by A. M. Brooks
My heart stuttered at the thought. “Nothing has happened yet.”
“What’s this B+ pill the guys were talking about on the way over here, do you know?” she asked, leaning closer.
I laughed trying to shake off the worry she was creating in me. “No idea,” I stated.
She sighed. “Fine, well let’s at least find something not scary to drink around here and find some music.” I followed her to the kitchen. We passed the guys on the way, but they were too involved in their conversation to notice. Except for Ethan whose eyes watched us the whole way around the corner.
A few minutes later we had located two bottles of cider beer which we decided would have to be okay for the night. I usually didn’t drink at Roman’s and Darrian never commented on it. The guy handing out mixed drinks and keg cups was always the same and he gave me the creeps. We made our way back to the living room which was now packed. I spotted Mikayla and Hannah in the far corner talking with the muscled guy, Gage, from the beach. Two other guys also wearing matching jerseys reading Thunder were standing next to them. When had they become so close?
“Who are those guys?” Lily asked, looking over my shoulder. I whipped around to see where she was looking glad for the distraction about Hannah and Mikayla’s new friendship. I noticed Ethan, Elijah, and a few other guys from South were sitting by the couches, but Darrian was surrounded by a group of other guys who were clearly not in high school. One looked almost identical to Roman, who appeared then and slapped the guy on the shoulder. They exchanged words and they all laughed.
“No idea,” I said, watching them intently. One of the guys pulled out a yellow bandana, Darrian shook his head before looking around. I noticed a few of the others also had yellow material hanging out of a pocket or wrapped around their wrists. I snapped my head back to face Lily.
“Let’s go sit with the guys.” I nodded toward Ethan and Elijah.
“Fine by me,” she said before following behind me.
As we made our way over to the couch, Elijah moved over so we could squeeze in. The twins looked relaxed, but their posture was guarded. Ethan glanced at Hannah and Mikayla, who was now straddling Gage.
“Is this normal?” I asked him, leaning closer.
“Is what normal?” He smiled at me devilishly.
“You know,” I said, nodding my head around. “Different schools, some people clearly not in school anymore...that.” I shifted my eyes toward where Mikayla and Hannah were carrying on, clearly wasted already.
Ethan shrugged. “It’s been awhile since we partied with Roman. But it used to be like this before his juvie stint.”
“He was in juvie?” I asked incredulously. “For what?”
Elijah laughed. “What wasn’t he in for?”
“Look,” Ethan said before scooting closer to the end of the couch. “Roman’s not a bad guy, but he has issues and doesn’t play well with others. Obviously, you know what he brings to parties. Tonight, he told a few of us and the other players from Northland about some new stuff.”
“The enhancers?” I asked before biting my tongue. I wasn’t sure how much Darrian had told his cousins.
“B+,” Ethan said, nodding his head.
“I heard it’s wicked and not illegal,” Elijah added to the conversation.
“It’s still not good for you,” I pointed out.
“True,” Ethan acknowledged. “But I don’t plan to use it. I’m waiting to see who from Northland buys so I can amp up my own game. Try some tonight to throw the other guys off. It’s a mind game, Sutton.”
“You’re going to seriously try it?” Lily asked whispering harshly. Ethan shrugged. “Are you going to?” She pointed at me. Before I could answer, Darrian was right next to me on the armrest. His leg brushed against mine as he leaned down to kiss my cheek.
“Alright everyone,” Roman said, standing in the middle of the living room. Someone turned the music down so he could talk. Grinning, Roman reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a blue satin bag. “I give you B+!” he shouted. The room erupted in claps and whistles. I looked around trying not to grimace at everyone’s clear excitement for the little white pill. One by one Roman went around the room offering the bag to people. Only one guy from Northland declined. Mikayla and Hannah popped theirs back, giggling the whole time.
“Got to grab more,” Roman said before he reached our group. He disappeared up the stairs to wherever he was keeping his stash. He returned quickly and started handing them out again. The twins popped them back and swallowed with a shot of water. Lily declined and so did I. Darrian took his quickly before glancing down at me.
“You sure you don’t want to try one?” he asked close to my ear. I shook my head.
“I’m fine,” I said, glancing at everyone else.
“It’s not bad,” he said. “It’s like an energy rush for a few hours but not crazy like steroids where your heart can explode.”
“Eh,” I said, looking him in the eyes. “I’m fine, really.” I shook my cider at him. “I have this.”
“Nora,” he said quietly. “I promise it won’t hurt you. I promise we’re studying tomorrow, remember?” His head tilted to the side. Our eyes held, I took in his face. He seemed sincere. I looked around again. Everyone was lively, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
“Okay,” I said quietly so only he could hear me.
“Rom!” he shouted. Roman turned toward us. “One more,” he said smiling. Darrian took my free hand to help me up and placed me between his legs. Roman smirked as he made his way over to us, digging around in his new bag. I shrank back into Darrian’s lap. I could feel Lily’s eyes on me and I couldn’t meet her gaze.
“Here you go, King’s girl,” Roman said, placing a little pill in my hand. I looked down at it. The blue + that was on the others wasn’t on mine.
“There’s no plus,” I stated, holding it back to show Darrian.
“Out of the pluses,” Roman explained. “This is the same thing. The plus was just added to the new batch,” he rambled on.
“It’s okay, babe,” Darrian said. I could feel him squeezing my leg, his warmth spreading through my jeans to the skin. Not thinking, I popped it in my mouth and chased it with the hard cider. Tilting my bottle back, my eyes connected with Roman’s. Something in the way he looked at me right them caused me to stiffen. His face darkened and he was swallowed by the crowd before I could think too much about it.
I knew something wasn’t right before it actually happened. My vision tunneled, the noise around me dimmed and became foggy. I shook my head hoping I wasn’t going deaf. I closed my eyes, trying to breathe in and out and calm my heart. It was racing, and I swore it was going to pop out of my shirt. I needed air. Standing quickly, I jostled my way from the group that was around me.
“You okay?” Darrian asked, peering up into my face. His voice sounded like he was speaking to me under water. His face blurred and I slammed my eyes shut to refocus. When I opened them, he looked at me weirdly before laughing.
“I just need some air,” I told him.
“Want me to go with?” he asked.
“No, I’ll be fine,” I assured him before breaking away from the group. The room tilted and it wasn’t from the one cider I had. My feet touched the stairs and I pulled myself up them. Every motion my body made felt slow and uncoordinated. I heard laughing and excited voices all around me as I tried to focus to get to the door at the top of the stairs. Almost falling onto the front porch, I sucked in the fresh air taking deep breaths. My fists covered my eyes as I rocked back and forth hoping to calm my heart.
“Everything is fine, Nora, just breathe,” I told myself, trying to calm down. I focused on the noise from the highway nearby, of the cars zooming past, and the honking of horns. I counted five police sirens and a firetruck honking before I opened my eyes again. My vision was still blurred, but my heart felt like it was beating normally. Sluggishly, I grabbed the railing to pull myself up. Taking another deep breath, I walked back in
to the house. Before heading downstairs, I needed a glass of water. A few people were making out on the upstairs couch as I found my way to the kitchen. Elijah and a guy from South were also in there drinking a beer.
“You okay?” Elijah asked when he spotted me. Keeping my eyes averted, I smiled and reached for a glass.
“Okay,” he said, shrugging at my nonverbal answer. Without acknowledging them, I took my glass and went to find the bathroom. I hoped to hide in there. My lips were feeling numb and my fingers tingled. Without knocking I opened the door. Ethan and Lily were wrapped around each other, his hand up her dress. I gasped out loud. They broke away quickly.
“Nora!” Lily exclaimed, pulling her dress down and pushing Ethan back.
“Seriously,” Ethan laughed. “Who cares if people know.”
“I care,” Lily said back at him. She grabbed my arm and pulled me with her. Ethan strode past us shaking his head before disappearing back down the stairs.
“Please don’t judge me for being a horrible person,” she said quietly, tears forming in her eyes. I leaned closer unsure if she could hear me. My voice wouldn’t come out.
“Nora?” she asked, pulling back to look at my face. “Oh my God, are you okay?”
I shrugged. I really didn’t know what I was anymore. Instead, my eyes focused on the way her hair was braided. I knew some things, but braiding was not one of them.
“Nora!” Lily yelled in my face. “Nora, stay here, do not move, okay. I’ll find Darrian.” She turned to leave without waiting for me to answer. My hand waved goodbye. There was a hallway to my right with a light on in one of the rooms. Pushing away from the wall my feet started to move toward the light. I pushed the door open slowly hoping another secret couple wasn’t inside.
“Well, well, well.” Roman’s deep voice reached across the room. My head swung toward where he was standing at a dresser. “If it isn’t King’s girl,” he said. This time I didn’t mistake the sarcasm in his voice or the way girl seemed to fall from his lips in a sickening manner. My body broke out in chills.
“Leaving,” I mumbled, backing toward the door.
“Not so soon,” he said, suddenly in front of me. His hand pressed the door closed as he towered over me. “You and I need to have a little chat.”
“What?” I asked. I shook my head again from the fog that was blurring my eyes.
“See, King and I go way back. Back before you were in the picture we...always had similar tastes you could say. He would find a girl then I’d get her. I’d find a girl then he’d get her. It’s the circle of life, King’s girl.” His voice was angry and low. He pulled back slightly, taking a wicked looking knife from his pocket. My heart stuttered. He was on me suddenly, stopping me from moving when the sting from the blade touched my neck. I went cold.
“Except since you’ve been in the picture my man has been slow to move on. He’s questioning the things I do. I can’t have that.” I blinked not sure I’d heard him right. Roman’s eyes were always a dark brown, but right now they were black and huge. A menacing smile was plastered on his face, contradicting the disdaining words coming out of his mouth. I opened my mouth to ask about what he was telling me, what he was going to do with me when thankfully my name was called from the hallway.
“In here,” Roman yelled back, removing the knife from my neck, as he put distance between us.
Darrian and Lily walked into the room. Lily looked questioningly at Roman who shrugged his shoulders.
“You okay, babe?” Darrian asked, leaning down to look at my face. I squeezed my eyes shut before shaking my head. This was all feeling like a really bad dream. I wanted to go home and wake up from the nightmare.
“Home,” I said quietly.
“Okay,” Darrian said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “I’ll take you home.”
“Not you,” I said, stopping us from moving. “You took it too.”
“Nora, I’ll be fine. We’ve been here for hours,” he told me. Hours? I didn’t have any sense of time or know how long I had been outside. I didn’t trust what he was saying though.
“No,” I said again.
“I’ll take her,” Lily said, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “You can stay here with the guys if you want.”
“Nora?” Darrian asked me, holding my face between his hands.
“I’m fine,” I said, nodding my head. I felt his lips brush mine before Lily was helping me walk away. When did my legs start to feel like Jell-O?
“What’s up with her?” I heard Darrian ask someone before I was outside again.
“Drink too much?” I heard another person answer.
Before I knew it, I was being helped into Lily’s convertible.
“Want the top up?” she asked as she buckled me in. I shook my head no. The breeze would feel so good right now.
“Okay,” she said. I felt her climb in and start the engine. One of her smooth country songs floated around me. My eyelids felt heavy before we hit the freeway. A man was singing about things being different for girls before the darkness pulled me away.
My face hurt, my throat felt swollen and I still had a horrible headache when I woke up Monday for school. I knew I had tossed and turned all night unable to sleep because of Saturday night’s events. When I broke through the fog early Sunday morning, I was laying on the bathroom floor next to the toilet. Lily had been sleeping in my tub. I cried while she told me I walked myself upstairs and puked in the bathroom off and on for an hour before I passed out again. Tears of shame and fear rolled down my cheeks. I had no memory past the initial onset of whatever Roman had given me. Blurred images of things I believe happened played over and over in my head. The conversation with Roman in his room screamed inside my head but seemed too crazy to have actually been true. I pushed the memories away refusing to believe it happened and feeling stupid for breaking my own rule. No pills ever. No drugs ever. Lily had helped me straighten myself out before leaving. We agreed to meet on Monday before school at the Smallest Bean.
I laid there long enough to know I wouldn’t have time to shower. Blowing out a breath, I sat up slowly, detangling myself from the blankets before making my way to the bathroom. My vision swam. Sometime yesterday I had forced myself out of bed to shower and was able to keep a piece of toast down. Not caring, I threw on a pair of my jeans and one of Darrian’s sweatshirts I had confiscated. I pulled my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head, brushed my teeth and made sure my sunglasses were in my bag before leaving.
The bus ride to the coffee shop went too fast. I had dozed off against the window. Quickly I pulled my sleeve across my mouth to make sure I hadn’t drooled. Lily stood outside the door and waved when I arrived. She looked terrific as always in her trendy dark jeans, boots, and long sweater.
“How are you?” she asked once we walked through the doors.
“Feel like death but hopeful some coffee will cure me.” I shrugged.
“Have you talked to Darrian?” she questioned, pulling a fingernail between her teeth nervously. I knew what she was wanting to know, but my brain still wasn’t believing it had happened.
“He called to see how I was,” I answered. Truthfully, he called a few times. He was adamant he had talked to Roman and Roman wasn’t sure how the B+ had affected me so differently. I didn’t tell him I had blacked out, been sick, or that my memory was almost nonexistent. Roman was Darrian’s friend and I knew how Darrian was when it came to his family and friends. They were his and he went into protective mode. I was pretty sure he cared about me, but I wasn’t the girlfriend. I didn’t want to lose him over a gut feeling I had been drugged on purpose. I didn’t want to lose the connection and belonging I felt by being with him by blaming Roman for drugging me. “I didn’t tell him everything. I’m not sure I even really know what happened.” The sting of tears hurt my eyes as I sucked in a shaky breath.
“Okay,” Lily said quietly. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. That was scary, Nora.”
“I know,
” I said, reaching out to touch her shoulder. “Thank you though for being there.”
“That’s what best friends do,” she said, giving me a watery smile.
We both ordered a large coffee and I also bought a piece of lemon poppy seed bread. My stomach rumbled with hunger and I took that as a good sign. We grabbed the last table outside, enjoying the brisk weather. December in California was hit or miss with really cold days. Today was in the fifties and perfectly sunny. With Christmas three weeks away, the main road had already been decorated with lights and wreaths. It was my favorite time of the year no matter where I lived.
“So,” Lily said, breaking me away from my thoughts. “I uh, well, I wanted to tell you something.” I smiled because that was one memory from Saturday I was curious about.
“It was real, wasn’t it?” I asked laughing.
Her face turned red as she tried not to laugh. “I’m not sure how it happened. There’s just been this thing between us lately and I don’t know. I’m a horrible sister.” Her face fell.
“Lil, I get you feel guilty because Taylor likes Ethan, but they aren’t together. They haven’t been a couple since middle school.”
“I know, I know, it’s just she always talks about how they were made to be together and that he will come back to her someday,” she ranted.
“Well, I say tough shit. Taylor and Ethan would be a disaster.” I shoved a piece of bread into my mouth. She laughed.
“I just feel guilty.” She sounded sad as she took a sip of her coffee.
“Look, I don’t have a sister, so I’m not sure how this goes really. Are things serious between you and Ethan or are you guys just fooling around?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “This is so new. He didn’t promise me anything, but the attraction is there. I feel like we get each other.”
“Then you should tell her,” I said. “Even if things don’t work out, you need to tell her. It can’t be a surprise to her.”
