by Thea Chin
Yet somehow, it tastes a little better now that he’s eating it with her.
T-20 Moons
Another few months pass, and so does Jaiden’s and Darren’s college experience. During the past few years, the pack has vacationed everywhere: forests, snowcaps, deserts, and more. The only place they haven’t been is the ocean, so for their last official Mu Alpha outing, they opted for a cruise.
Tsukiko steps onto the dock and lets the night breeze hit her face as the majority of the guests are indoors, sitting off their dinners.
“It’s rare to see you alone these days.”
Tsukiko turns away from the ocean to see Jaiden cautiously stepping out onto the roof. Leviathan, the cruise ship the underclassmen wolves booked tickets for to celebrate this year’s bachelor graduates and the end of Mu Alpha, hoots quietly above the two. Who was he to not come on the trip when his brothers, all with excited looks on their faces, looked anticipatingly at him, waiting for the last member of the fraternity to agree to a cruise?
“Well, babies need a lot of attention,” she replies, walking away from the rails for his sake as Jaiden drapes a jacket over her. “The first few years are the most important to a child’s development.
Jaiden lets out a low hum and looks at the night sky to distract himself from the water below. It looks like rain. “It’s the twenty-second moon, tonight, isn’t it?”
“I try not to keep count.”
“Sorry.”
A comfortable silence falls upon the two. Jaiden turns his head slightly to look at her as she keeps gazing upwards. She reaches for his arm, trying to provide comfort for the unease she knows he is feeling.
“Do you think she’s up there?” she wonders aloud.
“Who?”
She pulls up her left sleeve.
Jaiden bites his lip. “I think so.”
“Want me to deliver any messages?”
“Ki…” he warns.
“Well?”
He turns around and leans back with a sigh. “Maybe… that I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For not saving her in time.”
She raises a brow but doesn’t press further. “I’m sure she never blamed you.”
“How do you know that?”
“You’re soulmates,” she answers. “A perfectly compatible pair. You don’t seem like the type who would blame her if her roles were reversed, so she wouldn’t either.”
He frowns, not entirely convinced. He gnaws on his cheek for a moment before saying, “Then help me apologize for one more thing.”
Tsukiko tilts her head.
“For loving someone else.”
She remembers her conversation at Jolly Land. She scoffs humorously and rolls her eyes. “It’s been so long and you still haven’t asked her out or told anyone who it is. I’m starting to doubt if there’s actually someone.”
“I’m pretty sure the boys already know.”
“Oh really? Then who is it?”
He blinks at her thrice.
“Y—”
“Han! Tsujii! Time to assign rooms!” someone calls from the inside.
Jaiden gives her a sheepish smile and turns towards the voice.
Because all the other girls in the group were adamant about spending their night on a cruise ship with their significant other, Tsukiko ends up having to room with her own soulmate. Thankfully, Chan got the two a room with separate beds.
In their suite, as Darren is reading to his daughter a bedtime story, Tsukiko shares the same light to work on something she’s been attempting for a while now.
After a story and a song, she quietly drops her head onto a copy of the hospital’s floor plan with a soft groan. In her five months at St. Valentine’s, she has not been able to find an opportunity to sneak into the scanning lab once.
Darren turns his head towards her while putting away the book. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Nothing new,” she replies with a sigh. “I’m stuck trying to find an excuse to get access into the basement rooms at St. Valentine’s.”
Darren walks over and takes a look at what she’s doing. “You really think there is something in that research even if you find it?”
She reaches for the girl and Darren puts her in her arms. “Yeah… I know what the Council said, but I can’t just not try.”
He stays silent and just nods, studying the map with her. After a bit, his face morphs as his thoughts take a different direction.
“Tsukiko,” he begins.
“Yes?”
“Is it weird? Sharing a room with me, I mean. I can go outside. Or something. If you want.”
“No, it’s fine,” Tsukiko shakes her head. “I’ve shared rooms with Jaiden before, so it’s nothing new.”
“Oh. Jaiden, huh?”
She nods and folds up the map in exhaustion. “Speaking of which, I’m going to bed now if that’s okay.”
“Yeah. Just turn off the lights; I can see in the dark.”
* * *
That night, a storm rages outside. Darren is glad Tsukiko insisted on bringing speakers to play white noise for his daughter. However, he himself cannot seem to fall asleep. He sits up with a sigh and looks over to Tsukiko’s unconscious form.
Does she always curl up like that when she sleeps? Darren almost feels bad for the blankets. And is she… is she shaking?
Darren gets out of bed and walks to her side.
“Tsukiko?”
She let out a scared whimper, still asleep. A nightmare, he concludes.
“Tsukiko, are you okay?” he asks again, reaching to brush some hair out of her face.
She quickly grabs his hand and holds it close to her. He can definitely feel her shaking now, but it subsides the longer she has his hand in her possession.
Darren silently screams in the dark in panic. What should he do? With their current relationship and history, it doesn’t seem proper to hold her in his arms to give her the comfort she needs. At the same time, he isn’t going to pull his hand back and leave her shivering alone.
Out of options, he sits awkwardly by her side with his arm stretched towards her.
Tsukiko rubs her face against his palm, sending heat across his entire being. It’s suffocating, but he doesn’t mind one bit. It has been a long time since he felt this, he realizes sadly to himself. He lifts up the wrist that glows weakly of his soulmark. Will he ever again after two years?
“-eeen…” he hears her mutter.
“What?” he whispers.
She doesn’t reply and instead snuggles closer to him.
‘En?’ As in Jaiden or Darren?
He frowns. Is he even allowed to hope for the latter after all he has put her through?
Still, he can’t help but wish.
* * *
The next morning, Tsukiko apologizes profusely for making him put up with her all night. He waves her off, but she can see the circles under his eyes. Thus, Tsukiko takes his daughter out for breakfast and leaves him to catch some shut-eye.
The rain is getting worse, but she finds that Angela is sufficiently distracted in the daycare center, so she leaves her there with some applesauce before going to find her own breakfast.
Once inside the dining hall, Tsukiko immediately gets an eerie feeling. The place is understaffed compared to yesterday, she realizes as she picks up a plate, but people do tend to skip breakfast. Still, she fidgets with the plate uneasily, sliding it from her left hand to her right. She spies some toast and is about to head towards it when suddenly, a hand grabs her by the shoulder.
“Ki.”
She let out a small yelp and whip around only to see Jaiden looking back at her.
“Sorry, did I scare you?” he laughs nervously while scratching the back of his head.
“It’s fine,” she assures. “Good morning.”
“How’d you sleep?” he asks, grabbing a plate and following her.
“Well. How about you?”
“Good. I took two sl
eeping pills and knocked out as soon as I got into the room.” He leans towards her as the two of them wait in line. “Did Darren, um, do anything weird?”
She isn’t sure what he is referring to, so she shakes her head. “I was having nightmares and kept him up all night though.”
His brows are now etched with a different kind of worry. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, these things happen,” Tsukiko shrugs. “I just feel bad for him. He’s sleeping in the room now; I should probably pack some food for him.”
Jaiden disregards the second half of her statement. “Do you want to talk about your dreams? You always say that talking about things makes them feel better.”
“Just nonsense,” she laughs lightly, putting two portions of toast on her plate. “There was a giant squid monster who kidnapped Angela. I tried to save her, but it took her underwater. I jumped in and couldn’t see or hear anything. I just felt… stuck?”
Jaiden nods knowingly. “It’s probably because of the storm last night.”
She places a few more things with her toasts. “It doesn’t seem to be letting up either.”
“Do you want to switch rooms with Matthews and room with me tonight? You can snuggle up with my fur if that’ll help you feel better,” he offers.
She pours a cup of tea as Jaiden gets his coffee. The two find a table.
“I think I’ll be fine tonight,” she declines. “Anyway, you have yet to finish your answer from last night.”
He raises a questioning eyebrow.
“You were about to tell me about this quote-unquote crush you’ve been having for years.”
“She’s real!” Jaiden objects to her tone.
She laughs at his pout. “Who is it? Maybe I can help you talk to her. Since I’m a girl too, it’ll be an easier segue.”
“She’s— she’s…”
Jaiden pushes some food around on his plate.
“You!”
They look up to where the voice came from to see Finley and Faith walking in, bobbing their entire bodies to music being played through shared earphones.
“There’s nothing I want more than you, guuuurl!”
Jaiden shrugs apologetically. “Maybe later?”
She frowns. “You said the boys know anyway.”
“Well, uh, I never told them; I think they just figured it out,” he shrugs.
“So I’m just dense.”
“Yep!” says Mark who slides into a chair next to her.
“What?”
“Oh sorry,” he smiles cheekily. “What were you guys talking about?”
She raises a brow at Jaiden as he diverts the conversation elsewhere.
The rest of breakfast is rather uneventful. Well, Finley did accidentally flip his plate over onto Xie Ming, but that isn’t too extraordinary.
Tsukiko excuses herself early to deliver Darren his breakfast. On the way, she stops by the daycare and finds Angela playing with an interactive book. She smiles contently and continues along.
Once she’s arrived at her destination, Tsukiko quietly eases the door open. She finds her soulmate still sleeping, so she slowly sets down the food when—
BANG!
The first thing Darren sees when he jolts awake is Tsukiko, wide-eyed and hands sticky from spilled juice. All is still for five seconds after the shock. Then the alarm starts blaring through the halls.
The noise snaps Tsukiko back into reality. Once it does, there’s only one thing on her mind. She tosses down what she is holding and bolts out the door for the daycare room.
“Tsukiko!” Darren calls after her, but she is already gone.
As predicted, the daycare center is in pandemonium. Out of the handful of children, Tsukiko immediately spots the one she is looking for, crying and trembling.
“Shh, shh, shh. It’s okay; it’s okay,” Tsukiko coos as she picks Angela up into her arms.
She makes her way through a panicking mob to the deck where the lifeboats are. By the time she is there, Tsukiko can already feel the ship leaning towards one side. The rain is still as relentless as ever, beating down on her so hard, she can barely open her eyes.
“Women and children first!” yells a uniformed man. “Row away from the ship as soon as possible once your boat has been lowered!”
Darren finally finds her as Tsukiko is dashing towards a lowering boat with his child outstretched in front of her, begging people to let the toddler on.
“Tsukiko! Slow down!” he yells.
But it is too late.
Because of the rain, her feet slide out from under her. Her body continues towards the edge of the ship, and her head meets the metal railing. Just then, another wave lurches the boat, sending her limp body flying overboard.
“No!” he cries as he takes on the same dangerous feat of sprinting across the deck. He makes it to the rails and dives in after his soulmate. He reemerges as a wolf but there is a new problem: Tsukiko is no longer holding onto his daughter. In fact, at least ten meters lie between the two of them, a distance that is only growing. There is no way he can go after them both.
He looks to his right to his helpless child. He looks to his left to Tsukiko’s unconscious form. Whom does he choose? How can he choose?
As he extends his left paw forward, something soars overhead and lands in the water in front of him. A mess of silver resurfaces, and Darren is unspeakably shocked, but he knows what to do. He switches paws and swims and swims and swims until his daughter is between his jaws.
* * *
“You howling idiots!”
Cain’s exasperation falls on deaf ears as Jaiden drags Tsukiko onto the lifeboat, panting and coughing out seawater. Behind him, Darren follows with his daughter whom he hands to Xie Ming.
As much as Jaiden wants to collapse onto the floor and stay there for ten hours, he can’t. He flings his friend onto the ground and begins resuscitation.
“Come on, Ki,” he mutters. He checks her chest. No breaths. “Come on, please,” he begs, “I can’t do this again.”
Not again.
He is fifteen. His backpack is already long gone as he runs faster than his four legs have ever run before. He can feel it killing him. He can feel her slipping from him. He was stupid to let her go on that camping trip without him. He was stupid to have gotten detention the day of.
When he arrives, there isn’t even a sign of struggle anymore.
Tsukiko looks just like her; hair slightly frizzing from the moisture, lips parted though no air escapes between them, not responding no matter how Jaiden pumps at her ribcage.
“Please… Ki, please…” he cries.
“Jaiden…” Chan places a hand on his shoulder after the eighth minute. “It’s too—”
“No!” he screams, slapping his leader away. “I’m not letting this happen again!”
Pump. Pump.
Nothing.
Pump.
… Pump…
“Mr. Jaiden Han? I’m Doctor Lawrence.”
Pump. Pump.
“It’s too late, boy. She’s gone.”
Pump. Pump.
“11:51.”
Pump. Pump
Nothing.
“No-oo…t.” He lowers his head helplessly onto her chest, fist pounding on her body in agony. “A-again…”
“Please… Not yet, Ki… Please, I’d do anything. You can see me as just a friend or even someone who just thinks you’re his dead soulmate. Just please, please wake up…” And then to the sky. “What do you want? First Leiah and now her too? Wasn’t the first time enough? Just take me instead and get it over with! Take me instead! Please, just—!”
Maybe he finally hit just the right spot or maybe all his earlier effort finally paid off, but as his fist comes down one more time, water shoots out of her mouth. A gasp is heard from the entire boat. With newfound energy, Jaiden gets back into CPR position. A few more compressions later, Tsukiko turns to her side, coughing and drawing in short breaths.
“Ki!” Jaiden wails, sc
ooping her into his arms.
She wraps her arms around him weakly to comfort him through her coughs.
“Thank you…” he cries softly into her neck. “Thank you for coming back… Oh, thank you.”
Darren stares at the two of them with a pang in his heart. He rubs his soulmark gingerly as he watches Jaiden entangle his fingers in her hair. He watches as she drops her head on Jaiden’s shoulder and as he encircles his arms tighter around her, flushing her entirety against him.
To his right, he hears his baby cry and Xie Ming breathing a sigh of relief. The child is placed into his hold and he rocks her mindlessly.
He’s made a mistake. A ten-kilogram mistake that’s taking her place in his arms right now. She would have never guilted him to have a child. She would have never left him. She is so perfect for him, and now he’s going to lose her, if not already.
* * *
Her chest hurt.
That’s what Tsukiko thought when her body submerged into the water.
Ah, I wonder what Jaiden will say when they find me, she thought to herself. I hope he won’t cry too much.
Jaiden. She realized how that’s the first name she thought of in a time like this. She has so much to thank him for. So much that she would not ever be able to tell him.
I hope you find that someone again.
Her head got pushed back as black-tipped hair flew across her vision. Her arms went up too, and she was able to see that familiar glow on her wrist. It was familiar like something she had known since she was born, yet something about it felt surreal like she was seeing the world from someone else’s eyes. When was the last time she looked at this pattern, she wondered. And then she remembered.
When Jaiden drew it on her arm.
* * *
Hospitals are surprisingly cheery. It helps to keep morale up in a place when everyone’s fighting their own battle.
Next to the door to Tsukiko’s room, Jaiden is draped lazily across a bench. Diagonally across from him is an equally worn Darren.
After Jaiden revived her, Tsukiko could not stay conscious for long with a broken rib and a bruised lung. Luckily, help was only a half hour away, and she received medical attention from a foreign hospital without complications. Since then, there isn’t anything more the doctors can do except wait for her to wake up herself. That was two days ago and the last time the two men slept since they wanted to be ready for the second Tsukiko woke up.
