Hazed

by Brittany Butler

CHAPTER EIGHT

  The dreaded last day of October approached, Halloween. My birthday. But this year is different because I no longer have to explain to my friends why I can’t have a party, or celebrate. They would crinkle their nose at my dad’s rules and even laugh behind my back. That’s in the past though; this year I can be whoever I want to be.

  Like the Texas forecast, Hayze’s mood swings were unpredictable. As I let myself inside the dorm, a dancing figure catches my eye. Flipping on the light, I find a balloon tied to side table and a banner draped above my bed.

  “Surprise,” Lea yells from her bed.

  “Is this really necessary?” My brows pinch together. I toss my backpack on the floor and plant my hands on my hips. “I thought we’re going out tonight, what’s this?” I point to the silly decorations crowding the corner of my space.

  “That’s just for fun…We’re still going out.”

  “What’s the plan?” I ask her.

  She shrugs her shoulders, with huge grin crowding her face. “You’ll see.”

  “Ugh. Did I tell you how much I hate surprises?” I roll my eyes and fall on my bed. I crawl to the top and push my hands under my pillow.

  “You’ll love this one,” she assures me. A smile is engraved on her face; her dimples dance as she speaks. “Oh! I got you something.”

  “You didn’t have to get me a present,” I say.

  “It’s not really a present, more like an outfit for tonight.”

  “Oh God,” I whisper. She tosses me a sack. When I see the orange logo on the side, I cringe. I pull the metallic material from the bag and hold it out for inspection.

  “What the hell is this supposed to be?” I ask.

  “It’s your Halloween costume, look.” She pulls it from my hand and lays it across my bed, then tosses hers down. “You’re Catwoman, and I’m Wonderwoman.”

  “Someone fights crime in this?” I tug on the black fabric. “This is my first Halloween costume, ya know?”

  Her eyes widen, “Wait, what? You are kidding.”

  I shake my head, tracing the material that stretches across my bed. “My dad wouldn’t let us celebrate Halloween. Or Christmas…”

  “That’s child abuse.” She frowns. “Put this on, and drink enough vodka for two people, it’ll make me feel better.”

  I grab the scanty material from the bed and dress quickly. I exhale, testing the thin, yet clingy material. The top of the costume is visible in the small vanity mirror; the long sleeves cover my arms and every part of body aside from my chest. My sparse cleavage is boosted and pushed underneath my chin. Lea fusses over my hair, adds false eyelashes, and smears my lips with red lipstick.

  “Tada,” she exclaims.

  She steps from the mirror, allowing me to see myself for the first time. I blink, growing accustom to the heaviness on my lids. My hair is teased, my side bangs are pinned to the top of my head, but my face is what makes me cringe.

  “This is a freak show, Lea! Seriously, this is what girls look like on Halloween?” My hands cling to my face, poking it. I grab a tissue from the table, but she takes it from me.

  A knock comes from the other side of the door. Lea saunters over in her barely-there costume and swings the door open, watching me with a grin.

  “Scott?” I gasp as she opens the door wide.

  “Ah shit, Taylor.” Laughing hysterically, he bends over, clasping his palms to his knees. “Please let me get a picture of you. Dad needs to see this.”

  “What are you doing here?” I narrow my eyes at him. He pulls his phone out and aims it at me. I walk over, snatch it from his hands and slap the back of his head.

  He waltzes in the room, unfazed by my assault and makes himself at home. “Lea invited me. And all of a sudden, I’m glad I came. This is something I need to see,” he says, chuckling at me.

  “What exactly do you need to see?” I stand and place my hands on my hips.

  He motions his hands from my head to my feet. “Preacher’s daughter takes on college,” he says.

  “What are you supposed to be, anyway?” I huff, taking the attention from me.

  He glances down at his jeans, tan leather jacket, and shrugs. “Uhh, myself,” he says.

  I throw my arms up. “Lea, what are we doing?”

  She glides the glossy brush across her lips, and smacks them together. “We’re meeting up at Hayze’s.” I sigh; this just keeps getting better and better.

  “Of course we are,” I murmur and she smiles at my pessimism.

  “You could at least pretend you are happy I’m here,” Scott says, frowning, “Happy birthday, see if I come to another party for you.”

  I groan, “I’m happy to see you. I just wish I knew before.” I look down at my second skin clinging to me and my face twists in disgust.

  “Cheer up,” he says. He wraps his arms around me, squeezing me in a hug. “This is your first birthday, enjoy it!”

  “What?” Lea’s face scrunches as we leave from the dorm.

  “Yeah… We couldn’t celebrate birthdays either…” I explain to her with my eyes fixed on the ground. She gasps and mouths ‘oh my god’ when I look up.

  “We were deprived,” Scott chimes in. “At least Dad has Sean to carry on his beliefs,” he snorts.

  “Just what the world needs, another asshole and more kids with daddy issues,” I say.

  Looking at my outfit, he coughs through laughter. “Clearly,” he says. I almost say something back, but I don’t because…he’s right.

  I slide in my car and Scott informs me he has to leave early. Lea protests, saying he doesn’t need sleep and that seems to make him happy. He jumps in his truck, leaving me alone with Lea, and she fusses with me over the radio. Several long minutes later, we pull into Hayze’s apartment complex.

  “Who is this guy again?” Scott asks as we approach the door.

  “Hayze, he’s Lea’s brother,” I tell him, hoping he doesn’t remember Lea mentioning him at my parent’s dinner. He hums, like he’s thinking about it and I know I’m caught.

  “Hayze? That was the guy you were tellin’ Mom about.” He snaps his finger as the light bulb sparks in his head.

  “I for sure didn’t tell mom about a guy, that was Lea. And she was joking,” I assure him, but he doesn’t look convinced.

  I raise my hand to knock, but Lea speaks up. “I wasn’t joking.”

  “So… Is this guy your boyfriend?” Scott looks to Lea then me.

  “No! I’m about to knock on this door and when I do, I don’t want to hear another word about that!” I point my finger at them, and they nod.

  Before I have the chance to knock, the door opens. “I thought I heard shouting out here,” Hayze says, looking behind us. I grow nervous, thinking they might tell him what we were arguing about.

  “And you opened it? What if it was an angry mob of women?” Lea teases him. She walks past him to go inside.

  “This is my brother, Scott. Scott, this is Hayze,” I say.

  After their brief introduction, I join Lea. Hayze stops as if he sees me for the first time, his eyes fall down my body. He shakes his head, displeased. “Jesus Christ, Lea,” he mutters and walks into his room.

  “Tonight should be…Fun,” I say, clicking my tongue with annoyance.

  “Well, the good thing is, you don’t have another birthday to compare it to,” Lea says with a shit eating grin on her face. She walks to the kitchen and pulls a white box from a cabinet and lifts the lid to reveal a cake equipped with candles.

  “Oh my god, you guys!” I smile at her.

  “Hey Taylor, come here for a sec,” Hayze calls.

  I walk in his room, finding him standing with a pink bag in his hand. I smile, take it from his outstretched hand, and toss the tissue to the floor. My eyes dart to him; his hands are shoved in his pockets, smiling at me. Inside a blanket is folded neatly, I lay it on the bed, carefully looking at each square.

  “Hayze,” I breathe out. “Where did you get this?”


  “I went to these concerts with my dad, they were shirts and I had them made into a blanket for you. You sing every damn song that plays in my car. Seemed like the perfect gift,” he says, downplaying the thought he put into this.

  I inspect each square, a few of them, including Nirvana, has squiggly signatures on them. “I can’t accept this; this is too much,” I tell him and hand it to him.

  He shakes his head. “I want you to have it. They have bad memories attached to them now.”

  I look at him in surprise, thinking about it before I speak. “What kind of bad memories? Do I really want this?” I smile and clutch the blanket to my chest. “Kidding.”

  He smiles and shakes his head. “A tale for another day, c’mon,” he says.

  “It’s my birthday, and I say we have time,” I say, pushing my luck.

  “What’s the plan?” I eye him suspiciously as he waits for me by the bedroom door.

  “To pack nineteen birthdays into one, happy birthday, Taylor,” he says. His arms wrap around my waist. His face is now inches from mine, I brace for a kiss, a consuming kiss. Instead I get a small peck.

  “Now I’m afraid,” I say.

  He chuckles as he opens the door to the hallway. “As you should be, sweet Taylor.”

  He smirks at me as I pass by. I fold the blanket up, place it inside the bag and put it on the couch. I don’t want anyone to see it, especially Lea. He doesn’t want to talk about it, and I know it would embarrass him if they saw it. I’m surprised that he brought up his dad in front of me, I want to ask more about it but I’ll wait until we’re alone. I don’t want to ruin the night they have planned for me.

  “Finally, let’s go!” Lea says as she flings her hands up dramatically. I throw her a look that says, ‘you’re so stupid,’ I’m positive we were only in his room for five minutes.

  “Where am I meeting you?” Scott asks as we leave the apartment.

  “Alley is first on our list,” she says.

  “I’ll only be able to stay for that one. I’ve gotta get back,” he says. He pulls his phone out and checks the time. Scott climbs in his ridiculously large Chevy truck while we pile into Hayze’s car.

  When we arrive I find that The Alley, along with every other bar in Texas, is crowded on this overrated holiday. Hayze slows the car as drunken girls’ flaunter by dressed in next to nothing. My face screws into disgust until I remember what I have on.

  I throw my head back on the seat and groan. “Lea, why did you make me wear this? I look like the sorority girls,” I complain.

  “No way, you look way better,” she says, patting me on the arm from the back seat. I turn around and narrow my eyes at her.

  Once inside we flash the guy our ID’s and walk into the crowded room. Decorations line the hallway, and the bartenders hustle around dressed as cats. Fog dominates the room, and I cough at the sight.

  “You have a fake ID? This just keeps getting better and better,” Scott laughs.

  “That was me,” Lea says, clearly pleased with herself. She pushes her way to the bar.

  Moments later, she emerges from the crowd that engulfed her, with a tray of shots.

  “Happy birthday!” A pair of long arms wrap around my shoulders from behind. I untangle myself to find Shea behind me.

  “Four shots from the four of us,” Lea says. She sets the tray down on the table near us.

  We move over to it, my eyes study her face, looking for any sign that she might be joking. “C’mon, drink up. All at once, let’s see it.” She claps.

  “Lea, this is like her third time to drink.” Hayze says. They lock eyes, then she looks back at me.

  “Scott, what do you think?” She asks, patronizing Hayze.

  Scott shrugs his shoulders and grins. “I think she should do it.”

  “Guys, you do know that she is standing right here?” Pointing to myself, I laugh, “I can speak for myself.”

  “Well, birthday girl, what do ya said?” Lea taunts, leaning over the table.

  She picks up a shot glass and dangles it in the air. I snatch it and toss it back, and I do the same with the second, third, and fourth. I set the glasses down, and the table cheers. Everyone except Hayze, his arms are crossed at his chest, glowering at his sister. Lea tosses the tray to another table, smiling. I smile, and thank all of them as my head swims. My throat still burns, and I have a hard time standing still in the heels Lea made me wear.

  “Hayze, you wanna shoot a round of pool?” Scott asks.

  “Why not,” he shrugs. He gives Lea a pointed look as he walks off.

  We follow them and sit at the nearest table. Lea looks in their direction with disgust.

  “Look at those skanks flirting with Scott,” she says. I laugh loudly, too loud, and she looks at me knowingly. She knows that was too much for me to handle at one time. However, it is my first birthday, and if I wake up in the morning throwing my guts up, well, I have nothing else to compare it to.

  I watch their uneventful game of pool; Scott attracts the attentions of two girls. Hayze keeps his head ducked, but on his last shot, he’s approached. The tall brunette leans over the table, smiling, she introduces herself. When he doesn’t speak she moves closer to him. I’ll never understand the nerves that these girls have. I mean sure they’re attractive, but is it really worth getting shot down in front of everyone? Especially Hayze, with his reputation you’re either being shot down or used for the night. I can’t decide which would be worse. My stomach feels sick; I don’t know if it’s the drink or thinking of Hayze’s past. The brunette stands behind him, her eyes rake up his body. He bends down, lining the pool stick with the ball, it bumps her.

  “Can you move?” He asks, not so politely.

  She huffs, embarrassed and stalks off. Lea laughs loudly. “If only he would do that,” she said, pointing to Scott.

  “Don’t hold your breath. He has to leave early anyway. Maybe you can hook up another night,” I say and bring the straw to my lips. I can’t believe those words just came out of my mouth, about my brother of all people. But she doesn’t seem to mind.

  “Is that what you think of me?” She smiles, lays her hand over her heart, as if I could offend her.

  “Tater Bug, I really hate to leave, but I have gotta get goin’,” Scott says.

  “What a shame, it looked like you were really getting somewhere with your new friends,” I say, laughing too hard at my own joke. Lea elbows me. He doesn’t say anything; he looks to Lea and shakes his head at me.

  He hugs me. “Thanks for coming,” I say.

  “Don’t let anything happen to her tonight,” he tells Lea.

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

  He leaves and Lea drags Shea to the dance floor. Hayze hasn’t spoken to me since I tossed back the shots. I drain my last drink, looking at the packed bar, I frown. I yank on the stretchy material, willing it to cover my chest. The neckline is too low and the way it clings to me leaves nothing for the imagination.

  “I have a hoodie in the car, if you want it, it’s yours,” Hayze says. I look up to find him watching me with an amused grin. I guess he’s done with his tantrum.

  I look around, not seeing Lea in sight, I nod. “That would be great, actually.”

  We walk from the bar, Hayze waves our arm bands to the guy at the desk, and he nods his head. I stumble twice, giggling as the alcohol pounds its way through my veins. His hand finds my waist as we walk down the crowded sidewalk.

  When we find his car he unlocks it and manually pops the trunk. He pulls out a black hoodie and hands it to me. I pull it on quickly, finding that it comes to the top of my thighs and covers my chest.

  “Thank you,” I say, smiling appreciatively.

  He smirks, “No…Thank you.”

  I almost ask what he means by that, but I don’t think I want to know. The crowd on the sidewalk roars, I look over to find someone lying on the parking lot, laughing as they try to stand. The pavement beneath me shakes as the songs blend int
o one.

  “I don’t wanna go back in there,” I say.

  He slams the trunk and walks to the driver side. “Slide in,” he instructs me.

  I climb in the driver side and uncoordinatedly slide to the passenger side. He takes the driver’s seat and slams the door. With alcohol raging through my blood, suddenly the only thing keeping me from him is the middle console. He doesn’t look at me. His warm eyes stare out the window. His arms grip the steering wheel. Finally, he turns his body to me and his eyes lock with mine. They’re full of anguish.

  “I’ve been fighting this daily struggle... You see, I could be good and walk away right now. You could be free of my shit. You wouldn't be sucked into my life. But that's not what I want. That may make me a selfish asshole, but I want you to be by my side."

  "I’m not going anywhere," I say.

  "I hope so, Taylor. More than that, if you do put up with my shit, I hope you don't end up hating me."

  “Why would I hate you?” I laugh. His eyes drop to his hands, and that’s when I realize he’s serious. “Hayze?”

  “I hope I never have to answer that question,” he says truthfully.

  “You’re talking in riddles, and I’m drunk. Cut me some slack,” I giggle, hoping it lightens the mood.

  I’ve been wondering about the way he feels about me, but I’m too afraid to ask. I would rather be out of the loop, going with it then know he doesn’t want anything from me. Before tonight I shoved it to the back of my mind, marking him as my first college fling. I wouldn’t admit that I wanted more, because I could protect myself that way.

  All rational thoughts flow from my brain as I cross the middle barrier and climb in his lap. He’s surprised at first, but he cups my face and brings his mouth to mine. It starts out too slow for my fuzzy mind. I deepen the kiss as I fumble to remove my hoodie.

  I toss it in the back seat and my hands return to him. I skim down his arms and tug on the hem of his shirt, but he stops me.

  “Stop; I’m not having sex with you in my car,” he says out of breath.

  “Since when do you have morals?” I tease him, but his face is pressed in a scowl.

  “Since you came around, and believe me I don’t like it either,” he pauses and smiles. “But I can’t let your first time be in a car.”

  “Who said this was my first time?” I ask defensively. He chuckles, but doesn’t say anything. With blood rushing to my face, I return to my seat, too embarrassed to be near him. As much as I try I can’t hide who I’ve been my whole life. I try to be normal like everyone else, but he can see right through me.

  “You wanna go back in?” He asks.

  “Yeah, I guess we should. Lea’s probably wondering where we went,” I say.

  He leans in, holds my face with both hands. “Nineteen,” he says. He presses his lips to mine. My intoxication heightens with each touch. “To a night you will never forget.” He smiles and gets out of his car.