by A. M. Brooks
“I think it’s a great idea,” Olivia said as we discussed it over lunch. “These guys are getting scholarships for these schools. The schools deserve to know if they actually have a good player or if they’re using steroids.”
“I’m not disagreeing with you.” Trent held up his hands in mock surrender. “I’m just saying I can see how some people are thinking it’s an invasion of privacy. The coach watched them pee in the cup,” he lowered his voice looking around.
“Seriously?” Lily snickered, I smiled too, feeling worse for the coach.
“Yeah,” Trent answered. The seriousness on his face was priceless.
“Well I still think it’s a great idea and every athlete should have to do it.” Olivia rolled her eyes.
“I think it’s standard at most schools,” Shea said in agreement.
“Just not Araminta,” I added, bitterness coating my words.
“Now it is,” Lily said before clinking her cup with mine.
I should have felt satisfied there was a crackdown on the B+ and drugs in general at the school, but I didn’t. There was still a party every weekend. Despite the police involvement the parents in this town were still completely trusting of their children. Lily had confirmed that Darrian was still using. I wanted to excuse it because next week he was going to make his college announcement, but in the back of my mind, I knew he’s using because he couldn’t stop.
“Are you gone the whole week?” I asked Trent again. His family was taking a trip to New York for spring break. He was the only one of us actually leaving the state.
“Yup.” He nodded his head. “My mom has every day planned out apparently.”
“Bummer dude,” Shea said, giving him a small slap on the back.
“We’re only going to San Diego for four days,” Olivia stated.
“Guess it’s going to be just us girls then.” I winked at Lily and Shea. Shea had asked for time off before anyone else at her work. Thankfully her boss couldn’t argue with her on it.
“I’d rather be stuck here,” Trent groaned. We laughed at his misery. I’d only met Trent’s mom a handful of times, but from what he’s told us she’s a huge history buff and likes to play tourist. They were going to tour every tourist destination ever listed in a magazine.
Despite being worried, the break hadn’t been horrible. Later, I heard through the grapevine that Ethan and Elijah joined their parents in Costa Rica for spring break. Apparently, the parties had been at Mikayla’s as her parents were out of the country as well. None of us were invited, and we went to great lengths to avoid that part of the town.
Lily, Shea, and I spent almost every day at the beach. Some days were still too cold so we headed to the mall or Shea’s house. She had a movie screening room. It was exactly like seeing a movie at the theater for free. We’d eat horribly: pizza, candy, ice cream, then we’d usually fall asleep. Olivia was coming home the next day and we made plans for the beach and trivia night at Tilly’s. I was excited to go as I had been avoiding that area because it reminded me of my time with Darrian. I kept repeating to myself we were really over this time. Surprisingly I hadn’t seen anyone from the usual crew at the beach. Lily assured me they wouldn’t be there, but I never pressed her to know what that meant. I couldn’t make up my mind if I wanted to know or not.
Trent FaceTimed us daily complaining about what his mom had dragged them to.
“Another opera.” He gagged when he was telling us. We laughed at his expense.
The next night Olivia told us she had a great time with her family, but I could tell she wanted to spend time alone with Shea. Lily and I bowed out after a few rounds of trivia leaving them alone. As we walked to the parking lot, Lily’s phone kept lighting up.
“Everything okay?” I asked, seeing the concern on her face.
“Just Ethan,” she muttered, typing out a quick response. I stood quietly waiting. When she looked up she sighed, her shoulders slumping.
“He’s been texting me all break about missing me, that we should have fun and try to make things work again.”
“Do you want to try again?” I asked her.
She shrugged looking away. “Is it stupid if I do?”
“No,” I told her. “Don’t take me as an example but I don’t regret a lot of my time with Darrian. It wasn’t perfect, we weren’t perfect, but I still cared about him.”
“I think I care too much about Ethan,” she responded, looking at the ground.
“Then take a chance,” I told her, shrugging. “You’ll never know unless you try.”
“Would you take Darrian back if he apologized?” The look on her face was honest and raw.
“Not right now,” I told her truthfully. “He’s messed up. And I can’t help him when he doesn’t see it. We’d just end up right here again. He isn’t ready to accept my feelings.” It had taken me awhile to see this, but it was a realization I was coming to.
Lily nodded her head before typing another text. “Guess we’ll see.” A small smile pulled at her lips. We got in our cars and headed in our different directions.
When I got home, the house was dark. I checked the clock on my dashboard seeing it was after ten. My dad had said he would be home tonight, that he wanted to talk. I walked inside and flicked on the lights. No note. I checked my phone and saw no missed calls or texts from him either.
“Whatever,” I muttered to myself before heading upstairs. I decided to take a hot shower, staying under the scorching water longer than necessary, and letting my muscles turn to mush. My phone vibrated across the counter bringing me back to reality. Reluctantly, I turned off the water and grab my towel before reaching for my phone. The name lighting up my screen caused me to freeze.
Darrian.
His name flashed again and the phone kept vibrating in my hand. My heart stopped then started beating rapidly. There was a pounding in my head as I decided if I should answer it or not. I remembered the look on his face as he marched toward me in that classroom. He had been coming down. Fear had coiled around my spine when he started flipping desks and almost put a hole in the wall. He had been determined to break my heart. Without second guessing myself I hit the ignore button. The screen went black. I didn’t know how long I stood there staring at my phone and wondering if I imagined the whole thing. He could have also butt dialed me.
Catching my reflection in the mirror, I took in my appearance. I was aware my body couldn’t keep up these days between being too skinny or slightly overweight. It changed with the push and pull I felt with Darrian. I couldn’t remember the last time I ran or exercised for myself. I hadn’t touched a surfboard in ages. My eyes didn’t seem as happy as they once were, but that couldn’t all be blamed on him. I needed to heal myself on my own. Thankfully a few days in the sun had brought some color to my skin.
“It’s going to be okay,” I told my reflection the same phrase I’d been using for the past month. I was counting the time down ‘til graduation and the end of the school year. I looked down at my phone again, but it was silent.
I dried off quickly and threw on a pair of cotton shorts and my favorite UCLA sweatshirt before climbing into bed. I pulled out my Kindle and found the chapter I left off on last night, determined to stay awake in case my dad came home. A few pages in I’m completely distracted until my phone started vibrating again.
Darrian.
I bit my lip wondering what he wanted. To call again couldn’t be an accidental dial, right? Hesitating, I pick up my phone hitting the talk button.
“Darrian?” My voice shook slightly, and I hoped he didn’t hear it. The music was loud in the background.
“Sutton,” he replied, my name rolling off his tongue sends warmth through me and I hate it.
“Why are you calling me?” I asked, waiting desperately for his answer.
“I need a ride. Can you pick me up?”
My heart deflates hearing the slur of his words. Hope is now replaced by curiosity. Why would he want me to pick him up?
> “Ummm.” I looked around my room quickly locating a pair of jeans and my bra. “Where are you?” I asked.
“Mikayla’s,” he answered, giving nothing else away. My insides battled over what to do. I decided I’d rather set myself up to be hurt rather than hear an innocent person was killed if he decided to drive. Stupidly, I agreed. Five minutes later I was backing out of my driveway, not really sure what I would be getting myself into.
Where was he? The party swallowed me the minute I stepped through the doors. Bodies crowded into the room, cups littered the floor, and the light show reminded me of the dance clubs downtown. Everywhere I craned my neck I couldn't find Darrian. Stepping farther into the home my body was pushed, ground on, and passed until I made it to the hallway that led to the backyard and pool house. Everything was complete chaos and not the controlled type that was usually Ethan’s forte.
What I found I had not been expecting and I was instantly pissed. Fuck Him. Darrian was sprawled on the lounge couch Mikayla laid across his lap and Hannah was passed out next to them. Blood pounded in my ears as I got closer. I noticed Alex and Summer were making out in the hot tub and Jake was playing beer pong with Taylor, Pat, and Whitney. I was the only sober person. It infuriated me that Darrian asked me to come here when he was in this position. I stomped over to him and tapped the tip of his shoe with mine. Glazed eyes squinted at me through half open lids. A smirk pulled at his lips. Great, he was higher than a kite, the smell of booze poured off him.
"What are you doing here?" Mikayla’s whiny voice rose up to me. I refused to look down knowing her head was laying in Darrian's lap. As if reading my thoughts his smirk turned into a devilish grin.
"I need a ride," he said to me, never breaking eye contact. His were bloodshot and mine were shining with unshed tears.
"Can't one of your friends bring you home?" I asked, adding a little more emphasis on the word friend. Last time we talked he made it clear his friends were not my friends.
"Obviously my friends know how to have a good time, unlike some people." Direct hit. His words stung. It was almost as if he knew I had been just staying at home tonight reading my book.
"Then ask them for a ride." Tears blurred my vision as I stalked away. My two emotions around Darrian were constant love and hate. I couldn’t believe I had driven across town for this. My good deed was done for the night and now I was just feeling stupid. Darrian made me stupid.
I got to the hall before being tackled into the wall. Despite the alcohol cologne, I knew it was Darrian. With his weight pressing against me I lost my breath. Sharp pain radiated from my knee followed by a warm trickle, probably blood. I knew my knee would have a scratch from the collision. Pissed, I push him off me.
“Why did you come?” he asked, his eyes blazing behind their shiny sheen.
“You know why,” I answered, my tongue darting out to wet my dry bottom lip.
He shook his head. “You have shitty taste in friends.”
“We aren’t friends,” I reminded him. “We aren’t anything.” I threw his words back at him then turned to leave again.
This time I’m hauled backward, his arm tight around my waist as he lifts me off my feet, closing us in the nearest room. The second my feet hit the floor, I’m whirled around, his mouth slamming down on mine. Feasting on my lips, his hands pushed and pulled at my clothes looking for skin, looking for access to my body. Slowly my brain registered what he thinks is going to happen. I pushed his hands away, but he fought me, his hands slapping back at mine. Frustrated, I stepped back out of his reach, my hand striking the side of his face. The noise was loud, his eyes blazed with lust as he watched me. Without a word, I yanked the door open and slam it behind me. I was angry as fuck and so pissed that he thought he had any right to touch me or to kiss me. He broke my heart constantly, insisting we’re not in a relationship. I had thought I was doing a decent thing tonight picking him up so he wasn’t driving somewhere drunk. The fact that he could be so cruel irritates me yet doesn’t surprise me.
I’m very aware as he followed me through the house, his gaze heating my back. I know my cheeks are flushed and my lips red. He stalked me toward my car falling a few steps behind yet I still didn’t acknowledge him as I limped, trying not to put pressure on my injured leg. His hand covered mine as I reach for my door handle, his body crowding me against the cool metal frame. My eyes closed at the contact, his scent was all around me caging me in. Whiskey, salt air, and cinnamon from the piece of gum being worked between his teeth. His hands dropped to my waist as his chin grazed the back of my neck. Irritated at my own weakness, I shrugged out of his hold.
“Just get in, Darrian,” I told him before opening my own door and scrambling in. My eyes closed as I breathed in and out trying to bring my nerves back under control. Surprisingly he didn’t fight me and just hopped in.
Our drive to his house was silent except for the soft melody of Cage the Elephant’s “Cigarette Daydreams” floating in the air. I rolled down our windows to let some fresh air in. I’m not speeding, but I’d hate to get pulled over and have the inside of my car smell like booze. Darrian must not mind because he laid his head back and breathed toward the cracked window. I dimmed my lights on the SUV as we pulled in his driveway. Using the roundabout, I turned my car around before stopping. He unbuckled slowly, watching me but not speaking. He got out and closed my door before motioning for me to roll the window down more. Rolling my eyes, I do as he asks.
“Come in. My parents are gone for the week.”
“No,” I told him before I rolled up my window. He stepped back, eyes on the ground. For a brief second, I felt bad leaving him before pushing that thought aside. Before I can change my mind, I drove off. Breathing in the cool night air, I was able to calm myself. This was not at all how I pictured my night going.
By the time I reached home, my clock read twelve-fifteen, just after midnight. The outside lights are on and one inside light I can see through the front window. I blow out the breath I had been holding in realizing my dad is home. I parked and walked inside feeling unsure if I’m going to be in trouble or not. Surprisingly my dad’s seated at the kitchen table, a place we rarely congregate. I noticed a small glass of amber liquor sitting in front of him and I’m halted in my tracks. I’ve seen this before and it usually happened before a move.
“Dad?” I asked, walking toward him.
“Oh, there you are, I tried texting.” He holds his phone up. I look at mine and sure enough, a message flashed from him. I winced.
“Sorry, a friend needed a ride home. I haven’t even looked at my phone since,” I told him.
“Your friend was at a party?” he asked, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his hand over his jaw. I nodded my head. “I heard about what happened at the school,” he said, watching my reaction. I sat down into the chair nearest to me.
“The drug bust?” I asked, surprised it took him so long to hear about it. It’s been almost a month now.
“I got the email while I was with Ander’s client. Jodi also mentioned it to me...a couple times now. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it but...well, we both know I’m not parent of the year.” He laughed to himself swirling the drink in his hand.
“It’s not a big deal, Dad,” I told him, trying to ease the tension.
“It is though. Drugs are a big deal, Nora,” he cleared his throat. “You’re a smart girl and you’re almost an adult. I’ve never felt like I needed to parent you because you’ve always made smart decisions.” The night of Roman’s party flashed in my mind, but I kept quiet.
“I’ve been avoiding this though because I didn’t want to bring up the past.” I watched him waiting for him to continue. “But Jodi said you deserved to know and she’s probably right. What happened with your mom...” His voice trailed off again.
“Mom overdosed on her prescription pills, Dad,” I said, even though neither of us needed to be reminded of it.
“Yes.” He lowered his head. “But your mom’s
issues started long before then, Nora.”
“What do you mean?” I felt defensive of her.
“I didn’t want to say anything bad about her because she was a good mother. She was a good woman, she just had issues she couldn’t deal with. Pain that went deeper than anyone realized.” He set the glass down.
“I don’t understand,” I told him, thoughts of my mom smiling, chasing, playing dress up were running through my head.
“I met your mom on our college campus. She was fun, she was the party girl. When we started dating there was never a dull moment, she always had to be doing something or be with someone, she wasn’t happy to be alone, and that was something I admired about her. We were young, we wanted to experience life. I saw her do drugs many times, there were times we did drugs together too. The only time I ever started to question things was when she lied about doing drugs by herself...” His voice trailed off. I leaned forward wanting to hear more.
“Your mom had depression yes, that was true, but she also had an abusive past. Her dad, your grandfather, was an alcoholic. He was mean to your mom. He never hurt her physically, but words can be just as heartbreaking. His words stayed with your mom, ate at her, she lived them over and over again even when she was hundreds of miles away. I brought her to rehab once. She left early telling me she only needed me to stay clean. I loved her. I wanted to be that person for her without knowing the full responsibility. We got married after graduation and shortly after we had you.”
“So, what happened?” I asked. “Where did things go so badly she wanted to kill herself?”
“Addiction is a hard disease to beat, kiddo. Your mom loved you and she loved me, but she had a craving she loved more. I think with a family she realized she couldn’t live how she had in college. She started having pain, she was in a fender bender and needed more pain prescriptions. She told her doctor she was depressed in her marriage and needed something to help her through the day. They had no idea she was clinic hopping and drug seeking.”
