Never Say I Love You

by Pennza, Amy

  Busted. The cocky smile he gave her was pure satisfaction. “Don’t move.”

  “I won’t.”

  He disappeared through the door, his bare feet soundless on the wood floors.

  She let out a shaky breath as several realizations crashed over her at once. She’d just had sex with Smith Salvatierra. Delicious, satisfying, mind-blowing sex. Her pulse still fluttered in her neck. She lifted the sheet away from her chest and peeked down. Her nipples were stiff, her breasts pink with beard rash.

  And between her legs…

  She slapped the sheet against her chest. What on earth was she going to say to him when he came back? He’d spilled his guts about losing his friends in combat, and she’d responded by kissing him! What kind of harlot put the moves on a lonely, vulnerable man?

  In her mind, Pia’s voice said, “A smart one.”

  On the other hand, he hadn’t exactly pushed her away. She let her gaze drift over the rumpled bed. He said it had been a while since he’d had sex. That meant he hadn’t been in a relationship in a long time. Judging from his quiet lifestyle, he probably didn’t want one. Not that she did, either. But she also didn’t want to be someone’s outlet for casual sex. Was he angling for her to stay because she was convenient? Or maybe he was the love ‘em and leave ‘em type.

  Maybe he thought she was, too. If so, she could hardly blame him. She closed her eyes and let her head thunk against the headboard. A twinge of pain shot through the still-tender bump on her skull. God, could she be more of a mess? In less than forty-eight hours, she’d fought off one guy and begged another to take her.

  Footsteps thumped up the stairs. She opened her eyes and sat up. A second later, Smith appeared in the doorway. His bare chest gleamed in the sunlight, and his black hair was tousled.

  Because she’d raked her fingers through it.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Hey.” Her voice was husky, like she’d just smoked a pack of cigarettes. Or shouted an orgasm during the best sex of her life.

  “Sorry that took so long. I had to run next door for my wallet so I could pay the driver.”

  “Thank you for doing that. I’ll pay you back.”

  He gave her a look that said he wouldn’t let her. Then he glanced down. “I maybe should have put a shirt on. I think I freaked him out.”

  Probably more like made him question his manhood. Smith was rocked. His six-pack was so well-defined, it looked like it had been contoured with toner. Except he wasn’t an actor who needed those kinds of tricks. She should know. Less than five minutes ago, those abs had been pressed against her stomach. Under the sheet, she squeezed her thighs together.

  He put his hand on the back of his neck. “Listen, I…”

  Oh God. He regretted the sex. He was going to say something horrible about not wanting things to be awkward. Then he’d gather up the rest of his clothes and go home. She tensed. When the blow came, she needed to be ready for it.

  “I don’t want you to go,” he said.

  Her breath hitched. “You don’t?”

  “At least stay until you’ve saved up the money you need to get back on your feet.”

  His words fell like stones in her stomach. So they were negotiating the terms of her lease now? His idea of post-coital pillow talk sucked. She tightened her grip on the sheet. “I’ll think about it.”

  Anxiety entered his gaze. “Are you…okay? I didn’t hurt you?”

  “No. I mean, no, you didn’t.” Her cheeks heated.

  “About last night…”

  “It’s okay. I understand why it happened.”

  “I still want to make it up to you.”

  “I think you just did.”

  He looked startled, then he let out a soft laugh. A slow, sexy smile spread across his face. She held her breath as he walked to the bed. Instead of stopping at the edge, he put a knee on the mattress and crawled over to her. The muscles in his chest bunched and flexed as he planted his arms on either side of her hips. He leaned in and kissed her brow. “Thank you,” he whispered.

  His scent wrapped around her like a blanket. Her pulse sped up. “There’s nothing to thank me for.”

  When he pulled back, his eyes were serious. “Come to dinner with me.”

  A little alarm bell dinged in her head. Dinner as in make-it-up to-her dinner, or dinner as in I-like-you-and-let’s-see-where-this-goes dinner? And if it was the second one, how did she feel about that? Her internal struggle must have shown on her face because he drew back, his gaze shuttered.

  “If you’d rather not…” he began.

  “No! It’s not that.” She swallowed. One dinner wasn’t going to change anything between them. She wasn’t going to be anyone’s fuck buddy, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t get to know him better, especially if she planned on staying in town. The past two weeks had been lonely. She touched his shoulder. “You don’t have to make things up to me. But I’ll still go to dinner with you.”

  The tension drained from his face, and the sexy smile reappeared.

  And, my oh my, but Sexy Smith was devastating. The alarm bell rang louder.

  “Tonight?” he asked.

  She shoved the alarm from her mind. “Tonight.”

  16

  “Ohmigod, it’s like a movie!” Pia’s voice rose a little higher with each word. “First he rescues you from that asshole, and now he’s showing you how a real man treats a woman on a date.” The last part was said in a squeal that threatened to shatter glass.

  Ashley pulled the ancient cordless phone away from her ear. Once Smith had left, she’d tried to start another refinishing project. After an hour of sanding the same spot over and over, she’d given up and spent the rest of the day watching the old television in her mother’s bedroom.

  And it had nothing to do with the fact that her mom’s room was on the opposite side of the house, with no view of Smith’s place.

  When six o’clock had rolled around, she’d spread her meager wardrobe on the floor, hoping to find something appropriate to wear to dinner. She’d gone through four outfit changes before settling on a simple black halter dress. Then she’d faced the full-length mirror in the corner of her bedroom. That’s when the full force of what she’d done with Smith hit her.

  Ashley put the phone back to her ear and turned toward the mirror. “It’s not a date. Actually, I was hoping you’d talk me out of it.”

  “Are you crazy? Ashley, the man rescued you.”

  It had taken five minutes of convincing and cajoling to talk Pia out of hopping a plane to Texas. She’d been determined to kick Dean’s ass—until she heard how tender and considerate Smith had been after the attack.

  “Not only did he rescue you,” Pia said, “but he convinced you to stay instead of letting that jerk run you out of town.”

  A pang of guilt shot through Ashley’s conscience. Reluctant to reveal Smith’s PTSD, she’d told Pia she’d considered leaving after her dinner with Dean and that Smith had talked her into staying.

  Pia kept going. “Then he left you his dog and made you stew and—”

  Ashley frowned at her reflection as Pia continued singing Smith’s praises in her ear. So much for roommate solidarity. Pia was now firmly on Team Smith.

  She backed away from the glass so she could see her whole body in the mirror. Her makeup bag leaned against the bottom, its contents scattered on the floor. She ran a critical gaze over her appearance. Her hair and makeup were okay, but something was missing. Her gaze drifted to her feet. Maybe she should skip the heels… She glanced at her suitcase, which lay open on the battered cedar chest. The problem was, her only footwear alternatives were flats or flip-flops, and neither would work with her dress. She pursed her lips and twisted sideways. The clingy dress was pretty but plain.

  “—he said he wants you to stay and he asked you to dinner.” Pia broke off. “Are you even listening to me?”

  Ashley tilted her head to the side. What she really needed was some jewelry. She nodded and wa
lked to the suitcase.

  “Ashley?” Pia’s tone grew demanding. “I can hear you breathing. What’s wrong? Spill it or I’m driving straight to the airport.”

  “Nothing’s wrong.” Ashley rifled through the mix of dirty and clean clothes she’d stuffed in her suitcase that morning. “He didn’t say he wants me to stay. Not exactly. He just said I have six weeks left on my lease.” She dug her way to the side pocket and unzipped it. “It’s really five, though. Give or take a couple days.”

  “Weeks, schmeeks. Sounds like a couple more rolls in the hay, and you’ll have this thing locked down.”

  Ashley shook her head. “I don’t want that, Pia.”

  “Oh really? Because there’s a different hot guy ready to walk into your house and bonk your brains out?”

  “You know, I already regret telling you about the sex.”

  “Well, I don’t,” Pia said under her breath.

  “Besides, Smith lives in Prattsville.”

  “So do you.”

  “Not for long.” Ashley pulled a long pendant necklace from the pocket and held it up. Tiny crystals scattered down the silver links reflected the last rays of the evening sun that streamed through the window. She slipped the necklace over her head and lifted her hair over the chain.

  “So you’re definitely coming back to L.A. once your lease-that’s-not-a-lease is up?”

  “Of course.” Ashley walked to the mirror. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  Pia’s voice grew hesitant. “I just thought…”

  Ashley’s stomach fluttered. She pressed the phone more firmly against her ear. Pia was never at a loss for words. “What is it?”

  A couple beats passed, then Pia said, “I know Rowen dropped you, Ash.”

  In the mirror, Ashley saw her face grow pale. She turned sideways so she couldn’t see her reflection. “Yeah, well, actors and agents part ways all the time. It doesn’t mean anything.”

  “I know, hon. But you haven’t been working. I know it’s tough out here. I mean, I got maybe five jobs my first two years. If it hadn’t been for my dad, I wouldn’t have made it.”

  Pia was being nice. After Bewitching University had been renewed for a fourth season, she and Ashley had splurged on a Rodeo Drive shopping spree. Two talent scouts had stopped them on the street and pressed their cards into Pia’s hand.

  And that was after a man walked into a pole while straining to get a better look at her.

  “Anyway,” Pia said, her voice gentle. “The only time I’ve seen you excited over the past few months was at the airport, when you talked about refinishing your grandma’s old stuff. If you’re happy there, isn’t this Smith guy just icing on the cake? He’s yummy, he’s got a cute dog, and he clearly likes you. Why not stay and see where it leads?”

  Ashley looked out the window, where Smith’s house rose against a purple sky. Was she happy in Prattsville? The past two weeks had been a nice break, but she was destined for greater things than sanding down old furniture, wasn’t she? “Even if I wanted to stay, which I don’t, Smith doesn’t want anything serious.”

  “How do you know? Have you asked him?”

  “No, but he’s…”

  “What?”

  Orange light from the setting sun reflected off Smith’s windows. Ashley had been about to say “damaged.” Over the years, she’d shared everything with Pia, but this was different somehow. Smith had bared his soul when he’d told her about his experience in the military. He’d given her his secrets. Giving them to someone else felt wrong.

  “Ash?”

  “Um.” Ashley smoothed the necklace down her dress. “He’s really private. And quiet. I don’t think he’s looking for a relationship.” His words from the night before flooded her mind. “I don’t need you to check in on me, I don’t need you in this house, and I sure as hell don’t need you.” He’d said that in anger. Growing up with Cheryl had taught her to pay attention to what people said when they were angry. It was almost always more truthful than the things they said before or after.

  Pia’s chuckle held a little of her usual teasing. “And that’s a bad thing? If you’re going to be out of there in five weeks, why not just enjoy whatever time you’ve got left?”

  Because I might fall in love with him. Because what had happened between them today had been more than just sex—at least for her. But that didn’t mean he felt the same. Her world had rocked on its axis, but maybe his had just kept spinning like usual. She fiddled with one of the crystals. It caught some of the sunlight from the window and threw a small rainbow against the wall.

  Pia was waiting for an answer, so she said, “We’ll see. It’s only dinner.”

  “Dinner’s not nothing.”

  “I think he just wants to be nice. He’s sort of old-fashioned.” This was why secrets sucked. She couldn’t tell Pia about him wanting to make up for his outburst without divulging the reason behind it.

  “So old-fashioned he knocked your socks off to stop you from Ubering away? You do realize you’re just making me ship you two harder.”

  “Well, shut down the shipping department.”

  “Can’t make me. I’m already imagining your future babies, which is a little difficult given that I’ve never seen the father. Try to get a picture tonight, preferably shirtless.”

  “Pia.”

  “Ashley.”

  Across the lawn, Smith’s kitchen door swung open. Ashley’s heart sped up.

  “I gotta go.”

  “Okay, babe.” Pia’s tone turned serious. “Hey, whatever happens, you have a home here, okay? I’ve been meaning to say it for a while, but you’re so damn proud I’ve held off. My dad has this place paid through the end of the year. No one else can tolerate living with me, so you’d be doing me a favor by coming back. Someone has to monitor my online shopping problem.”

  Ashley laughed through the tightness in her chest.

  “I’m not joking,” Pia said. “The Fed Ex guy asked me if everything is okay today.”

  “Thanks, Pia.”

  “Call me later. I want a full report.” Pia’s voice dropped a register. “Although, I’ll totally understand if you can’t call until morning.”

  Ashley rolled her eyes, then remembered Pia couldn’t see her. “Cute.”

  “Seriously, though. Have fun, okay? And don’t be afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?” Smith was a cop. She was as safe as she’d ever been.

  “Afraid of love.”

  “I’m not—”

  The phone clicked. Ashley pulled it away from her ear and looked at it. “—afraid,” she told the mouthpiece.

  A dog barked outside, pulling her attention back to the window. Deuce tore down the kitchen steps and bounded into the yard. A second later, Smith followed.

  Her stomach did a flip. Even with the distance between them, he took her breath away. His white button-down gleamed in the fading sunlight, and his black dress pants hugged his ass. He stood on the lawn, arms folded, while Deuce raced across the grass. After a minute, he bent over a little and clapped his hands. The movement made his shirt strain across his back, exposing the faint outline of an undershirt.

  She took one last look in the mirror. Her cheeks were flushed.

  “I’m not afraid,” she whispered, then grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

  * * *

  Smith glanced in his rearview mirror and then merged onto the highway. Although most of the evening commuters had come and gone, the traffic was always steady between Prattsville and San Antonio. Driving required his full attention—something that was proving difficult with Ashley in the car. Her hair fell in soft waves around her shoulders. A long, simple necklace nestled between her breasts. As it had that morning, her scent teased his nose—a heady mix of vanilla and some sweet, mysterious essence that was hers alone.

  He fought to keep his gaze off her tanned legs, which were longer than any woman’s had a right to be. When she’d stood next to his truck, her dress had fallen to mid-thigh.
Seated, the damn thing rode north, exposing smooth golden skin. Even her knees were pretty, with sexy little hollows that kept pulling his gaze like a magnet. When he’d run his hands up her legs that morning, he’d thought nothing could be as soft as her skin.

  Then he’d touched her sex.

  He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. His head was still spinning from the orgasm that had nearly blown his head off. He could have stayed inside her for hours, just basking in the hot, sweet clench of her pussy. But it wasn’t just the sex that had him wound as tight as a drum. When their eyes had met afterward, something inside him had shifted.

  Then her taxi had shown up—a reminder that she intended to leave.

  Because he’d driven her to it.

  It would have been better to let her go. Nobler. But he was done being noble, wasn’t he?

  And she didn’t know it yet, but her reaction to his secret had sealed her fate. He’d told her everything, and she hadn’t stammered or looked away. She hadn’t lapsed into uncomfortable silence. He’d expected to see pity in her big, blue eyes. Instead, he’d found understanding and what had looked like admiration.

  And because he must have done something good in a previous life, that admiration had quickly burned into desire.

  He’d told her this dinner was about making things up to her. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth, either. Every moment since he’d pulled his Alpha Team’s photo from that drawer had seemed to carry him one step closer to admitting what he’d tried for days to deny.

  He could see himself falling for this woman.

  Beside him, she put her palms on her thighs and stretched her shoulders. A thick lock of hair tumbled over her breast and curled around her nipple.

  Jesus. He yanked his gaze back to the road and accidentally yanked the steering wheel, too. The truck jerked into the left lane before he could right it.

  She shot him a look. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, sorry.” He tapped the wheel. “The alignment on this thing is touchy.”

  She smoothed her hand over the leather trim beneath her window. “I haven’t been in a truck in a long time.”