Sinfully Yours

by Margot Radcliffe

  “Oh,” she finally said, disappointment clear as her eyes went downcast. “But we’re already here.”

  Will leaned over to give her a kiss, her lips soft and warm. He hated being the person that put that look on her face and normally he’d have done anything to change it, but not today. Today the ghosts of his past were nipping at his heels and he needed to go back to his present where things made sense and he was in control.

  When a white SUV pulled up in front of his Range Rover, he swept a thumb over her cheek. “That’s my car,” he said. “I promise I’ll make it up to you when you get back. Would you want to be my date for the hotel’s New Year’s gala? There’s a black credit card and carte blanche with any designer in it for you.”

  She gazed at him. “I’ll be your date, but I’ll buy my own dress.”

  He gave her another kiss, this one slow and sweet and had him wishing he could be a better man for her. But unfortunately, he could only be the one he was.

  “I’ll see you in a couple of days,” he said, dropping a final brush of his lips on her forehead.

  Outside, he pulled both of their suitcases and her bag of gifts out of the trunk and set them on the sidewalk as she exited the car to meet him.

  “Enjoy your family Christmas, Laura,” he reminded her, giving her hand a squeeze. “I’ll be waiting for you in the city when you get back.”

  “Okay,” she said, searching his eyes. He smiled at her and gave her hand another squeeze, not letting on that he knew he was being a shitty friend. But it was too much to ask of him to spend Christmas with the perfect family he’d never have and that she left him for. “Have a safe trip.”

  As he entered the SUV, he watched out the window as a man about his age appeared on the front stoop of Laura’s house. His brown hair cropped close to his scalp and blue eyes smiling as he saw Laura and gave her a huge hug. Will felt a tug of alarm as Laura moved farther away from him, but if this was the first step he needed to take to break the spell between them, then he was going to take it.

  * * *

  Laura refused to look back at Will as his car edged out from the curb and onto the road. She was stupidly devastated that he was leaving. It was the first time in their history that Will had ever not come through for her.

  She was also ashamed and mortified that she hadn’t considered his feelings before bringing him here. Of course, he wouldn’t want to relive another Christmas with the family she’d chosen instead of him.

  “Laura, dear!” her mom cooed as she came rushing out of the house. A thick red cardigan sweater was draped over her shoulders like an afterthought and fell off as she embraced Laura as if they were two long-lost lovers after wartime. Laura repeated the process with every family member and three tiny toddlers of similar ages.

  “Where’s your friend Will?” Nancy Edwards asked, peering over Laura’s shoulder to the empty lawn behind her before leading her into the house. “We’re all excited to meet him.”

  Laura pulled her suitcase into the foyer and left it there before falling into the faded floral sofa that her parents could more than afford to replace, but could never agree on. She blew out a breath, despite everything, glad to be home.

  “He had a last-minute business thing that pulled him back to the city,” she said, trying to make it sound reasonable.

  Her dad, Rich, sat back in his black leather recliner. “This a boy you’re seeing?”

  Laura wanted to laugh at the idea of anyone mistaking Will Walker for a boy and that he would ever allow the label of seeing each other to apply to what they were doing.

  “I’m not really seeing him, Dad,” she explained, “but he’s an old friend.”

  “I hope you didn’t drive through that snow all on your own,” Rich grumbled, his voice gruff with concern.

  “No, I didn’t,” Laura confirmed, allaying his fear. “Will drove with me and left when we got here.”

  Her parents shared a look she could probably interpret as questioning what kind of man drove three hours and didn’t even come in and say hello. A scared one, probably, Laura assumed. One who knew what a visit to parents meant and hadn’t wanted to go there with her. That was probably part of it, but the other part, that Laura knew she was throwing her happy family in his face, was the bigger reason for his sudden departure.

  “Well, come,” Nancy said briskly, ushering everyone into the kitchen, “you must be hungry after the trip and we have some leftover ham for sandwiches.”

  The spread on the kitchen island was impressive and the rest of Laura’s siblings filed in, everyone making a grab from the stack of holiday-themed paper plates that had been set out for the informal lunch.

  Tyler, her brother who’d met her at the door, placed a sliced potato roll on his plate. “So this Will was a foster kid too?” he asked Laura.

  “Yeah,” she informed, forking out a couple of pieces of ham from a red ceramic platter with white snowflakes on the edges. Laura looked between Tyler and her sister, Sarah. “He never found a good home, though.”

  “Sounds like he ended up good, though,” Tyler said, shoving his sandwich in his mouth.

  “Yeah, I researched him and he’s, like, a billionaire,” Sarah pointed out.

  “Yeah, he is, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy,” Laura admitted, thinking of how relaxed he’d been once he’d let her in. Different and more like the boy she’d known, quicker to smile, easier to touch. “We’re the ones who got very, very lucky.” She put an arm around her mom and gave her a quick kiss.

  “We sure did.” Tyler grinned, getting in on the hug and rubbing his mom’s head.

  Nancy swatted Tyler away. “Don’t you go thanking me again,” she scolded, but the pride and love on her face told another story. “You three made our lives better in every way and I’m so glad you’re all finally here now so we can celebrate Christmas properly.”

  Watching her family chitchat about nothing in particular, Laura understood just how painful this might be to someone like Will. She’d found a better life here, amongst other foster kids with whom she probably formed an even stronger bond than him. It would have left him feeling even more alone. She’d been so focused on spending more time and having a perfect Christmas with him finally after all these years, she hadn’t truly considered what that might mean for him. She was kicking herself for being so selfish. She’d apologize later, but she knew an apology would do nothing because it would require him to acknowledge that he wanted any of those things in the first place, which he never would. It was the first lesson of being abandoned; your wishes were never realized so it was best to not even bother.

  Sarah opened a can of sparkling water and met Laura’s eyes. Sarah’s clear blue eyes and brown hair were a striking combination. “Mom wouldn’t let us open any gifts until you got here.”

  “Of course, I did not,” Nancy declared proudly. “It wouldn’t be right and you two are pitiful siblings for trying to suggest otherwise.”

  Sarah rolled her eyes.

  “But I want to hear more about the billionaire Laura is shacking up with,” Sarah said, after swallowing a bite of her sandwich. When Laura shook her head, Sarah continued. “I might have traded in the two of you for a billion dollars,” she said, looking between Tyler and Laura meaningfully.

  Tyler rolled his eyes. “You would just spend it on food dehydrators and more goats.”

  Sarah worked as a physician’s assistant as a day job, but made most of her money from raising goats and making soap. She was well-known and one bar of soap sold for something crazy like twenty dollars. Tyler, too, was successful, having taken over Rich’s fast-food-restaurant franchise in town and then increasing business exponentially in the three years he’d been running it on his own, opening up two other branches just this year. Laura was immensely proud of them both.

  “It’s not like he’s talking about his money with me,” Laura returned.


  “And he shouldn’t have to,” Nancy agreed.

  “But he does have a talking toilet,” Laura snuck in, grinning, thankful to be home again.

  “Well,” Sarah said “the last guy you chose was rich too, but you didn’t like him either.”

  Nancy was silent in the conversation, but had come around the island to pull Laura into her arms and give her a smacking kiss on the cheek. “Laura is just discerning, that’s all. And his hair was stupid anyway.” She grimaced, making an upward fanning gesture near her forehead with her hand to indicate a spiky hairdo. That her mom felt like her spotty dating history was cause for coddling said enough.

  “Jacob was an idiot,” Rich yelled from the living room, clearly having heard all of the conversation, but choosing to remain in his chair. “And so were Matt and Chad and all the other ones you kicked to the curb.”

  “Okay,” she said, holding her hands up to stop the barrage on her past mistakes, “I think I get the picture.”

  “Apparently not,” Sarah pointed out, “if you’re just dating some billionaire loser who punks out of a family event.”

  “He’s not a loser—he’s just complicated,” Laura hedged, plucking at the chips on her plate. “We were best friends and neighbors when we were foster kids together. I left without saying goodbye and he didn’t have an easy life afterward. I was overstepping by making him see how happy I was while he was on the streets struggling to survive. I should have been more mindful of his feelings.”

  Sarah and Tyler met her eyes, both knowing what it was like to be in foster care, the bone-deep feelings of worthlessness and helplessness. Adjusting to their new life hadn’t been easy, but they’d done it eventually.

  Finally, her mom took her hand and gave it a squeeze, locking eyes with her.

  “If you want to be there for him, Laura, take it from someone who knows. You need to make sure he knows how you feel about him because he’s not going give his love or trust up easily. You all know how scary that is.”

  Laura nodded because she knew just how difficult it would be to get Will to trust her not to leave and then even more so to trust her with his heart. She didn’t know how she’d ever get him to do it, but one thing was certain as she ate the rest of her ham sandwich and joked and teased with the family she loved: she felt Will’s distance keenly. She hated that he’d run out on her today instead of being honest about his feelings, but she got it. But it also made the forgiveness she thought she was working toward seem that much further away.

  Getting Will was going to be a lot of work and she wasn’t sure she had the emotional reserves herself to convince him he was worthy of love because there were still days when she had to remind her own self of it.

  “Don’t give up, dear,” her mom advised quietly as Sarah and Tyler fought over the last sugar cookie. “He needs you.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  AT HIS OWN New Year’s party, a crush with so many people packed into his hotel that he could barely breathe, the only thought Will had was that he wanted to redo his ballroom.

  The person he wanted to do it was in his arms too. He wanted Laura not to leave his hotel at all but to move in and be with him, redesign his spaces, make his penthouse into a home, do whatever she wanted, frankly. Yet, he knew he wasn’t going to ask that, so a business arrangement with a legally binding contract that she remain in his life seemed like a more secure idea.

  The three days she’d been at her parents’ house had felt like a lifetime, but had given him enough space to think of a plan. A relationship wouldn’t work, but he still wasn’t ready for the alternative—her leaving for good.

  She was warm in his arms as they swayed along to the live big band playing “What a Wonderful World” as if they were in a movie about falling in love in New York City. It was a more romantic story than the real one, which was that he’d fallen in love in a dirty, rat-infested tenement with no money, no education and no real future.

  “Are you having a good time?” he asked her. She hadn’t been acting like herself since they’d gotten to the party. After over a week holed up with her either in his place or her place, he knew her moods and this was one he hadn’t encountered before. She’d been strangely taciturn all night as they’d been greeted by guest after guest without much time in between. He wanted to apologize, but like the brunches and dinners he’d dragged her to this was his real life, although he’d been less in demand at those events. For this one, he’d barely had enough time to compliment her dress before being overtaken by the city’s bold and beautiful.

  “Of course,” she said, but the words fell flat. “This is beautiful. This room is beautiful too. I know I’ve said it before, but you’ve built something really special, Will. I hope you know that.”

  He gave a cursory glance to the white marble walls and black onyx floor, glittering chandeliers hung in an elegant line all the way down the center of the rectangular room while crisp white linen tablecloths draped over circular tables with black, indigo, peach and white flower arrangements and gleaming gold flatware. He and Laura were in a far corner near the windows that overlooked the bright lights of Times Square.

  Usually he loved the energy of New Year’s Eve; surrounded by people and possibility, he couldn’t get enough, thrived on the competition. But right now he just wanted to leave it all behind, drag Laura back to his penthouse, curl up on the couch again and ask her for real what was actually wrong.

  “I was thinking maybe this room needed a redo,” he divulged, seeing if he could figure her out in a roundabout way.

  “I’m not an interior designer, if that’s what you’re trying to get at.”

  He shrugged. “You’re telling me you have no ideas for how you might re-envision this room?”

  Laura met his eyes, hers wary. “You know I don’t want to work for you that way, Will.”

  His heart sped up and he felt his fingers flexing on her waist before he realized what he was doing. Fear, that was this feeling crawling up his back like a pair of cold, wizened hands.

  “You wouldn’t really be working for me—I’d just contract you out like I did for the lobbies.”

  A light eyebrow quirked. “Is that so? Is that how you want me in your life?”

  “Well, my business life anyway,” he hedged, leaning down to drop a kiss on her hair that no one around them could possibly see. “What’s on your mind, Laura?”

  He suspected her change in mood was because early on in the evening he’d derailed the apology she’d tried to make about taking him to her parents’ house. As if he couldn’t have handled it if he’d wanted to. That she felt needed to coddle his feelings when he’d been the one to be shitty to her was untenable to him.

  She shrugged. “Nothing. I guess I’m just coming down from the high of the holidays.”

  “Do you have a job lined up for the New Year?”

  “I’m booked solid until October. Your hotel press really put things into high gear for me. I’m going to have to hire another assistant right away instead of waiting until summer like I originally planned.”

  “I’m glad—you deserve it,” he told her, meaning it, an ache in his chest over how proud he was of her.

  “You do too,” she said, meeting his eyes, hers warm and brown and like he was falling into a safe space when he hadn’t moved at all. But then her eyes darted across the room, “Black and white will always be in style,” she continued. “I don’t know that I would do anything differently unless you want to have a Christmas ball.”

  His eyebrows climbed his forehead. “Maybe we can roll a gala into your new contract for next year.”

  “Is that all we’re doing next year, working together?” she asked, pressing him again. He wanted to say no, that he wanted her in his life permanently. In his penthouse or her brownstone, he wasn’t picky as long as she was there. He wanted to wake up to her every day, go to sleep with her
in his arms every night, have dinners out, dinners in, walks in the park; he imagined and yearned for it all with her.

  But those words weren’t leaving his mouth.

  “You want to—” he started to ask her seriously if she wanted to date him because that seemed, in itself, something so out of the ordinary as cows being undercover unicorns, but that he might hear yes as the answer was urging him on.

  But he realized that the band had stopped playing and they were pretty much the only ones left on the dance floor, save a few lovebirds still in each others’ arms. So instead he led her off the wooden dance floor onto the black carpet.

  As he was about to do what had previously been unthinkable and ask her to be his girlfriend, an old hookup, Lila, appeared before him. Her delicate hand fell on his arm and his whole body wanted to recoil.

  “Will, darling,” she cooed, hooking onto his hip as Laura stepped back to give him space. He wanted to pull her back but everything was happening so fast. “It’s so good to see you. I wanted to thank you for inviting me.”

  “It’s not a problem, Lila,” he managed, not at all certain he’d invited her in the first place. A tall, blond, blue-eyed model, Lila was the type of girl he usually went for. She was sophisticated, in demand, and most important, transient in his life. They had a good time every now and then when they ran into each other but that was where it ended.

  “Can I get you anything?” he asked when her arm curled around his waist. He stepped back before she could get any purchase, not wanting to glance at Laura because he could only imagine what she thought about it. If he’d wanted, he could end this whole thing right now, but part of him needed Laura to see his real life. And that included women. If she couldn’t deal with it, then she wasn’t ready to be his girlfriend.

  “I was hoping you’d find me later,” Lila purred, running a purple-tipped finger down the middle of his chest. “I’ve missed you, baby.”