Hazed

by Brittany Butler

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  There’s something magical about the campus in December. The tall timbers are decorated with lights, glowing through the windows of the dining hall. Tacky, metallic centerpieces fill the tables and the air is vibrant as students discuss their plans. I squeeze between the line and toss my purse on the seat. I slide decorations out of the way, listening to Lea babble on about the upcoming break. With finals behind me, I debate what to do with my open month.

  Lea lifts her roll and tosses it, after smacking me in the face; it falls into my lap, leaving a greasy residue on my dress. “Earth to Taylor,” She says.

  I toss it back to her, she swats it. “Really?” Yanking the napkin from the table, I dab the mess on my sweater dress. The brown, crochet material returns to its original state after countless swipes.

  She shrugs, “You weren’t paying attention; I had to. Are you finished with finals?”

  “I finished yesterday,” I say, cutting my eyes at her.

  She nods then pops a french fry in her mouth. “Are you going home over the break, or what?”

  Sighing, I say, “At least for Christmas day.”

  The seat beside me shifts as Hayze takes his place beside me. “I wanna meet your parents,” he chimes in. His dimples greet me with a genuine grin. The grey, long sleeved shirt brings out his eyes.

  “You sure about that?” I ask, snapping out of my daydream.

  “Yeah, why not,” he says. His face screws into confusion, like he can’t fathom the horror of my family holidays.

  “Um, for starters my dad’s an asshole,” I remind him.

  “He won’t say anything to me,” he says, confidently.

  I twist my lips to the side, thinking. I knew as soon as the words tumbled from his mouth how that introduction would go. My mom wouldn't comment; she would sit back as my dad tore into me. But deep down she would love him. She would whisper thanks of my returning smile into his ear as he left. But I don't need her approval, nor do I need my dad’s. As I watch Hayze's eyes dance across my face, waiting for an answer, the need for their approval is long gone.

  “If you want, but don't say I didn't warn you.” I say, then turned my attention to Lea. “When’s your flight?”

  “Four, ugh, I’m leaving after lunch.”

  “I’m so jealous. Take lots of pictures!”

  “I will! I’ve never been to Colorado before, and Anna said they live close to the ski lift! So what are you tellin’ your mom?”

  “She just texted me again,” I say, pointing to my phone. “I guess she knows I’m ignoring her. I mean I guess I could handle a few days there. Maybe I can go tomorrow? That’s only,” I stop and count the days in my head, “Four days before Christmas. I could leave that night.”

  “You would probably survive that,” Lea laughs. “What are you two doing tonight?”

  “Joel wanted to go to the cabin. There’s a couple four wheelers there and he’s swinging by his parents to get his. But now that I won’t see Taylor for a few days…” he says, he looks at me and shrugs. I frown, this is the first I’m hearing about this. I hope he just planned it and didn’t hide it from me.

  “That sounds…dangerous. Oh my god, Hayze, what the hell are you going to do without us? Taylor and I will both be gone the entire Christmas break!”

  “Um, I didn’t say that,” I tell her, needing her to calm down. The thought of staying with my parents for a day is frightening. She can’t imagine what that just did to me.

  “Won’t be that long, I guess I’ll go to Taylor’s on Christmas Eve and stay the night…”

  Lea and I both burst into laughter. “Did Hell just freeze over? Taylor’s dad isn’t going to let you within a mile of that house when the sun goes down.”

  I nod. “The only things that are open after dark are legs and the ER.”

  “Shut up! He did not say that,” Lea howls with laughter. I shake my head, wishing it wasn’t true and she laughs even harder. It’s funny now, but I didn’t find the humor in it when I repeated the words to the kids at school.

  “I’ll just come Christmas day and we can ride back together?” He asks and I nod in agreement. “You okay with riding four wheelers at the cabin tonight?”

  “Yeah, sounds fun!” I think.

  “You two be careful, okay?” Lea’s eyes hold mine.

  “We will, Mom,” I tell her.

  When we get back to the dorm Lea scoops up her carry on and hugs us as she leaves. Hayze helps me gather enough clothes to last while I visit my family then we go to his apartment. When we arrive Joel comes out of his room with two very blessed girls on his flank.

  “When we goin’, man?” Joel asks.

  “I’m riding down there in an hour to gas up before dark,” Hayze says.

  “Alright, we’ll see ya down there. I’ve gotta go by my parents first. Is the cabin unlocked?”

  “The key is under the mat, but don’t go in there and fuck around,” Hayze says, holding his gaze. Joel’s face lights with amusement.

  “I won’t do anything you wouldn’t do,” Joel says, tantalizing Hayze as he opens the door for the girls. He winks at me and shuts the door behind him. I’ll never understand how the two of them started rooming together.

  Hayze shakes his head as they leave. “My next roommate will sign a very detailed contract.”

  I laugh, “What’s wrong?”

  “That son of a bitch always has girls over here. He needs to do that shit at their place,” he says. He walks over to the kitchen and digs through the cabinet. He pulls out a whiskey jar and I cringe. My eyes never leave him, he pours more sweet and sour into a cup and sets it on the bar.

  “What’s wrong with having them over?” I ask, smirking.

  “We’ve been through this.”

  “Do you guys go to the cabin a lot?” I sit on the couch, tuck my feet underneath me and watch Hayze make another drink.

  “We used to, not so much anymore. And Chandler would come, too. I think he’s coming tonight.” He walks over and joins me on the couch, handing me the less strong drink and I thank him with a kiss.

  “Have I met him?”

  “No, he’s in the frat I was in…I got out of it, but I still hang out with some of the guys,” he explains. I thought it would be us and Joel’s entourage. I didn’t consider that there would be more people. My stomach sinks.

  “Who’s all going?”

  “Chandler, Joel, those chicks he was with. I think that’s it.”

  “Chandler isn’t bringing a slew of girls, is he?”

  He laughs, “I’m sure he’ll be entertained.”

  I nod even though I don’t know what that means. He stands, then disappears into the hallway and comes back minutes later with a backpack. He tosses it next to mine and steps back into the kitchen. “What do you want tonight? Wine? Whiskey?”

  My face screws into disgust. “Hayze we are riding four wheelers tonight, should we drink?”

  “I’m driving. You’re riding, drink enough for both of us.”

  “I’ll be hung over when I see my family tomorrow, lovely. And you’ve already had a drink…”

  “I have had one drink, stop insultin’ my manhood, woman. C’mon, we need to get down there before Joel fucks the place up,” he says, patting my thighs to get me up. Even though I protest, he grabs drinks and we leave the apartment.

  Half an hour later Hayze is cleaning the dusty four wheelers in the shed behind the cabin. We’re nestled between the trees and lake. Birds chirp in the distance, leaves dance in the wind, and most importantly, cell service is nonexistent. Although I told my mom I would be home tomorrow, she still insists on giving me instructions. What to say to my dad, what not to say, what lies to tell. Each attempt to reach out to me has been ignored; tomorrow I’ll deal with them. I have no plans of lying to my dad this week, and when Hayze shows up, tattooed and different, I have a feeling I won’t be asked to come to another family function.

  “Thought I heard
something,” Hayze says, staring behind me.

  I find a guy walking toward us with a beer in hand. He wears a heavy brown coat and he stops and tucks his jeans into his boots before walking further. Stray blonde hairs poke from his cap.

  “Where’s Joel? He’s bringing Kassi and Jenny?”

  “He had some chicks, I don’t know their names,” Hayze replies, shrugging.

  He laughs, “And who are you? I’m Chandler.” He offers his hand; his mouth is curved into a charming, side grin.

  “That’s Taylor,” Hayze says. There’s a warning in his slow response.

  “Well, shit, you are not a myth. Good to meet ya,” Chandler says with a laugh.

  Car doors slam, Chandler snakes his head around and grins. “Speak of the devil. Be right back,” he says, then turns and joggs toward the cabin.

  The trio piles out of a large blue truck. The guys distance themselves from the truck, as Joel slips something to Chandler; I realize I’m undoubtedly starring at them.

  “Babe?” I turn, finding Hayze watching me intently. “Drive one to the front.”

  “Yeah, sure, what were they doing?” I ask.

  “Looks like he’s about to unload the four-wheeler,” he says, sarcastically.

  I turn around and find that he’s right. Chandler and Kassi are now leaning against the truck, limbs tangled in one another. Joel unloads the red four-wheeler he brought. Frustrated with his answer, I bring the four-wheeler to life and meet the others at the front. The voluptuous blondes walk toward me; they must stand a whole foot above me. Surprisingly, they each offer a hand and smile.

  "I’m Kassi," the girl in the plaid says.

  "Jenny," the other says. Kassi gives me a natural, easy going smile, leading me to believe we could be friends. Jenny, on the other hand, probably hasn’t heard the word natural since she was a child. Even in the overcast of clouds, her teeth sparkle as if the sun is shining in her mouth. Her boobs sit below her chin and probably each weigh more than I do. Although she’s nice in her own way, I can see why she’s with Joel.

  "I’m Taylor," I tell them.

  "Oh, we know," Kassi said, winking.

  "Ladies, we ready?" Joel snakes his arm around Jenny's waist and tugs on her.

  "Ready," they say in unison.

  Hayze mixes me a drink in a red, plastic cup and hands it to me. He throws a leg over the seat and pats the space behind him.

  "You sure you don't want me to drive?"

  "I don't understand your sense of humor. Drink that down before you climb on." He shoots me a shit eating grin and I chug my drink until its only half way to the rim. The engines start up and I slide on the seat. My hands wrap around Hayze, hugging his middle. His fingers entwine in mine and he takes off.

  "Let's hang back," he yells over the engine.

  They fly in front of us, staying on the main trail through the woods. Hayze slows and turns off on another trail. I duck behind him, hiding from bugs and branches that slam into his arms.

  “It’ll clear out in a minute,” he yells.

  The four wheeler flies over a bump, sending us bouncing into a wider trail. He laughs as I shift back into place after slamming into him. Headlights approach us and our engine goes silent.

  “We need music!” Kassi exclaims.

  “Here, plug your phone in the cooler, it has an aux. Hayze, come here for a sec,” Joel says. Joel steps off the ATV and walks towards the woods.

  “Be right back,” he tells me.

  With a kiss on the check, he hops off and follows the two guys into the woods. When the speakers blare, Kassi hoots. Jenny stands on the seat, the lyrics flow from her mouth as her body rocks to the rhythm. Wishing Lea was here, I tighten my jacket and look away.

  When the guys walk back, Jenny doesn’t sit down, instead she puts on a bigger show but Hayze doesn’t watch, instead, he stalks toward me with a grin. He slides on the seat, facing me, in a swift movement my legs are wrapped around his waist. His lips are on mine like he needs this kiss to breathe.

  I push him away. “We’re in public.”

  “Nah, we’re in the woods, and I’m pretty sure my friends have seen a kiss before,” he says, smirking.

  “Not like that,” I breathed. “I’ve never even seen one like that.”

  “You want some privacy?” He asks as his lips find my neck.

  “What…Hayze?”

  “Have you ever fucked on a four-wheeler?” He laughs.

  “Seriously, Hayze? What’s gotten into you? Why are you acting so weird?” My voice is hushed as I push off of him.

  “If you two are done, we’d like to ride,” Joel yells. The group chuckles and my face heats. I lower my head and glare at Hayze.

  “Looks like we are,” Hayze says. I know he’s joking, but it makes me mad. He turns and starts the four-wheeler. I smile as we drive by the group, refusing to let them get a glimpse of my feelings.

  “Slow down!” I yell over the engine.

  “I’m not going to hurt you.”

  I groan in frustration and hold on tighter. Refusing to look up, I rest my forehead on his shoulder. We cut off on another trail; this one is wider with no rogue branches slamming into us. When we make it back to the main trail, I spot the red, tail lights of the two four-wheelers. As we approach I see that everyone is off and Jenny is sitting on the ground with her face in her hands.

  When we stop near the other four wheelers, I jump off and run toward them. Jenny’s left leg is burned, her arm is bleeding and she’s holding her head. “What happened?” I ask.

  They all look at me as if they didn’t see us drive up. “Uh, Jenny and I wanted to ride together and she was driving, we hit a tree,” Kassi sobs.

  “Is she okay?” I ask, moving closer to Jenny.

  “She’s fine; she doesn’t want to go to the hospital. We are just giving her a minute,” Joel says, warning me to stay away.

  “If she hit her head I really think she needs to get it checked out,” I say. I don’t care what he thinks, if she’s hurt, she’s getting help.

  “Me too,” Kassi agrees.

  “She said she’s fine,” Joel snaps.

  “What’s going on?” Hayze walks to my side.

  “Jenny was driving and she hit a tree! I really think she needs to get her head checked out but Joel is saying no,” I tell him, hoping he’ll take my side.

  “I didn’t say no! Jenny said she’s fine!”

  “Don’t yell at her,” Hayze seethed. He glares at Joel until he holds his hands up and steps away. He turns his attention back to Jenny when he calms down. “Jenny? You wanna get your head checked out?”

  “No,” she says, weakly, shaking her head.

  I grab him by the hand and lead him away from the group. I glance over his shoulder, seeing that no one notices we are gone I sigh. "Hayze I really think she needs to go to the hospital," I say.

  "She probably does." He shrugs his shoulders and doesn’t look concerned.

  "Then do something!"

  "What do you want me to do? Throw her over my shoulder and run her there? We asked and she said no. End of story."

  "Talk to Joel, maybe he'll get her to agree. Or call an ambulance!"

  "I can’t call an ambulance! Cops will come out here. Everyone here will get charged with something," he says.

  "You won't... You haven't even drank tonight and I can throw mine out!"

  "Yeah but I’ve... Nothing, fuck, never mind." He covers his eyes with his palms and groans.

  "Finish that, you have what?" I ask, turning him to face me.

  "Nothing; it's nothing! Look, I’ll go talk to Joel if it will make you feel better.”

  I catch his wrist when he turns. "What did you do, Hayze?"

  "One thing at a time," he says. He jerks his wrist from my grip and walks back to the group. "Hey man, maybe we should get her to the ER she probably has a concussion."

  "She said she's alright," Joel snaps at him and I realize this may have been a bad
idea. Joel is such a selfish asshole, and Hayze’s temper is a ticking time bomb.

  "I know, but she's drunk so she probably doesn't know if anything’s wrong. Let's just drive her up there," Hayze says. He’s doing a good job of keeping his voice level.

  "We’ll be there all damn night just for a doctor to tell her what we already know, that she's alright.” Joel stands up, leaving Jenny alone and I can tell he’s mad.

  "That might be, but I think we should. If it was Taylor or Lea I would want someone to look after them. C'mon Jenny, Kassi do you wanna come?" Hayze motions for them to follow him.

  "Oh fuck. Holier than thou Hayze is back, what did I tell you Chandler? Listen man, when that girl leaves you, and she will, I don't want to hear you bitching about it after the way you have been acting," Joel laughs.

  "Shut the fuck up Joel," he says, his voice is dangerously low. I glance between the groups; the girls now understand the severity of the situation. Chandler tosses his beer bottle down and steps closer to them.

  "I’m just sayin' man, don't act like a whipped bitch when she's around. Don't forget I was with you an hour ago when you walked into the woods and...." That's all it takes, Hayze's fist connects to Joel's face. He strikes him two other times; the sound of flesh being pounded makes me cringe. Chandler steps up and drags Hayze back when Joel hits the ground.

  "Get the girls out of here. I’ll take care of this," Chandler says. He grabs his phone and calls for an ambulance to get Jenny. After a cramped drive back, Hayze parked the four-wheeler in front of the cabin.

  "Ambulance should be here in a minute. Kassi, you think you can sit with her until then? I need to get Taylor home," Hayze says.

  “Yeah, of course, get her home,” Kassi says, waving at me.

  “Do you think it’s a good idea to leave now?” I ask as I slide in the Mustang.

  “Kassi said it’s okay,” he sighs.

  "Hayze, what are you hiding? What is so important that you had to punch someone in order to keep a secret?"

  "I’m not hiding anything! He was disrespecting you and I shut him up!"

  "No! No, no, no, that's not how I remember it! You’re right, he did disrespect me and you told him to shut up. Then he almost slips your precious secret and you knock him out!" I ball my fists at my side and keep my eyes on the road.

  "If that's how you wanna see it, whatever. Go ahead!"

  "I just need to know that you are telling me everything. I hate the feeling that I’m walking around blind, like everyone knows something that I don't," I say.

  Frustrated, he runs his hand down his face. "Do you tell me every little fuckin’ thing, Taylor?"

  "Yeah, I do! If it's important!"

  "And if it's not important you just don't bother, right? Well then think of what Joel said as not important. Just like every other fucking word that comes out of that stupid fuck’s mouth," he says. I roll my eyes and cross my arms.

  "You’re starting to sound like my dad! Always hiding something!"

  I instantly regret saying that. I know I should keep my mouth closed. When we’re this angry we should separate. We’re the victim of one another’s out lash; we always say things just to hurt the other. The air in the car shifted when the words tumbled from my mouth. His knuckles grip the wheel and his breath speeds up. I sit, waiting for him to fire something back but nothing comes. Instead he turns the radio up and disregards our entire conversation. I watch him, stunned.

  "This is bullshit, Hayze," I say. I don’t want to drag the fight out, but I need him to say something to me. Anything, even if it’s mean.

  "Such a strong word from the preacher’s daughter," he chuckles, antagonizing me.

  "Just take me back to my dorm!" Tears threaten to spill from my eyes.

  "No," he says.

  "Excuse me?" I huff, I’m baffled at the authority in his voice.

  "No, you heard me. You’re acting insane right now and I would like nothing more than to take you home, but you are drunk and I love you. So you’re staying with me."

  I want to argue. I want to scream at him, jump out of the moving car and run all the way back to the dorm. But I don’t. I don’t want to be alone tonight. Maybe the secret is something from the figment of my imagination, but it’s driving a wedge between us. Unless he comes clean to me or proves to me that I’m wrong, we won’t make it. I don’t want to look back on this night and wish that I would’ve stayed with him one last time.

  “Did you even hear what I said to you?” He asks as he turns into the apartment.

  I groan, not wanting to talk to him right now. “Yeah, I’m staying at your apartment tonight. Whatever, I’ll sleep on the couch and go to the dorm tomorrow,” I say, yawning. I’m too tired to fight with him anymore tonight. I unclick my seatbelt and catch him staring at me. His eyes are like ice, I shift uncomfortably. “What is it?” I murmur.

  “I just told you…I…You know what? Fuck this,” he says. In a quick movement he jumps from the car, slamming the door as he storms away.

  Sighing, I fall against the back of the seat. Arguing with him sobered me up. I wait for him to come back and apologize or tell me his erratic attitude was a joke, but nothing happens. I walk into the apartment, finding him passed out on the couch. From the time it takes me to walk to his room, my slumbered thoughts piece together. He spilled his feelings out, I’ve been waiting an eternity for him to say those things to me and it finally happened. But I didn’t hear him, because I was so wrapped up in throwing the next hurtful thing at him.