“I’m sorry, Tessa. So damn sorry.”
“She’s a good kid,” I added quickly. “She’s just hurting. She needs someone to have her back.”
“You have her back.”
“I’m trying, but sometimes it feels like I’m not doing enough.”
He grabbed hold of my hips, shifting my weight like it was nothing until I was facing him. “Then keep trying. It’s all you can do. She’ll see it one day. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day.”
“It’ll be bad tomorrow,” I whispered. “It’s always bad after a visit. She comes back from it wired, and it takes days to work that out of her. But it’s started getting to where she fights us beforehand as well. It’s almost as if she’s hoping to do something bad enough to get that privilege taken from her. I don’t know how to help her. I feel like I’m failing.”
He took my face in his hands, leaning forward until we were almost nose to nose. “You aren’t failing. The fact you’re beatin’ yourself up, worrying about that, proves it. For the first time in her life probably, she’s got people who care. You and the rest of the people at Hope House. This isn’t just a job for you guys. It’s a calling. She’s in the best hands she could possibly be in. Might not feel like it right now, but she’ll come out of this just fine.”
With a sniffle, I brushed the dampness from my cheeks and gave a watery chuckle. “Wow. You’re really good at this kind of stuff.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Pep talks. You know, making me feel like I can actually do this. Talking me off a ledge.”
His smile made warmth pool deep in my belly. “Not a pep talk, honey. Just me statin’ the facts.”
A crash sounded in my head. And just like that, another piece of that wall fell.
Chapter Fourteen
Tessa
The bed jolted violently, jerking me out of a dead sleep. My sleep-addled brain struggled to figure out what was happening as Bryce let out a tortured groan. “No. No!” he shouted, thrashing around in the bed.
Reaching over, I gave his arm a gentle shake. “Bryce?” My voice didn’t penetrate the nightmare holding him in its grip.
“Down! Get down!”
I rolled over and flipped on the lamp beside the bed before quickly moving to him. “Bryce, sweetie, wake up.”
“Moss! No!” I shot back just in time to keep from getting smacked in the head when Bryce’s whole body lurched off the bed in one leap.
“Bryce!” I shouted. “Wake up!” His eyes came to me, glassy and confused as he froze in place, his chest rising and falling with rapid, panting breaths. I held my hands up, palms out as I scooted closer to him on my knees. “It’s okay. You were having a bad dream.”
I moved another few inches, carefully reaching out to place my hand on his arm. That seemed to yank him out of whatever was swirling around in his head. “Tessa?”
“Yeah. It’s me. You’re all right now.”
“Fuck,” he grunted, rubbing his face with both hands. “Christ. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
Thanks to him wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs, I could see every muscle in his body was strained and bunched up. With a heavy sigh, he turned and sat on the edge of the bed, and I sucked in a sharp gasp at what I saw. “Oh my God,” I cried, closing the last of the distance between us so I could press my hands to the scars that stretched across almost half of his back. “Jesus, Bryce! What happened to you?”
I realized that, while I’d seen him in just his underwear once before, I’d only seen him from the front. Not once while he was undressed did I ever get a look at his back. It was almost as if he’d intentionally hidden it from me.
His frame locked tight at my touch, and for several seconds he didn’t breathe at all.
“Bryce, please,” I pleaded. “Talk to me. How did this happen?”
When he spoke, his voice was unlike anything I’d heard from him before. Hollow . . . dead. “Happened my last tour. It’s what ended my career. Medical discharge, and that was it.”
“Oh God,” I breathed, pressing deeper into his back. “Bryce, sweetie, I’m so sorry.”
He didn’t say anything, and the silence grew so oppressive I couldn’t take it any longer. “You yelled for someone named Moss,” I whispered. “That was the name of one of the guys with you in Vegas. Craig Moss, right?”
He didn’t respond. “Bryce? What happened over there?”
“I can’t . . .” He cleared his throat and dropped his head. “No more questions. Not tonight, okay? I just . . . I can’t right now.”
I immediately let up. Whatever was going on inside his head was making him suffer, and I couldn’t stand the thought of causing him any more pain. Seeing this big, strong, larger-than-life man so defeated pricked at my heart until it started to bleed. “All right. No more questions. Let’s go back to bed.”
I guided him down on the mattress and flipped off the light, bathing the room in darkness once again. Then I pressed into his side, threw a leg over his thigh, and curled my arm around his stomach. “Sleep, sweetie. If you have another nightmare, I’ll be right here to help pull you out of it, okay?”
His arm at my waist pulled me even closer, holding me tight. “Thanks, baby.”
“Any time,” I whispered into the darkness.
A few minutes later, his breathing evened out, and I knew he was asleep. It was only then that I allowed myself to do the same.
* * *
When I woke, I felt a million times better. The fire in my throat was just a subtle, annoying scratch. My head felt like it had finally shrunk back down to size, and the body aches were gone.
I was three quarters of the way to normal, so it was time to get back to real life again.
I hadn’t been expecting it, but I was actually a little disappointed that my time with Bryce had come to an end. For the past day and a half, it had felt like we were living in our own personal bubble. But the real world didn’t stop, and the bubble couldn’t hold forever.
Much to my surprise, once the sun came up, Bryce was back to his normal, teasing, easy-going self. It was almost as if the nightmare hadn’t happened, and although I wanted to question it, I didn’t. I liked that light in those pale eyes too much to risk snuffing it out again.
We’d parted ways less than an hour ago, and already, I missed him. I was in big trouble.
Deciding to push my tumultuous feelings aside, I concentrated on what was ahead of me. I had my game face firmly in place as I walked into Hope House.
“Hey, darlin’. You’re lookin’ a whole lot better.”
“Thanks Diana,” I returned as I stopped in the hall on the way to my office. “Feeling better.”
“That husband of yours take good care of you?”
My jaw dropped in shock. “How did . . .?”
“That fine piece of flesh told me when he called yesterday mornin’ to say you wouldn’t be in. Gotta say, girly, I don’t get why you’d hide a man like that. If he was mine, I’d be flauntin’ him every chance I got.”
“I don’t . . . that isn’t . . . it’s, uh, complicated,” I stammered, feeling like I’d just been thrown off kilter.
Diana gave me a look that said she knew I was full of it. “Mmmhmm. Well, I hope he did right by you the past two days.”
“He did,” I admitted, my cheeks heating. “He was great, actually.”
“Good. Then I’d say you should probably work on un-complicatin’ things between you guys, huh?”
That heat grew hotter and spread down my neck to my chest. “Yeah. Maybe.”
She smiled slyly, knowing I was uncomfortable and getting a kick out of making me squirm. Thankfully, she decided to let me off the hook. “Charity’s in her room. Bus leaves in ten minutes. You should probably go make sure she’s ready for school.” Then she turned and walked away.
I dropped my stuff in my office before heading toward the bedrooms at the far end of the house. Hope House was one long building that had e
verything the staff and the kids could possibly need. To the far right of the structure were the administrative offices with the cafeteria and kitchen in the back. After that were conference rooms for tutoring and group therapy sessions the home offered. A computer lab was followed by the dormitory. Kids thirteen and up had their own quarters, while the younger ones shared two to a room. There was a basketball gym and indoor pool farther back on the property. The place was pretty incredible, and it was all because of the generosity and big hearts of the amazing people in this town.
The kids greeted me, and I returned fist bumps and high fives as they moved past while I made my way to Charity’s room.
“Welcome back, Ms. T.”
“Hope you’re feeling better.”
“Missed you.”
“See you after school!”
It felt damn good to see they were excited to have me back. Maybe Bryce was right; maybe I was making a difference to these kids.
I stopped outside Charity’s open door, silently watching as she gathered her things and stuffed them into her backpack. As usual, her makeup was heavy, her black eyeliner was thick, and her blonde hair had new streaks of pink, purple, and blue scattered throughout. She was wearing a pair of ripped fishnets beneath her denim skirt, scuffed up black combat boots, and an old concert tee she’d cut up and put back together using safety pins.
After about a minute, I rapped my knuckles against the door frame to announce my presence. “Hey. You got a minute?”
She turned to me, rolling her eyes dramatically. “Let me guess. Miranda called you. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna run off and commit any crimes or ditch school just ’cause my mom’s a trashy junkie skank.”
I moved to her desk and took a seat, holding up my index finger. “First: watch your language. Second: I’m not here to make sure you don’t do anything stupid. I’m here because I want to make sure you’re okay.”
She shrugged her shoulders insolently. “It’s . . . whatever.”
“It isn’t whatever, Charity. What your mom pulled yesterday wasn’t cool, and I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”
Her eyes remained on her backpack as she tugged the zipper closed with a lot more force than was necessary. “Not like it’s a surprise,” she muttered. “That’s what she always does. I’m sure that guy’ll be gone in a couple weeks, and she’ll have some other loser on the hook to play daddy.”
She was breaking my heart. “I hope you know Miranda and I will never let anything happen to you. We’ll always protect you, and we’ll always have your back, okay?”
I waited for any kind of response as the seconds ticked by, and when none came, I stood from her bed and started for the door. “All right, sweetheart. Bus leaves in a few minutes. Hope you have a good day at school.”
“Ms. Tessa,” she called before I made it out of her room.
She was chewing on her bottom lip nervously as I looked back over my shoulder. “Yeah, sweetheart?”
“I’m glad you’re feeling better . . . and that you’re back.”
It took everything I had not to smile from ear to ear. Big meaning hidden behind simple words. Charity would do her best not to make it obvious, but I knew, right then and there, that I was in. She’d let me behind that guard she had up, and I was making a difference. Knowing that, I was determined to fight harder to give this girl the good she’d never had.
“Glad to be back. I’ll be here when you get home from school, so if you need help with homework or anything, come find me.”
I headed back through the sprawling house to my office, feeling like I’d won the lottery.
* * *
Bryce
Heading out of the conference room where I’d left our client after giving her all the evidence she needed to drain her husband dry in their divorce, I turned toward the front of the building and headed for Sage’s office.
Her head came up when I knocked my knuckles against the open door. “Hey. What’s up?”
I moved deeper into her office, dropping the case file on her desk and took a seat in the chair across from her, kicking my legs out and crossing my ankles. “Another soon-to-be-divorcee in the bag. Paperwork’s all there to issue the final invoice.”
“Awesome. I’ll get right on that.” She grabbed the folder and tossed it into the tray on the corner of her desk before clasping her hands together and leaning forward to rest them on the top. A mischievous grin stretched across her face. “I heard something interesting yesterday.”
One corner of my mouth quirked up. “Oh yeah? And what was that?”
“I heard you’ve been out taking care of your wifey who got really sick. And every time I tried calling you the past day and a half, your phone went straight to voicemail.” She scrunched her lips to the side in a goofy expression. “I wonder why?”
“Sage,” I started, warning in my tone.
“Could it be because someone was doing the Dirty McNasty the past day and a half?”
“Really? How old are we now?”
She began bouncing in her chair and sing-songed, “Bow chicka bow wow.”
“Jesus.” I let out a chuckle and shook my head. “It wasn’t like that, you damn twelve-year-old. You said it yourself, she’s been sick. I was just takin’ care of her.”
The teasing air around her finally diminished, and she grew serious. “I like her, Bryce. Don’t know her very well, but what I know, I like. She seems sweet, caring . . .”
The hairs on my arms stood on end. “I’m sensing a ‘but’ comin’.”
“But she’s got scars. I just . . . I worry about you, Bry. You sure you know what you’re doing?”
My muscles went stiff and my jaw began to tick. “Like you knew what you were doin’ when you started things with Xander?”
Her face turned to stone. “Low blow, Bryce. And you know it.”
I felt like shit. Guilt instantly soured my stomach. “Look, I’m sorry, gorgeous. That was a dick thing to say.”
The hardness creeped from her expression, and she leaned forward and sighed. “I get it, and we’re good. Bryce, I’m not trying to warn you off. When Xander and I were struggling, you told me not to give up, to fight for him. If Tessa is to you what Xander is to me, you need to do the same. I want you to fight to get your happy. I’m just trying to look out for you is all.”
“I get it, babe. I do.” I leaned forward, reaching across the desk so I could grab her hand. “And I love that you care so much. But I know what I’m doin’, I promise. Truth is, Tessa’s it. It’s been her since the moment I laid eyes on her more than ten years ago. I fucked up by walkin’ away, but this is my second chance, and I’m taking it.”
She examined me for a second before finally nodding her head. “All right. How can I help?”
My lips stretched up at the ends slowly. I’d already started laying the groundwork at the inn with Tessa, but if I was really going to pull this off, I’d need all the help I could get.
Thank God for good family and friends.
Chapter Fifteen
Tessa
It had been three days since I last saw Bryce in person. He’d gone out of town for a case he was working on, which meant I went from having him constantly to not at all, and although he’d gotten back earlier this morning, I had no real reason to call and ask him to come by my place later tonight. No matter how badly I wanted him with me.
Now I was running on fumes. Two nights he’d slept by my side, and already, I’d become addicted to having his big, strong body wrapped around mine.
These past few nights I hadn’t been able to sleep to save my life. I spent each of them tossing and turning, feeling like something was missing. Something in the form of a six-foot-four man with more than two hundred pounds of pure muscle packed beneath his skin.
After how he broke my heart, he was the last man on earth I should crave. But, he made me feel . . . safe. For the first time in my life, when I’d needed someone I hadn’t been alone. Someone had taken care of me. Bryce had
taken care of me, and he’d done it better than I could have imagined. Gentle and kind, sweet and loving. Anticipating my every need.
Like a husband.
My protective wall was in shambles, full of holes, and barely standing. I missed him like crazy. The only silver lining was that he’d stayed in contact while he was gone.
Like an addict, I’d kept my phone in hand, reading and rereading the string of texts between us every few minutes over the past three days. And it had to be said, Bryce Dixon was just as potent over text as he was in person. The man was good with words.
“Ms. T?”
The sound of my name pulled me from my musings and back to the present. I was sitting in the common room at Hope House with a few of the other volunteers and a bunch of the kids. Oscar, the boy who’d just spoken my name, was looking at me curiously, his pencil poised over the homework I was helping him with before my mind drifted off . . . again.
“Sorry, buddy. Spaced there for a second.”
With an easy acceptance of my lame explanation, he slid the paper toward me. “I finished it. Can you check my work?”
I read over the lines typed on the page. The task was to locate all the verbs in the three short paragraphs, and with the exception of two, Oscar had located them all.
With my guidance, he quickly found the ones he’d missed the first go round. “Got ’em!”
I rechecked his work, before looking up at him with a smile. “Look at you. You nailed it, kiddo!”
He hit me with a big, toothy grin that melted my heart before stuffing all his completed work into his backpack and running off to join a couple kids playing video games on the large TV that had been donated from the electronics store in town.
The chair beside me scraped across the floor as it was pulled out, and I looked over just as Diana took a seat beside me, her eyes across the room on Oscar as she murmured, “The change in that boy is miraculous.”
The Second Time Around: a Hope Valley novel Page 12
