Strange Landscape

by Tony Duvert

  he keeps multiplying the number of shelves partitions secret niches he constructs another safe in a little closet by the door hollows out an oeil-de-boeuf window that can be stuffed shut with a handkerchief working feverishly at it nonstop until he has also completed a square apse to prolong his bedroom its back wall to contain a hole set at ground level What’s that for? Claude sneers nobody can fit through there unless he’s curled up into a ball It’s not for me it’s for my dog answers Yann he plays at being a frisky puppy sometimes when he thinks Claude needs a good laugh like maybe now

  a tower might be nice too

  you mean a mirador that’s what an observation platform’s called in these particular cases says Claude happy in his one-upmanship

  yeah I guess so a mirador

  but that’s not so easy to do wait I’ll fetch one of the other guys the tower was as tall as the two boys and half again as high you could stand inside it looking out over the top and pirate Yann signaled to the treasure-laden galleons that drifted in the green ground swell of trees upon the far horizon

  the moon has risen lights from within the open casement windows illuminating the rolling lawns with their clumps of bridal wreath and spiny Spanish broom Yann remembers Serge and their secret meetings down by the laundry shed Serge’s and Claude’s he’s no longer so in love with Claude now that Serge has been abandoned also holding up his cards Have you a Mother Chemist? asking the little kid François seated on the grass alongside him No I don’t go fish! Fish up his ass says Bob they are all playing the seven families game with that special deck of cards besides François and Bob there’s also Denis the kid that sucks off Simon every morning in the showers kneeling on the tiled floor while Simon who’s so much taller rubs soapsuds into his hair François now asks Denis Do you have Father Sour Pickle? Simon is the one with the sour pickle isn’t that right Denis? says Bob winking but Denis blushing hands over, to François the card he has asked for and François continues Have you Mother Sour Pickle? Uh uh answers Denis no more sour pickles go fish! Hey wait a minute you guys interrupts Yann when a person has to go fish he also has to take off a piece of his clothes remember? the night is warm no breeze at all Yann asks Have you a Mother Chemist? but this time to Denis who answers No go fish! Yann must therefore take off his second shoe having lost the first to François earlier

  how about Daughter Corkscrew?

  go screw your own cork I don’t have her so fish!

  take off your pants then

  but then if you don’t have her nobody does hey somebody’s cheating!

  I don’t care about that take off your pants

  gee whiz murmurs François who obeys Yann who has already taken off his own shirt nude torso eyes staring at the little boy hoping he has noticed how he’s already got a hard-on Yann tickles his little neighbor who looks so cuddly in nothing but his briefs Oh boy am I hot Frankie fork over the Son Asshole at the other end of the lawn some of the other kids who had refused to join in the game are playing pussy in the corner

  what? it’s not your turn to play it’s still mine I want Grandpa Pigface

  I don’t have him so go fish come on take off your sweater oh look he’s cheating he’s wearing two sweaters!

  oh you guys are all too much for me shouts little François you’re not playing fair tossing all his cards into the air besides all I’ve got left is the whole family Cocksuckers so I’m putting my pants back on

  show us first

  he took the handkerchief from the oval bull’s-eye window replacing it with a real pane of glass that didn’t quite fit since it was square hanging then the cow bell outside the front door and after that tracing both their names on a piece of bark painting all the letters white YANN & CLAUDE mounds of leaves covering the ground and he cleared a pathway purposely zigzagged like one leading up to a mushroom house he’s seen in some cartoon movie the path measuring eighteen giant steps that he marks out at least fifty times entering and exiting from his mansion in and out in and out but when Claude was around Yann was always careful never to play at being lord of the manor only the chatelain’s kid brother say or the admiral’s fawning young aide

  he dug a canal skirting the entire length of his zigzag path taking several days to complete it going down to the swimming pool with a big pail to bring back water to feed it but no matter how much he brought the earth soaked it all up in two or three hours just enough time to make a sea voyage from one end to the other if the boat’s motor worked without too much breaking down

  he dredged out a ship basin which would serve as home port fitting it out constructing depots and warehouses from old shoe boxes there were cranes too off old erector sets and a railroad station whose signal lights really lit up by batteries there was also a locomotive with boxcars a plastic ranch house racing cars tin soldiers horsemen even a flying saucer all the other kids brought their favorite toys to set them down around the boat basin no longer spending as much time playing in the private park or by the river they were far more fascinated by this tiny little snake of muddy water frothy with whitecaps the color of cafe au lait

  the players of pussy in the corner are all bored Let’s have a wheelbarrow race instead huh

  but we haven’t finished seven families nobody’s lost all his clothes yet

  oh shit who cares? says Bob how about a three-legged race?

  yeah that sounds nifty

  we have to form teams of two huh François? asks Yann who is still obsessed with the thought of having a little kid all his own the kids are forming couples and attaching legs together with belts handkerchiefs twisted shirts

  the first two guys to arrive here where the marking is wins Bob points to the archway of green trellis standing like a giant croquet hoop marking the

  entrance to the rose garden and the racers set off they stumble twist tumble list in the deep blue shadows here where the light from the chateau windows cannot reach before arriving at the archway they must all cross a path of fine gravel three-legged monsters skinning knees scratching shins twisting ankles

  aw let’s stop this shit either let’s play blindman’s buff or else go back inside I’m bleeding already

  yes blindman’s buff

  no another race

  are you kidding? if you have another of these races I’m going back inside

  who won?

  but I’m not sleepy yet

  well I am asshole

  it’s getting too dark out here I’m sca aw let’s go back in you guys

  inside at least we could play traveling through China

  yes yes that’s fun let’s

  no we can’t because we all of us know it you need somebody new

  how about François? hey Frankie have you ever played traveling through China?

  I don’t know what’s it like?

  see? perfect then everybody back inside

  conquered taken prisoner the village boys had been made to walk in a single file prodded along by their victors all the way down to where the ash and sorb apple saplings arched over the riverbank not far from the bridge and there they were all forced to undress and next morning the peasants who come down to the river at dawn to fish in the rain are shocked to find this forest of crucified Christs clothed in nothing but muddy socks

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  Gerard walks across the dorm with a pen and a ruler measuring cocks he writes down everybody’s first name followed by his cock size the boys are to be classed according to age in an ascending scale they all work very hard at getting their pricks hard before Gerard comes around everybody already knows the smallest and the longest but as for the others they don’t have any exact specifications since that’s very difficult to arrive at for if you shove the ruler underneath right smack up against the balls that can add almost another half-inch while if you try measuring it along the side to its tip you sometimes can hardly see where the ruler ends if somebody suddenly sucks in his
stomach Gerard squints very serious now pressing the transparent ruler down upon the glans the guy being measured leans forward trying to verify the size Gerard has just called out quibbling over a sixteenth of an inch Gerard is also measuring thicknesses especially when there’s a real argument over the length they’re both still arguing finally asking an impartial observer to put his own hand down there but of course nobody here’s all that impartial

  it’s not fair my balls are the fattest and that should mean

  so what? your prick still isn’t all that big

  how about me? maybe mine’s not so long as his but I can shoot more juice and higher into the air too

  I can get harder than he can

  I don’t have any skin on top of the head to cover it so that’s why it measures smaller

  I’m just as big as you are down there and yet you’re lots taller than me so actually proportionally speaking mine is bigger

  it’s not fair to take my measurements now I’ve just gotten over being sick Gerard smiles noncommittally tries to be strictly fair by letting his own be measured by some other guy he recopies his list putting them now in descending order of length with a thick red marking pencil and then tacks the results up on one of the dormitory walls

  they don’t explain what kept them out until one in the morning yet they claim to have won the battle in less than no time so what could they have been doing waking the littlest kids as soon as they march in but two or three fall back asleep almost immediately victory celebration everybody brings forth hidden treasure candies cold cuts cheeses chocolates even a bottle of muscatel that the older guys pass around among themselves while they smoke cigarettes how many of those shit-ass town kids did you manage to catch?

  almost all of them yeah even René I got him almost right off the bat I’ll admit he’s not like most of those others he really knows how to put up a good fight but it turned out I’m stronger and Bernard too we got him right after René and after that it was coasting all the way their army more or less just fell apart we chucked their bikes into the drink you can go and see for yourselves tomorrow those dipshits should be lots easier to handle from now on I doubt if they’ll ever dare show their mugs around here anymore

  but what did you do to them afterward?

  oh well if anybody asks about that remember you guys know nothing okay?

  Yann is eyeballing some of the littler kids We won’t be able to have enough fun cooped up here in this dreary dorm don’t you think we ought to go down to the big drawing room huh?

  but it’s forbidden and it being night and all that what if they hear us?

  we can be careful they reach the second floor by way of the spiral staircase cochlea that uncoils down the octagonal tower its walls covered with cream-colored wallpaper very old whose design imitates hewn stone with crooked white lines to represent mortar they travel on tiptoe and very carefully push open the grand doors the great salon is hardly half-furnished étagères credenzas upon which squat various bibelots objets d’art these are their China

  try not to doze off huh because we’re going to have an orgy later his words caused a brawl almost immediately now wait a minute we’ll counteeny meeny miney moe to see who plays the hot chick tonight catch an asshole by the toe Yann you’ll be our cunt for tonight

  why me for chrissakes? why not you? my finger stopped at you when I said toe didn’t it? go on and get dressed we want a real slick chick to fuck you know where all the fancy duds are hidden

  I don’t want to

  it’s not a request it’s an order asshole

  no you can’t force me Claude here’ll defend me

  oh shit Claude shrugs and says it’s got to be somebody Yann and you’ve done it so many times before anyway you do it better than any of the others Yann looks at him suddenly very surprised eyes wrathful and wary he mutters Coward

  hurry it up honey says Simon I’m getting cramps already from trying to hold all my juice back

  François strolls over to the farthest end of the great salon and crosses both arms waiting while the littlest kids gather up the bric-a-brac before scattering them all over the darkly shining parquetry these are to be the obstacles dotting China’s countryside explains Yann We’ll blindfold you and then you have to cross the room without bumping into any of them so you’d better study right now where all the shit is located you’re allowed to make one trial journey without a blindfold all the while François has been drilling his right forefinger into his right temple behind Yann’s back to indicate how batshit he thinks the guy is but just the same he decides to make a test run moving slowly among porcelain vases blown-glass decanters cut-crystal sugar bowls silver candelabra lamps flagons dresden figurines he finally turns around not so sure of himself anymore I won’t remember any of it he says quietly I’m going to smash into everything

  oh well says Yann we’ll give you hints we’ll say hot if you’re coming too close to something and cold if you’re doing all right and you can take as much time as you like now go back to where you started from hey who has I need a blindfold hey Mimi pass him yours huh Dominic unknots his boy scout tie and hands it to little Frangois

  I’m bored shitless up here in the dorm what say we go downstairs? says Claude

  yeah but where?

  in one of those little drawing rooms where the clients you know I’d like to fuck down there in front of a fire and all

  wait says Simon how many of us are there here?

  I don’t get you

  well there’s that old bastard the boss and then the boss’s bitch and Marco Dedette too of course but she’s senile none of the rest sleep here in the chateau wait careful whispers Simon who makes a signal that somebody is coming well tonight we killed at least twenty of our enemies outside

  thirty

  yeah took twenty prisoners then I’d say two guys and one old broad would be easy enough to handle considering

  you’re out of your fucking skull first of all he’s got a big gun a rifle

  we could pinch it from him

  but so what if we did? and if we win then what?

  we’ll have to think about that we can still stay here they certainly won’t go and tell anyone outside considering they might all end up in the jug themselves if we told what we know about them to the fuzz yeah if we play our cards right we can end up owning ordering them

  it won’t work there won’t be any more dough coming in if we don’t work for them anymore

  you call that work I call it shit it’s disgusting and besides there’s a pile of junk here machines of all kinds we could maybe sell

  don’t touch the blindfold now turn around and face the wall and start counting to a hundred

  why do I have to do that?

  it’s one of the rules of the game stupid while François begins counting they silently gather up all of the objects until the parquet floor is entirely bare François calls out Sixty-one sixty-two the boys all huddling in one corner trying not to giggle aloud

  slowly Simon opens the bedroom door the director was snoring Simon sent Claude inside to grab the rifle which was lying across a chair not far from the bed Claude heart beating so loudly he was afraid it might wake the director accomplished his mission the others hiding behind the door watched the old bastard’s chest moving up and down in the darkness suddenly a loud crash Claude crawling backward had bumped his ass up against a chest of drawers but the old guy kept on sawing wood and Claude finally exited gun in hand

  good going now it’s my turn Simon strode into the room noisily reached for the light switch sudden glare like daylight Get up you old fuckhead move that fat ass of yours out of that bed! grabbing him by one of his jowls I said get a move on asshole! pointing the rifle barrel into the man’s flabby chest Hurry it up will you? and now all you guys follow me we’re going down into the cellar and as for you fuckhead keep your hole closed or I’ll be scraping your brain tissue off the ceiling! Simon more and more excited by his own words keeps prodding his rifle into the man’s
crotch scraping it up and down for good measure inside the fly of the old geezer’s pajamas he yelps and whines tripping over himself trying to avoid that probing cold point Faggot cocksucker now it’s your turn to eat shit we haven’t even begun with you yet stupid old queen before we’re through with you you’ll be shitting green

  in the cellar they bound him hand and foot then returned upstairs to fetch his wife Simon loathes the old scum bag most he clumped her once over the head with the rifle butt she caved in immediately they dragged her by the hair to the top of the cellar stairs then sent her flying

  if yon dare yell you old cunt I’ll aim this thing right up your filthy hole and press the trigger stinking whoring bitch

  they tie her alongside her husband with a pair of scissors cutting the old man’s pajama strings then slashing her nightdress they affect a highly disgusted manner whenever they have to so much as touch either of them Simon suddenly remembers he’s forgotten all about Marco and so they all race up the stairs once more Marco holes out on the third floor in a filthy little room that always stinks of dried semen and head cheese the walls are covered with photos of young cunts bush shots mostly fat fingers spreading wide hairy pussies other photos of boxers gangsters wrestlers sailors young kids sucking cock sucking cunt sucking assholes big fat cocks spurting milky sperm into waiting mouths vaginas anuses Marco also possesses a panoply of whips and inside the drawer of his night table he lets rot a pile of come-soaked handkerchiefs crumpled paper tissues yellowed with fuck sometimes he brings one of the guys in here to work him over for an entire night he isn’t allowed to do such a thing of course but he blackmails the kids threatening to tell the director and his wife about some breach of the rules they did or didn’t commit Simon had to spend a night here once Marco fucking him again and again and then making Simon do the same to him until Simon couldn’t even shoot water let alone come he’s a pathetic guy really his cock not so thick as his middle fuck finger Corsicans are all like that it’s a well-known fact says Simon telling the others about it the next morning