Don't Panic. Keep Breathing. (TNT Trilogy Book 2)

by Sarah Delany

  “Quinny, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from yourself. I’m not much of a prince after all, am I? Why did you have to take yourself away from me? Why couldn’t you stay? I need you back Quinny. Please come back,” he rambles on talking to her as if she’s there with him. Prickling worry creeps up my neck.

  “Tate, where are you?” I ask him, with tears welling up in my eyes.

  “I’m with Quinn,” he says sadly, and my heart gallops in my chest. I hope he isn’t doing anything stupid.

  “Where are you and Quinn?” I ask, hoping he will give me a straight answer. I think he’s drunk, with the way he is talking in circles.

  “I’m visiting her. I needed to see her,” he says, sniffling. He must be at her grave. I hope he’s there. He sounds like he’s alone and drunk. I don’t think he’s in a good state so I put him on speaker while I open my messages and text JP, hoping he’s awake and will get my message.

  Tamsyn: Please be awake JP. Tate is on the phone. I think he’s at Quinn’s grave and he’s drunk. Sounds in a bad way. Can you contact someone to get him please? I’m worried

  My text must wake JP up, as it takes over a minute for his reply to come through.

  JP: I’m on it. Don’t stress

  I keep Tate on speaker in case JP texts again. I sit there in the dark and listen to his soft cries, wanting nothing more than to hold him in my arms but I’m not able to. My heart breaks with his pain. I sit there, listening to his breathing between his whimpers for about ten minutes, before I can’t take it anymore.

  “Tate?” I softly say, trying to reach him.

  I hear a sharp intake of breath before he says, “Sweetness?” and my heart melts at the use of my nickname. I didn’t realise how much that name meant to me until now.

  “I’m here Tate. I’m here,” I say, not knowing what else to do. I know no words will console his pain. When my dad died, there wasn’t anything anyone said to make the pain hurt less. I only ever wanted someone to be there with me, to sit by me while I suffered with my pain. But no one did. I had to do it alone. His cries grow louder as he lets out all the hurt and pain he’s been keeping inside. I hurt right alongside him.

  “Why did she leave me?” he cries out, in a soul wrenching scream.

  “I don’t know Tate. I don’t know,” I reply between sobs, knowing nothing I say will heal his pain right now.

  “I just want her back,” he cries to me.

  “I know Tate,” I sadly say, knowing exactly how he feels. All I ever wanted when my dad died, was for him to come back. I would’ve given anything for him to come back.

  Lost in my own thoughts, I nearly miss him saying, “I’m sorry Sweetness.”

  “You don’t need to be sorry. It’s okay,” I say, hoping I can comfort him.

  Then he says, “No, you don’t understand. I’m sorry I can’t love you in the darkness.” My soul breaks for my broken boy. He’s completely lost himself in his grief.

  “You don’t need to worry Tate, I will hold the torch and show you the way out,” I say, wiping the tears from my wet face. I hear his breathing pick up as his cries increase. I know by the way he can’t catch his breath, a panic attack is starting. Have I triggered him again?

  “Tate?” I yell into the phone, and I hear an echo on the other end.

  I listen and hear a guy say, “Shit. Tate? It’s okay. Calm down, breathe man, breathe. Look at me. That’s it. In and out. In and out. I got you brother. Just breathe. I got you.” I listen to the kind voice on the other end of the phone with Tate and know he’s in good hands. Tate’s breathing slows down and the panic attack subsides.

  “I miss them so much,” I hear Tate cry to the mystery guy with the kind voice.

  “Them?” the mystery guy questions. I hear Tate mumble but can’t make out what he says.

  “Let’s get you home man,” the kind voice says, and I hear him grunting. “Xander, hurry up. I need you,” he yells out.

  I hear puffing and then another voice says, “Sorry but you’re too fast. You took off like Superman and I couldn’t keep up. Ugh I shouldn’t have drunk so much. I think I might vomit.”

  “Help me get him to his feet,” the kind voice says, and they both grunt and curse as they help Tate up. ‘

  “Sweetness?” I hear Tate say, but his voice is far away. I don’t think his phone is by his ear anymore.

  “What’s Sweetness?” the puffing voice asks.

  “I think he was on the phone,” the kind voice says, and I hear his voice clearer. He must have picked up Tate’s phone. “Hello?”

  “Hi. I’m Tamsyn but Tate calls me Sweetness,” I say to the kind stranger, blushing in the dark at having to explain my nickname.

  “Well hello Tamsyn aka Sweetness, it’s nice to meet you,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice.

  “Did JP send you?” I ask.

  “Yeah, he did. How did you know?” he asks, his voice laced with curiosity.

  “Tate rang me and was acting and talking really weird so I texted JP to send help,” I explain.

  “Well, thanks for that. I was worried when he took off and I couldn’t find him. It’s good to know he has an angel on his side,” he says softly.

  I hear Tate in the background mumbling, “Green fairy. She’s my green fairy.”

  “No way. The green fairy exists. This is unbelievable. Let me talk to her?” the puffing voice says excitedly. Then someone must cover the phone with their hand because I can hear voices but they sound buried under water. I can’t make out what they are saying.

  “Sorry about that Tamsyn. Don’t worry, we will get Tate home safely,” he says.

  “Thanks. Ah I don’t know your name?” I say, wanting a name to put to the voice.

  “Oh sorry it’s been a long night. I’m Pierce and the slow poke here is Xander. We are Tate’s best friends.” Best friends? Hearing that hurts because Tate had been calling me his best friend.

  Before I can say anything I hear Tate ramble, “She’s my best friend too. She’s part of them,” and with only a few words, he stitches a piece of my heart back into place.

  “Well, Tate’s other best friend, what I think he’s trying to say is that he misses you. I better go so we can lug him home. You going to be okay?” Pierce asks.

  “Yeah, I will be now. Thanks. Bye,” I say.

  “Bye Tamsyn,” Pierce says, before he disconnects the call and I take a deep breath, grateful they are there to get him home safely. I remember JP and quickly send him a text.

  Tamsyn: Thanks JP. His friends Pierce and Xander got him and are taking him home.

  JP: Glad to hear that. I knew they would find him. Are you ok?

  Tamsyn: Yeah. Just glad he’s safe. I better get some sleep. Night JP

  JP: Night Ice Queen x

  I put my phone down and snuggle back under my covers, hugging my pillow to my chest. The adrenaline from hearing his voice pulses through me, causing me to feel wide awake. Is Pierce right? Did Tate mean it? Does he miss me? I focus on my breathing and think of ways I can help him to heal. I won’t let sober him stop me. I have to try. It’s with thoughts of Tate in my head, I eventually drift off to sleep.

  Chapter 12

  -- Tate --

  I wake up with my head throbbing and can hear hushed voices coming from behind me. I keep my eyes closed for a moment as I rub a hand down my face. I massage my temples, hoping it will help the killer headache I can feel coming on. When I finally open my eyes, the bright light makes it hurt more but my eyes soon adjust. I notice my surroundings and realise I’ve slept on Pierce’s couch but I have no recollection of how I got here. The voices are still talking, so I push myself up to stand and follow the direction they are coming from. They lead me to the kitchen, where I find Pierce and Xander seated on bar stools, sipping on coffee. They both turn my way when they hear my heavy foots
teps.

  “You’re awake. Do you want a coffee? I just boiled the kettle,” Pierce says, and I nod, not ready to use words. I grab a mug, make a black coffee and add some cold water from the tap, needing the caffeine hit straight away to sober me up. I gulp down a big mouthful and it makes my queasy stomach gurgle. I hope it doesn’t come back up. That makes the memory of me vomiting in the bush pop into my head.

  “Ugh, did I vomit in the bushes last night?” I ask, as I look at my two best friends, hoping they can fill in the gaps. They glance at each other and shrug.

  “I’m not sure. You might have done when you took off,” Xander says, as he takes a sip of his coffee.

  “I took off?” I ask, not remembering.

  “Do you remember anything from last night?” Pierce asks. I search my brain for memories and say them out loud so the guys can help me with the timeline.

  “I remember arriving at the party. We hung out in the backyard for a bit before we went in and bumped into Jax.” As I’m talking they’re nodding, so I keep trying to recall the memories through the haze. “Xander, you took off once we were inside and it gets a bit blurry after that,” I say, as I gulp down another mouthful, hoping the caffeine will help with my memory.

  “Do you remember Avery?” Pierce asks, peeking at me. I stare at him thinking, trying to catch a memory with her and I only get a glimpse.

  “I remember her in a room, with a bra on. Oh my God. I didn’t do anything with her, did I?” I say, worrying something happened with Avery. I can’t stand her now.

  “No, I don’t think you did. From what Monique told me, you were practically passed out standing up. Avery dragged you to the closest room and tried to seduce you. The next thing I know you were stumbling out of a room, screaming at me to keep psycho Avery away from you. You drew quite a few stares from people,” he says. I’m in shock because I can’t place the memory anywhere. Most of my night is blank.

  He takes a sip of his own drink and continues on, “Avery didn’t help the situation by walking out of the room in her bra. She made it look like something definitely went on between you two. I’d expect rumours to be circulating already,” he says, like me getting accused of hooking up with Avery isn’t a big deal. It is to me. “Do you remember anything else? Anything at all?” he asks, and I see a twinkle in his eye. He knows something and he’s waiting for me to have an aha moment where I remember. My mind is completely blank so I don’t think it’s going to happen.

  “I can’t remember anything else,” I say again, looking between them hoping they will give me answers about what went on.

  “I can’t hold it in any more. You’ve been holding out on us man,” Xander says, practically bouncing on his stool with glee.

  “What are you talking about?” I’m concerned about whatever has him so excited. The look on his face changes and now he looks like a kid on Christmas morning who is about to open their presents.

  “The green fairy. She does exist,” he shouts at me, and my heart drops. I told them about Tamsyn. “See! There’s guilt written all over your face. You deliberately kept her from us,” Xander says, happily.

  “What did I tell you about her?” I ask sadly, not wanting to have this conversation but not able to avoid it now. I pull out one of the stools and sit opposite them so I can see both of their reactions.

  “You didn’t tell us about her, per se,” Pierce says, biting his thumb nail and I know he’s hiding something from me.

  “Spit it out. Tell me what happened,” I say, hoping they rip the bandaid off fast and they are willing to help me deal with whatever went down.

  “Okay, I’m going to say it and you can ask questions when I’m done. No interrupting,” Pierce says, so I nod, not entirely sure I’m ready to hear it. “You took off from the party after the Avery incident. I looked all over the house for you but no one had seen you. Then I got a call from JP.” He winces when he mentions my cousin which can’t be good. “He knew you were at Quinn’s grave and in a bad way, so I found Xander and we ran all the way to the cemetery. Lucky we got there when we did, because you were about to have a full blown panic attack.” I let out a sigh and lower my head, ashamed they saw me like that. “Tate man, we are your best friends. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Pierce says softly.

  “Yeah. We are here for you, anytime you need us,” Xander adds.

  “Thanks guys,” I say, more somber than when I woke up. This night sounds like it ended horribly.

  “Come on, get to the best part,” Xander chimes in, excitedly.

  “There’s a best part?” I ask, wearily.

  “Yeah, once you calmed down, you were muttering about Sweetness.” The mention of her nickname has the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. “Pierce here saw you were on the phone,” Xander says, taking the lead on the story.

  “Oh shit,” I say, realising what must have happened.

  “Yeah, you rang her and she’s the one who told JP you were at the grave. Pierce talked to her a bit and you admitted she’s your green fairy. So there. You have been holding out on us. Why didn’t you tell us about her? Oh and you said she was your best friend too,” Xander finishes. They both stare at me, with similar wide eyed smiles on their faces. I rub a hand down my face. I can’t believe I rang her. I don’t remember what I said to her.

  “Sooo are you going to tell us about her now?” Xander asks, curiously.

  “Nope,” I say, hoping they will drop it. I highly doubt it will happen though.

  “Come on man, you called her your green fairy. She’s the one you want to give your V plates up for. Admit it,” Xander pokes, and my throbbing head is getting worse.

  “Drop it please. I’ll tell you about her another time but not now okay?” I plead, looking between them.

  “Admit she’s your green fairy first then I’ll drop it,” Xander says, smirking. My breathing picks up and Pierce must sense it because he fires in on Xander.

  “Why don’t we talk about how I caught you dry humping Claudia Young against the back of the house?” Pierce says to Xander, and Xander’s face turns a crimson red.

  “Isn’t she the weird girl who claims she’s a vampire and drinks blood?” I ask, trying to remember her face to distract myself from thoughts of Tamsyn.

  “Yes, that’s the one,” Pierce says, looking at Xander smugly.

  “You weren’t supposed to say anything man,” Xander sooks to Pierce, and I know Pierce threw Xander under the bus to get him off my back which I’m grateful for. They start playfully arguing about other weird activities she gets up to while Xander defends her. This gives me the perfect chance to make my getaway. I creep back to the couch, lay down and close my eyes. I hope I can fall back to sleep and delay having to contact Tamsyn or JP to find out what happened last night. I’m not ready for that yet.

  -- Tamsyn --

  I wake up and check the time on my phone. It’s nearly lunchtime. I’ve slept half the day away. I was so wired after hearing Tate’s voice, it took forever to fall asleep again. I’ve missed his voice. I didn’t realise how much until I heard it last night. He only rang me because he was drunk but at least I got to hear from him. His pain still sounds extremely raw. My broken boy. I need to think of a way to help him. I meant it when I said I would show him the light out of the darkness. He saved me. It’s about time I returned the favour. This time I won’t let him push me away.

  I snatch my phone up again, a bit more alert now and text JP.

  Tamsyn: Have you heard from Tate?

  It doesn’t take long for him to reply but my heart sinks when he does.

  JP: No I haven’t. Not sure I will. Do you want me to ring him to see if he’s ok?

  I don’t know what to do. Should I get JP to check on him for me? Or should I let it be? Perhaps he will contact me himself. Surely his friends have filled him in on last nights’ events and mentioned me and our
phone call. I can only live in hope I guess.

  Tamsyn: No that’s ok. Let me know if you hear from him.

  JP: Will do. You ok?

  Tamsyn: Yea fine don’t worry about me

  JP: I do tho

  Tamsyn: I’m fine really

  JP: Ok. Here if you want to talk :)

  Tamsyn: Thanks

  I sit up in bed, replaying last night in my head. He sounded completely lost and broken. I wish he was still close. How can I help him when he’s far away? A knock at my door interrupts my thoughts.

  “Hey bub, would you like to come to the movies with me? We could grab a late lunch while we are out too. We could make a day of it?” Mum asks.

  I’ve missed hanging out with my mum and we don’t get out of the house as much as we used to, so before I can second guess my decision I say, “Sure Mum, sounds great. I’ll jump in the shower and get ready.”

  “Perfect. I’ll go get changed,” Mum says, before walking towards her room with a huge smile upon her face.

  Throwing the covers back, I hop out of bed and walk down the hall to the bathroom. Once I’m under the warm spray, I let the water wash away all my worries over Tate and decide to focus on spending some quality time with my mum instead. I’m sure Tate will contact me if he wants to. I can’t dwell on him too much though as it will dig up more hurt, something I don’t need at the moment. Turning the water off, I step out and wrap myself in a white fluffy towel, shuffle back to my room and choose an outfit to wear.

  Mum and I venture out and dine in for a late lunch at this french bistro, situated close to the movie theatre. Once our bellies can hold no more food, we wander down the road to watch the newest chick flick. It’s a nice feeling to be out with Mum again. I don’t think we do it enough these days. As she is driving us home, she brings up the subject I least want to talk about. Tate.