by Mel Wildes
“I just won twenty bucks, ya’ll,” she sang and danced behind me, doing a booty pop in excitement.
ALMOST
2008
We sat in deafening silence as we approached Alfie’s driveway. The entire ride home from school was icy; I could see something was stirring inside of him. His walls always came up when his frustration exceeded his ability to cope. It was his defense mechanism, and it was especially present in cases where I was involved. As we exited the car, I shut the door behind me and looked over to him. That same shadow that fell across his face under the bleachers remained.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he said underneath his breath as he fiddled with his keys and walked toward his house. I hated it when he shut down, I hated it when he didn’t look me in the eye and tell me how he was really feeling.
“Alfie, what are you trying so hard not to say?” I asked as I moved around his car and caught up to him. From the look of both our houses, neither of our parents were home.
“I’m tired, Zadie. Just go home and we’ll talk tomorrow.” Despite still feeling shattered by the whole night and anxious about how he was looking at me, the fatigue was ever-present on his face. I nodded my head reluctantly and looked away from him as I crossed his front yard and made my way toward my house.
***
After putting my nightdress on and turning my fairy lights on, my mind was still alarmed by how close Ralph got to...I didn’t want to think about it. I had always had a strong ability to brave hurled insults and side eyes, but this was far deeper and stung far worst. I decided to read a book to take my mind off of everything, especially the lack of support and bubbling anger coming from Alfie. As I read the first sentence of my book four times, three small taps on my balcony door disrupted my weak concentration.
“Z, are you awake?” he whispered and I wasn’t sure if I should respond. He continued to tap and I rolled my eyes, unable to say ‘no’ to him. Jumping out of bed, I pulled my drapes back and a fresh-faced Alfie was beginning to climb my balcony rails to return to his own balcony.
“Hey,” I called out before he jumped. He looked back and as my squeaking door filled the space between us, he began to plant his feet back on my balcony. “Come in,” I whispered as I observed a freshly showered Alfie, with damp strands of curly locks swept across his forehead and the smell of soap making my body tingle. He wore loose shorts and a t-shirt that clung to his damp body. It was unfair that he made me feel this way without even trying. He looked at me for a moment before walking past me and jumping onto my bed. I crossed my arms over my chest, unintentionally making my breasts perk up. Alfie didn’t fail to notice. I knew it wasn’t a look of attraction, but just that of a man acknowledging a woman’s breasts. If it had been anyone else, I would’ve been uncomfortable, I would’ve grabbed my robe and hid away, but I never wanted to do that around Alfie. I stood by my doors, unwilling to get closer to him. There were barely any boundaries in our spaces and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it as I watched him find a comfortable spot amongst my messy sheets. “What’s up, Alfie? I thought you wanted to talk tomorrow?” I asked and he looked over to me with a look of confusion.
“Come over here,” he commanded and I scrunched my nose up at his habit of dictating.
“No. Why are you hot and cold tonight? Why were you so pissed off at me?” I asked as I watched him fiddle with a knick-knack he picked up off of my bedside table.
“I wasn’t pissed off at you,” he said as he dropped the knick-knack back on the table and sat up to face me. “I’m pissed off at myself for seeing Ralph in the bleachers lurking around you and not pulling the dipshit away from you before he lured you away to the crackhead’s den,” he paused as he stood up and walked across my room, stopping directly in front of me, “actually I’m a little pissed off at you. Why the fuck did you leave with him?” he asked angrily and I moved past him, his ferocious glare making me uncomfortable.
“Because I thought he liked me!” I yelled, facing my back to him. Without realising it, my anger was spilling over. “I thought for the first time there was a guy who actually wanted to spend time with me. Not the type of time we spend together, but innocent intimate time where we kiss, hold hands and go on dates. I wanted to be desired. Unfortunately for me the only guys who could possible desire me, can’t seem to respect me at the same time.” I clasped onto the end of my iron bed frame. Every emotion I had been trying my best to suppress for the last two hours had failed to stay suppressed. Before I knew it Alfie’s strong arms were wrapped around me, encompassing me tightly and making me feel like the smallest person in the world. His arms somehow managed to swallow me whole and I could feel his breath at my neck and his nose nuzzling my hairline. I looked up at God and wondered why he continued to put me through this torture.
“It’s not true, Z,” he began as he twisted me around in his arms so we were face to face, “you are desirable, and there is a guy who can love every part of you while respecting your limitations. You’re beautiful, I wish you’d see that.” Perhaps it was his authenticity or perhaps it was the combination of his soapy scented skin and damp t-shirt pressing into my breasts, but my vision became blurry, and my inhibitions melted away. Stepping on my toes, I bravely leaned in and pressed my full lips against his soft lips. He wasn’t expecting it and I gently pulled back to observe his reaction. My hands were clasping his t-shirt and I had no regrets. He had stolen my first kiss; it was my turn to steal a kiss from him. He looked down at me first with confusion and reluctance but very quickly, and surprisingly, his eyes became hooded with lust. Grabbing a hold of my soft waist, he leaned in and caught my lips with his own, gently pressing down. As our kiss deepened, his hands moved up to my face, stroking my cheeks and intertwining his fingers with my curls. As he groaned into my mouth, I gripped his t-shirt tighter and dragged him closer so our crotches were gently grinding against each other; this only deepened his groan. I didn’t know what any of this meant or what it would do to our friendship, but in the moment it didn’t seem to matter because it felt so right. As I parted my lips, I allowed his tongue passageway but he was reluctant. In a move, I hadn’t expected, I slid my tongue along his lips and parted them, moving my tongue across his own. His grip had loosened as his hands went in search for my breasts, clumsily resting on the sides. He was breathing deeply as his tongue reciprocated my own, eagerly. I began to feel something harden near my pussy; the unfamiliar sensation of wetness coming from me felt incredible. Alfie unknowingly began to grind me more hastily as his hands continued to lurk at the edges of my breasts. Pulling away from our kiss, I took a hold of his hands and placed them over my thinly clothed breast. Keeping my hand on his own, I helped him play with my nipple. I basked in his elated reaction the entire time.
“Zadie,” he huffed as he watched our hands play with my breasts. Leaning back into our kiss, we slowly made our way toward my bed. I dropped down on it first and he quickly followed suit as he climbed over me and leaned most of his weight on top of me. We continued to grind on each other as his clothed cock found my clothed pussy. As our breathing became ragged, he pulled away from our kiss and looked me in the eye. A mixture of desire and caution was apparent on his face. “Are you sure about this, Zadie?” he asked and I looked at him and ran my hands through his curls.
“Yes,” I said simply. I didn’t know much about sex other than what I observed in the videos I watched with Alfie and his friends, but I knew the girls always grabbed the length of the guy’s cock. Pushing Alfie onto his back, I broke our kiss as my hands slide across his abdomen and beneath his loose shorts. My hands went in search for his cock and when they found them, it was a surprise. My hands could barely fit around it. It was long, hard and smoother than I imagined. He groaned deeply as my hands explored it. Releasing my hold of his erection, I tugged his shorts down and observed it. As I bit down on my lips, I felt my pussy grow wetter at my desire to feel it inside of me. Thinking back to the videos, I began to stroke the length of his cock ge
ntly. At this, his head swung back into my pillows and his breathing became ragged. I reached the tip of his cock and used by thumb to the circle the head of it. He couldn’t take it anymore. Pushing me away, he turned me around so my back was on the bed again. “Did I do it wrong?” I asked breathlessly and his moans shifted into gentle laughter.
“I was about to cum, Zadie. You should be the first one to orgasm,” he said as he slid his hands up my thighs and found my panties effortlessly. Both our breathing grew heavy as I felt his hands push it to the side and tease me. “You’re so wet,” he groaned as his index finger entered my silky folds and found my clit. As soon as his finger found it, my abdomen tightened, my back arched and my breathing became ragged. “Your moans are making me harder,” he whispered as his thumb joined his index finger and began gently rolling and rubbing my clit. With his other hand, he pulled my dress down further so his mouth could find my nipple and suck down on it.
“Alfie,” I called out. I didn’t want this to be my first orgasm. I wanted us to do it together. As I pulled his hand away from my clit, his mouth withdrew from my breast and we watched each other wide-eyed as my hands went in search for his cock. Grabbing it, I brought it to my slit and quickly he took over, rubbing it up and down my wetness. His moaning was uncontrollable and I was ready for him to fill me. Closing my eyes, he leaned down and kissed me hard, and I braced myself. Before we had a chance to find release, the sudden slam of a door downstairs broke us apart.
“Zadie, we’re home!” Mama’s voice filled the room from below and my eyes grew wide in horror.
“Shit!” Alfie and I whispered in unison as he pulled away from me, jumping off of my bed with lightening speed. Pulling his shorts up and grabbing his t-shirt, I jumped out of bed and began to adjust my dress, grabbing my robe and wrapping it around me. “They can’t see us like this. They’ll never let us in the same room alone again,” he pointed out as he went to my balcony doors and attempted to open them. He fiddled with them for a moment but their inability to open alarmed him as the sounds of my parent’s feet could be heard climbing the stairs. “Fuck, Zadie. It’s jammed again. You still haven’t fixed it?” he scolded me and I looked on in alarm at the thought of my parents finding us like this, his erection still fully raised up to the sky.
“I know. I keep forgetting to tell pops!” At my words he rolled his eyes in annoyance and gave up on the door.
“Just act natural. You’re always in my room, they wont suspect anything,” I whispered as I tidied up the bed and fixed my hair. “You should sit down,” I pointed out and he looked down in surprise and sat down on my egg chair. Rubbing his face and then his hair, he attempted to act natural but he was far from it. His glowing red cheeks could very well give us away. I was far from natural too though. It was an unusual feeling being so wet in my panties. “I’m so wet, it feels weird,” I pointed out as I sat on my bed, away from him. Alfie groaned as he looked at me through his curly locks.
“Zadie, stop,” he whimpered as we both looked down to his still hard erection.
“Sorry,” I whispered, giggling a little at all of it. As mama’s footsteps could be heard making their way towards my room, he looked to me and couldn’t help but laugh with me. Something strange had just happened and neither of us knew what to do with it.
THE MORE, THE BETTER
2018
As I stood at an entrance of Central Park, I began to grow self-conscious about Penny’s dress choice. It was dope on me but way too over the top. If I hadn’t paired it with my locket, a jean jacket and a pair of black sandals, it would’ve looked like I was trying a little too hard. As the crowds filed into the park, I felt a light tap on my shoulder and turned around to find Marcus standing behind me in all his glory. He wore dark blue jeans, vans, a gray cardigan and a vintage ‘The plague of the zombies’ t-shirt. He could pull off anything and look drop dead gorgeous.
“You look great.” I bit my lip, looking him up and down and he laughed an insanely endearing laugh.
“I was just about to say the same thing,” he pointed out, taking a hold of my hand and kissing the top of it. “You look,” he entangled his fingers with my own, and I admired his confidence, “mmm.” He groaned under his breath and I couldn’t contain my own laughter.
“Man of words here,” I teased and he smiled shyly, showing me a side of him I hadn’t yet seen. I was looking forward to seeing all his sides.
“I can’t help it. To the world I’m a renowned writer but when you’re around me, I have to keep my mouth shut or my guise as a gentleman will be completely blown.” He bit his lip and I felt an unladylike urge to bite it for him.
“I look forward to seeing that side of you,” I teased and his smile almost made my knees buckle.
“We should head in, the movie is about to start,” he said as he tightened his grasp on my hand, leading me through the park entrance. The lawn was scattered with two-seater pods. The screen was massive and people had already found their seats. As Marcus navigated through the crowd, he finally managed to find our seats. It would be snug, he was a tall guy and I was a round girl but it made for a more intimate experience. “Ladies first.” He guided me to the chair and I crawled up onto it and leaned back. “I’ll grab us some popcorn, I’ll be right back. Don’t move,” he instructed me. “By the way, you look mouth-watering like that.” Soon after he disappeared into the crowd, I found myself squeezing my legs shut. Not in public, Zadie. As the previews began to roll, my phone vibrated and I welcomed the distraction from my thoughts and the anticipation of being pressed up against Marcus.
Alfie
“I need to talk to you. Urgent.”
“I’m a little busy right now.”
“Are you with Marcus?”
“Seriously? You’re going to ignore me?”
“Not now, Alfie. I’ll call you later.”
Slamming my phone down beside me, I could feel my body heat up in irritation. Was he really trying to ruin this for me? Looking at the screen, I attempted to clear him from my thoughts. I wouldn’t let him ruin this. I was really into Marcus and I couldn’t afford to screw it up with clouded thoughts of Alfie. My phone began to vibrate a few more times and I rolled my eyes in annoyance and decided to turn it off completely. He wouldn’t ruin this.
“I hope you like butter, because the guy at the kiosk went to town.” Marcus appeared in just the knick of time. Scooting over to make space, I took the popcorn from him and peered inside.
“The more, the better,” I joked as I took in the smell of the fresh popcorn. As Marcus slipped in beside me, he pushed his arms behind my head and turned his body so we were shoulder to chest.
“I wholeheartedly agree,” he winked as he tipped his hand into the bucket and threw a piece into his mouth. Feeling multiple parts of my body warm to his words, I found myself adjusting my body so my head was comfortably lying on his arm. It was a bold move for me, but I promised myself I would try to get over Alfie and Marcus seemed like a good place to start.
“So tell me something about yourself, something I wouldn’t find in The New Yorker.” I looked up to Marcus, who was looking down at me like I was a piece of pie he couldn’t wait to devour.
“You read my bio in The New Yorker?” he grinned, surprise accompanying his smile.
“I may have come across it in passing,” I lied, not wanting to admit I visited three different newsstands before finding one that stocked the right issue.
“Hmm, I’m big on eighties pop,” he shared with me before taking a scoop of popcorn and devouring it.
“Eighties pop? Like ‘Wham!’ eighties pop?” I asked in disbelief, doing my best to contain my laughter.
“Yes, like ‘Wham!’ You put the boom boom into my heart,” he serenaded me, I couldn’t contain myself. I accidentally spilt popcorn all over us mid-way through laughing. “Hey! They’re classics. You don’t come across lyrics like that everyday,” he laughed as he grabbed the bucket of popcorn from my hands and sat it on the grass besid
e him.
“I’m sorry, you’re right, I should give them more of a chance.” My laughter began to subside when I noticed him observing me again, those eyes working over time on my libido. Leaning into me, Marcus gently lifted his hands to the sides of my face and swept my curls away, his thumbs moving in circles over my cheeks. My breath hiked up a little when I realized how close he was to me. Our legs were intertwined and his chest was pressing down on top of mine. Leaning in closer, his lips gently found mine and I found myself melting into his kiss. His hands had made their ways to my waist and were messaging it, naturally my body began to arch into his and my hands wrapped around his neck as our kiss deepened. The sound of music blaring across the park and the quieting of voices indicated the movie was about to commence. Breaking away from the kiss, we both just watched each other for a moment in astonishment. He rolled off of me soon after and placed his arm back underneath my head as we faced the movie screen and attempted to catch our breath.
***
“How about a night cap?” Marcus asked as he walked me to the elevator that would take me to my apartment. The night was incredible, after we fooled around a little more and he copped a feel, we finished up the movie and grabbed some food at ‘Diego’s Quesadillas’. The night was the greatest distraction from Alfie, I could ask for. Marcus had this way of making me feel like I was the only girl he desired. He only wanted me and had no reservations on expressing that want. Unfortunately, twenty-eight years of being a virgin wasn’t going to be changed because of a great make out session and incredible quesadillas. This made me nervous because Marcus was an experienced guy and experienced guys didn’t wait forever, especially not for a girl like me.
