by Mel Wildes
“What’s the deal with him?” Ralph asked, looking a little ridged after receiving Alfie’s fiercest scowl. “You two a thing?” he asked with skepticism. Because the mere thought of Alfie going for someone like me was just incomprehensible.
“No. He’s just protective over me. We grew up together, we’re friends,” I simplified it and this seemed to ease Ralph’s worries about Alfie disfiguring him for hitting on his girl.
“Okay, good, good.” His smile was goofy as his hands moved from the chair behind me, to my shoulders, pulling me in closer to him. “I ain’t about to get in another guy’s way. Especially his. Luckily for me, ain’t no guy after you,” he said and his words were somehow hurtful, despite not overtly trying to be. I tensed as his thumb stroked my shoulders. Maybe Ralph wasn’t prince charming and didn’t show a lot of promise of wanting me pure heartedly, but Alfie’s words were ringing in my ears. He didn’t think someone my size could be appealing to someone else, and maybe Ralph was the perfect guy to prove him wrong. Maybe.
***
As the last quarter approached and Alfie’s team huddled together, Ralph leaned into me, placing his lips by my ears.
“This game is a drag, want to get out of here?” he asked and I moved away from him, looking him in his eyes. His smile was boyish and charming, but his eyes were filled with something I’d never seen before. I looked back out at the field and watched the team break and head for the field. I observed Alfie playfully slap Clarissa on the ass and blow her a kiss before running out onto the field. Clarissa laughed in delight before she playfully scolded him. Alfie was the only person I knew who could dump a girl and still get away with flirting with her before the day even managed to end. He had a superpower and I was over watching his bad decisions from the sidelines. Maybe Ralph was what I needed to get over Alfie; maybe this was my one and only way out, especially since I didn’t have a whole lot of suitors knocking at my door.
“Sure, want to grab something to eat?” I asked and he looked at me with a mischievous grin.
“Yeah, I could eat.” The next thing I knew his hands were clasped with mine, guiding me away from the bleachers. I didn’t bother to look back. If I saw Alfie and his sweet, sweating gorgeousness, I might just psyche myself out of giving this thing a go. As Ralph stopped behind the bleachers, I thought it was weird we didn’t go directly to his car.
“Everything alright?” I asked, but he ignored me as he lifted the edge of a large tarp that gave passage to the bottom part of the bleachers. I knew about this place, classmates came here to get high and feel each other up. I suddenly realized Ralph wasn’t too interested in grabbing a bite. As the tarp fell back in place, I looked up to see little glimmers of light peak through the top part of the bleachers. The crowd was muffled and for the briefest moment, I thought this place would be a great hide out during lunches to read and ignore people. But alas, the stoners had claimed it first.
“You’re really hot, Z. How is it you don’t have a boyfriend?” Ralph asked and I looked away from the roof to him, he was leaning against a pillar, his hands in his pockets.
“Um, I’m not exactly Clarissa Hayes,” I pointed out, hovering my hands over my voluptuous body and half-heartedly laughing. Ralph took that as an invitation to really run his eyes across my breasts and I grew uncomfortable at how intense he was being.
“Fuck Clarissa Hayes. That bitch ass bully doesn’t measure up to all of this,” he said this as he made his way toward me, using his hands to boldly trace my curves. I was definitely growing uncomfortable. I attempted to back away from him but he had me against a wall. “Seriously Z, I get a hard every time we’re in gym together and you wear those sexy leggings that cling to your ass.” His observation caught me off guard and I didn’t know what to say. No one had ever desired me before, no one had ever used the word ‘sexy’ to describe me and I didn’t hate it. Ralph leaned in as his hands gently pinned me to the wall I was leaning against.
“We should probably go eat now.” I attempted to wake him up from his lust-filled demeanor but his lips simply curved up in a sly smirk.
“Don’t worry, we’ll eat soon enough,” he whispered before pushing his thin lips against my plump ones. His lips were dry and crushing mine ineloquently. His tongue slipped into my mouth before I had much of chance to acknowledge the kiss. His hands released my wrists as they grabbed both my breasts tightly, uncomfortably. I tried to enjoy the kiss, but it wasn’t what I expected. Although it wasn’t my first kiss, it was technically my first as a teenager and it just wasn’t matching how I thought it would be. It was nothing like those god-awful romance films mama made me watch. His saliva soaked tongue was going to town in my mouth. He pulled away to look at me and observe my satisfaction, but I wasn’t giving much away. “I want you, Z.” As his words left his mouth, his lips found mine again and I wondered if I should shut my eyes for this. He began to grind on me and I could feel his erection brush against my crotch. I hadn’t ever felt a guy’s dick before and I wasn’t sure I liked the way his felt grinding up against me.
“Ralph.” I decided to put an end to this. I wasn’t feeling anything.
“Mhm,” he murmured into my mouth.
“We should probably cool it,” I said as I fully detached our mouths and attempted to push him away from me. “Let’s just go eat, or go back to the game,” I said but he wasn’t listening.
“Mhm,” he murmured once again as his hands slipped beneath my skirt and reached for my panties.
“Whoa!” I said, fully pushing him off of me now. “Ralph I said we should cool it,” I attempted to get through to him but he had seemingly grown uninterested in my words.
“I promised you a feed. You can go first,” he said as he began to unzip his pants.
“I’m out of here,” I said with alarm, as my eyes grew wide, focusing on reaching the tarp and getting the fuck away from him. What I thought would be a simple make out session had escalated to a place I wasn’t comfortable with.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He was pissed off, grabbing my wrist as his pants dropped to floor. Leaning up against a pillar, I wondered if anyone would hear me scream. “Just suck it, Z. You and I could be a thing by Monday morning and the whole school won’t think you’re a frigid cow anymore.” His words caught me off guard and I attempted to push back and get out of there but he was stronger than me.
“Ralph, you’re not this guy. Just let me go.” I tried to reason with him but a shadow crossed his face and he upturned his nose in annoyance.
“I’m not doing anything wrong here. I’m just giving charity to a cow like you. You think anyone wants to sleep with you, date you or be seen with you.” At this, he leaned in for another kiss and I felt tears begin to dampen my cheeks both in fear and shame. Before I knew what was happening, Ralph was on the floor, pants down around his legs. Alfie was suddenly there, hovering over him with clenched fists.
“What the fuck did you say to her?” Alfie’s face was marred with blood, sweat and an intense darkness I’d never seen before. “You want to die today?” As the words came out, he lifted his arm, ready to start punching the shit out of him. I wiped the tears away in time to reach him and pull his arm back.
“Don’t do it, Alfie.” Alfie pulled out of my hold on him.
“Why the fuck not?” he growled, eyes glowering with burning anger.
“He’s not worth it, Alfie. You beat the shit out of him and get suspended in your last few weeks of school. I’m not letting you fuck up your future for this dipshit.” I was shouting but the words were barely reaching him.
“I don’t give a fuck about my future. This dick was about to attack you,” he growled once more, his arm still raised and ready to distort Ralph’s face. Looking to Ralph, his pants were back on and the fear of God was in his eyes as he looked up to a hovering Alfie.
“Well, I care, okay? Don’t do this, please.” I reached for his clenched fist again and his glowering eyes watched me as he released a little of the tens
ion, very reluctantly.
“Get the fuck out of here,” I shouted toward Ralph. He looked up at Alfie one last time, unsure of what to do. “Now!” I shouted one last time and he was on his feet, running toward the tarp.
“Fucking psychos, the school’s going to find out you’re a frigid bitch come Monday.” He left us with this before running for his life. Alfie tensed again as he growled beneath his breath and turned toward him, ready to track him down.
“Stop!” I commanded and ran in front of him, placing my hands on his chest. “Just let him go.” He looked down at me intensely with a mixture of anger, frustration and fatigue.
“Are you alright?” he asked, his voice only softening in the slightest. I nodded as I observed his heart racing a million miles an hour beneath my hand.
“If that asshole had…” he paused, letting the thought simmer. He began to tense up again and I removed my hands from his chest and hugged him. He didn’t reciprocate the hug. I could tell he was still pissed off.
FOGGY
2018
I hadn’t expected to wake up this morning chirpier than every other morning. After yesterday’s drama with Alfie, I assumed I would wake up in a funk but Marcus had seemingly come around at the right time. Thinking to tonight, I wondered what I should wear. I quickly remembered I was hopeless with fashion and called Penny for assistance.
“That boy is FINE,” she said breathless from her morning jog. She had asked for his instagram handle and I had obliged. “Like there is, ‘damn, he’s going to be good in the sack’ hot and then there is, ‘hallelujah, I ain’t going to be able to walk for a week,’ hot,” she exclaimed loudly over the loudspeaker and I shook my head in amusement.
“You’re crazy, Penny. You know I’m not jumping his bones. We’re just watching a movie and having dinner. That’s it,” I pointed out. Her breath hiked up and I could almost see her eyes roll in response.
“This isn’t like your other dates, Zadie. This is a real man, one who will scoop your fat ass up and throw you down on his exotic Egyptian silks, and he will go to town.” She was laughing as I rolled my eyes.
“That was way too detailed and you are way too invested,” I pointed out as I reached my closet and swung the doors open.
“I’m your best friend, if not me, who?” she pointed out, pausing to take a breath. “You’re not eighteen anymore, you can’t wait for him forever. It’s going to happen one day. Why not with an insanely attractive guy, who is literally your literary soul mate?” Before I had much of a chance to respond, my bedroom door slammed open and I felt my heart almost leap out of my chest.
“Who’s your literary soul mate?” Alfie asked as he stepped into my room and observed me in my pajama shorts and tank top.
“Jesus, Alfie! You don’t just slam into someone’s room like that!” I shot at him. In his defense, it wasn’t an unusual thing for him to just show up at my apartment, but I was edgier today and somewhat uncomfortable with him knowing about the date.
“You didn’t answer my question,” he pointed out and I rolled my eyes.
“I’m having a private conversation,” I pointed out, looking back to my closet.
“Hey, Alfie!” Penny chirped from the loudspeaker.
“Hey, Penn.” He took this as an invitation and crawled onto my bed, picking up my phone. “So, who’s her literary soul mate?” he asked her and I felt my cheeks begin to burn in annoyance.
“Ugh…” she began but I interrupted her before she could form a coherent thought.
“I need your help, can you swing by at four?” I asked her as I snatched the phone from Alfie’s grasp.
“No problem, see you then.” Disconnecting the call, I grabbed my robe from the back of my wardrobe door and made my way to the bathroom.
“You should go home,” I called out to Alfie but he was following me into the bathroom without a second thought. This was also my fault, I never put up boundaries and so this became a norm. “Nope.” I put my hand to his chest as I attempted to bar him from the bathroom. “You’re getting married, married men don’t sit in the bathroom while their naked and very female best friend showers,” I pointed out but it all fell on deaf ears as he managed to push past me. Sitting in my claw bathtub. Alfie observed me as I rolled my eyes and gave up. Leaning forward, I turned the shower on and felt for warm water, when it was ready, he looked away and I undressed. Stepping into the warm water, I closed the door behind me and let the water caress my skin.
“So, who is he?” Alfie’s voice emerged from beyond the shower.
“What do you care?” I shot back and he cleared his throat, obviously annoyed.
“I’m your best friend, as much as Penny is. I want to know,” he pointed out and I felt a stab of guilt. He was my best friend and just because I was hung up on him, didn’t mean he didn’t deserve to be in the loop just as much as Penny.
“I met him at the seminar yesterday.” I sighed in defeat. “I spilled coffee all over his shirt and he demanded I pay for it in quarters at Wilson’s, then he asked me out. He’s taking me to the moonlight cinema tonight.” As I concluded, I waited to hear a ‘good for you’ or a ‘tell me more’ but it was radio silence out there. As a few more minutes passed, his voice piped up again.
“What’s his name?” he asked and I was reluctant to say. As I turned the water off, I contemplated it for a second more before he cleared his throat.
“Marcus Park,” I said quietly and for the seconds preceding my words, it was almost like I was alone in the bathroom. As I reached for my towel, he snatched it from the other side. “Alfred Montgomery! You give me back my towel!” I demanded but he didn’t, instead he opened the shower door and looked me straight in the eyes. I attempted to shield my bits, but I knew he’d never look anyway.
“The guy you have a crush on?” he asked and I looked at him in surprise.
“A crush? Hardly, he’s a great writer but up until yesterday, I didn’t know what he looked like,” I pointed out as I awkwardly stretched my hand out for my towel but he held it away from me, his eyes unwavering on my own.
“Are you going to sleep with him?” he asked and I felt my heart sink but not for long, irritation soon took over.
“Okay, that’s none of yours or Penny’s business,” I pointed out as I stepped past him and attempted to pull the towel from his hands again, but he held it higher, higher than I could reach.
“Just answer.” He was hovering over me, no longer making an effort to keep his eyes on my own. This made me uncomfortable. If this had been another life, I would observe that his reaction was one of lust but it wasn’t another life, and I knew he was just trying to get under my skin. As he stepped forward, I could feel his chest press up against my wet breasts and suddenly I became foggy headed.
“I always said, if I fall in love with someone, I will sleep with them. Only time will tell with this one.” I sighed as looked around the bathroom and found my robe. Wrapping it around my soaking wet body, I stepped away from Alfie as he lowered his arm and dropped the towel to the floor. “I can’t stay a virgin forever, it will happen one day. I’m not getting any younger, I should be taking this more seriously,” I said as I stepped away from the bathroom and into my room, not allowing myself to look back at Alfie. I couldn’t be sucked into this imaginary world with him anymore. He didn’t want me, he wanted Tiffany. It was time for me to focus on someone who did want me.
***
“How’s this?” I asked Penny as she observed me, looking somewhat like Anna Wintour observing a famous fashion model moments before a Vogue photo shoot.
“Hmm,” she scrutinized my choice of black jeans and a green sweater. “Last time I checked you were twenty-eight and going on a date with a hunky writer, not fifty-three going to Thursday night knitting club.” She was always a little too honest in situations like this.
“This is comfortable,” I groaned as I spun around and checked myself out in the mirror. “I think it’s cute.” I smiled at her through the mir
ror but I was only met with an exaggerated eye roll.
“This isn’t a coffee date with some random on a dating app. It’s Marcus Park,” she reminded me before pushing me away from the mirror and raiding my closet.
“Nope. Nope. Nope,” she exclaimed as she aggressively searched through my clothes. “I feel like my eyes will never recover,” she teased me as she left my closest in search for her canvas bag. “Luckily for you, I came prepared,” she said with excitement and I looked to her with trepidation.
“I don’t think so, Penny. One, you’re like two sizes smaller than me and two, everything you own is either blindingly colorful or way too revealing,” I pointed out as she pulled something small and black out of the bag. I knew what it was the second she took it out. “Nope, not a chance in hell,” I said, stepping away from her. The black dress was one of her favourite ‘get lucky’ pieces. It was short, tight and if it wasn’t for the black mesh sleeves, it could pass as a mini skirt on me.
“This will look insane!” She squealed as she held it up to me. “I bought this when I was a size bigger than I am now. It might be a bit snug, but it’ll fit in all the right places.” She winked at me as she started to yank my sweater off.
“It won’t pass my ass.” I raised a brow as I looked at the tiny piece of material she considered a dress.
“I bet you ten bucks it will,” she challenged me. I knew what she was doing so I decided to sweeten the pot.
“Twenty bucks and you give me back my Manolo Blahnik’s,” she looked at me anxiously, she had adopted the shoes three years ago and I was yet to see them again.
“Fine,” she agreed with way too much confidence about her dress choice. Grabbing the dress out of her hands, I pulled my pants off and stepped into the dress. To my surprise I managed to get it over my ass, but only barely. As I slide into the rest of it, it wasn’t as uncomfortable as I imagined. Turning to the mirror, I looked at my reflection in shock. I looked sexy and not nerdy sexy but grown ass woman sexy. Behind me I could hear Penny’s squeal reach an insane octave I didn’t even know she had.
