by Thea Chin
Memories replay themselves as Jaiden’s eyes stare at the setting sun in a daze.
He screamed. There’s no denying it—he screamed the second he saw her go over. He didn’t even notice Darren as he reached the railing himself. He swung a leg over when his body suddenly froze.
No! He panics. Not now!
He has to go in there; he has to. She’s going to die if he doesn’t. He has to. She’s going to die, she’s going to die, she’s going to—
“Patient 1204176. Time of death 11:51 AM.”
Without a second thought, he launches his body into the foreboding waves.
A loud voice pulls him from his thoughts. Jaiden lifts his eyes wearily as two boys make their way down the hall.
“We’re here,” says the taller one.
“I thought you said we were going to visit your grandma.”
“I had to tell my mom that or she’d never let me come here.”
“So who are we visiting?”
The taller one points at Tsukiko’s room. Both Darren and Jaiden are sitting up straight at this point.
“You know her?” gasps the chubbier one, viewing through the window. “She’s hot.”
“Right? She’s in for a broken bone and some other stuff. Five minutes from now, a doctor’s going to close the blinds to check on her wounds.”
“So?”
“Dude, she broke a rib. And the doctor has to check on it. Without clothes.”
The other boy forms an ‘O’ with his mouth before clamping it shut. “Wait, but you said the doctor closes the blinds, so it’s pointless anyway.”
“My grandma’s been in this hospital for weeks! After the last patient left this room, I rigged the seventh panel. Once we shake the wall, the view’s gonna be all ours.”
“What’s going to be all yours?” Darren demands.
Suddenly, the boy finds himself lifted off the ground and staring into two yellow eyes. He lets out a whimper and looks to his friend for help only to see him in the same position.
“Care to explain your plan again?” hisses Jaiden with one hand gripping the collar of the second boy.
“Let us go! Who are you anyway?” cries the chubbier boy.
“Her boyfriend,” they both reply simultaneously.
Darren looks at Jaiden as the latter continues. “So you better leave her alone, got it?”
“Ooo,” smirks the boys. “Looks like we have a—”
“SHUT UP!” Darren snaps, letting his sleep deprivation catch up to him. His canines have slid beyond normal human length as he towers over the boy. “Get out of my sight,” he snarls.
The taller boy gulps and nods, unable to speak past his fear. Darren drops him and Jaiden does the same. The two boys scramble away with a need for a change of pants.
Jaiden crosses his arms once they are gone. “Boyfriend?”
Darren scoffs. “You said the same, didn’t you?”
“I’m her best friend. I have more rights to borrow the title.”
Darren falters at Jaiden’s validity, but he isn’t about to back down from the challenge. “And I’m her soulmate.”
“You’re her murd—!”
The sound of an EKG changing rhythm breaks off Jaiden’s sentence. As tired as they both are, they do not miss the one noise they have been waiting to hear for the past two days. Their wolfish ears perk up as they whip around to see the girl slowly opening her eyes.
Earlier conversation forgotten, they burst into her room, shouting her name and for a nurse.
Tsukiko sways her head from side to side as if confused by the lights and noise. Her fingers twitch as she begins to regain control of her body.
“Miss Tsujii?” calls a nurse.
She let out a breath as she slowly brings her into focus.
“Miss Tsujii? Can you hear me?”
“—en…”
“Tsukiko, I’m right here,” Darren says and gently takes her hand in his.
She blinks at him, then turns to blink at Jaiden who is glaring at the other male with incredulous eyes. Slowly, she raises her other hand and lowers it onto his.
Jaiden’s pupils dilate in surprise, but he is quick to wrap both palms around hers. She smiles contently before facing back to the nurse.
“Water… please.”
* * *
She stays in the hospital for another three days with either Darren, Jaiden, or both by her side at all times. Angela comes with her dad to visit a few times too. Tsukiko is relieved to learn that the child suffered no more than a bit of poisoning and dehydration from swallowing seawater. Besides that and Cain’s sprained wrist, she and her friends escaped the shipwreck soundly, and after the three days, Tsukiko is allowed to go home like nothing ever happened.
“Chan texted. He’s downstairs with the car. I’ll load these on first,” Darren informs while holding up some of her belongings.
“Thanks, Darren,” she nods.
He smiles at her and disappears down the hall. Tsukiko turns her attention to Jaiden who is re-reading her post-hospitalization care pamphlet. She walks over and taps him on the shoulder.
“Who’s there?” he exclaims and whips around.
She withdraws her hand, eyes wide with shock. Jaiden has been on edge ever since the cruise.
“Oh, it’s just you,” he sighs. “Sorry.”
“Is something wrong? You’ve been jumpy lately,” she frowns.
“It’s nothing.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m just scared something might happen again. Guess you can call it paranoia.”
He tries to brush it off with a laugh, but Tsukiko keeps her frown.
“I’m sorry for making you worry,” she apologizes. “Darren told me what happened to your soulmate. I’m sorry I brought things back.”
“Darren, huh… It feels like I’m losing more and more every day.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” He zips up the last bag with one sharp motion. “I mean, you don’t have to be sorry for worrying me. Cause you’re you, you know? It’s only natural I worry about you.”
Tsukiko winces at the reference to their past dispute, one that they’ve tried to sweep under the rug. His words are often endearing, but this time, his tone makes something feel off.
“B-because we’re friends?” she squeaks.
Jaiden laughs dryly and lowers his gaze to her mark. “You still love him, don’t you?”
She holds her left wrist to her chest defensively with her other hand. She knows how Jaiden feels about his brother. “I—”
“It’s okay,” he says in a softer tone. “The bond never really breaks. Or at least not until someone dies,” he adds humorlessly. “And Darren’s a really great guy. Believe it or not, he was my closest friend until Terena came into the picture. He made a lot of mistakes, but he’s honestly very sweet and hardworking.” He puts down the pamphlet with sudden vigor. “That’s why I can’t wait any longer. I can’t keep delaying, or he’ll surely get what he wants.”
He closes the door and the blinds. No distractions this time.
“Tsukiko.”
Tsukiko’s feet shuffle backwards until one heel hits the wall as Jaiden approaches her with unmistakable fervor in his eyes.
“I think it’s time I answered that question you asked on the boat,” he begins. “About the girl who brought light into my world when I thought there was none of it left. The one who gave me hope and love after years of living without such things. I met her over a year back. She’s brilliant, radiant, compassionate… I could go on, but you already know all of this.”
He has her trapped between him and the wall. He slams a hand on the window by her head. Something rattles, probably the blinds.
“But what you don’t know is…” he whispers, his breathing haggard and uneven.
This is it. His time is running out, not just because of Darren, but also because of the ever-passing moons. Just twenty more moons. Twenty more months he has left to hold her, to see her smile, to hear her laugh
. Or twenty more months will he have to see her laughing with Darren, hand in hand with Angela between them as the perfect family Jaiden will never get to have unless he does something about it.
It’s now or never.
“… is I…”
She grips at something, anything, turning her knuckles white as he makes her wait for his next words while he murmurs against her lips, the air pregnant with anticipation.
“Is… I’m sorry.”
He feels his heart being torn from his chest at the same time he pushes himself off of her. He can’t do it. Not when he knows she is still her soulmate’s. Not when he knows she doesn’t love him.
He can’t do it. He loves her too much to do it.
“Jaiden.”
He doesn’t know what to think as she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him forward to meet her lips with his own. His body reacts before his mind can catch up, molding himself against her, wrapping his hands behind her back and head, and withering upon her touch. Jaiden has never felt such euphoria. He’s never felt such exuberance, such desire bursting from his chest, reaching every cell in his body, especially his lips. Oh, how his lips feel merged as one with hers! They feel like the key to his soul, unlocking his heart and reincarnating the love he had forgotten.
But this isn’t right. No. No matter how much he wants it to be—no matter how much he wills it to be—it isn’t. He can tell by the dampness of her cheeks and the way her fingers are curled shakingly into themselves behind his neck. He knows what this is: pity.
He doesn’t feel anything when he tears himself away from her this time. It is as if all his emotions just turned off the second his lips left hers. With a tight frown, he looks at her eyes to find exactly what he expected to find.
“I never thought of you as Leiah. I never saw you as her, but as someone I love,” he says unshakingly. Without another word, Jaiden walks out the door. She doesn’t love him. Not when her eyes—the same eyes that can hold all the stars in the galaxy in them—only held guilt when she looked at him.
Tsukiko buries her face in her hand and lets out a deep sigh, wondering if she had just made another mistake.
“Everything alright?”
She looks up to see Darren at the doorway. His smile is off, but she is too distressed to realize.
“Yeah.” She offers a weak smile of her own. “Shall we go?”
“Go ahead first. I have a quick business to take care of,” he tells her.
She nods and leaves him in the room.
Once she is gone, Darren lets his expression sink to the floor. He walks over to the window and bends to pick up a broken panel from the ground. It had fallen off when Jaiden slammed his hand against the glass, just like the kid from a few days back said it would.
Darren turns around to take in the entirety of the room. He had only been able to see a small snippet of it through the gap earlier, but it was enough.
It was enough to see his soulmate kissing his ex-friend.
* * *
Jaiden pretends again as if nothing happened between the two. Well, not nothing—internally, he has made up his mind—but he is careful not to express anything to Tsukiko. As the days go by, it looks more and more like those days are limited, and he is careful not to squander them with any sort of tension.
The girl, however, does not have as strong of a conviction. She nearly drops her knife when he walks into the kitchen, her toast half buttered.
“Good morning,” Jaiden greets with his eyes half shut.
“G-good morning,” she returns. “I, uh, have to get to work now.”
Jaiden watches with a frown as she stuffs her incomplete breakfast in her mouth and rushes out of the house. More correctly, out of where he is. His attention is diverted though when a less tolerable presence enters his proximity: Darren.
Since the hospital, Darren has not been able to look Tsukiko in the eyes either. He deserves this pain; he broke her heart first. Still, he can’t help but cling on with hope to the sight of her distraught face after the kiss. He clearly saw her initiate the action, yet it doesn’t seem to have gone well. Has Jaiden fallen out of love? No, that’s impossible too.
Darren walks over to the kitchen, gritting his teeth in contemplation for the sixth time that day even though it has barely started, when he spots Jaiden leaving the kitchen.
“Wait,” calls Darren.
“What?” Jaiden sighs without turning back.
“I want to talk to you.”
“Well, I don’t.”
He begins walking again, but Darren grabs his arm.
“Please,” Darren insists. “It’s important.”
Jaiden lets out another sigh; every time he looks at Darren, he’s reminded of her, her touch, and her love that isn’t his.
“Fine, but I’m staying turned away.”
Darren nods in agreement although he can’t be seen.
“I’m going to cut to the chase. Are you dating Tsukiko?”
Jaiden scoffs, “Is that why you stopped me? To ask if she’s available?”
“What? No!” Darren exclaims. “I know my boundaries.”
“Then why are you asking?”
“I, um, I saw what you two did at the hospital,” he confesses.
Jaiden feels a panic rising in his chest; he doesn’t need Darren to have another card against him.
Softly, Darren continues, “I just wanted to know if she’s been happy with you.”
He sounds so sincere, reminding Jaiden of what the two used to have. When his soulmate died, Darren was the one always by his side, holding him and telling him that everything would be alright. His tone reminds him of how much he misses having someone to lean on, someone to cry on, especially during times like this.
Jaiden hangs his head, and with a small voice, admits, “She’s not.”
“What?” Darren furrows his brows.
“I mean she’s not happy with me. We’re not together.” His voice cracks in the last sentence. He has tried all he can to not appear weak in front of Darren anymore, but this apparently is the limit.
“Oh.” Darren feels a sudden pang from how broken his friend looks and sounds. He frowns at how ridiculous his previous worries are compared to what Jaiden is going through. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Jaiden laughs dryly. “It’s not your fault she’s your soulmate. It’s not your fault she’ll never love me back.”
Darren steps closer, and Jaiden either doesn’t mind or doesn’t notice. “No, I’m sorry for not having your back during this time. Or, well, I’m sorry for making you feel like I don’t. I realized I never apologized to you after what I did with Terena even though you are one of the people my actions hurt the most. If anything, I made things even worse for you, so I want to apologize now.”
“What?” Jaiden scoffs, not believing his ears.
“I said I’m sorry,” he reiterates, “for being a bad person and an even worse friend. And I want to promise you that I won’t hurt you or Tsukiko ever again.”
Jaiden finally turns around and scans Darren’s gaze for honesty. When he finds what he is looking for, he slouches in posture with a sigh.
“You know, I’d be hurt if you got together with Ki,” he teases tiredly.
“I— We’re— I mean, I’m not trying to do that! I know I stepped out of line a few times, but I know I don’t deserve her anymore!” Darren stutters flusteredly.
Jaiden lets out a low chuckle and pats the other wolf on the shoulder. “I’ve come to realize I don’t know who deserves what when it comes to love anymore. All I know is that just like you’re the only one who can hurt Ki the way you did, you’re also the only one who can make her happy in a way no one else can. If she lets you into her heart again, then…” Jaiden lets out a sigh of resignation. “What can I do?”
Darren tilts his head to the side. “You really love her, don’t you.”
An eye roll. “You better do the same, you dumb dog.”
Darren laughs and hol
ds out his arms. “Wanna cry about stuff now? ‘Things feel better when you let them out.’”
Jaiden stares at him, the corner of his lip twitching.
* * *
Tsukiko hurries out of Chan’s house with her head down, hoping to avoid being seen. Something about Jaiden ever since what happened at the hospital just makes her want to flee every time she sees him. He reminds her of what she felt when they kissed. It was almost like… suffocating? She can’t quite put a finger on it; being around him just makes her lungs and heart feel clenched and her head start to pound.
When she looks at him, she can feel the kiss like they are still in the middle of it. She can hear a roar in her ears and a tightening in her lungs. Despite this, she admits there’s something nostalgic about it all, and it gives her a tranquil aching. She frowns down at her fading soulmark. Why does everything hurt nowadays?
Tsukiko walks through St. Valentine’s automatic doors without even realizing it. She is early, but it seems Dr. Lawrence is earlier.
“Miss Tsukiko Tsujii?”
“Yes?”
She is holding some files which she shuffles through. “Your documents from the hospital after your accident at sea were faxed over. My sympathies for your traumatic experiences.”
Tsukiko thanks her and is about to move along before the doctor stops her.
“Because of your past medical history, we here at St. Valentine’s Memorial would like to do our own head scan for you to make sure there is nothing to worry about. The fees are covered of course, since you are our employee.”
Tsukiko’s ears perk up at this. “Okay.”
Dr. Lawrence turns on her heels and begins to walk without even checking if she is following. “Good. We already vacated a room for you to change into a gown in. Tell me, Miss Tsukiko Tsujii, have you remembered anything since your incident? Have you had any odd thoughts or images flash through your head?”
“Not that I recall.”
“Alright then,” Dr. Lawrence nods emotionlessly, stopping at a door. “Here is your room. I will return in five minutes to take you to the lab.”
Tsukiko voices her gratitude as she closes the door. She changes quickly and places her belongings in a provided basket. As she puts down her phone on top of everything, a notification lights up.
