Her Secret Miracle

by Dianne Drake

  To Michi, it felt like she and Eric were stepping back in time to a place where the honking horns didn’t exist, and the people on the street were all lovers, walking arm in arm. OK, so maybe she was waxing too romantic, but that was an image that seemed to belong there. To her. To them, as they sat shoulder to shoulder, meandering through Central Park while the soft jostle of the carriage rocking to the gait of the horse, the placid, mesmerizing sound of hooves on pavement turned into just the balm she needed to soothe her soul. And for Michi, in that time, the coachman didn’t exist. It was just Eric and her. Her eyes, her senses, her awareness only of him.

  “Are you enjoying this?” he asked.

  “You don’t know how much. If I could make time stop right here for just a little while...” She smiled at him. “Be careful what you wish for, right?”

  “You’re allowed a wish for yourself,” he said, as the coachman slowed for one of the park entrances.

  “Care to get out?” the coachmen asked, turning very slowly in his seat, as if to be unobtrusive. Perhaps that was the instruction given to coachman when they believed they carried lovers. Blend in, make the ride about them, not you. Don’t interrupt what appears to be a private moment.

  Eric looked over Michi. “We could ride a while longer or take a walk. Your choice.”

  “I’d love to walk,” she said. Hand in hand. Maybe lingering by one of the reflecting ponds, echoing exact images from their edges. Or strolling through one of the many dimly lit tunnels where untold kisses had been stolen or offered up freely. “I’ve never done that here, after dark. It always seemed so sad, being alone here, maybe the only person without a lover or someone to walk with them.”

  “Wishes again?” he asked, as he helped her out of the carriage.

  “More like observations, I think. And maybe guesses.” She’d never had anyone in her life she’d considered a lover. Acquaintances, dates, friends, but no lovers until Eric. And she wasn’t considering lover in the sexual sense as much as an intimate sense. In her life, Eric was the only man she’d ever felt close to.

  After handing the coachman a generous tip, he took hold of Michi’s hand and pulled her over to the trail, then led her to the top of the steps leading down to the reflecting pond, where the twinkling stars above seemed to join with the water as sparkling shards. Champagne glasses. Pure crystal. Diamonds. Eric simply stood there a moment, looking down at her. “Someone like you should never be alone here, Michi,” he finally said.

  “And that would be your wish?” she asked him.

  “No, this would be.” He stood, legs braced to receive her weight, and the chill of the night air, as if by magic, wove a spell around them, binding them together to seek the warmth they each had to offer. Her arm, pressed to his, burnt like a slow, smoldering ember, piercing the layers of his jacket and shirt and on through the rest of him, like he was mere air, powerless to stop the burning of it. Not that he would, even if he could. “You know, we always do our best kissing at night,” he said, his voice raspy with desire.

  “We’ve done our only real kissing at night,” she replied.

  “A nice habit to repeat.” Eric shifted slightly and for a moment Michi wavered, off balance. But he caught her quickly, pulling her into his arms then bending his face to meet hers. Her dark eyes were caught in a moment of indecision. Should she? Shouldn’t she? But the questions were hers to answer, not his. “If that’s the kind of habit you like,” he said, his lips only a heartbeat away from hers.

  “Habits can be good,” she said. “So can spontaneity.”

  “Either or,” he said as his lips met hers, and his grip on her tightened, pulling her into him even more while she pressed herself to him with the same eagerness.

  The tip of his tongue brushed hers and she opened to let him in as he welcomed the urgency that sent a wildfire racing through every nerve, every sinew of his body. It was Eric who was left weak in the knees, overcome by sheer want for her. It was also Eric who held onto her for dear life. That at first frightened Michi, as she tensed up and backed ever so slightly away from him.

  “It’s all right,” he said. “Just relax and listen to your heart.” He chuckled. “Even if it’s telling you something entirely different from what your head is saying. Which it probably is if what I’m feeling is anything close to what you’re feeling.”

  “But I don’t know how to make my head stop,” she said, glancing over at the group of people walking around them, giving them a wide berth. Laughing quietly as if they knew something she didn’t. “As much as I’d like it to sometimes. But it’s like I can’t shut down. I’m always on alert. My mind going in so many directions. Sometimes I wish time would slow down or simply stop long enough to let me catch my breath before I have to move on to the next challenge.”

  “As much as we’d like it to, time doesn’t stand still. Unfortunately, you must play its game as it will never play yours. And its game is sometimes cruel. I’m sorry that’s the case for you, that you’re not able to enjoy all the moments given you, especially with Riku. But soon, after the surgery....”

  “I hope so,” she said, trying to hide the look in her eyes, which she knew would betray her need. But she’d fought the battle to hold everything back from everyone for so long that just this once she wanted to let go. Let her vulnerability take over. Lean on someone else... Eric. “Because doing this alone...”

  In the catch of a breath he took her lips, his late-in-the-day beard rough against her skin. A faint moan escaped Michi’s lips and he could feel her resistance begin to melt away, causing the level of his heat to rise, to burn in his chest, his face, his lips, everywhere. It was like his will had surrendered to hers, getting itself tangled in her hesitancy. Wanting more yet fearing more would send her skittering away. “I, um...” he said, backing away. “Care to go ice skating?”

  Michi blinked hard, looking up at him in disbelief. “Ice skating?” she asked.

  He confirmed her question with a nod.

  “Why?” she asked.

  “It’s safe. And right now I really need safe.”

  He needed to be safe while she was willing to take the risk. Well, she deserved that, didn’t she? Probably should have seen it coming. Michi laughed, not because it was funny but because of the sheer frustration building up inside her. “Habitually or spontaneously?”

  “Maybe a little bit of both, where you’re concerned.”

  * * *

  “So, do they rent skates here?” she asked, holding her hand out to take his. As athletic as he was, or used to be, Eric’s skating was over in less than five minutes. No tumbles to the ice, but he was getting pathetically close to it, and he wanted to look better than that. For Michi. He didn’t give a damn about the other hundred skaters on the ice, all in their various stages of taking their own tumbles. All except for Michi. She was graceful. Like a swan. Floating over the ice, casting a spell that made her appear to glide above it. And the smile on her face... In this moment, she had no cares, no worries. She was simply there, wrapping herself in the bliss of pure abandon, no thought of the world that would come crashing back soon enough.

  Despite their problems, if he hadn’t fallen a little in love with her before, he surely would have now, watching the pure magic she spun over everything. Including him. After nearly ten minutes of indulging himself in watching her, he took to the ice again, catching up to her not as quickly as he would have liked. She stopped when he finally did and smiled. “I’m out of shape,” she said, barely winded.

  “If that’s what you consider out of shape, I’d love to see what you consider in shape.”

  “You did,” she said, holding out her hand to him. “Here, let’s do this together.”

  “I’ll hold you back,” he warned, knowing that nothing in Michi’s life should ever hold her back from anything she wanted.

  “Maybe I’ll hold you back.”

 
He shook his head. But didn’t say a word. Instead, he took hold of her hand, and in mere moments they were sailing over the ice together, smoothly, effortlessly. The way he wanted their lives to be. Until...

  Michi looked down at him, sprawled flat, staring up at the sky. Then laughed. “One of life’s little bumps,” she said, as he refused her offer to help him back up. So instead she took out her phone and snapped a photo.

  “Seriously?” he asked, once he was up, brushing ice crystals off his back side.

  “For Riku. To put in the scrapbook of his life.” She winked. “Or maybe in the scrapbook of mine. You’re not there yet, you know.”

  “And this is where you want me to start?”

  “This is absolutely where I want you to start. Foibles, falls and all.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  AN HOUR AFTER the ice rink had closed, they were back to life as normal, and Michi felt herself go weak in the knees with the latest news. But before she tumbled to the floor, Eric put a steadying arm around her like it was simply something he always did. “You OK?” he whispered to her.

  She nodded. “It’s not easy.” But Eric did make it easier and for that she was grateful.

  “As you know, it’s all part of the defect he has,” Leroy continued, holding out a bottle of water for Michi without missing a beat. “But oxygen’s easy enough to supplement and I’ve ordered blood gases drawn, so until we know more...” He looked at Eric. “Wish I could do better. But I think his surgery needs to be moved up. That’s your decision, of course. Oh, and I’ve made Dr. Kapoor aware of the downturn in his condition.”

  “Minor downturn,” Michi challenged. In Riku’s life there were upturns and downturns. A problem with his oxygen levels was only one of so many things she had to monitor. She looked at Eric. “So, about your back-up plan...”

  “And this is where I leave the two of you to your discussions.” With that, Dr. Leroy Watson prepared for one of his well-known grand gesture departures by kissing Michi’s hand. “Call me if you have questions. We’ll make sure there’s an OR available when you decide what to do.”

  Amidst the strife, Michi did smile. “Were you ever that bold when you were practicing?” she asked. “Because I like his form.”

  “For me, bold was stepping out from behind my mask. Despite his demeanor, Leroy is as good as they get. A good old country GP trapped in a big-city hospital.”

  “Well, for what it’s worth, the little personal touch makes a difference.”

  She stood there for a moment, looking at Riku, who was now under an oxygen tent. He was sleeping peacefully, no stress or pain showing on his face. “He’s a fighter, Eric,” she said, biting her lower lip. “But how long can a person fight before it just wears them down too much?”

  He slid his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into him. “It’s time, Michi.”

  She swallowed hard and nodded. “I suppose I knew that when Agnes called us to come back. Riku’s ready, and so am I.” She looked up at him. “What about you? Because this is about you, too.”

  “I want my son healthy. Dr. Kapoor would have been a good choice, but I can have Henry Johnston here inside three hours.”

  “And he’s your back-up plan?”

  “My mentor. A man I’d trust with the life of my son.”

  “Then get him here. I know he’ll want to run tests first, so the sooner the better. OK?”

  This time Eric was the one to swallow hard and nod. “I’ll have the corporate jet off the ground as soon as Henry’s ready to fly.”

  “It’s the right thing, isn’t it?”

  “For all of us, Michi.”

  Michi was taking it all in, and she understood everything that went on in the next little while. Eric’s friend was getting himself ready to come to New York. More tests were being ordered. Agnes was co-ordinating with the surgery department. Her parents were on their way over from Japan. There was a flurry of activity suddenly. But watching her baby sleep, it was like she was floating over and above all this and looking down on Riku, seeing him as a perfectly normal, healthy child. She was pushing him on a baby swing. Helping him build sand castles. Sailing balsa boats with him on the pond. Feeding ducks. Going barefoot in the grass.

  “Did you hear me, Michi?” Agnes asked.

  She heard her name and blinked herself back to reality only to find Eric holding her hand now. “What?” she asked.

  “Dr. Watson has written the order to move him to the pediatric intensive care unit until we get the surgical arrangements made. As a precaution, though. Only as a precaution.”

  “Then I’m glad he’s going to have twenty-four-hour care for a while.” She looked at Eric, who was simply standing off by himself, staring out the window now. “It’s a good thing, isn’t it, Eric?”

  He sucked in a shuddering breath. “It’s another cog in the wheel. First the PICU, then the surgery, then the road to recovery. So, yes, it’s a good thing.”

  She studied him for a moment, her heart aching for the pain he was experiencing. And it was she who went to his side, took his hand, and simply stood with him as the transport technicians and nurses prepared Riku for his next big move.

  “I’ve always known this moment would come. Of course, I’ve wanted to delay it. I know about the procedure, what it involves. Watched videos, studied every movement a good surgeon should make. Considered every way it could go wrong, and every way it could go right. All preparing me for what will be happening shortly. I can quote you statistics, I can quote you long-term goals for children with Riku’s heart defect. Successes. Failures. If it’s out there, I’ve read it, hoping that when the time came I would be ready. But I’m not.” She sniffed back a tear.

  “Knowing what I know doesn’t make things easier, and I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through, being the best in the world at this procedure yet standing aside feeling virtually helpless. And that’s what you’re feeling, Eric, because that’s what I’m feeling. All the medical knowledge in the world and none of it will help our little boy.”

  “The first time I performed the procedure, it was the best feeling in the world, giving normalcy to a young life that had seen very little of it. Everybody told me the first one was the best and after that it all becomes routine. But it never was. For me, there was always a thrill seeing blood coursing through a tiny body the way it should. Seeing a sick child become vibrant in almost the blink of an eye. Knowing that in a very short time that child would be living a normal life, doing normal things. Experiencing life in a way he or she never had before. And to be part of that...”

  “Didn’t it kill you, walking away from it all?”

  “It did. I used to love getting up in the morning knowing my little bit of effort that day could change a life. Then, when all that stopped, I still got up in the morning, but there was nothing to love. At least, not the way I loved being a surgeon.” He chuckled bitterly.

  “So, here I am on the other end of it now, and the only thing I can think is I wish to God I could be the one to do this. It’s like my not doing this is letting him down. Funny, the things we think about in a crisis. I know Henry is the best possible surgeon we can get. I know this hospital has the very best in all the latest technology to make this a huge success and help Riku along in his progress. But I still feel like such a damn failure.”

  They stepped aside as Riku’s bed, along with his unplugged monitoring equipment, was rolled to the door. “You’re not a failure, Eric. How can you be, when you were never even given the chance to know your son? Or to succeed at anything with him? And I’m so, so sorry for that.”

  “Well, regrets don’t really get us anywhere, do they?” he said, taking hold of her hand and walking out the door with her, then to the elevator and to the pediatric intensive care unit, where Riku was being settled in.

  He was still sleeping, thankfully breathing easily. For tha
t, Michi was grateful. It was a good sign. And she was grateful to lean on Eric for support. That was also a good sign. And soon, maybe very soon, they could face happy prospects and talk about being a family. That was what she had to keep in mind. They were a family now, in some fashion or form, and Riku made that possible.

  * * *

  The rooftop garden was lush, and much larger than he remembered it being when he’d worked here. It was mostly planted with autumn vegetables now—squash, a few late tomatoes, kale, carrots, beets, second-harvest lettuce. All the right ingredients for a salad. But it was a teaching area, a place to train children about nutrition and re-acquaint adults with wholesome foods they might have forgotten. Eric used to take his breaks here, come outside to get away from the hospital atmosphere and the incessant worry of the operating room, and simply think. Or, in some cases, try not to think. Today it was a little bit of both.

  “Someone’s put a lot of effort into expanding it,” he said to Michi, who was sitting on the garden wall, sipping hot tea. They’d spent the night in Riku’s room, neither of them sleeping, and now, in what most would consider the still wee hours, the final prep for surgery was underway. Henry was here, ordering the tests he wanted, even though many were repeats of what had already been done. But he was thorough and, with Riku’s life in his hands, Eric was glad for that.

  “That would be my aunt, although she doesn’t want anybody to know it. She started this garden as a retreat just for frazzled doctors, and over the course it turned into something significant. I’ve done the same at my parents’ hospital, and it’s amazing the way children respond when they’re given the opportunity to learn then invest that knowledge in something they can see growing. Riku loves the garden. When the weather’s good, I take him there as often as I can.”

  “Does he eat the vegetables?”

  “Sometimes. But only if he picks them. That’s the part he loves best, I think. Finding a little cherry tomato, plucking it from the vine then eating it as his reward. He likes sweet red peppers, too. I think it’s all about the color, because if he doesn’t go for something red, orange is his next favorite. Except carrots. He hates carrots. But he loves sweet potatoes. So, if he finds one, he gets so excited when we take it home and I cook it up for him. Sweeten it a little, then sprinkle on a bit of cinnamon and he’s in heaven. But you should have seen him the time he dug up a radish. Not sure who planted them, or why, but he loved it because it was red, and he fussed until I let him take a bite. Then it was like his whole world turned upside down in one little bite.”