Hazed

by Brittany Butler

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Hayze is laying on my bed with his feet hanging off of the end when I walk in my dorm. I slap the light switch, hoping it would jolt him, but it doesn’t. His elbow is crocked over his face and his chest rises and falls in a steady tune. The illogical, naïve part of me doesn’t want to wake him. I feel drawn to collapse on the bed beside him and nuzzle in his neck. I long to shove my worries from my mind, then Hayze wouldn’t be keeping things from me, we wouldn’t fight. We could wake up in the morning in bliss, without memory of weeks before. Instead I toss my bag on the floor and unnecessarily throw my keys on the desk.

  Without moving he groans. “Fuck. Could you be any louder? I’m tired,” he says.

  “Oh, so sorry…I’m sure you’re exhausted after your night in jail. I’ll try to be more sensitive next time,” I say, making my sarcasm known.

  “Look, I’m sorry but this time it wasn’t my fault.” He remains on his back with his eyes covered, unfazed.

  “It never is!” I rip the chair from under the desk and crash into it. With my head held back, I stare into the dim light. If I keep looking up, my tears can’t fall.

  He sighs and rises from his slumber. He blinks then rubs his face. “Keep it between us. Lea would flip shit.”

  “Oh, Lea would? How do you think I’m handling it?” I laugh without an ounce of humor.

  He grabs my hands and pulls me beside him. “Better than I thought. I wasn’t gonna tell you…”

  Sighing, “I’m glad you did…I don’t want you to keep things from me. What are you gonna do now? Did you and Joel talk?”

  “Uh kinda, I guess I’m going to look for a new place,” he says, rubbing the back of his head.

  “And until then?”

  He shrugs, “Lea won’t be back for another week. I guess I’ll crash here; I’ll find an apartment in a week. Two weeks’ tops,” he says.

  “If you get caught, I’ll be kicked out, you know that, right? What am I saying? Of course you know that, you just don’t care!”

  “You’re getting worked up over nothing,” he says, chuckling. His lips start a light trail down my neck. When my breath speeds up, he grins, knowing how he affects me. I swat him away.

  “You were arrested, Hayze.” I scold him and he rolls his eyes.

  “Yeah, and so is every other college student.”

  “Your attitude is pissing me off,” I say, managing to sound calm. “The way you’re blowing this off…I think you’re just making a joke of it on purpose. It has to have some effect on you. And if it doesn’t then that’s the last red flag I’ll ignore.”

  Finally, the walls tumble down. His smile falters then he drops his head. When my phone vibrates, I glance at the name and look back at Hayze. He looks at it then shakes his head. “Don’t answer that. It was all I could do not to punch him in the fucking face tonight.” His tone is low, daring me to answer.

  “Joseph?” My face screws into anger.

  “I know what that was about. That guys in love with you and your dads pushing it. Your dad probably put him up to calling you!” My eyes probably resemble an animated character as they shift excitedly between Hayze and the phone. “Don’t answer it, Taylor.”

  “He’s not like that. He probably just wants to make sure I made it home okay,” I say, waving him off. “Hey, Joseph,” I say.

  Hayze snatches the phone from me and puts it on speaker. I reach for it but he holds it out of my reach and shakes his head at me. I don’t want to do this while Joseph is on the phone so I stop my attempt and ignore Hayze.

  “Hello Taylor, I wanted to see that you made it home safely,” he says. I raise my eyebrow and bump my shoulder into Hayze. He shakes his head, furious.

  “Not buying it,” he says. Obviously he doesn’t care if Joseph knows he’s listening.

  “What was that?” Joseph asks.

  “Oh, nothing, sorry, I made it home. Thanks for checking on me.” Sweat beads on my neck, rolling down with every second that ticks by. Hayze’s glare is unsettling and makes me question the motive of his call.

  “There’s actually something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “Oh?” I bite my bottom lip, hoping he doesn’t bring up Hayze. I told him that Joseph wouldn’t say anything about us, but honestly, I don’t know him anymore. He was always kind and laid back in school, always avoiding confrontation. But just like me, he’s been on his own at college, and that changes people. I only know who Joseph used to be.

  “So, this guy Hayze? You’re actually dating him, because, to be honest I was kind of caught off guard. Your dad didn’t mention him and he’s…He’s really not your type.”

  I pick nervously at my nails, ignoring Hayze and wanting this conversation to end. “Yeah, about that, sorry for the confusion, you know how my dad is…”

  “…He wants the best for you,” he says, interrupting me.

  “I guess some would see it that way. I see it as trying to control me. I’m …dating Hayze…Sorry you were brought in on that.”

  “He seems like bad news, Taylor. I know we don’t talk anymore, but I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  “And I don’t think Taylor wants to see you get hurt either. Want to know how to avoid that? Hang up the fucking phone and don’t call this number back,” Hayze says. I sigh and let my face fall into my hands as he hangs up. “You just couldn’t resist. You push me and push me until I’m fucking threatening a preacher’s son.”

  “You were right this time! But that doesn’t give you the right to tell me not to answer my phone! I never do that to you, even with everything you keep from me!” I jump from the bed and gather my clothing and toiletries to take a shower.

  “We have the same fight over and over again. You’re so convinced I’m hiding something from you, you’re so obsessed with that idea that you bring it up every chance you get!”

  I reach for the door knob but he grabs my hands. “You’ve made it very clear you don’t want me to stay here. I’ll be the one to leave,” he says. His features are hard, but his eyes are wide and full of hurt.

  After he storms out, I clench the door handle, thinking. “Hayze, wait!” I yell. But the hallway is empty, I sigh.

  I grab my things and walk down the narrow hall to the showers. The showers are empty and I blissfully stride to the nearest stall until I remember the reason that no one is here. I turn on the hot water, letting it warm while I strip my clothes off. Once inside, I stand under the flow and a sob racks through my body. I cry until the steam fills the whole room and my hands begin to prune. I towel off and yank on pajamas. I check my phone, convincing myself that I only want to know the time. My shoulders sag, when I see a blank screen starring back at me. No texts. No missed calls. I don’t know what hurts me the most, my family or Hayze’s silence. One made the gash while the other threw salt, both hurt equally.

  Two hours have passed by the time I drag my feet back to my room. My slippers slide against the floor, causing a sound that makes me cringe with each step. I kick them off as soon as I open my door then I jump in bed, only to find that I’m not alone. With a squeal I jump up and turn on the light. Hayze is lying on his back with one arm across his chest and the other splayed on my night stand near a half empty Vodka bottle.

  I knock the bottle on the ground and shake him. “Hayze? Can you hear me?”

  I rip my phone out and dial Lea’s number. My thumb hovers over the call button as I wonder if I’m making a big deal over nothing. I shove in back into my pocket and get on the bed, straddling him.

  “Baby, wake up,” I say, shaking him. “Wake up, wake up, please wake up,” I say over and over again. I pull out my phone again; at this point tears are streaming down and splashing on his face.

  “What’s wet?” He grumbles, rubbing his face.

  “You're alive," I say.

  "Humph." He turns with a groan and I fall slightly to the side. When I unhook my leg I catch his phone on my knee. In his pocket his phone pokes from the top, I toy wi
th it, looking at him then biting my lip. I take a step from the bed, thinking. If I do this, I’m officially crossing a line that I can’t come back from. Suspicious behavior or not, I know that I would be furious if he dug through my belongings while I sleep.

  Before I can make any relationship altering decisions my phone rings. I pray that it’s not Joseph or any of my family members. Surprisingly it’s not, it’s Lea. “Hey Lea,” I breath out.

  “Taylor? Is something wrong you seem stressed? Did something happen? Is it Hayze?” She asks, her voice shifts to panic and I laugh her off.

  “One thing at a time, no…Not really, we had a big falling out at my parent’s house. And before that…and after,” I whisper the last part, suddenly feeling stupid.

  “Where’s Hayze? He left me a weird voicemail last night and he texted me tonight…And, well, I think it was meant for someone else,” she says.

  “What do you mean, ‘meant for someone else’?” I ask, switching my hand on my hip.

  “I just think he was probably texting Joel…Is he acting weird?”

  “Do you mean weirder than normal? Wait, he got into a fight with Joel last night, and the night before I left to go to my parent’s. I don’t think they’re on speaking terms. He’s actually passed out in my bed right now.” I look around my room, my eyes finally land on Hayze. A light snore comes from his lips. When did my life become a bad reality show?

  “What happened?” She shrieks, I cringe and hold the phone from my ear as she lets out a slew of vulgarity.

  “I’m not sure. He showed up at my parent’s house late because he was freakin’ arrested the night before!”

  “WHAT THE FUCK! Let me talk to him! Wake his ass up!”

  “Lea he’s passed out. Like literally passed out from drinking a half bottle of vodka, he got pissed at me and left,” I say, sighing. I cross the room and sit on Lea’s bed, wishing she was here. I can almost hear her thought process with each passing moment.

  “He has really fucked up this time. UGH! Let me see what I can do when I get home, something must have happened. I’ll call his mom and be home tomorrow, okay?” She exhales against the phone. “What was he charged with? Assault? Possession?”

  “Nothing, apparently it wasn’t that bad so they just held them overnight… And what do mean possession?”

  “Forget I said it,” she says, quickly.

  “Huh uh, what are you not telling me, Lea? Tell me, don’t make me pull the friendship card,” I say with warning. I brush my hair back nervously, and pace the room.

  “I don’t know, sometimes they smoke weed…I just wanted to make sure they didn’t have anything on them…”

  Although I’m not buying it, I glance to Hayze and narrow my eyes. I have other ways of finding out. “Okay,” I say then hang up.

  I sleep in Lea’s bed tonight, not trusting myself around him. His pocket stares at me, mocking me with the secrets it holds. Sleep never comes. Sunlight casts a glare through the closed blinds, birds chirp on the branch outside of my window. I expect to hear students trump the hallway but the sounds of laughter and conversation never comes. Sometime during the late morning, my mind turns in for the day and allows me a few hours of uninterrupted, restful sleep.