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by Mary Adkins


  * * *

  from:

  kwaters@rmpofnewyork.com

  to:

  jademassey@yahoo.com

  date:

  Fri, Aug 28 at 5:30 AM

  subject:

  How EGG-cited are we about your future?!

  * * *

  Dear Jade,

  It’s been nine months since you attended EGG FREEZING 101: TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR FERTILITY. We would love to hear where you are in the process of planning your future.

  Let me know if you’d like to set up a follow-up appointment with our IVF coordinator.

  Sincerely,

  Karen Waterson

  Marketing Director

  Reproductive Medical Partners of New York

  * * *

  from:

  mail@rmpofnewyork.com

  to:

  jademassey@yahoo.com

  date:

  Fri, Aug 28 at 5:37 AM

  subject:

  Your email preferences have been updated

  * * *

  You have been unsubscribed from our listserv.

  We are always looking for ways to improve our service! If you are willing to share your reasons for unsubscribing, simply reply to this email.

  * * *

  from:

  jademassey@yahoo.com

  to:

  mail@rmpofnewyork.com

  date:

  Fri, Aug 28 at 5:46 AM

  subject:

  re: Your email preferences have been updated

  * * *

  I’m dealing with a death in the family and not thinking about freezing my eggs right now.

  Free tip—women who come to your seminar have not forgotten that our reproductive systems are aging. I am as aware that my eggs are thirty-seven as I was last year that they were thirty-six, when I attended your seminar. If I don’t contact you it’s because I have shit going on, or because I can’t deal with trying to prolong my fertility window at the moment.

  Please treat the women who are your prospective clients with a bit more respect. We are adults capable of contacting you when we’re ready to move forward.

  * * *

  from:

  jade@barntherestaurant.com

  to:

  marcus@barntherestaurant.com

  date:

  Fri, Aug 28 at 7:28 AM

  subject:

  Course 11

  * * *

  Dear Marcus,

  During my time away I had an opportunity to reflect on our menu, and having now returned to work following my leave of absence, I’ve had some ideas. Please humor me.

  The move to the tasting menu was difficult for me. You know my strong feelings about how undemocratic I find tasting menus. But I cooperated and threw the full weight of my support behind it, and of course early reviews seem to indicate that you were right. It was a positive move for us.

  But especially after an encounter I had with a patron last night, I feel that if we are going to stick with the tasting menu, the final course must be cut. A tasting menu has an arc; it must. It tells a story. Otherwise, why does it exist?

  The Dog Days theme that you created in my absence is lovely. For the most part. The silky Vermont curds. The fluke: A+. My favorite is the disguised balut, but of course it is—that’s the greatest achievement of my career, I think. But at the conclusion of this harmonious succession of pure delight and surprise, guests are presented with . . . an ice cream sandwich?

  Now, we both saw how many of those melted puddles of goo came back to the kitchen last night. And I haven’t been around to know for sure, but I’ll bet that has been the trend over these last couple of weeks that Dog Days has been live. You are probably working on a plan to retire the sandwich as we speak. But the sandwich itself is not the problem, and a replacement is not the solution. The problem is sugar.

  I don’t know if you know this about my sister, but the woman was baking up a storm until she could no longer stand upright. Sugar is fertilizer for cancer. And heart disease, and obesity. I realize we don’t cook so people can eat. I realize that we are not Burger King, and our mission is not to feed or nourish but to pleasure. Still, there is gravity to every other dish on our menu; it has had a life. It is derived from the organic energy of the living. Ending a tasting menu with a course of refined sugar is blasphemy. It’s tacky. It’s unnecessary. And it discredits us with guests who may otherwise find that they both are thrilled during as well as after the meal, as it doesn’t leave them bloated balls of gas one breath closer to a diabetes diagnosis.

  I know you believe that we must at least give people the option of a sweet course at the end because that is what people expect. That without the option they will sense something missing, like a phantom limb. I just disagree. I think concluding with the seaweed mole pudding is classy, narratively intelligent, and most importantly, respectful to the guts of our patrons.

  You are probably shaking your head, but I ask you only to consider it. I am happy to be the one to respond to pushback, though I doubt it will amount to much.

  Finally—a reminder that I’ll be in Virginia Monday and Tuesday next week, back Wednesday morning.

  See you shortly,

  Jade

  * * *

  from:

  jade@barntherestaurant.com

  to:

  bernardhsu@newyorkpresbyterian.com

  date:

  Fri, Aug 28 at 8:14 AM

  subject:

  Concerning the treatment of your former patient Iris P. Massey

  * * *

  Dear Dr. Hsu,

  Good morning. I am the elder sister of your former patient Iris Pamela Massey, who underwent chemotherapy in your office from January 6th to March 31st of this year. I am writing to express my deep concern over the treatment she received under your care. If my records are correct, her chemotherapy treatment consisted of Platibon and Topovesin. According to my research (see attached paper by Dr. Peter J. Lachow, MD, PhD, at the University of San Diego), the drug Avazumab has been found to increase the effectiveness of the cocktail when added to the mix. Was it not possible to adjust my sister’s treatment in accordance with this up-to-date research?

  Sincerely,

  Jade R. Massey

  Chef

  Barn—“2 Michelin Stars for 5 Years and Counting”

  * * *

  from:

  jademassey@yahoo.com

  to:

  winsomebeautydorothy@hotmail.com

  date:

  Fri, Aug 28 at 8:43 AM

  subject:

  Flight info

  * * *

  Mom,

  I’ve changed my flight to Monday as you suggested, since you’ll be at Bible study Sunday night. See below—I arrive at 8:40 Monday morning and leave at 6:30 Wednesday morning so I can get straight to the restaurant.

  Things we’ll need to get done while I’m there:

  Monday

  Grocery shopping. Last I checked, all you had in your fridge was some brown asparagus and an expired carton of Greek yogurt. I know you don’t believe in cooking, but we can at least get you some healthy snacks that you can munch on between cartons of pad thai. (Speaking of which, remind me to talk to you about MSG. There are a million reasons to request it without MSG, and your digestive tract will thank you.)

  Cleaning out the garage. The tower of Winsome products gathering dust is teetering on the brink of a full-blown avalanche. I worry you’re going to hit it with your car one day, and then we’ll really have a mess. I think we should just send them back. After 30+ years with the company, you are more than entitled to a refund on a few bottles of face serum and BB cream. And if or when you decide to resume selling, you can just reorder new product.

  Tuesday

  Doctor’s appt. I called Dr. Greenbaum and scheduled you for a physical. I know you don’t trust doctors, but I don’t think the pain you’re describing in your neck and shoulder is normal. Nor do I think it’s good to be taking Ambien every single n
ight. According to drugs.com: Ambien is for short-term use only . . . Do not take this medicine for longer than 4 or 5 weeks without your doctor’s advice.

  Oil change for the Buick.

  Tuesday night I’ll cook us dinner. I’m thinking either cauliflower bánh mì bowls or whatever the fresh catch is at the Publix. If neither sounds good we can do meatballs.

  Love,

  Jade

  * * *

  from:

  bernardhsu@newyorkpresbyterian.com

  to:

  jade@barntherestaurant.com

  date:

  Fri, Aug 28 at 11:40 AM

  subject:

  DRAFT re: Concerning the treatment of your former patient Iris P. Massey

  * * *

  Dear Ms. Massey,

  I appreciate your patience as this is my first week in the office of Dr. Hsu, and I am still familiarizing myself with office protocol and processes. In order to remain HIPAA compliant, I must ask that you please have your sister fill out the attached authorization form and return it to our office before I may release any details about her medical care to you.

  Best,

  Anna Truong

  Office Assistant

  * * *

  from:

  jade@barntherestaurant.com

  to:

  bernardhsu@newyorkpresbyterian.com

  date:

  Fri, Aug 28 at 11:48 AM

  subject:

  DRAFT re: Concerning the treatment of your former patient Iris P. Massey

  * * *

  Dear Ms. Truong,

  How on earth am I supposed to do that given that my sister is

  * * *

  from:

  iris.a.massey@gmail.com

  to:

  bernardhsu@newyorkpresbyterian.com

  date:

  Fri, Aug 28 at 11:54 AM

  subject:

  re: Concerning the treatment of your former patient Iris P. Massey

  * * *

  Dear Ms. Truong,

  Please find attached authorization to discuss my medical treatment with my sister, Jade Massey.

  Sincerely,

  Iris Massey

  * * *

  from:

  bernardhsu@newyorkpresbyterian.com

  to:

  jademassey@yahoo.com

  date:

  Fri, Aug 28 at 2:50 PM

  subject:

  re: Concerning the treatment of your former patient Iris P. Massey

  * * *

  Ms. Massey:

  As your sister completed the release I am permitted to respond to your question.

  I see in your sister’s file that she declined the Avazumab on January 2. I don’t have any further notes. It is possible it was not covered by her insurance. Perhaps you should ask her directly?

  Anna

  Friday, August 28

  TherapistAwayNetwork™

  Patient Name: Jade Renee Massey

  AUTO PROMPT: What small change can you make today?

  Dr. Zarchikoff,

  I totally understand your decision to hike Machu Picchu on the eve of your 70th birthday. In fact, I’m inspired and awed by it. Good for you. Seriously.

  I do, naturally, wish it wasn’t happening the same week as I’m going back to work after my leave of absence. Regarding “a small change I can make,” that certainly seems like a big enough one for the moment, given that (as you know) I’ve spent the last several months nocturnal, living on kale chips, red wine, and the home shopping networks. Tech from 8 to 10 is a drag, but beauty from 10 onward is calming. I appreciate that colors, regardless of the item and material, are named after food—licorice, mocha, tangerine. Sometimes I actually place an order—online, not by phone. (God, I’m not that far gone.) I wake up around four under green crumbs (green, the exception, is “grass”). I may or may not brush the maroon (actual Cabernet) stains off my teeth before getting into bed as the sky lightens behind my blinds.

  Not anymore. Time to get my life back. I have finally finished sorting through Iris’s things, and apart from the box of stuff I presume belongs to her Queens boyfriend, it all has a destination—Virginia to my mom’s, or Goodwill. Given that I lost my contacts when I dropped my phone in the toilet last month, I don’t know how to find him. Do I even know his last name? Richie . . . Martin? No, that’s a singer. I suppose I could go back into her email (I had to today . . . long story).

  I also emailed Marcus my idea for cutting the dessert course. You will be glad to hear I’m trying to be more vocal about my needs there.

  One thing that’s bugging me—I learned today that Iris chose not to take the more effective chemo drug she was offered. Why would she do that? It could not have been cost. You know I got her savings. According to Google, Avazumab is pricey. That’s apparently why some people don’t take it. But that can’t be the case for Iris. She had plenty to cover it out of pocket, even at the high end. It makes no sense, unless her doctor did not clarify for her the relative effectiveness of the drug. That would seem to be the only reasonable explanation. I imagine you’re going to counsel me to “let it go,” but truthfully I think this could be a claim for malpractice.

  How long are you gone again? Two weeks? I fly to Virginia on Monday. Lord knows I’ll be selected for extra screening at TSA with this case of turmeric. I figure it might relieve my mother’s osteoporotic pain. (At your age, you should probably look into taking it, too.) Who knew it was possible for a person’s health to deteriorate so rapidly in three months? That sounds callous. I’m just surprised by the physical and emotional toll this has taken on my mother given that she and Iris hardly spoke. Or maybe that’s why it’s so hard for her. Listen to me, I sound like you.

  I hope you are enjoying your hike.

  * * *

  Dear JADE,

  Thank you for your submission to TAN™. We will make sure your provider receives this message.

  “Change” can be traced back to the Latin cambire, meaning “to barter.” Often, the idea of changing sounds daunting to us, as if we are being asked to uproot our identities and start over from scratch. But most changes, even significant ones, need not be approached with such grandiosity. The simplest changes are like barters, decisions to forgo one thing in exchange for another. These small acts are, cumulatively, more significant than they often feel in a given moment.

  TAN™ is not to be used in case of emergency. If you are in crisis, call 9-1-1.

  Sincerely,

  Your friends at TAN

  Saturday, August 29

  * * *

  from:

  smith@simonyi.com

  to:

  jademassey@yahoo.com

  date:

  Sat, Aug 29 at 11:08 AM

  subject:

  Hello

  * * *

  Dear Jade,

  You and I met briefly at Iris’s funeral. I hope you are doing well under the circumstances.

  Are you still at Barn? Congratulations on the new Michelin star—saw the write-up in the Times last weekend. One of these days when normal folks like me can get a reservation, I look forward to making a visit.

  I have some of your sister’s things (the stuff she left behind in her desk). Barn isn’t too far from my office at 96 Morton Street, 9th floor. Would you be able to swing by sometime?

  Sincerely,

  Smith S. Simonyi

  President

  Simonyi Brand Management

  * * *

  from:

  jademassey@yahoo.com

  to:

  smith@simonyi.com

  date:

  Sat, Aug 29 at 11:33 AM

  subject:

  re: Hello

  * * *

  You can mail my sister’s things to:

  Jade Massey

  93 Underhill Ave., Apt. 14

  Jersey City, NJ 07306

  JM

  * * *

  from:

  smith@simonyi.com

  to:

  ja
demassey@yahoo.com

  date:

  Sat, Aug 29 at 11:35 AM

  subject:

  re: Hello

  * * *

  Dear Jade,

  I figured you could sort through her stuff to see what you wanted to take and what you wanted to leave. There are four crates of items, much of which I believe is trash.

  Sincerely,

  Smith

  * * *

  from:

  jademassey@yahoo.com

  to:

  smith@simonyi.com

  date:

  Sat, Aug 29 at 11:37 AM

  subject:

 

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