She smiled past the sadness and nodded once. Sara and Mark appeared at their side. Mark clapped James’s back. “It was good having you in church. You should come more often.”
Pastor walked toward them. Panic crossed James’s face. “Joni, I’m starved. Let’s go eat.” He pulled her alongside him and headed toward the double doors.
The congregates stared. The ones who knew him by reputation frowned, and the ones who didn’t wore curious expressions. She smiled and nodded in passing. Did everyone know the sermon was directed at her?
Outside, he held the door open to his new truck while she climbed in. “What’s for lunch?”
“Mom has a vegetable casserole in the oven, but it’ll be a while before she makes the sides to go with it.” Joni didn’t trust herself to be alone with him. “Let’s go to my parents’ house anyway. We need to talk about something.”
“Whatever you want.” James kissed her and closed the door.
Joni settled against the tan leather seat. She waited until he started the truck. “James, you shouldn’t kiss me again.”
Despite the warm temperatures, his wink brought chills. “I’d rather quit breathing.”
She closed her eyes and leaned back against the seat. Jesus, a little help here.
He pulled out into traffic. “Don’t worry about it. No one saw me kiss you.”
“You kissed me in church.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did. You leaned over and kissed the top of my head. And believe me, everyone saw.” Pastor probably wouldn’t let her sing tonight because of it.
“Sorry. It’s kind of a reflex when I’m around you.” He claimed her hand, kissed it, and held it on the console that divided the front seat.
“James?”
“Don’t distract me while I’m driving.” The pads of his fingers tickled her palm.
A giggle slipped out. How could she do this while he was being prince charming? James parked beside the garage. “Your parents aren’t here yet.”
“That’s okay. Let’s walk around back.” She led the way to the back lawn.
Her childhood swing hung from the massive oak in the center of the yard. He twirled the swing around and patted the seat. “Get in.”
“No.”
He flashed his lethal smile. “Come on. It’ll be fun.”
“James, we need to talk.”
“No, we don’t.”
“James!” She propped her fists on her hips and glared. “Will you listen to me?”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “I already know what you think you need to say, but you’re wrong.”
“Really. Why is that?” She tried not to think how perfectly she fit against him.
“Joni.” He kissed her and rested his forehead on hers. “I’m not your Delilah.”
Oh, how she wanted to believe him. “Prove it.”
He captured her gaze. “I’m not a Philistine. I was raised in church.”
Joni couldn’t look away so she squeezed her eyes shut. “Knowing what to do and actually doing it are two different things. You know that. Being raised in church doesn’t count.”
“Delilah tricked Samson for his destruction. I don’t want to destroy you. I simply want to love you. Heck, I could’ve preached today’s sermon, I’ve heard it so many times. I understand your love for God and I’d never stand in your way of church.” His thumbs drew circles on her sides.
Joni felt herself caving and steeled her spine. “You have before.”
“When?” Soft lips pressed against her temple.
“The day we went to the Mardi Gras Parade.”
“Uh-uh. Wasn’t my fault. You wanted to skip church and snuggle.” Though his words were calm, his heartbeat galloped in her ear.
“See, that’s what the preacher was talking about. I’ll cheat on God with you.”
His hands flexed on her shoulders. She felt his chest rise and fall. “That’s crazy.”
“No, it isn’t.”
James released her and she opened her eyes as he said, “I love you.”
She swallowed and blurted, “He loves me more.” She cringed at the words that flew out of his mouth. “Do you hear yourself? You took God’s name in vain in the worst possible way.”
James rubbed the bridge of his nose and paced in front of her. “Joni, I can’t lose you. You are the only good thing in my life. For a time, I was crazed with grief, but I knew you waited.”
Unable to speak, she shook her head.
James came near. “Joni.” His breath tickled her neck. “Jesus is great, don’t get me wrong, but He can’t hold you.” His finger painted her lips. “Touch you.” He nibbled her bottom lip. “Or kiss you.”
She backed away. “James, stop.”
He stepped forward. “The night will come when you need real arms to hold you. Then what are you going to do? Pray? Touch me, Joni.” He held her hands against his chest. “I’m a flesh and blood man and you need me.”
She groaned involuntarily. “No.”
“Yes.” His lips smoothed across her jaw. “Think of all the donuts we could eat together.”
Heat flooded her face at the memory of being in his bed. “James…”
“I leave for New Orleans this afternoon.” He threaded his fingers through her hair on either side of her head. “I need to know you’re here waiting.”
He smelled so good. She was safe, cocooned in his arms. He kissed her hair, her eyes, her nose. Joni savored his kiss, pressed closer, and stretched on her tiptoes. Her feet left the ground as he lifted her.
“Joni?” Anger laced Matt’s voice. “Who is this?”
Chapter Twenty
James glared at the same idiot from yesterday and the night before. Today, the moron hid behind a pair of shades, but he had the sense to keep his distance.
Joni paled in James’s arms. Her mouth parted as she looked from him, to Pretty Boy, and back to him again.
James waited for the sissy to come within reach. He was no more than a stick. This would be like snapping a twig. Unfortunately, he stopped six feet away. The shades were now parked on his head. She would never forgive James if he started the fight, but he didn’t like the shifty eyes inspecting Joni.
“Did he hurt you? Because if he did…”
“What are you gonna do?” James crossed his arms. “Sue me?”
Joni jumped between them. She spoke to the intruder. “Matt, James would never hurt me. You, on the other hand… You probably should go.”
Pretty Boy shuffled his feet, but held his gaze. “So you’re James. Heard a lot about you.”
Mr. Maher stepped onto the patio. “James, you need some help here?”
“Daddy!” Joni swirled around and gawked at her father.
James’s grin grew. “No, thank you, sir. Pretty Boy was just leaving.”
Bill mumbled something about territorial rights before adding in a louder voice, “Martha’s got lunch ready. You and Joni hurry in.”
“Yes, sir.”
The glass door screeched shut.
Jade eyes pleaded with James. “Give me a few minutes to speak with him. We work together, and I don’t want Monday morning to be awkward.”
“Since when do you work in a law office?”
The jewels in her eyes sparkled. “What makes you think he’s an attorney?” She pressed her lips together, but her smile peeked out. “Matt’s law firm provides pro bono services for the safe house where I work part-time. I’d love to tell you about it. Isaac stayed there once.”
The blow of her words caused him to flinch involuntarily. He’d searched for Sam and Anna everywhere he could think of. Isaac had to be out there somewhere. One day James would find him, again. Just like he promised.
She twisted her hands. “Stand here and don’t move. Unless you want to wait inside?”
“No.” One wrong move and Pretty Boy would be dusting the dirt off his pants.
She bit her lip. “I didn’t think
so.” She cupped his jaw and he looked into her smile. “James, I’ve loved only you.”
His fists unclenched as she walked past the prissy dude to the edge of the house, a distance out of hearing. Matt followed until Joni held up a hand. She spoke and waved in an agitated manner.
Pretty Boy frowned and glared at James over Joni’s shoulder. With a shake of his head, he disappeared around the corner of the house.
Joni tilted her face toward heaven and closed her eyes. Her lips moved, but James couldn’t hear the words she prayed as he waited near the sliding glass doors. When she was within reach, he claimed her hand and led her upstairs into the dining room.
He fell in love with Mrs. Maher’s baby carrots. He showered Joni’s mom with praise and scooped a second helping while Joni rolled the new potatoes around on her plate. He needed to take her mind off this morning’s sermon. No matter the cost. He bumped her elbow and winked. “Tell me about the safe house.”
Her smile lit up the room. “I love it there. The director called me after all the publicity when the judge dropped the kidnapping charges against me. You know, on account of that ‘intent to secure lawful custody’ clause. Anyway, I went to Montgomery.” She grabbed his hand and squealed. “I lobbied for changes in the laws protecting a father’s rights, and hopefully next spring, they’ll pass the Isaac’s Hope Bill. It states a plaintiff must pass a drug test before the court can return custody.”
Both her dad and mom interjected how proud they were of their little girl. James had to admit he too was proud—of the law, not of the loss of Isaac. When Mrs. Maher carried a pile of dirty plates into the kitchen, James leaned over to Joni and whispered, “Let’s go to the apartment and finish our talk.”
Sadness returned to her eyes. “We can’t. I have Easter Cantata practice. But that reminds me…” She sucked in a breath. “Daddy, make James return his apartment key.”
James braced himself for the ensuing battle as Mr. Maher’s fork clattered onto his pie plate. “Honey, I can’t ask a man for the key to the apartment when he pays the rent.”
Joni’s mouth gaped and her eyes rounded. “What!” She turned and stabbed James’s arm with her fork. “I write checks every month for rent and utilities. Mom transferred my savings.”
James and her dad shook their heads silently.
“Then who’s deposited money in my account?”
Mr. Maher nodded at him, and James cowered under her explosive expression. “Mom!”
Mrs. Maher ran into the dining room. “Joni dear, what’s wrong?”
Joni’s chest heaved. “Didn’t I tell you to transfer money into my checking account for apartment expenses?”
Mrs. Maher swallowed visibly.
“Mom?”
She wrung the dishtowel in her hands. “It was for your own good.”
Joni’s chair fell back against the rug. James hadn’t seen her this worked up since she rescued Isaac. “What was for my own good? Allowing James to pay the rent so he could visit my bed every time he passed through town?”
Bill surged to his feet. “James!”
James tripped over Joni’s chair. “Mr. Maher, it wasn’t like that. I swear. Joni, tell him.”
Jade darts speared him. “You tell him.”
He ducked behind her, but Bill backed him against the wall. The family portrait dug into his shoulders. No matter what happened, he could never hit Joni’s dad. James threw up a hand for protection and closed one eye. “Sir, this really isn’t necessary. You know I love her. She’s the one who refuses to marry me.”
Thankfully, Bill released him and stepped in between Joni and her mom.
Joni waved her arms and sidestepped her father. “I am not a baby. I have enough money saved to pay my bills without resorting to prostitution. Go get my account books.”
Mrs. Maher sputtered, “Joni, I never intended for him to pay your rent. I thought when you were evicted, you’d come home.”
Joni blinked once and stiffened. James recognized her struggle for control “You’re not helping yourself, Mother. I want my money. All of it.”
Joni’s mom held her head high as she ascended the stairs.
Bill poked a finger in James’s chest. “We’ll talk later.” Mr. Maher followed his wife.
The remaining silence reminded James of the eye of a hurricane. “I didn’t deposit the money for…privileges.” He massaged her stiff shoulders. “I did it because I love you. I know you value your independence. Besides, I thought you knew.”
She relaxed and he turned her in his arms. He kissed the top of her head and snapped the chain from around his neck. Her engagement ring slid into his palm. He dropped to one knee and held it out to her. “Can we go home now?”
Pain flooded her eyes. “I can’t. You heard what the preacher said this morning.”
He fell on both knees. His voice cracked out, “Joni, please.”
She shook her head and avoided his gaze. “Goodbye, James.”
The crumbs on the floor mocked him as he clutched the ring to his chest. He shook himself and stood next to her. He wouldn’t give up. Joni loved him. Church had her confused, but with a little time she’d come to her senses. “Joni?”
She turned her head, her words cryptic. “I’m sorry to hurt you, but I’m in self-preservation mode right now. Go to your mom’s or Sara’s.” Joni dragged a breath in and faced him. “But don’t go back to the apartment.” Her hand shot out. “Give me the key. From now on, I’ll pay my own rent.”
James’s throat tightened as he forced the lie past his lips. “I lost it.”
She studied his face and clenched her teeth. He reached for her but she flinched. “Don’t.”
“I love you.” He claimed a kiss and tasted her tears. “You’re too beautiful to cry.”
Her breath hitched on a sob. And then she whispered, “Go.”
He’d give her time, but he’d be back. Then he’d convince her to go with them. As soon as he found Isaac.
~~~
Joni missed a step as she walked across the stage to the piano stool. For a minute, she thought she saw James in the audience, but that was impossible. If he’d been in town, his mother would have warned her. Settling against the bench, she closed her mind to everything but the melody dancing in her head. She had written this song for their wedding. Hers and James’s.
The chairman of the fundraiser for abused and neglected children didn’t know what this song cost Joni. Silence descended upon the audience.
Her fingers teased the keys with quick, light strokes, and she smiled at the memory of James’s winks and kisses in the beginning. Her hands grew bolder, more aggressive with thoughts of stolen touches. She increased the tempo as her mind relived their nights together. The pain of losing Isaac locked her wrists.
Half notes tossed her to both ends of the spectrum and then grew desperate. Joni’s hands crossed once, twice, and then parted as she said a final goodbye to James. The chorus of her favorite hymn brought joy and peace. As the last note cried, applause exploded from the audience.
Joni stood and acknowledged the real world. Again, she thought she saw James slip out the backdoor. Her heart must be playing tricks on her mind.
The next afternoon she unlocked her apartment, and a familiar cologne teased her nostrils. “James.” She dropped her suitcase and went throughout the apartment, softly calling his name. In the kitchen, the coffee pot she never used was half-full of cold brown liquid. A towel lay crumpled on the bathroom floor, and his side of the bed was unmade.
She kicked off her shoes and snuggled with his pillow. It smelled like him. Reality slapped her. James had been in her apartment. Joni sprang to her feet. He lied to her. His key wasn’t lost. Racing to the front door, she latched the security chain. In the bedroom, she groaned and fell across the mattress. “Lord, whatever it takes, save his soul. I can’t help but love him, but I know you love him more.”
A little after midnight the chain rattled. James’s angry voice chased the peaceful sleep
away. “Joni! Open the door!”
Heart pounding, she hid under the covers and shut out the memories and the sound of his voice.
“Joni!”
She flung off the covers and marched up the hall. “You can’t come here anymore.” She refused to look at him through the small opening between the frame and the door. The safety chain stretched across the small divide. She slammed the door and twisted the deadbolt.
The lock clicked and the door creaked open again. His keys protruded from the outside knob. “Joni, be reasonable.” He reached through the gap and rattled the chain. “Take this thing off.” His voice was calm. Soothing.
She steeled herself against the longing that grew deep inside her.
“I just want to talk.”
How stupid did he think she was? “At one o’clock in the morning? I don’t think so. I’m not a naïve little girl anymore. I know exactly what you want. Go away before I call the police.”
His laugh sent waves of indignation through her blood. “You love me. You won’t call the cops.”
He was right and he knew it. Drawing in a deep breath, she glanced heavenward. “Move your hand.”
He stepped back and Joni closed the door. Instead of releasing the chain, she engaged the dead bolt once more. “I do love you, but I can’t let you in.” Gathering her courage, she continued. “I’m going to sleep now. Goodnight, James.” She straightened her shoulders and took sanctuary in the hall. There she waited.
A thunk landed on the other side of the door. “Joni, I love you.” His words ripped at her heart. “I need you to help me forget. I don’t want to live without you. Please, let me in.”
“I can’t.” She knew her whispered words never reached him. She collapsed on the floor and leaned against the wall.
She prayed until keys rattled and boots stomped away.
~~~
James climbed the aluminum slide with one hand and settled on the top. He should’ve been in Tuscaloosa today accepting his engineering degree from the University of Alabama. Two years of hard work were destroyed by believing one lie. But he would never regret quitting school to take care of Isaac and one day he’d find him again. James twisted the plastic cap, breaking the seal on the square whiskey bottle as vehicles crowded the park. His heart refused to accept the mistake of leaving Isaac with strangers.
Southern gospel music drifted on the night breeze. The Street Preacher always turned one speaker so passersby could hear the service.
Whatever He Wants Page 26
