Paul Ryan didn’t want to disappoint McConnell. He looked down at the parchment, its edges burnt from the bonfire.
He ground his teeth. He did this when he was nervous.
“Where can I find a corpse? At this hour,” he mused to himself. “Dagnabit.”
WASHINGTON, DC – THE WHITE HOUSE
John Kelly felt all of his 67 years as he walked down the West Wing Colonnade. He hadn’t been able, for a moment, to appreciate the splendor, the history, of the building.
“I’m a babysitter. A bad one,” he thought. It had been diaper changes and tantrums for months.
WASHINGTON, DC – THE NAVAL OBSERVATORY
Mother nodded.
“Understood. It has to be done, so it’ll get done. You have my word.”
Mother hung up, using the other, secure phone that Pence didn’t know existed. He could be so oblivious.
Mother would be happy to be done with the whole charade. Oprah was worth it.
WASHINGTON, DC – US CAPITOL
Ivanka had nothing but contempt for the senators. As they spoke, she coolly regarded them, imagining how she would humiliate them when it was all over. Her biggest concern was whether she would allow them to live, or just add to the river of blood.
A gushing river.
CHAPPAQUA, NY – THE CLINTON RESIDENCE
Bill offered to help Hillary, but she had refused. He had watched her, over the last four hours, haul pieces of lumber, by herself, into the garage.
Finally, he asked, “What are you doing, dear?”
“William Jefferson Clinton, you have no imagination,” she replied, smirking.
WASHINGTON, DC – BELOW THE OBAMA RESIDENCE
“… and so we’re in phase two of our info warfare/disruption campaign. And things are going pretty well, Mr. President.”
Obama nodded at the officer and dismissed him from the bunker. This was the biggest operation he had been involved in since Bin Laden. He was hopeful.
He was getting too old to play basketball like he used to, but he didn’t want to just spend the next three decades at golf either. This was vital. This kept him going, along with Michelle and the girls. And he knew the Deep State needed a strategist.
He was good at that.
SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE
John Kerry scanned the document a fourth time. He translated the French. It checked out.
He looked up to the figure sitting across from him and tried to read her stoic expression.
“This changes it all,” Kerry said in a hoarse whisper.
WASHINGTON, DC – THE RUBIO RESIDENCE
Senator Marco Rubio stared at the mirror on his medicine cabinet. He didn’t like what he saw looking back.
“Who the fuck are you anymore, Marco? Why the hell did you even come here?”
He thought about the rallies, the debates.
“Jesus Christ, what have I done?”
WASHINGTON, DC – THE WHITE HOUSE
Jared spun around in his desk chair for the thirtieth time. He was so bored. How do all the normies do it? He couldn’t call Ivanka, she’d just yell at him again. And Daddy Donald had told him to stop with the phone calls.
“Boreddddd,” he said to nobody in particular.
UTAH – THE ROMNEY ESTATE
Mitt liked to ride the horses, it cleared his head. Ann rode alongside him. It was the only time he truly felt free. He had a lot to think about. The evidence was mindboggling. The deeds that had been done were, frankly, satanic.
“I’ve made a decision,” he shouted to Ann.
WASHINGTON, DC
Jared called her anyway.
The phone clicked, and he could hear her perfectly timed breaths on the other end. She said nothing.
“Ivanka, I’m —”
“Bored. Jared, I’m sick of this.”
“But it hurts my head so much.”
“THIS IS FOR US. I TOLD YOU ITS FOR US. SO SUCK IT UP.”
CYBERSPACE
OPEN CHAT SESSION
KellyAnne45: I miss our talks.
VladPutKrem: Same
KellyAnne45: When will it end
VladPutKrem: Stay on task. I believe in you.
KellyAnne45: It isn’t the same, not like that summer
VladPutKrem: We always have the tower
KellyAnne45: Promise?
VladPutKrem: Pinky swear
ARKANSAS – REPUBLICAN PARTY DINNER
Grip. Grin. Grip. Grin.
Pence didn’t really know where he was anymore. One local Republican club had morphed into another. The faces were all the same, frozen in time. He gave them the same dumb smile, knowing how phony it all was.
Obama had him in a vice, as did Putin.
WASHINGTON – THE TREASURY DEPARTMENT
Mnuchin had become accustomed to the daily flirtations with illegality, but this made him widen his eyes.
“Just like that? But it’s drug money.”
“Nobody needs to know,” Don Jr said, “Dad does this all the time. And we own the DEA now. Your wife likes pretty things, right?”
CALIFORNIA – THE WINFREY MANSION
The man handed Oprah a manila folder. She was old school, liked to feel the information, not just read it on a screen.
“This is good,” she cooed, “really good.”
“Happy to hear it ma’am.”
“How are the boys in R+D dealing with it?”
“Several scenarios, nothing we can’t handle.”
“Good.”
MARYLAND – UNDISCLOSED CEMETARY
Paul Ryan had paid the cemetery groundskeeper in cash to look the other way for a few hours.
His face was flush with sweat as he dug up the dirt, and lamented not having any interns to help him in his ghoulish task.
“Mitch is so weird,” he thought as he continued digging.
WASHINGTON, DC
He picked up on the first ring.
“Ivanka?”
“Hello Marco.”
Involuntarily, the senator began breathing heavily. She did this to him, and she knew it.
“You can’t just call me like this”
“Why not?”
“People will find out.”
“Who cares? Daddy owns the CIA, Marco. It’s all ours.”
SOMEWHERE IN SOUTH AMERICA
They were closing in on Kerry. He could hear their footsteps. A bullet whizzed past his ear.
“Remember your training,” the former Secretary of State told himself.
Getting this information back stateside was vital. And only John Forbes Kerry could do it. The others were dead.
CHAPPAQUA, NY – THE CLINTON RESIDENCE
Hillary was done building. Her hands were bloody, a casualty of the splinters from the wood she had been handling. That was okay. This damned thing filled her entire garage. She didn’t like hiding from her security detail. But Oprah had called in a favor. So she answered.
WASHINGTON, DC – THE WHITE HOUSE
“Because I’m president!” Trump screamed, droplets of his saliva landing on John Kelly’s face.
The former general exhaled, silently, trying not to melt down with Trump. The walls were closing in. Got to keep it together.
“It’s just not a good idea sir.”
Trump punched him in his mouth.
WASHINGTON, DC – UNDISCLOSED LOCATION
McConnell extended a single, bony finger toward Bannon, shoving it into his chest. The action disrupted the layers of dead skin and salt at the point of contact, kicking up a minuscule cloud of dust.
“You’re mine now,” McConnell croaked. “Mine.”
Bannon nodded, fully cucked.
WASHINGTON, DC – THE WHITE HOUSE
Sarah Sanders hurriedly closed her office door and leaned against it, holding her tablet close to her.
“He looked AT me,” she thought.
For months she had tried to get the president’s attention. She was beginning to feel invisible. But now he had looked rig
ht at her. Maybe.
ATLANTA, GEORGIA – THE CARTER RESIDENCE
Rosalynn Carter nodded along as Jimmy spoke. “He’d kill me if he knew,” she thought, staring at the clear, blue Georgia sky. Jimmy didn’t notice, he was still deeply, madly in love with her, after all these years.
“Oprah’s plan will work,” she thought, “It has to.”
MANHATTAN, NY – TRUMP TOWER
Eric Trump was so confused as the blood streamed down his forehead, a crimson stamp against his pale, gothic flesh. How had this mysterious force field just appeared in front of his Trump Tower balcony door? Why did it hurt so badly? Where was Daddy, why wouldn’t he come home?
WASHINGTON, DC – THE WHITE HOUSE
“You’re hurting me.”
Pence loosened his grip on Jared’s shoulder. The boy was soft.
“Do you understand?”
“I think so.”
“Don’t ‘think’ boy. Do.”
“Daddy Donald will be mad.”
“Do you think I don’t know that?”
“Yes sir.”
“You do as told. This comes from high up.”
“You mean?”
“Yes.”
WASHINGTON, DC – RYAN RESIDENCE
“Here I am, using a meat tenderizer on a corpse, heck-a-doodle,” Paul Ryan thought as he slammed metal against dead flesh another time.
The body was fresh, and the formaldehyde splashed in his face, the liquid soaking into his widow’s peak.
“I hope Mitch is right.”
WASHINGTON, DC – UNDISCLOSED LOCATION
Mother held the martini glass loosely, her well-manicured fingers just barely holding on to the glass. Pence thought she was at prayer group.
Oprah nodded in her direction as she directed her gaze across the room. Michelle Obama got a nod too.
Oprah put her hands together.
CHAPPAQUA/ WASHINGTON, DC
“Barack, I just feel like something’s up,” Bill said, the phone cradled in the corner of his neck. He liked a landline still.
“I mean, maybe,” the former President replied.
“Hillary’s building shit in the garage”
“Michelle’s been quiet lately. Too quiet.”
“Somethings up, man.”
WASHINGTON, DC – US CAPITOL
Rubio took a big step backwards as he saw the shock of blonde hair emerge from the corner of his office.
“My God, Kellyanne. What the hell are you doing here?”
“You’re sloppy, Marco. So damned sloppy.”
“What do you mean?”
He nervously slicked his hair back.
“Ivanka.”
SOMEWHERE IN SOUTH AMERICA
“I took a life,” Kerry thought as he wiped the blood from his hands.
He pulled back on the controls and the helicopter lurched from its spot in the grassy clearing.
This was not what he had signed up for. He was retired. Out of it. And yet, John Kerry was in the fight again.
CALIFORNIA – A STEAK HOUSE
The steak squished as Donald Jr chewed. It was rare, almost still alive. How he loved it. Tiffany wrinkled her nose in disgust. She loathed him. He always hated her.
“How’s tricks?”
“You are filth. What you’ve done is filth.”
“Dad says I’m number one killer”
“He would. Filth.”
RUSSIA – THE KREMLIN
“There are so many loose ends, President Putin”
Vladimir replied with a dismissive wave. Yuri was always such a worrywart.
“The game will proceed. They all dance for me.”
“What of the TV host?”
“The Oprah? She is of no concern. She is a woman, Yuri. We have dealt with the women.”
WASHINGTON, DC – UNDISCLOSED LOCATION
Bannon wanted to cry as McConnell spoke, his icy breath chilling the corpulent executive down to his spine. His pimples shriveled in response. But his face remained still. McConnell explained the procedure in detail. Ryan was going to do that? For power?
“Sick,” Bannon said.
WASHINGTON, DC – THE MNUCHIN RESIDENCE
Mnuchin couldn’t believe it. He clicked “reload,” but the bank account said the same thing this time too. Louise would kill him. The furs. The purses.
“I’ll have to sell the villa,” he realized.
Don Jr had set him up. The cartel had struck. It was all gone.
WASHINGTON, DC – UNDISCLOSED LOCATION
Michelle raised her hand.
Oprah pointed to her, giving her the floor.
“It’s magnificent, Ope, it’s so bold. But the downside is enormous.”
“I understand. I’m asking you all to take a risk here. I get it.”
“So you see—”
“Hillary is in.”
Michelle raised an eyebrow. So did Mother.
Barbara Bush’s pearl necklace glared in the light of the meeting room.
“Hillary?”
Oprah nodded.
“Despite everything? Despite the incident?”
“She said it was in the past, so its in the past. It’s time for us to unify.”
Barbara held the prime pearl between her fingers.
“Okay.”
WASHINGTON, DC – THE KUSHNER/TRUMP RESIDENCE
The water filling the tub was scalding hot. A thick film from the steam covered the full-body mirrors in the Kushner-Trump mansion.
Ivanka lazily put her hand in the water.
She felt nothing.
“Good,” she whispered. “I don’t want to.”
It would be weak, she thought. Weak like Jared.
IN THE AIR OVER THE U.S./MEXICO BORDER
Kerry took a deep breath. The coast was clear. The helicopter shuddered as he flew due west. He grabbed his satellite phone and punched in the number.
“Biden.”
“It’s John. We need to meet.”
“Alpha or Omega?”
“Delta. Delta Six Seven Niner.”
“Holy fuck, Kerry.”
WASHINGTON, DC – THE WHITE HOUSE
“Mr. President, we can’t just nuke them. We have to be strategic.”
“Scramble the F-52s then, show them we mean business, they can’t mock me this way.” Trump thumped the desk with his fist, bruising the underside of his delicate hand.
“Those aren’t real planes. They’re from a video game.”
“Why won’t you let me do anything, Kelly? Reince would. Jesus.”
WASHINGTON, DC – LAW FIRM
Reince sat at his desk at the law firm. For a moment, he soaked in the quiet, the still. The smell of the ink from the printer wafted into his nostrils and comforted his mind.
He never had to see those stubby fingers again. Never had to be beaten like a piñata. He felt calm.
WASHINGTON, DC – OUTSIDE THE OBAMA RESIDENCE
“Mr. President, checking in”
“Morning, Comey”
Obama liked to get the calls out of the way during his morning run.
“We’ve executed the protocol as you laid out. Ivanka is on the wire, but we believe she is completely in the dark.”
“Perfect. That’s great. Just great, Jim.”
WASHINGTON, DC – THE KUSHNER/TRUMP RESIDENCE
Jared sat in the bathroom, fully clothed, on top of the toilet. He could feel the thin filament from the recording device brushing against his neck. What if she found it? Shed kill him for sure. Really kill him. Shed told him about Eric and the homeless man. It had been a threat.
WASHINGTON, DC – IN TRANSIT
The car was silent as Michelle hung up from the girls. They were the reason she had gone to these lengths, why she was back in the game up to her eyeballs, despite her hatred of Washington.
“Terrorist fist jab,” she ruefully chuckled. “Damn ‘em.”
UTAH/ WASHINGTON, DC
“Marco, this line is for emergencies on
ly, for heaven’s sake”
“Sweet Jesus, Mitt, they know about us”
“The Ivanka thing?”
“Yes.”
“Holy Toledo with a squeeze of lemon. I told you: Be discreet.”
“We tried… But I’m weak.”
“Buck up, chum. We’ll noodle this one through.”
WASHINGTON, DC – THE RYAN RESIDENCE
Paul Ryan stared at the square of meat.
“Jiminy Christmas, I just don’t know.”
It jiggled when he touched it, the gelatinous mass inside reacting to his index finger.
“Mitch sure has some wacky ideas. But if this beastly fellah helps him, why not me, huh? Worth a shot.”
CALIFORNIA/CHAPPAQUA, NY
“It’s a go,” Oprah said.
Hillary nodded in the affirmative over the video feed.
“Everyone? Even Michelle and Barbara?”
“Both of them. Mother too.”
“I expected her. She’s always been with us.”
“My Prague contact said Kerry made it out.”
“I’m glad. He’s good people.”
WYOMING
Cheney floated in a vat filled with clear oil, a custom mix he’d picked up outside of Baghdad from a Romanian arms dealer. The old-fashioned speaker hanging from the ceiling of his private sanctum squawked to life.
“Kerry escaped”
Cheney snarled, a small bubble forming on his lip.
KENNEBUNKPORT, MAINE – BUSH FAMILY COMPOUND
“Heavens mother, you gave me a fright”
“Calm down, Jeb.”
Barbara Bush continued to fiddle with her pearls, it was a nervous tic she’d picked up in George’s term.
“There are some… things coming, Jeb. And I want you to move your money into the gold bars. Just in case.”
“Yes, mother.”
MANHATTAN, NY – TRUMP TOWER
Eric Trump laid in his custom coffin, took a pull from his juice box and mumbled “I’m a vampire, grrrrrr.”
WASHINGTON, DC – THE KUSHNER/TRUMP RESIDENCE
Ivanka cut her peanut butter and jelly sandwich into 24 individual squares, like always, and chewed each bit 32 times.
Jared’s cutlery clinked against the crystal glass, half filled with water.
He was in a cold sweat.
“What?”
“Sorry, love. I may have the sniffles.”
“Ew.”
WASHINGTON, DC – CONWAY RESIDENCE
Kellyanne loved to recline on her silk-covered chaise lounge while shooting her handgun at the Democratic donkey targets she had picked up at the NRA convention.
The Deepest State Page 2
