by Octavia Kore
She looked so much like the little male they’d lost, but she was larger, stronger than he had been. Her lips and hands shimmered in the light, a mystifying multicolored contrast to her soft mauve skin. There wasn’t even a hint of Grutex plating on her, and he knew what the others would have said about these… imperfections. His daughter could never be a warrior. His thumb brushed over her tiny xines as he stared at her in wonder. This little female was his, and she was perfect just as she was.
“Okay, I think I’m ready.” Esme reached for the youngling as if to remove her from his hands, and he snarled unintentionally, a growl rumbling up his chest. She froze, going stiff against him. “I have to feed her. I’m not taking her away. We’re right here with you.”
No, his mind hissed, but he fought against it, pushing the darkness back. This was his female, not his enemy. She didn’t want to harm his offspring; she wanted to nurture her.
“Show me how to hold her properly.”
Chapter 8
Esme
Show him how to hold her? Seriously? Right now… while she was completely naked and trying to figure out how in the world, she was supposed to feed a newborn?
“You injured your hands,” Xuvri’s voice rumbled close to her ear. “Let me help you support her.”
The baby let out another pitiful wail, and Esme frowned. There wasn’t time for her to dwell on her nudity and how uncomfortable it made her to be so vulnerable in the presence of a Grutex. She wasn’t going to argue with him over who should hold her, so she brought his arms closer, trying her best to shift his massive hands so that he was holding the baby in a more convenient spot.
I can do this. She’d seen women breastfeed countless times before, and all she could do was give it her best shot.
Esme placed the tube against her skin so that it ran alongside her nipple, the same way she’d seen her friend do it when she visited. With her tongue caught between her teeth, Esme moved her arm beneath Xuvri’s hand, cradling the baby to her as she brushed her nipple against the corner of those shimmering lips.
As if she knew exactly what the touch was, the baby’s head jerked and she began to root around, her little mouth open wide as she twisted.
“Hold on, hold on,” Esme murmured, attempting to flatten her breast as she guided Xuvri’s hand, slipping the bud into the baby’s mouth. The moment she closed her lips around it and latched, Esme gasped in surprise.
There was more pain and discomfort than she had imagined, and she flinched as the baby sucked greedily. A small, involuntary whimper escaped her as she bit her lip. This definitely wasn’t what all those programs on TV made breastfeeding look like. Wasn’t it supposed to be this magical bonding moment where a mother looks down at her baby with complete and utter adoration shining in her eyes? If so, she was doing this so wrong. It felt like the baby was about to tear her nipple off.
Phantom pain sliced through her belly, making her incision burn. Esme’s heart leaped as she felt the walls begin to close in around her as the pain and fear of the night she lost her child roared through her.
It hurt, physically and emotionally. She closed her eyes, letting her head fall back against Xuvri’s chest as she tried to slow her breathing.
You can do this, she told her herself. It wasn’t just the nursing that was affecting her. Being naked in front of Xuvri was… uncomfortable, to say the least. The fact that she was sitting in his lap, pressed up against the hard plating that covered his body didn’t help at all.
“She’s feeding.”
The awe in Xuvri’s voice brought her out of her thoughts, and she opened her eyes to look down into the baby’s face. It was the same sweet face from her dreams. Those red eyes bore into hers as she swallowed past the lump forming in her throat.
I found you.
This momentary pain, the uncertainty, and all of the things after the loss of her baby that had brought her to this moment had been worth it. The sight of the little mouth suckling and the hungry gulping noises the baby made as the contents of the nutrition packet filled her belly were enough to send tears plummeting down Esme’s cheeks.
I’ll never let you go again, she promised. I will always be here for you.
It didn’t matter that this baby hadn’t grown inside her, because she was hers just as completely as any child would ever be. Esme slid her arms against Xuvri’s, pulling them both closer to her chest.
Only days ago, Esme would have fought tooth and nail against any alien who thought they could put their hands on her, and yet here she was, sitting naked in the lap of a Grutex warrior, with his child nursing at her chest. Life was… strange. For the first time in so long, Esme felt almost completely at ease. If only Ky would hurry back…
In the past, Esme had judged harshly. She’d said things to and about Nuzal out of fear and anger, had distrusted Brin just for the fact that he wasn’t human, and had even lashed out at Jun because of who she was mated to.
Hypocrite, she chastised herself.
One of her own mates had already admitted to kidnapping another alien’s female, to the capture of the woman who had agreed, perhaps not even of her own will, to provide him with a child.
Looking down at the baby currently trying to suck the life out of her, Esme knew she would have agreed to do the same thing if she could. When she felt the inky edges of her sorrow unfurl inside of her, she quickly batted them back, pushing them as far away as she could. She wasn’t going to let her own self-pity taint this moment. Something brushed along her mind, and Esme smiled, watching those curious red eyes move over her face.
“Are you all right?” Xuvri asked, his breath warming the side of her face and neck.
“Yes,” she told him. “I’m fine now.”
Xuvri shifted beneath her, nudging the baby into her arms before turning her to the side and cradling them both. He rose from his spot on the floor, lifting them up and holding them against him as if they weighed nothing at all.
“Ky is going to be mad when she finds out you carried me,” Esme said, looking pointedly at his chest where his wound was just beginning to heal over.
“The only way she will know is if you tell her.” His voice was low, and she thought she even heard a hint of amusement in it. He moved through the halls, seemingly unhindered by the darkness surrounding them. Red eyes scanned the rooms as they entered the hallway she and Ky had discovered a day or so before, passing by most of the rooms until he came upon one that was apparently more suitable than the others.
Not even the fact that she was alone and still naked with this Grutex had been enough to bring back her fear. When he laid them on the bed, his body moving over hers as he adjusted them before settling against her back, Esme felt nothing but peace. Xuvri’s fingers moved over her tangled hair as he buried his face against the back of her neck.
The little lips that suckled so eagerly only minutes before released with a soft pop as the baby’s mouth went slack in sleep. Esme smiled, easing her breast away as she moved a pillow from the head of the bed to rest at the little one’s back. The tip of her finger trailed over the soft, smooth mauve skin of the baby’s cheek as her eyelids grew heavy.
She’s the most beautiful being in the whole wide world.
A warm, heavy hand slid down the side of her body, rousing Esme from her dreams. Her naked body. She tensed, her eyes flying open and landing on the empty bed in front of her. Where was her baby?
“Xuvri?” she whispered, trying to sit up, but his arm wrapped around her, pinning her to his chest.
“Need you,” he growled, rubbing his face against her hair and shoulders.
“Where’d the baby go?”
“Safe,” he said, tilting her face toward the edge of the mattress, where another small bed seemed to have been pulled directly from the wall. “Bed.”
“I should check on her,” but as Esme tried to pull away, Xuvri’s hand brushed over her stomach and she felt her breath catch on a moan.
“Mine.” His voice was different, gr
avelly and more possessive than it had been before, and it only seemed to excite her body more.
His touch was awakening something she never thought she’d want to experience again, filling her with need as an instinctive hunger gnawed at her. Esme’s mouth grew dry, and she closed her eyes as his clawed hand moved between her legs to cup her sex, pulling her flush against the hard plates of his chest as one of his fingers probed the seam of her folds. Desire rushed to the surface of her sleep-addled mind as his other hand plunged into her hair, yanking it back as he pressed his face into her neck.
The world fell away as darkness closed in. A whimper fell from her lips, but the hands on her body didn’t stop their exploration. The sharp scrape of teeth against the skin of her neck sent a jolt of fear straight down her spine, and when Esme’s eyes flew open, it wasn’t Xuvri she saw bent over her—it was him. The dark walls of the crashed ship were replaced with those of the lab, taking her back to a time when another pair of hands in her hair had forced her face into the thin mattress, back to when he had done horrible, unspeakable things to her body and her mind.
“Stop,” she whimpered, not entirely sure she’d actually spoken the word out loud. The male behind her either hadn’t heard her, or he didn’t care that she’d asked him to stop because his tongue lapped at her skin, the rough texture drawing a surprised gasp from her. Fingers retreated from her folds, moving up to glide over her belly where the thick line of her incision ran.
An image of Ky opening Laurie, of the blood pooling on the floor beneath her hips, filled Esme’s mind, pulling her back to the day her baby was ripped away from her.
“So beautiful,” the words drifted over her. “And all mine.”
The voice was Xuvri’s, she knew that, but her mind twisted it until he sounded like the scientist, sharp and arrogant as he’d driven himself into her body, as she’d screamed in pain over the loss of the child they’d created.
No more, her mind pleaded desperately. Please, no more.
“Esme?”
Her eyes darted toward the entrance of the room and she could have wept at the sight of Ky’s face, even pinched as it was in concern. A bundle of herbs was clenched in one hand, her fingers worrying the leaves as she stepped inside. The brilliant aqua lights of her fushori raced over her body, reflecting off of the walls as she moved toward the bed.
A panicked cry broke the silence. Behind her, Xuvri froze, his grip on her hair loosening and his arm falling away as she rolled to the side, slipping off the bed and pressing her back against the wall. Ten… nine… eight… The Grutex sat up, all six of his eyes wide and unfocused as he stared at the makeshift crib. Seven… six… five… Esme tried desperately to control her breathing.
“Xuvri…” Ky murmured, laying the herbs on the bed so she could smooth her hands over the male’s thighs. “Let Esme rest and I will give you what you want.”
She watched Xuvri frame Ky’s face, the tips of his clawed fingers brushing her skin as his head dropped. “I shouldn’t have…” He turned toward Esme, his face pained as she curled in on herself. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why…”
Esme wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault she was scarred and broken, that she needed more time to accept everything that had happened since her escape from the lab. It wasn’t Xuvri’s fault that some other alien male had ruined her long before he came into her life. Esme reached up to slip her hand into the crib, turning her face away as tiny fingers wrapped around her own.
“I… I need to go.” He stood, letting his hands fall away from Ky’s face as he moved around her and out the door, leaving them both to stare after him.
Ky got up and slid the door closed before approaching her slowly, her lips set in a hard line as she kneeled in front of Esme. “Whether it is our own mate or whoever it was who left these scars on your mind, I will never let anyone harm you. Do you understand?” The female cupped her cheek, tilting her head up so that she was forced to gaze into those swirling aqua eyes.
“Yes,” Esme responded.
The baby fussed in her makeshift crib, and Ky stood, making a soft, comforting noise as she lifted her carefully. “Oh, I know,” she cooed, smiling as she gazed down at the bundle. “She will be hungry soon. Best to take the herbs now.”
Esme waited as Ky plucked the bundle she’d brought in from the bed and deposited them in her hands. “Chew and swallow. Quickly, if you can.”
“Do they taste bad?” God, please don’t taste like Brussels sprouts.
“I have never eaten them, but some of the females say the taste is unpleasant.” Ky shrugged, bouncing the baby in one arm when she began to whimper while reaching out to pull Esme into the space between her parted knees. “She does not like being far from you.”
Esme held the bright pink leaves up to her nose and pulled back in surprise when she took a tentative sniff. It smelled like a fresh, warm bowl of oatmeal. Down the hatch and don’t look back, she thought, remembering the little medicine song her grandma used to sing to her as a child. Esme shoved half of the leaves into her mouth, chewing quickly before swallowing the thick paste.
Smells like oatmeal, tastes like… oatmeal. What a pleasant and unexpected surprise.
“Take all of it,” Ky said. “Most of the females in the village only require one or two bundles, but I cannot be so sure with you. I will go for more later if you need it.”
Popping the last of them into her mouth, Esme chewed dutifully before glancing up at the female. There was something about being in her presence, something about having even the smallest physical contact with her that eased Esme’s nerves. She felt safe with Ky, like there was nothing too bad that could happen when she was there.
“Did he hurt you?”
Esme blinked, surprised by the question. “No. I was just… I wasn’t expecting it.”
“If he desires release, I will handle it. If he loses himself again, I will stand against him. You will not ever give him something you do not wish to give. He is our mate, our male, but you do not owe him anything.”
The words brought tears to Esme’s eyes, and she pressed her lips together, trying to stem the flow. How was it this female knew her mind so well? It was like she could see her fears and feel her uncertainty where the Grutex was concerned.
“Did she eat for you?” Ky asked.
Esme nodded, her shoulders sagging in relief at the change of subject. “She ate so much she fell asleep. I don’t know how she can be hungry so soon.”
“She may not be hungry yet,” Ky said, brushing her hand over the fine hair on the baby’s head. “Some younglings will suckle for comfort, and what could be better than feeling nice and safe wrapped in your dam’s arms?”
The packet hadn’t been on Esme’s chest when she woke up. After a quick glance around the room, she spotted it at the foot of the smaller bed. Xuvri must have moved it when he transferred the baby.
“Should I try to feed her again?” Esme asked when the baby began to cry.
“It is my understanding that those packets can be used to replace a day’s worth of meals for a fully grown male. I doubt she is still hungry, but it would not hurt to latch her and find out.”
Esme huffed. “Might hurt me,” she mumbled, reaching out to take the wriggling bundle from Ky’s arms. The moment she offered her breast, the baby’s mouth dropped open, and when those little lips closed over her, Esme winced at the painful pinching sensation. “Shit, that hurts.”
Ky leaned in, her hands moving over them both as she made minor adjustments to the way Esme held her and the baby’s latch. The female tucked pillows beneath Esme’s arms, taking some of the strain off of her muscles and allowing her to relax against the headboard. “Does that feel better?” she asked as she slid into the space next to them, tucking her long legs beneath her as she watched the baby suckle leisurely.
“Much better,” Esme smiled. “Thank you. How do you know so much about all of this?”
“I told you before that I was a priestess in my village. H
ealer is one of many titles a priestess takes on in her life. I may not have experienced these things for myself, but I have learned from generations of females who have. Now I will be able to use this knowledge to assist my mate and our young, and I am beyond grateful to those who came before me.”
Esme leaned her head against Ky’s arm and let the tension slowly melt away. “Me too.”
Her mind drifted back to Xuvri. He’d been sweet and gentle before she’d fallen asleep, kind and even a little playful when he brought them to the room, but she dispelled those images. She didn’t know what had caused him to lose control like that, to change, but she knew the female at her side would do anything to protect her and this baby… and she had a feeling Ky wasn’t finished with their mate.
Chapter 9
Kythea
A particularly strong cramp moved through her lower belly, and Ky winced, fisting her hand against her thigh to keep from groaning. Goddess above, she was ready for this to be over. Ky looked down at the female pressed against her side and the tiny youngling in her arms. What had Xuvri been thinking? She hadn’t even been inside the ship when she felt Esme’s distress. Did he not sense them the same way they could sense one another?
Until she found out what had caused the change in their male, she wasn’t going to leave Esme or the little one alone with him. Ky glanced down at herself and her frown deepened. Her skirts were torn and stained with Laurie’s lifeblood. She needed to clean herself and find something to change into before she did anything else.
The look Esme gave her as she slid out of the bed had her biting back a grin. “I need to find some clean clothing.” She gestured toward the filthy rags that clung to her. “And perhaps have a bath.” Esme’s eyes darted toward the door as her fear and anxiety began to push against Ky’s walls. “Do you want to come with me? We can clean the youngling as well.”
