looking out to the seventy-plus guests sitting in front of us.

  Even though our jest is purely for show, I can almost pretend for a few seconds that we’re back to our normal bickering selves.

  “If you don’t know who I am, I’m Ally, Remi’s best friend and maid of honor. We were just eight years old when we met. I moved in next door to her, and the second she appeared on my doorstep with a banana cake her mom had made, we were attached at the hip—or at least, we were until a certain six-foot-two firefighter swept her off her feet, quite literally from a house fire. From that moment, it was like, Ally who?”

  Her sweet laughter wraps around my heart like a vise, and like a lovestruck fool, I let myself feel it even though I know it’ll hurt like a bitch as soon as she finishes her toast.

  “All joking aside, I don’t actually mind sharing her with someone as amazing as Nate. In just a few short months, he quickly became one of my favorite people. Though having Nate in my life comes with its extra baggage—aka an identical twin brother called Logan.”

  I blink in surprise at the mention of my name. We haven’t exactly been on speaking terms, but I’m flattered she would include me. It means she’s been thinking about me.

  “Remi and I had this pact when we were younger—that if she dated a twin, she’d set me up with his brother. Well, once I met Nate, this hot firefighter, and Remi told me he had an identical twin who was in fac
t a police officer…I was about ready to dump my boyfriend.”

  I laugh, unable to help myself.

  “That’s where that pact ended. The minute I met Logan…well, everyone who knows us knows just how rocky our relationship began. But, eventually, he warmed me over…but that was where the pact began and ended. When Remi met Nate, she gained this amazing family…and I did, too. Nate has become an incredible brother to me. Kaelyn gave Remi and me a place to stay for free when our house burned down, and ever since, she’s become a close friend to us, even when we burned down her townhouse a few months later.” She shrugs her shoulders. “What can I say? We don’t seem to have much luck with houses. Thank God Remi now lives with a firefighter.”

  Everyone laughs, and I’m left utterly amazed she can make a joke about the fires, especially since she’s always had such a hard time even talking about them. It seems that, during our time apart, she’s done some self-healing.

  “Nate, it might be worth building Remi a bunker house—you know, something indestructible,” she jokes, and both Nate and Remi laugh.

  “Then, there is Blake. He’s offered me legal advice but not before hitting on me,” she says with a raised brow, and more laughter follows.

  My eyes search out my brother’s at his table, and I glare daggers at him as he laughs along with everyone else.

  Motherfucker, I’m gonna kill him.

  “Then, there is Jace—who, FYI, other than Nate, he hasn’t actually hit on me, but he knows how to make the most amazing margaritas, and he even taught me some astrophysics, as I’ve always been super obsessed with planets and the universe. Hopefully, we’ll be able to sit down soon and discuss more with some margaritas.”

  Jace raises his glass to her with a nod of his head. Then, she turns her attention to me, and my heart begins to race, as I have no idea what she’s going to say.

  “Then, there is Logan.” She lets out a whoosh of air. “I’m not even quite sure where to start. Though I made a joke about the fires just now, in reality, they were serious. Logan and Nate nearly died…but the night of the second fire, Logan saved my life. In that moment, that was a game changer for me, and you want to know why?” she asks rhetorically, her eyes solely gazing into mine. “Because that was the day I fell in love with him.”