The Monster MASH

by Angie Fox

  “Sorry about that.”

  “No, you’re not,” he said, stealing a slice of pineapple.

  I fed him another slice, the sticky juice running down my arm as he sucked my fingers. “Jeffe said you’d be out for three days at least.”

  He laughed. “Jeffe underestimated me.”

  No kidding.

  “Did it hurt?” I asked. I’d never intended to cause him pain.

  “It was strange,” he said, examining the skin at the back of one very perfectly sculpted shin. “I was dizzy. I tried to take a step, then—nothing.”

  Wait. That was unheard of for an immortal. “You didn’t feel them moving you?” It was actually good, because Jeffe might have dropped his head a few times. “You didn’t dream?”

  He searched his memory. “No,” he said, surprised.

  “Amazing,” I said, leaning against the counter, my mind going a mile a minute.

  “Don’t act so happy,” he said, brows furrowed as he commandeered my fruit bowl.

  “Do you know what this means?” I asked, ideas tumbling over and over in my mind. “We might be able to develop an anesthetic that works on you people.”

  I opened the lid on the trash container in the corner, looking for my discarded medical jacket to see if it had a pocket light. “What is this? An incinerator?”

  “Yes.”

  Lovely. We had a junkyard, and the VIPs had incinerators.

  I pointed a finger at his wide chest. “I want you in the clinic tomorrow.”

  “No problem.” He looked at me with enough admiration to make me blush. “It would be amazing if you discovered an anesthetic.”

  “I’d like to discover an end to the war.”

  He nodded, his mouth twisting. “You didn’t need to knock me out.”

  “You were going to follow me,” I pointed out. I appreciated his need to be involved with the people around him, but… “You could have influenced the prophecy.” It was a fine line, one I didn’t intend to cross.

  He frowned. “What’s with you and this fear?”

  I sighed, the burden of it weighing me down.

  “Tell me,” he urged. “I want to understand.”

  So did I.

  “I didn’t… It…” I couldn’t form the words. My voice cracked as I tried in vain to say something coherent. Letting out a heavy breath, I gave it another shot. “Look, I tried to stop this war,” I said, my voice as thick as lead. God, I could barely look at him. How could I explain how horribly I’d failed? “A few months after I arrived here, after I saw the death and destruction, I tried to be the one.” It had sounded so simple. A healer whose hands can touch the dead will receive a bronze dagger. “I could see the dead. I figured that was close enough. All I needed was a dagger.”

  “So you tried to get one?” Galen asked.

  I crossed my arms over my chest, embarrassed. “I ordered a bronze dagger off eBay.”

  He barked out a laugh.

  “What?” I shot back. “You can find anything on eBay.”

  He couldn’t seem to argue that.

  “You don’t know how hard it was,” I said, staring at a pile of purple and gold pillows on the other side of the counter. “I spent a year’s salary to bribe an operator at computer command central.”

  “You’re lucky you didn’t get caught,” he said. Computer access was restricted to approved personnel only. I could have gone to prison.

  It had been a gamble on so many levels. “The day it arrived in camp, disaster struck.” I closed my eyes, trying to block the pain of it. “My home in New Orleans was wiped away, my father was killed, and the rest of the city was chewed up and spit out by a hurricane.”

  He touched my uninjured shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

  Me too.

  “I’d heard that messing with a prophecy might have consequences. I never imagined how terrible they could be.” I shook my head and pulled back. “I don’t want to make the same mistake again.”

  He leaned closer. “Listen to me—”

  But I was beyond hearing at that point. “I caused a failure. I killed thousands of people, including my own father. And I’m not about to let you or anyone else tell me I should push this.”

  I was Catholic. I’d confessed to Father McArio. He’d taken the knife and forgiven me. But I didn’t think I’d ever be able to forgive myself.

  Galen was quiet for a long moment. “It wasn’t the right time.”

  “I know that. And I know this could be the right time. But I’m not going to force anything.” I took his arm and held on. “This has to happen naturally.”

  He nodded. “I understand. We’ll wait. We’ll be strategic.” I knew what it cost him to hold back, which made me appreciate it even more.

  “We’ll listen to the next prophecy no matter what,” I vowed.

  “No matter what,” he agreed, drawing me close. “We can do this, Petra.”

  And for the first time, I thought maybe we actually could.

  After all, this was the man who believed in the impossible. And he believed in me.

  He bent his head slowly. The hairs on the back of my neck rose as his mouth hovered over mine.

  I closed my eyes. Dare we seal it with a kiss?

  A banging on the tent post made me open my eyes. “Knock, knock!” Horace called. “Is Petra in there?”

  Galen rested his head on my shoulder. “No.”

  I nudged my cheek away from Galen’s crisp, clipped hair. “I’m busy,” I called.

  “Kosta needs you, Petra,” Horace said. “It’s urgent.”

  So was this. “I’ll be out in a minute,” I called to Horace.

  Galen kissed my shoulder, his warm breath sending skitters of warmth down my spine. “One of these days, we’ll catch a break.”

  “I just realized I don’t have pants,” I informed him.

  “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?” Galen unwound himself from me. “Hold on a minute,” he said, heading for the bedroom.

  He came back with a bundle of black fabric. “Try these fatigue pants,” he said. “I found some adjustable ones.”

  “Thanks,” I said, in a hurry to try them out.

  His eyes caught on the blue swirling Fleur-de-Z tattoo on my hip as I slipped into the pants.

  These fatigues were as crazy big as the ones last night, but they had adjustable waist tabs, so I ratcheted those in as far as they’d go. With that done, I was the proud owner of a pair of special ops hip huggers.

  “All dressed,” I said, trying to tuck in his massive T-shirt.

  “Now, that is sexy.” Humor glinted in his eyes.

  Yeah, yeah, the shirt had actually been a very comfortable nightgown last night. I gave up and tied the excess material into a low knot at my waist.

  He watched me as I tightened the knot on the shirt. “God, you’re beautiful.”

  “I love a man who’s biased.” It felt good to smile again. “Don’t go anywhere, soldier.”

  He walked me toward the door. “I’d be crazy if I did.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Horace hovered next to me, bobbing up and down as if to hurry me along. “Kosta is very upset.”

  “He can join the party,” I said, tugging up Galen’s pants while walking. I’d been about to have my first kiss in seven years.

  A burst of laughter echoed from the officers’ club down the way.

  At least they were holed up in there and not watching our little parade.

  Horace’s golden eyebrows speared downward as if he were chewing on a thought. “I’m glad you’re alive,” he said as if he wasn’t quite at home with the sentiment.

  “Thanks, bud.” I still owed him those pennies.

  He zipped in front of me, sprinkling fine gold dust. His pointy ears were drawn back. “Wait,” he said, blocking the way, “while we’re alone, I must tell you to watch your step.” He glanced behind him. “Thaïs thinks you died. He told Kosta you were attacked.”

  I stared at Horace
. He nodded vigorously as the truth sank in.

  “Unbelievable.” I fought the urge to punch something. After all Thaïs just put me through. I wanted to scream. “He nearly killed everyone. Now he’s trying to play the victim?”

  Because he thought there were no witnesses.

  The world had gone to hell and left me holding the bag.

  Horace gave a half shrug, half wince. “He is the son of Caerus,” he said as if that answered everything.

  “Oh, well, there you go.” I threw my hands up in the air. I wanted out. If I could walk back home, I would. And I’d take Galen with me. To Hades with the immortal army.

  Horace merely flittered there and watched.

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Who is Caerus anyway?” I could never keep track of the thousands of gods.

  “God of opportunity.” Horace glanced across the road toward Kosta’s office. “Come on.”

  Oh yeah, sure. No sense keeping the immortals waiting. I shoved my fists in my pockets and started walking. “That lying, stinking…”

  “Asshole,” Horace added.

  Yeah, he could say it, but he didn’t mean it. My gut clenched. In the end, it was the immortals versus the mortals. Always had been, always would be. The gods thought they could do whatever they wanted, forget the consequences.

  It was what was wrong with this world and this war and, well, my entire life.

  I gritted my teeth. “Cursed gods.”

  “Don’t go bringing the rest of us into it.” Horace fluttered beside me on golden wings. He planted his hands on his hips. “You have to admit Thaïs made a valid assumption. No mortal should have survived a direct assault by an armed enemy unit.”

  I sent him a withering snarl as the truth of it settled over me. Thaïs had never planned on me making it out of there alive.

  “This day’s just getting better and better.” I was a mortal, which meant expendable to a lot of these gods. It was yet another reason why I wanted away from this place and out of this war.

  “Now you’re Kosta’s surprise for Thaïs.” Horace halted outside the door to Kosta’s outer offices and pumped a fist as if that was some kind of victory.

  Mother Mary on a biscuit. “Is that what this war is for you people? Entertainment?”

  He didn’t even have the decency to look shamed.

  I barged inside.

  “Petra!” Shirley whipped her chair away from a desk littered with at least half a dozen coffee cups.

  She rushed over to us, giving me a giant hug and a mouth full of hair. I gave her a pat on the back as I got a huge whiff of cigarettes and coffee.

  She pulled away, holding me at arm’s length. “What happened out there? You were attacked?”

  Leave it to Shirley to screw with my mood. “Something like that,” I said, retying the knot I’d made in Galen’s oversized shirt. Buttoned-down military, that was me. “I have to give my report to the colonel.”

  Kosta was in his office—yelling. His words might have been muffled by the thick wooden door, but the message was clear: Somebody is going down.

  “Been like this all day?” I asked.

  “Since he got out of surgery this morning,” she answered, sharing a glance with Horace. “Kosta’s in rare form.”

  “They shot at me for no reason,” Thaïs’s voice screeched from Kosta’s office.

  Oh goody. I’d get to be the one who enlightened the colonel. I rubbed a hand over my eyes. Most of these demigods liked to stick together, which meant I’d have Thaïs and his buddies trying to smite me for the rest of my life.

  I glanced at Shirley, who looked like she could use some sleep, too.

  “Godsdamn it, Doctor. Get in here,” Kosta bellowed.

  “How’d he know I was here?” I asked her.

  “Gird your loins,” she answered.

  I yanked up my droopy pants, squared my shoulders, and headed in to meet the firing squad.

  Kosta paced behind his desk, cigar in hand, ashes scattering as he waved it around. He zeroed in on me, flushed red all the way up to his bald head. “Close the door.”

  Thaïs turned, and I had the distinct pleasure of seeing his expression go from shocked to horrified.

  Take that, you jerk.

  Thaïs was visibly pale. He had a gauze bandage wrapped around his neck, and he was standing kind of hunched, but he was among the living.

  It was more than we could say for Colonel Spiros.

  I glared daggers as I stood at attention next to him.

  He was visibly quivering now. “You’re—”

  “Alive. I know. Sorry to put a wrench in your day.”

  Thaïs straightened, trying to recover. “You’re also out of uniform.”

  “Yeah, well, my other clothes were a little bloody, thanks to you.”

  Kosta wasn’t amused. “At ease. Robichaud, what happened?”

  I eyed my colleague. “We arrived at the checkpoint as we were ordered.” My jaw clenched as I spoke. “The patients were there, waiting for transfer. Everything should have gone off without a hitch. Spiros was in charge. The assignment was going exactly as planned until Thaïs pulled out a knife.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” he shouted. “We were ordered not to bring weapons.”

  “Which is why I was shocked when you tried to detonate a bomb,” I snapped. “No wonder you assumed I was dead.” It was like he’d been trying to get us killed. “If you want to go on a suicide mission, that’s fine and dandy. But next time, leave me out of it.”

  Thaïs towered over me, injuries forgotten, every overgrown immortal inch of him quivering. “You don’t want to die in glory. Sniveling cowards like you can die on the ground. I saw you with your face in the dirt, pleading with the enemy for your miserable, insignificant little life!”

  “You want to be on the ground?” I demanded, shoving him backward. I could at least kick him where it counted before he tore me in half.

  “Stop,” Kosta ordered. His voice hit me like cold water.

  My heart raced and my brain boiled over. How dare Thaïs accuse me of being the coward? “How brave is it to scrap a chance to save four soldiers?” Two of them might be alive right now if it hadn’t been for him.

  “Enough!” Kosta slammed his fist into the wall. The office shook with the impact.

  Damn Thaïs.

  “What is this about a bomb?” the colonel demanded.

  I trained my eyes on Thaïs as I answered, “The guards shot Thaïs. With good reason. I tried to smooth things over with Spiros, but one of the soldiers shouted about a bomb.” My pulse hammered as I relived the moment. “I turned and Thaïs was reaching for something. All hell broke loose. I didn’t see what happened after that. But I know they somehow got it away from him and detonated it.”

  Thaïs stared me down as he answered, “There was no bomb.” He bit off every word. “She’s lying about all of it.” He sneered. “Ask Marius if he saw a bomb.”

  Oh yeah, right. “It was a crater in the desert by the time Marius got there.”

  But then it hit me. What would I do without proof? I had nothing that said Thaïs was anything but the immortal Boy Scout he was making himself out to be.

  “I’ve heard plenty,” Kosta snapped. He chewed his cigar, staring past us both.

  I needed Kosta to take me at my word, but when push came to shove, the colonel was one of Thaïs’s people, not mine.

  Mortals couldn’t even testify in demigod courts, much less bear witness in a crime against an immortal. And here I was, asking him to condemn Thaïs with no evidence, no witnesses. Nobody on our side, at least.

  A hollow feeling took root inside me. Kosta was more open than most. But Thaïs had served under him for three centuries. The colonel had boots older than me.

  Kosta eyed us, his lip curled in disgust. “Thaïs, you’re under arrest.”

  His eyes widened. “But I’m a demigod.”

  “So am I,” the colonel ground out. “MPs!”

  A burly cyclops b
anged into the office.

  The eye in the center of his forehead trained on me before moving to Thaïs. The officer was followed by two more military police. The lumbering, one-eyed giants set up behind Thaïs.

  He believed me. Thank heaven he believed me.

  The colonel appeared sad, but resolute. “I’ll need you to testify before the tribunal,” he said to me.

  “I can do that?” I had no idea.

  “You believe her?” Thaïs protested at the same time. The MPs secured him on either side. “You’re going to take the word of a mortal?”

  I hated to agree with him on that one.

  “It’s unusual,” Kosta conceded. “But a tribunal is not a court. And I do believe her.”

  “Unheard of,” my colleague sputtered.

  Yes, it was. Right when I was starting to hate everything about this war, Kosta had to go and do something like that.

  “You blew it, Thaïs.” Kosta walked around the desk to stand in front of him. “You turned a peaceful mission into an act of war for your own asinine pride. You put soldiers at risk. One of the kids we almost lost is the son of Dellingr.”

  “Who?” I asked before I could hit the edit button.

  Kosta scowled at me. “He’s an old Norse god. You probably know him as Svipdagr.”

  Oh, sure.

  “Fertility god and a real piece of work,” Thaïs said, by way of defense.

  Kosta wasn’t amused. “His son Dagr, god of hope and light and fertility and all that, almost died last night because you had to play soldier.”

  Wait. Wow. “He was one of our patients?” The pure gods almost never put themselves in harm’s way. If the god of hope and light had gone down under our watch, they would have held me and Thaïs personally responsible. Mostly me.

  “Nobody told me that,” Thaïs protested, looking to the MPs for support. They merely blinked at him. “You can’t blame me.”

  “It’s not my job to explain why I send you on a special mission. It’s your job to take orders and make sure nobody gets killed!” Kosta thundered. “Get him out of here.”

  The MPs led Thaïs out while I stood there, hands on my hips, contemplating the bullet I’d just dodged.