by Octavia Kore
Her mate glanced up, nodding. “Yeah.”
Ky helped her from the bed, tugging Esme to her feet before brushing her hand over the white patches of dried fluids that clung to their offspring’s skin. “We should think of a name for her. Among my people, it is customary to wait some time before giving a name, but Amanda, my brother’s mate, already knows what she will name her young.” She’d asked for the names of Zar’s parents shortly after they’d all arrived in the dome. It would be a lovely way to honor their memory. “Is this how it is for all humans?”
Esme shrugged as she followed Ky to a set of tall doors. “I think some people are like that, where they know right away, but I’ve seen others go days or weeks without naming their babies.”
There was a single shelf and one long bar spanning the length of the closet. A few sets of black pants and shirts were piled on the floor, no doubt knocked out of place during the crash. Ky held them up in front of her, inspecting the fabric before deciding she could make do with what she’d found there.
“Have you thought of a name?” Ky asked, hanging the clothing over her arm.
Esme’s eyes widened as she shook her head, her lips pressing together for a moment before she murmured, “I don’t know if I can…”
“I will make suggestions and you can tell me what you think,” She offered, leading them into the waste room where the bathing area was.
“Won’t Xuvri want to name her?” Esme asked.
Would he? “I do not know. In my tribe, the naming of offspring is left to the dam, so we would be the ones to decide.”
Esme pursed her lips as she gazed down at the youngling. “Okay, maybe we can pick one out and see what he thinks?”
“If you wish. What about Agria?” Esme’s face scrunched up. “That is a no,” Ky laughed. “Ekaira? It means ‘chance.’”
“I don’t know,” her mate said, looking down at the little one. “I think she needs something with a stronger meaning.”
Ky pursed her lips as she tried to figure out the controls on the unit. The nozzle on the wall came to life, sputtering a little as the water warmed up. “Perhaps Eina? It is a name taken from the older languages meaning ‘bold warrior.’”
“What do you think?” Esme asked the youngling as she suckled at her breast. Her little legs wiggled within the blanket as she blinked up at them. “You like that? Eina, the little warrior,” her mate whispered, tracing the curve of one rounded ear.
Ky watched them, trying to decipher her own feelings. Had Mitera felt this way about Gulzar? Had she experienced this fierce protectiveness when she took on the responsibility of his care? Ky wanted to wrap Eina in her arms and never let anything unhappy touch her life, to curl around her like armor and shield her from the world. From the moment she came of age, Ky dreamed of having a family of her own, of finding her mate and raising younglings. She wanted all that the goddess promised, but now, faced with two mates and a newly born youngling, Ky was feeling far from prepared.
She was a dam now, with a male and a female mate who had suffered so much in their lives already. How would she know what to say or do when they needed her? How did she help them heal when she couldn’t even figure out how to help herself? Ky felt Eina’s mind brush against her own and smiled. She would battle all of their monsters for this little one.
Una had blessed Ky with a nearly endless amount of patience, and if today was an indication of their future, she was going to need it.
“My baby died.”
The words were so quiet that Ky wasn’t sure at first that she was meant to hear them. Before she could ask if she had misheard, Esme continued, a little bit louder this time.
“I was abducted from Earth by the Grutex, brought to a lab somewhere in space, and locked up in a cell.” Her throat worked as she worried the blanket between shaky fingers. “One of the scientists there… I was given to him and he made me—he did things to me that I wish I could forget, but I got pregnant.” When her voice trembled, Esme took a deep breath. “Knowing that I wasn’t alone, that I had my baby with me, made the captivity a little more bearable.”
“You do not need to tell me about this if you are not ready,” Ky told her. She wanted Esme to feel comfortable sharing her past with her, but she didn’t want her mate to feel pressured to do so.
“I want to… I want you to understand why I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let Xuvri touch me again. I thought I could—I felt something at first, but then all I could see was his face…”
Ky frowned in confusion. “Xuvri’s face?”
“No.” Esme shook her head, sighing as if she realized her words weren’t making sense. “When Xuvri touched me, I didn’t see him. I saw the scientist. I heard him, felt him. It was like he was there, and this time I couldn’t escape.” Eina pulled away from Esme’s breast, her tiny fists flailing as the female repositioned her.
“They ran tests on all of the humans in the lab, mutilated them just like the Tachin did to Laurie. We were injected with God knows what, put through things I wouldn’t even wish on my worst enemy, and then they had the nerve to tell me I was a failure.” Tears gathered in her eyes, and she swiped at them with the heel of her hand. “I didn’t have any physical signs of a change, nothing they could look at and see with their eyes, but I was changed here.” She pointed to the side of her head. “I could feel the others in my mind. I knew what they were feeling and it was so overwhelming… is overwhelming. They thought I needed to be fixed. I fought it at first, but after I lost the baby, I was so broken that I didn’t care what they did to me.”
“I do not think you are broken,” Ky spoke softly.
“I am though.”
“Esme––”
“I can’t have any more children, Ky.”
A sigh slipped past Ky’s lips. “I cannot carry young until my body finishes the change, and many females, myself included, cannot reproduce at all until we have found our mate.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Does that mean I am also broken?” Ky asked, trying to understand.
“No, but—”
“There is no ‘but.’ You are not broken.”
“You don’t understand!” Esme shouted. “I can’t have children. I cannot ever carry another baby. They took my uterus! They stole every single opportunity I would ever have to be a mother, and they didn’t even fucking care!”
Esme’s emotions battered at her walls, rattling the foundations with such force that Ky took a step back. She blinked in surprise, trying to process the words. Eina’s whimpers erupted into a full-blown wail, and she watched as Esme began to sway, struggling to calm her. Their youngling was sensitive, able to feel what they did, and she wasn’t going to settle until Esme did the same.
“Come here.” Ky guided her mate over to the small counter, lifting her from the floor so she sat a little higher on the flat edge before placing the pile of clothing at her side. Her hand gripped Esme’s chin, tilting it up so that she knew she was heard. “You are my mate, and whether you can carry offspring or not has no effect on the way I feel about you.” Ky smoothed her thumbs over Esme’s cheeks to wipe away the tears that had begun to flow. “I am more grateful than you may ever know to be yours.”
“What about Xuvri?”
“What about him?” Ky watched Esme’s face pinch as she sniffled. Goddess, what she would do to erase that look forever. It tore at her heart, shredded it to ribbons. “Do you think he would desire you any less because of it?”
“Yes.”
The word was soft, and beneath it, Ky felt all of Esme’s insecurities. Her mate was fearful of their touch, but she craved it. She was terrified to love, but she wanted to be loved. There was so much confusion and anxiety racing through them both, and she had no idea how to help or how to ease her worries.
That Esme could think their male would ever reject her for something like that stunned Ky. What she felt for her mates was stronger than anything she’d ever experienced. That their female could harbor this fea
r that they would suddenly stop wanting her… it crushed something inside of her.
“His inability to see the blessing Una has given him would not be a reflection of your worth, but I know that when he looks at you he sees and feels exactly what I do. Do you know what we see?” Ky asked, standing close enough that she could feel her mate’s warm breath against her skin.
Esme shook her head, her big brown eyes searching Ky’s as she stared, the fussing youngling cradled between them.
“We see a female who has battled monsters and survived.” Ky’s lips brushed over Esme’s temple. “We see a female who is filled with strength and determination, with compassion and love.” One hand slid down her mate’s neck, Ky’s fingertips stroking the soft skin as she rested her forehead against Esme’s. “You are so much more than what those monsters did to you.”
The tentative brush of Esme’s lips against hers shocked Ky. Her body went still, but she didn’t pull away from the kiss. She felt the warmth of Esme’s breath against her skin as she sighed before her female’s mouth was on hers again, hungrier this time; more insistent. Ky heard herself groan as her body came to life, her lifeblood racing through her veins and her muscles tightening with anticipation. A wet tongue traced the seam of Ky’s lips, and she opened for it, inviting her female inside and gently scraping her teeth over the tip.
Esme controlled every aspect of their kiss, dictating the intensity and the speed. The sound of her quiet moan and the way her free hand moved up to cup Ky’s jaw and stroke the xines on the side of her face excited her. She wanted to show her that no matter what had happened in the place she called the lab, Esme was desired, wanted, and nothing would ever change that—not for Ky and not for Xuvri.
Whoever had caused her mate all of this pain, all of this fear, would never do so again. She was safe, and Ky was going to make sure she never had a reason to doubt that.
A soft, mewling cry had them pulling apart to gaze down at the little one nestled between them, her cheek pillowed against Esme’s bare chest. Eina’s eyes roamed over Esme’s face, and Ky smiled at the feeling of contentment that washed over her from their youngling.
“You said that they stole every opportunity for you to be a mother, but do you see the way Eina looks at you? Can you not feel the love she already has for you?” Ky ran a hand over the downy hair on the little one’s head. “You are her dam in every way that matters.”
Esme’s lower lip trembled, and her brown eyes welled with tears as she stared up at Ky. “I don’t deserve her,” she whispered, the tears escaping and making wet tracks down her cheeks. “It’s my fault my baby died.”
“How is it your fault?”
“I wasn’t strong enough. The same thing that happened to Laurie happened to me. My body failed and instead of killing me, it took my baby.”
A frown tugged at Ky’s mouth as her brow ridges furrowed. Esme clearly believed the loss of her young was something she had caused or should have been able to prevent, but this made little sense to Ky. Then again, she reminded herself, grief often had a way of altering one’s memories. “I do not understand how this was your fault.”
“My body killed my baby,” Esme said, clutching Eina to her. “He told me… he told me when I woke up in the hospital room that it was my fault.”
She wanted to growl, to snarl and pound her fists on the counter and the walls. Ky wanted to hunt down the monster who had told her female this and slit his throat for daring to utter the words, but she closed her eyes instead, drawing a calming breath and asking, “Have you ever considered that what he told you was a lie? That it was meant only to wound you?”
Esme shrugged as her hands smoothed over the blanket they had wrapped around Eina. When she didn’t speak, Ky slid a finger beneath her chin, tilting her face up so she was looking at her once more.
“What happened to you and your young was not your fault. What happened to you, what happened to Laurie… this is something that cannot be prevented.”
“How do you know that?” Esme challenged quietly.
“It is how my brother’s dam passed as well. Like Laurie, she died giving him life.” Esme had insisted that Laurie was gone long before she ever carried Eina, but in Ky’s eyes, the female had left this world the day her daughter was born. “It was not her fault, it was not Laurie’s fault, and it is not your fault.”
“Ky…”
“No, Esme.” Ky shook her head. “I will not allow him to continue poisoning your mind.”
Esme pressed her lips to Eina’s head, sniffling as she dried her cheeks. “Some rational part of me knows there was nothing I could have done, but there’s this louder, stronger voice inside my head that keeps telling me over and over again that there had to be something I could have done.” A humorless laugh fell from her lips. “I know you think I’m stupid for believing him after everything he did, but—”
“I would never think that,” Ky insisted. She was out of her depth. “I have not experienced what you have, and I admit that I do not know what to say to comfort you.” She struggled to find the right words. “But I am here to listen and I will always be here to remind you that you are important and that you are wanted more than you can ever imagine.” Ky dropped kisses on Esme’s tear-streaked cheeks. “You are not to blame.” She whispered against her lips when Esme turned her face up. “You never were.”
“You believe that?”
“Yes.” Ky stepped back, taking in the ghost of a smile that crept across on Esme’s face before turning toward the bathing unit.
The water began to flow again, its temperature slowly rising. Esme’s gasp sent dread racing through her, and when she turned, her mate was staring down at their daughter, her eyes wide. “What is it? Is she all right?”
Esme looked up as Ky rushed toward them, her mouth hanging open. “I think she just peed on me.”
They stared at one another for a moment in silence before Esme burst out laughing. It was such a beautiful sound, one of the most magical things Ky had ever heard, but it stopped the moment Eina grunted, her face scrunching up as she curled in on herself.
“Oh, shit! No, no, no. Do not poop on me!”
Ky snorted, lifting Esme from the counter so she could step into the spray. When the blanket fell to the floor of the unit, Ky frowned, running her fingers over the delicate, transparent wings on their youngling’s back.
“I did not notice these before,” she said, turning Eina so Esme could see. “These are not a human attribute?”
Esme shook her head. “Definitely not.” Eina squirmed as they inspected her. “The fly guy… he had wings, didn’t he? Xuvri said they were experimenting with their DNA, so… maybe this is what they were trying to do?”
“Perhaps,” she agreed, making a note to ask their male more about this experiment once she got Esme and Eina settled.
They washed their youngling before taking turns holding her so that they could clean themselves. Ky groaned as she scrubbed the dirt and lifeblood from her skin. She ran her hands over her chest as she rinsed, noticing the subtle change in her breasts. They had begun to swell already, becoming softer and heavier as her body changed. Her time was coming.
She just hoped she was ready for what that meant.
Chapter 10
Kythea
When the three of them were clean and dry, they returned to the room, where Ky applied the saku paste to Esme’s injured hands. She sat at the end of the bed reworking the fabric as Esme pulled the feeding tube over her shoulder to lay it against her breast before latching Eina. The pillows Ky had given her earlier were wedged under her arms and she smiled as she crossed her legs. Three days had passed since she met her female, and still, Ky was amazed by the beauty of the gift Una had given her.
“I think we’re getting the hang of this nursing stuff,” Esme said, the pride in her voice making Ky grin as she used her claws to cut through the fabric of a pair of pants.
“You are both doing very well,” she agreed, fashioning the material
into something that only faintly resembled a garment she’d seen Amanda wear. A bra, that was what she called it. This looked nothing like the pretty one her brother’s mate had, but she hoped it would help to support her growing breasts. Using most of the shirts, Ky created a small stack of cloth coverings for Eina. They wouldn’t be as effective as the ones used in her village, but they would do for now.
With the sharp tips of her claws, Ky punched holes into both sides of the fabric, tying thin strips of scrap material through them to bind it together. It took her a little longer than she’d planned, and her fingers ached by the time she was finished, but the altered pants fit her better than she’d imagined they would and the almost-bra cradled her chest. There were extra ties to accommodate from more growth if needed, but Ky was happy with it for now.
“You made all of that out of a pair of pants and some shirts?” Esme asked, looking Ky up and down. “It looks great.”
Ky laughed, running her hands over the threaded bits of material. “Inara is one of the finest seamstresses in the village, and I am certain she would weep out of sheer horror if she ever laid eyes on these.”
“Well, she can kiss my grits because I think they look amazing.”
Ky wasn’t at all sure what grits were or why someone would kiss Esme’s, but she smiled anyway. “Good, because I made you a pair.”
Esme gaped at the pants Ky held out to her, seemingly at a loss for words. “You… you made me something?”
“I thought you might like something to wear while you feed Eina.” Ky shrugged, feeling suddenly awkward under Esme’s gaze. “I also made a sling. Many of the dams in the village wear them to keep their hands free. You do not have to use them. I just––”
“Thank you, Ky, really,” Esme reached out with her free hand to take the garments, placing them on her lap and brushing her fingers over them. “It’s been a long time since someone gave me a gift. I appreciate you making these.” Eina squirmed, her mouth opening on a yawn as she turned her face away from Esme’s breast. “We should use those diapers you made before I end up with more than a lap full of pee. Can you take her for me? I haven’t gotten the hang of moving around with her in my arms just yet.”
