by Tina Saxon
“Tater Tot, I like you, too,” Aiden boasts, holding his hand out for a high five. She smacks his hand. I can’t believe this is happening. Everyone, including a five-year-old, is railroading me.
I blow out an exasperated sigh. “Then let’s go,” I say with resignation.
When we settle into my apartment, Aiden sits on the couch and watches me get Lexi ready for bed. I glance at him numerous times. His body is tense and his expression thunderous. When our eyes meet, his intense glare has me turning away quickly.
“I don’t know what the he…heck your problem is, but please stop staring at me. You’re making me nervous,” I scold.
“Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell me that she was staying with you for the last two weeks?” he says, standing and walking toward me. I shrug dismissively.
I see Lexi out of the corner of my eye, grabbing the jar, and giggle knowing what’s about to happen.
“This isn’t funny, Addison. This is serious.”
“Aiden,” Lexi says, standing right in front of him, holding the jar in one hand and her other hand on her hip. I put my hand in front of my mouth, trying to hide my amusement.
“Hey, Tater Tot. What’s up?” He ruffles her hair with his hand.
“You owe me a dollar.” The lost expression on Aiden’s face when he looks at me has me busting out laughing. His eyebrows furrow when he looks back down at Lexi.
“Okay, I’ll bite.” He narrows his eyes. “Why do I owe you a dollar?”
“This is the potty-word jar,” she says, holding up the jar. His expression still reflects his confusion. His silence has Lexi continuing. “You said a bad word. A very bad word,” she scolds.
Aiden glances my way, looking for help. “Don’t look at me. You said a very bad word,” I say, trying to sound serious but ending up giggling. “Do you see all those dollars in there already? Where do you think those came from?”
He peeks in the jar and chuckles. He pulls out his wallet and places a dollar in the jar.
“Thank you,” she says, putting it back on the shelf, obviously proud of herself. She goes back into the bedroom to get ready for bed.
“You could have warned me we have the bad-word police here.”
“There’s no fun in that. Don’t worry, it won’t be your last. That little girl has long-distance radar for hearing bad words.” I shake my head, laughing as I go into my room.
“Alright, Lexi, it’s time for bed.” She hops on my bed, slipping right into the middle. My heart warms seeing her in my bed again. I know the circumstances of her being here are horrible—and I might be a little selfish thinking it—but I love seeing her in my bed. I lie down beside her, cuddling with her.
“Are you sad about your aunt? You haven’t said much about her tonight,” I ask while I twirl her hair around my finger.
Her little shoulders shrug. “I don’t know her,” she whispers, staring into my eyes. “And I don’t like her very much. She wasn’t very nice to me.” I close my eyes and sigh. Bitch. Who couldn’t love Lexi the minute you meet her?
“Well, if you ever need to talk about it, you can always talk to me.”
“Is the bad man going to try and take me again?” she asks, moving her body a little closer to me.
“Not if I can help it.”
“I’m scared,” she whispers.
“I know, sweet girl, but you’re safe here with me.”
“And me, Tater Tot,” Aiden says sitting on the bed. She rolls over and smiles at him. Rolling back over and closing her eyes, I start humming our song. My eyes are closed as I’m humming when I hear a deep voice softly start singing with my humming. Aiden’s singing has always had a profound effect on me, but hearing him sing this song to Lexi … I can literally feel my fractured heart fuse together piece by piece. I open my eyes when I feel movement, and see Lexi reaching behind her with her little hand, searching for something. When Aiden grabs hold of her hand, she settles. Aiden lies down behind her and together we put her to sleep.
I keep my eyes closed, knowing that Aiden’s gaze is pinned on me. I’m afraid if he sees my eyes right now, he’ll misread the love that I have for him. I can’t deny that I love this man. Our connection hasn’t broken. But I am. He might think I’m not broken, but I am. I don’t know if I can put him through more than he’s already been through. I don’t know if I can give him all of me again. I wanted to die because of the love I have for him. It scares the ever-living shit out of me that he holds that much power over me. He doesn’t even know it.
We’ve come too far to start fresh. The past has molded me and while I’m definitely ready to move on with my life, I don’t know if I can move on with him. I squeeze my eyes tighter, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to handle being intimate again.
When we finish the song, I open my eyes and our eyes lock. His eyebrows draw together as he watches me. I nod toward the door and move as softly as I can to get off the bed. Aiden does the same.
I grab us both a bottle of water from the fridge and then sit on the couch. He sits down, laying his arm across the back of the couch, turned toward me.
“Where’d you go in there?” he asks.
I shake my head and look down. “Just thinking about stuff.”
“Addison,” he commands softly. I look up into his beautiful green eyes. “I have no clue where we stand, but the last thing I want to do is cause you more stress. If this is too much…” he gestures between us with his hand, “…you need to let me know. I can request to be sent back out in the field.” The thought of him leaving sends a sharp pain to my heart. And it confuses me. I’m all over the place tonight.
I sigh. “Aiden, seeing you has brought on feelings that I haven’t had in months. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I don’t know—”
“You’re unsure. To me, that’s not a no,” he says, interrupting me, his voice confident. “I have no expectations other than it’s a maybe.” His lips curl up into a smile.
Can I do a maybe when a couple seconds ago it was more of a no? My thoughts are like walking a straight line, drunk. As much as my mind wants to move forward, it’s the needing to sidestep that is stopping me from getting there. And Aiden’s on the side where my body wants to go.
I softly smile back. “It’s a maybe. But not right now.”
“I agree, right now we need to find the son of a bitch who is trying to kill Lexi.” I look at the partially closed bedroom door. “You’ve become close to her,” he says in a hushed voice.
“I have,” I say, leaning my head on the back of the couch, looking at him. “How could you not? Have you seen those eyes? It’s like her little secret weapon to get people to do whatever the hell she wants you to do.” I laugh.
“I know that exact feeling about eyes hypnotizing you,” he says, arching his eyebrow. I roll my eyes with a shake of my head. I playfully reach my foot over and push his thigh.
“Stop. We’re not talking about me.” I narrow my eyes.
“Sorry, I was just saying that I understand,” he says, holding his hands in the air. The slight touch of my foot on his thigh makes my heart beat a little faster, but I can’t seem to move it away. It’s that damn pull we have, a side step. The one I’m trying to fight. And seem to be losing at the moment.
“She has helped me so much being here. She’s given me a reason to get better. She needs me.”
“I …” His voice falters when he stops midsentence. When he doesn’t continue, I already know what he was going to say. He reaches for the coffee table to grab his water and takes a big gulp. My foot loses our connection, and I instantly miss it. The feeling doesn’t last long, though, because when he settles back down, he grabs my foot, putting it back where it was. Touching him.
“So, what’s our plan of action with Lexi tomorrow?” he asks as he plays with his empty water bottle.
“I’ve been thinking about that,” I say, bringing the water bottle to my lips. After I take a drink, I continue. “The killer obviously didn’t know she
was here or he would have tried something sooner.”
“She can’t stay here, Addison,” he states matter-of-factly.
“I know that. I’m not suggesting that.”
He gets up off the couch, walks toward the window, and pulls back the curtain. I already know who he’s looking for. Security. I’ve already checked a few times myself. “If he finds out where she is, you’ll be in danger now that we have his DNA. Whoever it is might be more motivated to do whatever it takes to find Lexi and fast.” Aiden shuts the curtains and stands tall, folding his arms across his chest. “Maybe you should go with Lexi, wherever we send her.”
“Aiden …” I stand up with my hands on my hips, “… I was out of work for almost four months. I am not leaving.”
“You know—”
“Stop. Not going to happen,” I say, shaking my head.
After a loud sigh of frustration, he says, “You are so fucking stubborn.”
I immediately look toward my bedroom door. I chuckle to myself that Lexi has me conditioned at the sound of curse words. When I don’t hear anything, I look back to Aiden. “You said a very bad word.”
The corner of Aiden’s mouth twitches. “Do you feel the need to punish me?”
I roll my eyes and launch my water bottle at him. “I’m going to make you sleep outside my front door,” I huff.
He catches the bottle and throws his head back, laughing. “Shh!” I whisper yell, pointing to the bedroom door. He covers his mouth to stifle his laugh.
“We’re getting off track. We need to go back to thinking about what to do with Lexi tomorrow,” I say, dropping back down on the couch.
“We can send her to Max’s. You know no one will be able to get her there.”
I sigh. “You’re right, she’d be safe. But I don’t like the idea of sending a five-year-old little girl to a house full of men. Not that I don’t trust them, I trust them with my life. But none of them have kids and would have no freaking clue what to do with a little girl.” I chuckle, remembering how much Lexi loved Max.
“What’s funny?”
“Lexi loved Max when she met him, like she has a little crush.” Aiden’s smile disappears and I can see his jaw flex before he looks away. “What did I say?”
He blows out a rough breath, shaking his head. “Nothing.”
“No, it’s not nothing, Aiden.”
“I’m feeling like I’ve missed so much, especially when it comes to you. Neither Max nor Damon told me about Lexi. Why the hell not?” I can hear the vulnerability in his voice and see the hurt in his eyes. He puts his hands in his pockets.
I bite my lip, thinking how I am going to say this. “I told them not to tell you,” I say, looking away from his pained eyes.
“Why?”
“Because. How you were acting a few minutes ago … I didn’t want you to worry about me.” I look up at him as he comes to stand right in front of me.
“I haven’t ever stopped worrying about you,” he murmurs, bending over and brushing my hair behind my ear.
“I know,” I whisper. He lets out a soft sigh and mumbles something about the bathroom.
I stare at myself in the mirror. If I thought the last four months were hard, it’s nothing compared to being in the same room as her and not being able to touch her.
When I first saw her walking into the store, it was like my dreams were coming true. Addison, in a wet, white T-shirt with no bra. Holy fucking wet dream. I seriously thought I was hallucinating from being so tired. I grip the sides of the sink and hang my head. And after all she’s been through, how screwed-up am I to go there?
I snag my overnight bag that I grabbed from my apartment before coming here from off the floor. Putting on my sweat pants, I think about Addison touching me with her foot. I can see it in her eyes that she still needs me. That connection isn’t lost.
Be patient, Roberts, she’ll come around.
Patience. That’s hilarious. I once thought I was an impatient man. I usually got what I wanted when I wanted it. I guess I haven’t ever been tested. The past year and a half, I’ve been nothing but tested. I think I deserve an A+.
It still burns me that nobody told me about Lexi staying with Addison. I can already see how much Lexi means to her. I can’t say I’m not a little jealous. Not of Lexi, though. Just that she’s been able to help Addison where I couldn’t.
I take off my shirt and run my fingers over my scar from the bullet in my chest. It kills me to think that Addison might be in danger again. I sigh, wondering if this is going to be a common occurrence. I need to figure out a plan to get Addison out of town with Lexi. Of course, she’s hell-bent on staying, but I don’t think my heart can handle her getting hurt again. It’s barely hanging on right now.
As I shave, I come up with an idea. I call Max and see if it’s even possible. After I get the go-ahead, I make a few more calls. Anxious to share my plan with Addison, I walk into the living room and she’s still sitting on the couch messing with her phone. When she looks up, her expression shifts.
She slowly stands up and walks toward me. Her hand softly glides across my scar. I inhale sharply, closing my eyes. Her touch sends a bolt of electricity through me, waking every cell in my body. She looks up, a pained look in her eyes. I know what she’s thinking.
“It’s not your fault,” I whisper, putting my hand over hers.
“I know,” she says. “But it still doesn’t take away the pain I feel for what happened to you.”
“Sweetheart, don’t do this to yourself. I’m okay.” Without thinking, I take her hand and kiss her palm. She runs it against my clean-shaven face.
Back away. She’s not ready.
I mentally know she’s not ready. If I continue, it’s only going to backfire. But physically, I need her touch. I crave her smell. I desperately need her. I blow out a slow breath, removing her hand, and kiss the top of her head. I want all of her. I just need to be patient.
There’s that word again. Always a fucking test.
I turn to walk into the kitchen and grab another water. I’m suddenly parched. “So, I have a plan for Lexi,” I say, sticking my head inside the fridge. I welcome the cool air, leaving the door open a little longer than necessary. When I stand back up, Addison is leaning against the counter, arms crossed.
I wink at her and smile. “Do you want to know what the plan is?” I say, leaning against the opposite counter, twisting the cap off my water and emptying the cool liquid in one gulp.
“What I want is for you to put a shirt on,” she says coyly. “I see you’ve been working out a little extra these days.” Her eyes flicker down to my bare chest.
“Had a lot of extra time on my hands.” I shrug, pushing off the counter. “Am I too distracting?” I say, teasing her as I walk past her. As much as I like her staring at me, if she keeps looking at me like that, I will fail this test.
When I walk back into the kitchen, I yank on my shirt.
“Much better,” she says, now sitting on top of the counter.
I lift my brow. “Much?”
“Better that I can have a conversation with you without having dirty thoughts.”
“Mmm … I like dirty thoughts, especially with you in them.” I flash a huge smile. Shit, this isn’t helping my situation. My mouth starts moving before my brain can catch up with what it’s saying.
“Well, let’s just keep our dirty thoughts to ourselves.” She giggles. God, I’ve missed that sound. “So, tell me about this plan you have.”
“We leave tomorrow morning at seven,” I say.
“What? Where are we going?”
“We’re taking Lexi to your aunt’s house.” Addison’s eyes go wide as she hops off the counter.
Confusion is written all over her face as she looks around. “Did I fall asleep at some point that you had time to plan this all out?”
“It just took a few phone calls. Max is taking us on his jet so we don’t have to have Lexi’s name on a flight list.”
“Di
d you–”
“I have everything taken care of,” I say, cutting her off. “It’s all approved and Max will have the plane fueled and ready at seven. All we need to do is be there, ready to go.”
She takes a few moments to absorb it all. I can tell the second my plan has been foiled when she narrows her eyes at me in silent accusation.
“I am not staying there with her,” she states matter-of-factly. “I’m coming back to help with the case.”
“Addison, that’s not your job.”
“Actually, we have his DNA now, so yes, it is my job,” she says, her voice hardening. She stands in front of me with her hands on her hips and she bites the inside of her cheek. She’s so seductively hot when she gets mad, and she has no idea.
I grab her by the upper arms and lean down in her face. “You frustrate me, woman,” I growl.
“Hey, pot, meet kettle,” she says sarcastically, standing taller.
I let her go and pace the room. “Fine. Don’t stay,” I say, throwing my hands up in the air.
“Now that we got that out of the way …” she says while I shake my head in defeat, “did you call my aunt, too?”
“Yes.”
“I bet she is so excited to meet Lexi,” she says excitedly. “Lexi will love it there with the horses and cows.” My resolve dissipates seeing how excited Addison is. I just wish she was excited enough to stay with Lexi and show her everything herself. I should have known better.
“Well, since you felt the need to make us leave at the ass-crack of dawn, I need to go to sleep.” Addison jokes as she walks toward the spare bedroom.
“Where are you headed?” I ask, following her.
“Making sure you have everything you need in here,” she says, stopping in the doorway.
“I’m not sleeping in there.”
She tilts her head. “Um …” She pauses, looking up toward the ceiling. She’s flustered, and I love it. Looking back to me, she exhales quickly and says, “So, where are you planning on sleeping?”
“Are you hoping I’m going to say in your bed?” I whisper in her ear. I see her body shiver. Not that I would, but her reaction makes my dick stand at attention.
