When You Read This
Page 12
date:
Mon, Sep 7 at 3:22 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
Yeah.
* * *
from:
jademassey@yahoo.com
to:
smith@simonyi.com
date:
Mon, Sep 7 at 3:30 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
What’s the deal? You don’t get along?
* * *
from:
smith@simonyi.com
to:
jademassey@yahoo.com
date:
Mon, Sep 7 at 3:48 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
Not that. She was a good mom. The kind who made me pancakes in the shape of snowmen for no reason. When I turned sixteen, despite the fact that I’d hardly ever talked to a girl for longer than ten seconds, she slid a condom into my wallet “just in case.” But the accident didn’t just break her back. It affected her brain (though the doctors claim it didn’t, they are wrong). It made her feistier, I guess is how I’d put it. More irritable. She is quicker to anger. Long story short, we haven’t been as close in a while.
* * *
from:
jademassey@yahoo.com
to:
smith@simonyi.com
date:
Mon, Sep 7 at 3:50 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
Did you say she’s paralyzed?
* * *
from:
smith@simonyi.com
to:
jademassey@yahoo.com
date:
Mon, Sep 7 at 3:52 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
She is quadriplegic.
* * *
from:
jademassey@yahoo.com
to:
smith@simonyi.com
date:
Mon, Sep 7 at 3:54 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
God, that’s sad. I’d be angry, too.
That must be so depressing for you to watch. Is that why you don’t go see her?
Gotta run—have a consultation with a med mal lawyer about Iris. Talk later!
* * *
from:
smith@simonyi.com
to:
jademassey@yahoo.com
date:
Mon, Sep 7 at 3:55 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
And I should probably get some work done today now that we’ve spent the majority of it rehashing our childhoods.
* * *
from:
jademassey@yahoo.com
to:
smith@simonyi.com
date:
Mon, Sep 7 at 3:56 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
Working on Saturday and on Labor Day? Lawyers are one thing, but I didn’t know the world of branding was so intense . . .
* * *
from:
smith@simonyi.com
to:
jademassey@yahoo.com
date:
Mon, Sep 7 at 4:08 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
Ha. Well, I have nothing else to do.
Hey—do you want to have dinner tomorrow? No pressure. I know you’re not into publishing your sister’s blog, but maybe we could talk about ways we could honor her memory in some other way. (To be clear so that it’s not awkward, not as a date.)
* * *
from:
jademassey@yahoo.com
to:
smith@simonyi.com
date:
Mon, Sep 7 at 4:27 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
Sure. I don’t know what that would be. It’s not like we’re going to erect a statue or something. (Thanks for not pushing me more on the blog, by the way. I’m relieved that’s off the table.)
I’m also fine just talking about Iris with someone else who misses her. That sounds kind of nice.
But I can’t do dinner. I don’t eat at restaurants. Unless it’s dim sum. Sorry. I’ll be too distracted assessing the food to be a good dinner partner.
Maybe we could just go on a walk on the High Line or something? I’m trying to get out into nature more. (High Line = New York version of nature.)
* * *
from:
smith@simonyi.com
to:
jademassey@yahoo.com
date:
Mon, Sep 7 at 4:33 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
A walk it is.
http://dyingtoblog.com/irismassey
January 26 | 7:20 PM
Richie and I decided to go upstate this weekend, and as a lifetime New Yorker who grew up jumping turnstiles in the Bronx, he doesn’t drive—never even got his license. So today I had to renew mine, which I’d let expire because I also don’t drive in New York. (The irony of needing to renew my license right now I won’t even bother to point out.)
I was in line at the DMV and cranky like everyone else. It didn’t help that the guy in front of me was getting a vanity plate, and couldn’t understand the process for doing so.
The DMV employee was telling him he had to submit up to three choices, and this confused him. He didn’t understand if that meant he could submit only one, or if he had to submit three.
“So I can submit one?”
“No, three.”
“You said up to three.”
“You can submit one, but you may not get it. Write down your choices here.” She slid a piece of paper to him through the window. The woman behind me cursed under her breath, and I consciously fought turning around to commiserate. I took a deep breath as the man wrote on the paper and then slid it back under the window.
“Sir, I said eight characters.”
“Oh, come on!” another man hollered from several feet back.
But then he started to count his letters, saying them out loud.
“F.”
“O.”
“R.”
“G.”
“I.”
“V.”
“E.”
“M.”
“E . . . oh. That’s nine.”
Then he said, how about the number 4? 4-give-me. She typed for a second, consulted the screen, and told him it was taken. So was 4giveMe with no spaces. She offered 4giveYou, 4giveUs, or 4giveme with 3s for the E’s. She wrote it down for him.
“That doesn’t look right to me,” he said, and the guy behind me yelled “Come on!” again. The man interested in forgiveness finally seemed to understand that the people behind him had grown impatient.
“How about 4giveRJ?” he said. It was available.
COMMENTS (1):
BigJessBarbs: Fun Fact: If you write “I am a horrible person with no interpersonal skills” on the DMV application, you automatically get the job!
Tuesday, September 8
* * *
from:
Chad Wotherspoon
to:
carl@simonyi.com; smith@simonyi.com
cc:
Todd Kohlstedt
date:
Tue, Sep 8 at 9:03 AM
subject:
re: Copyright Inquiry re: blogs on site
* * *
Dear Carl et al,
AMAZING that we’re hearing from you on this. Amazing.
No, she didn’t sign anything; we ask our contributors solely for license to publish their content on our site. However, her blog was actually just pulled by our new marketing gal Margaux as a potential part of an upcoming promo campaign, so it’s serendipitous you reached out! We couldn’t find a contact for her, which was a re
al downer because we need to make sure we have the copyright to reproduce it as an e-book for download! Ironies.
Might you be able to put us in touch with next of kin? Was she married? Kids?
Cheers,
Chad
* * *
from:
carl@simonyi.com
to:
Chad Wotherspoon
cc:
Todd Kohlstedt; smith@simonyi.com
date:
Tue, Sep 8 at 9:14 AM
subject:
re: Copyright Inquiry re: blogs on site
* * *
Hi Chad,
What an utterly exciting and record speed response!
She died without a husband or kids, but we are in touch with her sister, so checking with her should not be a problem. Smith, thoughts?
More soon,
CVS
* * *
from:
smith@simonyi.com
to:
carl@simonyi.com
date:
Tue, Sep 8 at 9:31 AM
subject:
no subject
* * *
Carl, I just wanted you to stealthily figure it out, not alert them.
* * *
from:
carl@simonyi.com
to:
smith@simonyi.com
date:
Tue, Sep 8 at 9:40 AM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
Wait, what about this isn’t great?
* * *
from:
smith@simonyi.com
to:
carl@simonyi.com
date:
Tue, Sep 8 at 10:18 AM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
I don’t know. It feels different. Icky in some way.
* * *
from:
Chad Wotherspoon
to:
carl@simonyi.com; smith@simonyi.com
cc:
Todd Kohlstedt
date:
Tue, Sep 8 at 1:21 PM
subject:
re: Copyright Inquiry re: blogs on site
* * *
Super! It’s a bit late because the others are scheduled to go to press at the end of the month, but we can push it through if we enter it into Habitat soon—can Daryl’s team get on that, Todd? We can go ahead and start production. Smith, I’ll take you off from here. We’ll work on it with Daryl’s team—if you could just handle the IP question by EOB on 10/23 at the latest, that’d be fantastic. Does that give you enough time? I can put you in touch with legal to find out exactly what we need from you.
Cheers,
Chad
* * *
from:
smith@simonyi.com
to:
carl@simonyi.com
date:
Tue, Sep 8 at 1:25 PM
subject:
re: no subject
* * *
Carl,
I’ll handle it from here.
Thx.
* * *
from:
jademassey@yahoo.com
to:
donnalionschef@gmail.com
date:
Tue, Sep 8 at 1:30 PM
subject:
Hello!
* * *
Hi Donna!
It’s been too long! Hard to believe that it’s been twenty years since we were babies just starting school.
How is it going at 85 Cherry? Are you still there?
I left Barn recently and am putting out feelers for what may come next. I’d love to get together for coffee if you have a free moment.
Jade
* * *
from:
Barnes & Noble [bn.com]
to:
jademassey@yahoo.com
date:
Tue, Sep 8 at 1:51 PM
subject:
Your Order Is on Its Way!
* * *
Dear Jade,
The following order(s) has shipped and is on its way:
The Year of Magical Thinking (9.99)
H is for Hawk (12.99)
Grief for Dummies (14.99)
Fertility after 40 (15.99)
The Ghost Womb Myth Revisited (4.99)
Subtotal: $58.95
Visit Order Status to track your order. Thanks for shopping at BarnesandNoble.com!
* * *
from:
HelloCupid
to:
jademassey@yahoo.com
date:
Tue, Sep 8 at 2:02 PM
subject:
SEAFARER1980 is looking at your profile!
* * *
JadeJadeJava,
It’s been 6 months since you logged in—have you found a match? Let us know! Hearing that we’ve helped you find love makes our heart go pitter-patter.
And if not, why not come back and visit? People are checking out your profile. Here’s a sneak peek at the latest messages you’ve received:
From SEAFARER1980:
JadeJadeJava,
Nice name. I am, too, a fan of the caffeinated beverage.
A bit about me: I am currently exploring the 112 meditation techniques of Vigyan Bhairav Tantra. Growing my law practice keeps me busy, but I’m always down for exploring ancient spiritual systems.
Speaking of, I like sex—and I don’t just mean the act but also the nuances of it, the power exchange that makes people crazy, the quid pro quo.
Shoot me a message if you are intrigued . . .
From DAWGONNIT:
sup
ps write me back if you want a real man and WILLNT USE ME FOR FREE RIDES IT WILLNT WORK
Tuesday, September 8
TherapistAwayNetwork™
Patient Name: Jade Renee Massey
AUTO PROMPT: What secret question do you hold?
Tonight I am taking a walk with my sister’s former boss, but I need to be certain that it’s not a date. He says it’s not.
Smith is pleasant enough to talk to. But if I recall correctly, he is short, so it wouldn’t work out anyway. Plus I haven’t even seen his hands. They could be monstrous.
All of this—and something else. I reached out to Henry today. I know. But I wanted to ask him about whether he thought I have a case against Iris’s doctor. He suggested that I drop it and move on, which, if I’d thought about it for five seconds, I could have predicted. He’s a doctor, so of course he is going to be on the side of medicine. Like you would be, I imagine, if you were here. Actually, if you were here, you’d say: Why did you actually email Henry?
I don’t know. Partly what I just wrote. But I guess I also . . . why do I feel like I’m supposed to tell him that I might have a date with someone? It’s not a date. Even Smith said it’s not a date. And I’m not with Henry anymore. There is no reason to think I need to talk to him first. I owe him no heads-up. I don’t want to be with Henry anymore . . . do I?
* * *
Dear JADE,
Thank you for your submission to TAN™. We will make sure your provider receives this message.
Did you know “secret” is derived from the Latin secretus, meaning “separate” or “apart”? When we hold secrets from others, we are keeping them at a distance. Sometimes, by exploring the nature of that distance, we can figure out how it is serving us. Once we understand its purpose, we can ask ourselves—am I still the person I was? Do I really need this secret any longer?
TAN™ is not to be used in case of emergency. If you are in crisis, call 9-1-1.
Sincerely,
Your friends at TAN
* * *
from:
smith@simonyi.com
to:
iris@simonyi.com
date:
Tue, Sep 8 at 11:59 PM
subject: