The Billionaire's Secret Regret

by Brent, Tara

  Why did she give me a chance? Why did she sleep with me if she had moved on?

  But it did make sense of why she would just suddenly leave with no notice. It was no wonder that she regretted what had happened. I didn’t know, and I wasn’t willing to ruin her marriage or relationship to get answers. Ultimately, I wanted Samantha to be happy.

  I’d already been selfish enough.

  “I didn’t tell you the whole story,” I admitted, talking into my coffee. “I wanted to, but to be honest I was terrified. I was young and stupid and I did something really dumb.” I stared at the table.

  Charlie frowned at me and put his burger down as he realized I was being completely serious. “What are you talking about?” he asked me, his voice a little hushed. “What did you do?” He glanced around the room and then leaned over the table, sitting closer to me.

  It was hard to say it out loud, but I had to accept that it was the mistake that I had made. Denying it and living with it like a dark secret was not healthy for me. It was making me miserable. It was probably what was always dragging me down, why something I couldn’t put my finger on always felt... off.

  “There was more to our secret relationship than I told you.”

  Charlie raised an eyebrow at me. “You said you had a fling, now you’re saying relationship. Those two things are very different.”

  There was the Charlie that I knew.

  “I know. I... I didn’t want to admit it. We were seeing each other pretty much her entire senior year.” There I had said it. “She really trusted me, we had something great but...” My heart was hammering in my chest. “Charlie, I got her pregnant.”

  He promptly began to choke on the last bite of his burger which he had shoved in his mouth. “You did what?!” he exclaimed once he had managed to stop dying on cooked beef. “Fuck off,” he said, “you’re having me on.”

  I didn’t even want to repeat it. I was so ashamed and as I stared at the table, not laughing or joking like he expected, he realized I was telling him the truth.

  “Dude, that’s insane. What happened?” he asked, looking completely shocked.

  “She broke up with me. I don’t blame her. I basically forced her to get rid of it.” I hissed the words across the table, desperate for my words not to carry. A McDonalds wasn’t really the best place for this kind of discussion, but I knew it was time. I needed to confide in my friend – even if he was going to think I was the world’s biggest douchebag.

  Charlie stayed silent for a few moments. “Wow, that’s... I don’t even know what to say. I can’t believe it. If things were different you two would have a kid now.”

  It was a sobering thought. “Yeah, we would. It’s hard to imagine it but... I wish I hadn’t been such an asshole to her, you know?” I sighed. “She’ll never forgive me.”

  I hoped that Charlie was going to tell me something positive or encouraging, but as I looked at him, he was looking back at me like he couldn’t believe what I had done. He would usually have some strong words to say right about now – something blunt and to the point – but he didn’t say anything. He just looked at me like he felt sorry for me.

  “Well, I understand why she hates you so much now. It’s kind of warranted isn’t it?”

  Ouch. I rolled my eyes at him but he was right.

  “Yeah, I was awful. But I thought if I could show her how serious I was with my apology that I could start to repair things. But now I’m pretty sure she’s married and I’ve lost my shot.”

  I groaned and childishly banged my head on the table before sighing and then leaning on my elbow, I looked out the window. I looked anywhere but at Charlies’ judging face.

  “But it doesn’t really make sense. Do you think she would really cheat on her husband?” he asked me.

  I didn’t know and I shrugged because I wasn’t sure what to say. I sat and looked at the people around me, at the families and the kids and it made me feel something that I never had before. I wished I had what they had. I could have, but I’d ruined it all.

  “So what are you going to do now?” Charlie asked me after a few minutes.

  I looked at him confused. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you have two choices. You can either forget about her or try to win her back. You know Samantha, she’ll tell you if she’s married. You just have to ask her. You think she’s gonna just lie to your face about it?”

  “Well, no,” I replied. “But what if she is?”

  “Rick, what if she’s not? What if she slept with you last night and she’s waiting for you to prove that it’s not only sex because you epically fucked up with her years ago and she wants to know that you’re not gonna do it again?”

  My mouth dropped open. I hadn’t really thought about it that way before.

  “If you really like her, dude, then you’ve got to show her. You two need to stop messing around and sort this out. You’ve clearly got a really complicated history, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy together if you are both willing to make it work.”

  I’d never heard him speak such sense and I had to agree with him. “You’re right,” I said, because what else could I say? Everything he was saying was right.

  “You think you’re the only person who made a mistake like that?” He scoffed at me. “It’s like you’re punishing yourself. Go and show her you’re sorry and either make up or part ways. It’s not good for you to beat yourself up like this.”

  He was right. I just needed to stop worrying about it and go and do it, and if she was married then I needed to accept that I had lost my chance and that was on me.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Samantha

  When I woke up, I actually felt refreshed. I hadn’t expected that I would but it all made sense when I looked at the time. It had passed two o’clock in the afternoon. I’d been asleep for hours! I shot up, for a second panicking about Benny.

  Where is he?

  But then I remembered that Andrew had been watching him for me. So I searched for my phone under my pillow, I had shoved it under there this morning when I had put it on charge. The battery was full, so I disconnected the cable and started blearily scrolling through my notifications. I ignored the ‘You have been tagged in a photo’ messages and headed straight to the little bubble containing Andrew’s picture.

  I’ve taken little man over to Josh’s to play. Thought we’d stay out of your hair for a few hours. Xox

  I grinned. I was actually still dressed in my going-out clothes and the prospect of an uninterrupted shower and some time to get my head around things was a pleasant one.

  I stood up, stretching, and then pulled my dress over my head, dropping it to the floor. It was then that I flushed as I remembered. I stood wearing only my bra.

  Rick stole my panties.

  My face flamed. I felt so embarrassed. I couldn’t believe I’d sat in a cab this morning commando. I’d been in such a rush to leave that I hadn’t even noticed.

  God, I bet he’s just sitting there with them in his pocket.

  I worried for a moment what he might do with them but I knew that I was overthinking it. A small part of me hoped that he would keep them, but I brushed that aside and tried to think sensibly.

  He’ll probably forget about them and then they’ll end up in the wash, I tried to convince myself.

  Trying to ignore my inner turmoil, I made my way to the bathroom where I had a nice hot shower and let myself wake up properly. I tried not to worry about the situation with Rick, but I was seriously thinking about what Andrew had said this morning.

  He’s right, I should speak to someone and come clean, even if it’s a therapist or something. I should look online and see if there’s a support group for this kind of thing.

  I’d never really looked, so I should start by at least Googling it. There was bound to at least be a forum of some kind where hopefully I could post anonymously. That way I could ask for advice without the fear of anyone learning my identity.

  Or
... A little voice in my head said, that’s awfully complicated... Maybe I should just talk to Rick?

  I was trying to delay the inevitable.

  I knew I had to start somewhere. Telling Andrew had been so easy, he hadn’t known any of my family when we met, so it was simple to just explain things.

  Maybe I should just come clean?

  I wondered who I could talk to about this. I didn’t want my mom and dad to be disappointed in me, so maybe I should talk to Josh first. After all, he knew I was pregnant while I was still living at home. He just didn’t know that the baby was Rick’s.

  I could talk to Josh while Andrew is here. He would support me.

  Plus, he could act as the perfect buffer if things went wrong.

  At least I’d have a shoulder to cry on.

  I trusted Josh more than anyone in my family and I thought if I could make him understand, if he could still love me after all the lies, then I would know that I wasn’t as terrible of a person as I thought I was.

  With that in mind, I got dressed and prepared to head over to Josh’s house.

  I couldn’t live like this anymore. I was going to come clean about everything.

  ***

  When I got to Josh’s house the door was open so I let myself in and then popped my head into the living room. Benny was napping on the sofa, he was curled up cutely under a blanket as Paw Patrol played on the TV quietly. The room was trashed with toys. It looked like they’d had a fantastic time.

  I made my way towards the kitchen, assuming they’d be sitting at the table to give Benny some quiet but what I saw stopped me in my tracks. My purse dropped to the floor, my car keys spilling out.

  “Oh my God,” Andrew cried, stepping away from Josh and clamping his hand over his mouth embarrassed as his face flamed.

  I looked towards Josh, feeling a little scandalized and then between the two of them. Suddenly, everything began to slide into place.

  “Oh, you absolute bitches,” I hissed at them playfully, a smile on my face. “I can’t believe you kept this from me!”

  Andrew shrugged and Josh cleared his throat, his face bright red. I’d never seen him embarrassed before. “Coffee?” he asked, as if I hadn’t just caught him making out with my best friend.

  “How long has this been going on?” I asked, sidestepping his question.

  I was so surprised and I felt a bit dumb. I had known that Andrew had a boyfriend that he didn’t want to jinx, and I’d known that Josh had recently discovered he was gay and he was seeing someone too. It never crossed my mind that they were seeing each other.

  Josh shrugged so I pinned my best friend with a stare and he laughed and quickly gave in to my demands, “Last Christmas,” he said.

  “Last Christmas?!” I echoed, “That’s basically an entire year! Why keep me in the dark? You guys know I’m happy for you, right? I literally don’t care you’re fucking!” I exclaimed.

  “Sam!” Josh protested and Andrew laughed.

  Josh took a deep breath and glanced towards Andrew, looking a little shy and unsure.

  “I just wanted to be sure. I care about Andrew a lot, and I know he’s so important to you and Benny. I didn’t want to ruin anything,” he admitted.

  “Oh, Josh, why would it ruin anything? You wouldn’t be this worried if Andrew was an Andrea,” I replied. “Are you still worried about telling mom and dad? Is this what this is about?” I asked.

  He sighed and avoided looking at me. He was still worried about the homophobia, about the judgment.

  “I feel like they might disown me.”

  I tutted. “Nonsense, you haven’t done anything wrong. Besides, you can tell them after I spill my news, it’ll soften the blow for you.”

  “News?” he asked. “What news? You’re not leaving again are you?” He looked worried for a moment and this seemed to snap him out of his sudden shyness and embarrassment.

  I glanced towards Andrew and then braced myself. “Benny is Rick’s son,” I said, in one go, the words rushing out of me and completely out there and in the open.

  “Rick? Rick who? What?”

  For a moment he was wide-eyed and confused.

  “Oh, honey,” Andrew said, turning to him fondly, “she’s shocked you stupid,” he said, fixing him with a pointed look that clearly said ‘keep up, Josh!’

  “Our Rick? Our Benny?” he said, completely befuddled as he looked between me and Andrew as if waiting for us to laugh. “Rick slept with you?” he asked, suddenly looking annoyed as Josh tried to process the information. “Rick got you pregnant? What?”

  “Shhhh,” I hissed, “you’re going to wake him up!”

  He looked completely furious and I glanced towards Andrew, silently begging him for some support here. I didn’t want Josh kicking off about this, I just wanted him to know. I didn’t want to lie to him anymore.

  Andrew stepped in front of Josh and grabbed his hand, catching his attention.

  “You knew?” Josh asked him.

  Andrew nodded. “I’m sorry, Josh, I knew before I met you. Sam’s my best friend, so I couldn’t tell you. I was the only person who knew,” he explained. “I couldn’t betray her trust.”

  Josh seemed to soften a little, calming as he squeezed Andrew’s hand. He then pulled away and strode across the kitchen, pulling me into a hug.

  I felt like crying as I clung to him. He knew, he knew and he didn’t hate me.

  All the stress and the worry I’d been feeling started to lighten and I felt so much better. This was good. This was what I needed. This was what we all needed. No more secrets between us. We were family and we all loved each other deeply.

  We were all human and made mistakes, and none of us were perfect, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was how we handled the situations we found ourselves in.

  It was at that moment that I realized that I needed to come clean to Rick. It was the right thing to do, even if he was going to be mad at me. I had to accept that. I’d made the choice to walk out of that abortion clinic and to raise Benny, but I’d been too scared to tell Rick. I was young. I had to try and forgive myself for that. I’d gone about it the wrong way. That’s all. There was still time to fix it.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you think I was mad. I’m not mad at all. I’m just... I didn’t expect this.”

  “Neither did I,” I replied with a sniffle as we pulled apart. “I never wanted any of this. I was so scared and then I lied and... it just got out of control and I didn’t know what to do anymore.” I looked at him sheepishly. “I never meant to keep it from you. I thought about telling you so many times but... I could never gather enough courage.” Now that I was here, and it was finally happening, I started to feel the words just pour from me. I’d got the hard part out of the way, now I could be honest with my brother.

  “Oh, come here, everything’s gonna be fine. This is all going to work out because we’re going to make it, right?!” Andrew said, pulling me into a cuddle and kissing my head affectionately.

  It was at that moment that the door opened and Rick walked in.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Rick

  I looked confused at the scene in front of me.

  “Oh, hi,” I said, feeling like I had completely walked in on something that I shouldn’t have. I looked between Sam and towards the guy I had met this morning, they had just sprung apart out of what looked like an intimate embrace.

  My heart sank when I had seen him kiss her. The two of them looked close as I had suspected. Happy.

  I was right. They’re together.

  It was hard to be faced with that. I felt like I’d been on a rollercoaster of emotions all day and it made me feel exhausted. I had been hoping so much that I was wrong, that I had been jumping to conclusions, but no. Sam had a partner and last night she had slept with me.

  It was probably a stupid mistake, I thought to myself, but I’ll keep my mouth shut. I... I want Sam to be happy. I don’t want to be a homewrecker.

&
nbsp; “Alright?” Josh asked, and it felt like he was deliberately attempting to distract me from his sister and the other guy. I turned my attention towards him feeling a little defeated. My heart ached in my chest and I struggled to keep my face neutral. Despite my heart breaking, I didn’t want to mess this up for Sam, so I shot her a look before tearing my eyes away and focusing on Josh instead.

  “Sorry, I didn’t realize you had company,” I told him, “I wouldn’t have come around if I’d known Sam and her fella were here. I don’t want to get in the way. I’ll... I’ll talk to you later.”

  I went to leave but Sam piped up.

  “No, it’s... it’s fine,” Sam said and I looked at her confused. She looked panicked, her eyes darting between me and the door and then giving me a shaky smile.

  The three of them looked between each other unsurely, it was as if they were having a silent conversation and I was not included. I felt completely unwelcome and out of place.

  Wow, this is awkward.

  Eventually, the guy with blonde hair seemed to get exasperated and looked between Josh and then Sam and then pushed past them, holding his hand out to me in invitation.

  “Hi, I’m Andrew,” he said.

  I took his hand surprised and shook it. “Nice to meet you, man,” I said with false sincerity. Well, if this was Sam’s husband, it would be best I try and be civil. He was going to be around for a long time, and I didn’t want there to be a conflict between us at all. We could probably be friends. I was sure it wouldn’t always hurt this much. He probably knew all about what I had done to Samantha, about our history, and it made sense why he had been cautious about me turning up at the house that morning.

  Oh God, had she already told him that we’d slept together?

  “Yeah, me too,” he said, stepping back and smiling at me. “I’m Josh’s boyfriend,” he said, adding it on as if it was an afterthought.