by A. M. Brooks
“You knew though.” I felt deflated seeing where this was going.
“I did. I confronted her one night while you were staying over at a friend’s house. Of course she denied it and we fought. Ugly, horrible, unthinkable things were said between us. The kind of things you can’t take back and can’t ignore. It was the changing point of our marriage.” He watched me closely.
“So, it’s what ended your relationship,” I finished for him.
He nodded. “We had you though, so we agreed to be civil and find ways to cope. I pulled away. I didn’t see the signs because I wasn’t there.” He shook his head again. “That’s what I have to live with. Your mom didn’t leave because of me, you, or her life. She left because her addiction became too strong for her.”
I thought about what my dad is telling me. For so long I’ve blamed my dad when I wasn’t aware of the demons my mom was hiding. True, he wasn’t father of the year, but he also wasn’t responsible for my mom’s death. The similarities in their situation were eerily similar to my own with Darrian. My dad was me and my mom was Darrian. I shivered.
“I know it’s a new school, and I know how high school can be. I just wanted to know you’re safe and if you needed help, you can always come to me.”
“I’m not using drugs, Dad,” I told him quietly. His sigh of relief was audible in the quiet room.
“Okay,” he said, reaching for my hand across the table.
“Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?” I asked.
He sighed before leaning back again. “Yeah, part of it. How are you feeling about Araminta?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I like it, I made a few friends.” He angled his head contemplating my words. “Why?” I asked, afraid I knew the answer already.
“No reason, kid.” He finished his drink in one more swallow. “You should head to bed, it’s late.”
“Yeah,” I answered before getting up. “So, are you and Jodi serious?” The curiosity had been eating at me since the conversation started. His eyes squinted at me as if he was unsure how much he should reveal.
“I think so,” he said, taking another drink. “Would you be okay with that?” That was the million dollar question. Would I be? I liked Jodi from what I knew about her and she obviously had some effect on my dad since we’re actually having a parenting talk. I lifted my shoulders. “It would be nice to get to know her more,” I said because truthfully, I didn’t know much about her. I’d only talked to her in passing. She always seemed like she wanted to say more but didn’t.
“We weren’t sure how you’d feel about it. I didn’t know if it was too soon,” he laughed quietly.
“I wouldn’t mind,” I told him before turning to leave again. “Night Dad.”
“Night sweetheart,” he answered. He wasn’t watching me anymore though. His eyes were boring holes into his empty glass. I worried things weren’t as perfect as they seemed. Feeling exhausted, I climbed the stairs to my room.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket to set it on my charger when I saw a new text from Darrian.
Darrian: I was a dick tonight. I shouldn’t have acted like that.
Darrian: Can I take you to breakfast tomorrow to talk?
Darrian: Goodnight babe. Please text me tomorrow.
I closed my eyes against the wave of emotions. The conversation with my dad repeated in my head. Darrian may want me now, but he had a craving he wanted more. I needed to remember that instead of falling into him again. I loved him, but I couldn’t save him. Instead of answering, I powered down my phone. I hobbled to my bathroom, and gently pulled down the leggings I had thrown on before leaving the house. I winced as the damp fabric slides away from the gash in my knee. The blood has dried, but I still cleaned around it before putting a Band-Aid on. I felt angry again. Quickly I threw back on my shorts before hopping into bed. I chucked my sweatshirt off and pulled my covers tightly around myself. The darkness soothed me, the silence helped calm my mind. Thoughts of my mom helped me to fall asleep.
I didn’t respond to Darrian the next day or the day after that. I powered down my phone each night and ignored the vibrations each day. It was all the same. Please talk to me, we need to talk, I shouldn’t have acted like that, let me explain. Let me make it up to you. Are you home?
I swore I heard his Jeep drive by one night, but the lights were on, and my dad being home stopped him from coming over. Lily and Olivia supported me those last few days of break. We found another new spot at the beach so I couldn’t be tracked there, and we played it low key by hanging out at my house or Shea’s. This was the least amount of drama I’d had in a while.
The weekend followed quickly, and I was almost nervous to go to school tomorrow. I had hoped by ignoring him, Darrian would eventually give up, he hadn’t. Monday morning as I stood in front of my mirror before leaving, my phone pinged with a new message.
Darrian: Can’t hide from me today, pretty girl. I’ll see you at school.
I shivered. Even though I’d had a lot of time to think I still didn’t know what I wanted to do about Darrian.
I took the latest bus hoping there wouldn’t be any time before class for Darrian to catch me. My knee bounced the entire ride as I contemplated my options. Neither one of them were making me feel very confident. My palms started to sweat just thinking about it. I rubbed them over my light wash jeans trying to calm down. When the bus finally stopped by the school, I hurried along the sidewalk. Only a few people remained in the parking lot. A quick glance at my phone told me the bell would ring in five minutes. I ran up the steps and walked quickly to my locker. As I rounded the corner, I stopped in my tracks completely. Darrian leaned against my locker talking with a small crowd. And of course he looked perfect doing it. White ripped jeans, white T-shirt that hugged in all the right areas, black and red Jordans and a red backward baseball hat. He looked at ease with one leg propped on the metal behind him. Nothing I hadn’t seen before and yet my stomach plummeted then burst into tiny butterflies.
He must have sensed my eyes wandering over him, his head snapped up catching my gaze. The first thing I noticed was the greyish, silver color that stood out. His jaw ticked while I continued my perusal. His eyes weren’t glazed, his body was not jittery or tense. He was clean. I walked slowly toward him unable to stop myself, unable to fight the pull between us. The small group dissipated when I finally reached him.
“Didn’t think you were coming today.” His voice was gravelly and low. Those strong fingers brushed a piece of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear.
“Thought about skipping,” I answered truthfully, hugging my book bag to my chest.
“I was a dick,” he said, rubbing his thumb across my cheek causing my eyes to flutter.
“Which time?”
He laughed softly even though it sounded pained. “Every time.”
I tilt my head not sure what to say, so I shrugged my shoulders instead. “It’s over now.”
He peered at me under his eyelashes while his tongue pulled his lip ring. “You sure about that?” he asked. I huffed becoming frustrated with this game.
“I think you’ve made it perfectly clear you don’t want my help and that I can’t save you. And you’re right, I’m not your girlfriend so I don’t have to try or care.” I couldn’t stop myself from ranting.
He studied me, watching my face, seeing through me at all my insecurities like he always did. He once said I was an open book, but so far he’s the only one who figured out my coded passages. “What you told me about your mom, was that all true?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I told him. My voice was close to cracking with emotion.
He lowered his head. “I’m not her, Nora. I can stop. It’s just easier sometimes to use and ignore people and situations around me. You told me you didn’t want me to though and I should have listened. I’ll stop.” My eyes jumped to meet his. I saw truth in them, but doubt filled my mind. How many times had my mom promised my dad she’d stop too?
&nbs
p; “I can’t—” I stumbled as he pulled me into his chest.
“Please give me a chance to make it right,” he whispered in my ear, using his palm to cradle my head against his chest. I breathed in the hint of salt air from his shirt. He must have gone surfing this morning. He smelled so good I wanted to stay right there even though I knew I shouldn’t. The last bell rang in the background, but neither of us moved. We’re too in the moment, too wrapped up in the seriousness of this time to be bothered.
“I can’t take your word, Darrian,” I told him as I reluctantly pulled back. “I need you to prove it. I need to see you sober and stop it all.”
“I will, I promise,” he said before leaning in and capturing my lips with his. His kiss was soft at first until he felt my resistance crumble. He deepened the intensity, our tongues sliding against each other’s while one hand fisted my hair and the other gathered the material of my shirt at my side. Not only did I allow this to happen I realized I was just as greedy as him. My hands gripped anywhere they could, pulling him into me.
“Uhmm.” A voice cleared behind us so loudly, we both jumped apart. “Mr. King, Ms. Sutton, where are you supposed to be right now?” Mr. Rusk was watching us.
“Class,” I said before opening my locker and shoving my books inside.
“Yes, class, very good Ms. Sutton.” Mr. Brusk raised his eyebrow waiting for us to leave.
“I’ll see you after,” Darrian muttered before heading in the opposite direction as me. Not waiting around, I spun on my heel and speed walked to math. I’m late though so Mr. Warren sends me right back to the office to get a note where they explained my dad will get an email that I was tardy. Nodding my head in understanding, I took my note and headed back to class. I guess I should have felt embarrassed and even scolded, but my conversation with Darrian was worth it. I smiled remembering that kiss and the way he held me. He promised to stay clean and I stood by my decision...he was going to have to prove it. For once the ball was in my court and I hoped Darrian was up for the game.
Two weeks passed by with him completely sober before I started to believe he was being truthful and that he could kick the habit. He still showed up at my locker every day and walked me to class. Instead of forcing me to his lunch table he moved to mine along with the rest of the crew, except for Mikayla. Apparently now that Darrian and I were together again she was seeing Gage. The only reason I knew was because I had been dodging further attempted kissing.
“Why?” he had asked while cradling my face, as we had stood in front of the SUV one day after school. Darrian had been ready to jump back in, but I was hesitant.
“Seriously?” I asked, raising my eyes at him. He looked completely lost. “You’ve had Mikayla hanging all over you the past few weeks. You should maybe swallow some soap or something. Rub some sanitizer over your lips.”
He laughed. “Are you joking? You’re always hanging out with Nichols.”
“I don’t kiss Trent though. And I certainly don’t straddle his lap like it’s club night. We are strictly friends.”
“I didn’t kiss her.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know what to say about the other stuff. I wanted to get to you and piss you off.”
“Doesn’t make it okay,” I told him, pulling back and opening my door. I heard him sigh behind me.
I felt his hands on my arms again turning me around, “It won’t happen again. She means nothing to me.” Our eyes held, and he let me see the honesty. I nod but still don’t let him kiss me. Instead, I climbed in and started the engine. He grinned, motioning for me to lower the window. “I like when you play hard to get. It will just make it that much hotter when I prove myself to you and you have no choice but to kiss me again,” he said. Then he let me leave, my cheeks blazing.
That was two weeks ago. Darrian held my hand whenever he is nearby and I’m constantly swept up in his arms, but he hasn’t tried to kiss me again. I’m not sure if I’m relieved or upset. Today was National Letter of Intent Day though, and I knew that would clarify more answers for me. Darrian hadn’t mentioned it, but I knew how big of a deal it was. He also hadn’t confided in me his choice of school since we stopped talking before. I kept watching him throughout the day, looking for signs of drugs overtaking his body. They never came though. He clung to me, avoiding almost everyone else and was quiet for most of the day, but that I could handle. When the television crews arrived after lunch, his body locked up next to me. A light sheen of sweat broke out along his temples.
“Hey,” I said softly, using my hands to turn his face toward mine. “Whatever you choose is fine as long as you’ll be happy.” His eyes closed as he kisses my forehead. Along with everyone else we left the lunchroom and headed toward the gym.
I sat with Lily and Olivia as Darrian went to stand with the other athletes who will be signing their letters today. He caught me looking once and sent me a wink. I finally breathed out. He looked relaxed standing up there, the haunted look in his eyes was now replaced with determination. There were seven students total presenting today. The principal started sport by sport, saving basketball and Darrian for last. When they finally called his name, I noticed his parents were present, sitting a few rows down in the front. The gym went silent as Mr. Voight continued his speech. He listed off Darrian’s stats since he first started as a freshman.
“And lastly, Mr. King was voted the MVP after Araminta won the state champion title this year. Amongst his basketball accomplishments, Mr. King has also been studiously successful and will graduate with a 4.0 GPA. Mr. King, please step up to the table.” More cheers and whistles sounded.
I watched awestruck as Darrian approached the table and picked up the silver pen he was handed. He didn’t shake and didn’t falter. He never took his eyes off Mr. Voight. “Now, Mr. King, Michigan, Villanova, University of North Carolina, Stanford, University of Wisconsin, and Duke University have all offered you a scholarship to attend their school and play for their team. Please state your intended school.” The room hushed. I held my breath. Stanford had offered for him, and I knew that was his dad’s choice. Darrian took the mic, his gaze locked with mine.
“University of North Carolina,” he announced, his voice strong and steady. The crowd erupted and went absolutely crazy. My eyes never left Darrian though. He leaned over the table and signed his name on his letter. He was leaving California after graduation. He was pursuing his dream to play basketball. I noticed Mr. and Mrs. King were leaving. A small part of my heart hurt for Darrian knowing he had just caused a huge strife in his family. His dad wouldn’t support the decision because it wasn’t Stanford. It wasn’t the legacy. Pride thundered in my heart.
“Nora,” Darrian again spoke into the microphone, Mr. Voight stood next to him looking puzzled. “Nora Sutton...” His voice trailed off until the crowd was quiet again. My cheeks flamed red knowing he and everyone else was suddenly looking at me. My body stiffened, frozen in place. I wasn’t sure where this was going. He motioned for me to stand. Hesitantly, I rose to my feet, my fingers flexing by my side. He smiled, wickedly, knowing he was causing me discomfort.
“Nora Sutton, will you go to prom with me?” Some cheers and sighs rang out around me, but my gaze was locked with his across the room. I knew my blush was now creeping down to my chest, but I didn’t care. I nodded my head yes and watched the genuinely happy smirk that pulled at his lips. Mr. Voight took the microphone back and attempted to gain control of the room again. My body felt like it was detaching from this moment and watching from afar. These types of things only happened in movies and romance novels. I shook my head in disbelief that this was my life.
After exiting the gym with everyone else, I wanted to find Darrian. Standing on my tiptoes, I twirled my body around looking for him. It was like he had disappeared. I had seen him leave the gym with the other students who were now getting their pictures taken, but no Darrian. Confused, I walked with Lily to my locker before she and Ethan took off for class. I stood there longer thinking he’d come fi
nd me. The bell rang signaling two minutes ’til class started before I finally gave up and started walking. I was deep in thought when a hand reached out of the nearby utility closet and pulled me in. I had almost screamed, but his hand clamped over my mouth in time. Dim lighting surrounded us, my heart fought to calm itself down. I laughed quietly at my own reaction. Darrian was smiling even as he crowded me against the door.
“So, you’ll go with me?” he asked quietly, his lips brushing against mine without making contact. I strained against him trying to bring my mouth to his, but I could tell he was hesitant.
“Yes,” I told him confidently. “Just no Snowball drama please,” I said before wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down to me. Our lips moved carefully and hungrily against each other. I pushed myself into him, my chest rubbing against his making him groan.
“No Snowball drama,” he echoed before his hands were gliding down my sides to my hips where he cupped and pulled me tighter to him. There was no longer space between us as we made out in the closet. Everything felt different and exciting. I knew I was caught up in the moment when I reached for his shirt and started unbuttoning the front while my lips trailed down his neck.
“Nora,” he breathed my name against my skin. I could feel his pulse under my lips beating rapidly.
“Shhh.” My mouth is on him again as I pushed the fabric down his arms before it hit the ground. “I want to.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, breaking away to peer down at me. I ran my tongue over my bottom lip smiling and nodding. I wanted to do this here and now. I wanted him again. He didn’t hesitate. His hands dove under my clothes. My jean jacket was pulled off my shoulders and the straps of my dress were shoved down.
