Demon Heart

by Rhys Lawless

  It was the first time I’d had people who I cared about and who cared about me, and now I was putting them at risk with the stupid addiction Christian had given me to punish me for falling for the guy he was screwing.

  And it wasn’t just Caleb I could hurt if he was right in his assumption. It was Nora, Winston, Hew, Lorelai—who I knew didn’t care much for me, but I liked her, and I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. Even Annabel, who hated my guts, could get hurt by this stupid thing, and I didn’t want that.

  I’d been a prisoner of that asshole for years, and now, when I’d finally thought I was free, this was happening to me.

  Was it a life sentence? Had I pissed off the man above so much he didn’t want to see me free or happy?

  When I’d finally thought my life was starting to have meaning again and I was able to have access to all my emotions again, this fucking thing had to happen and put it all at risk.

  I had to leave Caleb when Annabel returned home, and I felt guilty that he’d had to explain to her why his bed was scorched, but that didn’t mean he’d stopped calling me.

  He could help me. I knew that. But why should he have to?

  Because he loved me?

  Did he really mean it? How could he love someone like me? I was unlovable. Always had been. Cursed or not, I was a disaster. A murderer. A walking danger.

  Turning a corner, I arrived on my street. I didn’t even know how I got there, but considering the bullshit going on inside my head, I wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

  I dug in my pocket in search of my keys and tapped the fob at the entrance to let myself in the apartment block.

  I pressed the button to call the lift, and the doors slid open immediately. I hoped the incident was a one-off and it wouldn’t happen again. Surely it couldn’t happen again, right? It’d been three weeks without an incident, so surely this was a one-off.

  Maybe the fire spell had been a delayed reaction from the last drag I’d had, and it had only come out of me by chance.

  Yes, that was it.

  I was panicking about nothing. It was all going to be all right. The incident at Caleb’s house had been just that. An incident. It wasn’t going to repeat.

  Continuing to reassure myself, I pressed the button for my floor and waited for it to take me there.

  I had to clear my mind, and I knew just the thing to do. Job hunting.

  After two weeks, I knew why everyone hated it. There were way too many jobs, way too many scams, and way too much drilling to get anywhere. All I wanted was something to replace the BLADE force in my life. I didn’t want anything fancy, although a job in security would probably suit me best considering what I used to do for a living. But it was proving more than a challenge.

  I had nothing to put on my resumé and couldn’t find a way to explain what I’d done all my life. It wasn’t easy explaining that I’d been manipulated my whole life into believing witches were evil and that I’d been hunting them down and killing them since the tender age of sixteen.

  Gee, no wonder no one wanted to hire me. At least Winston was doing something with his life. Something to make up for what he’d done. He’d decided to set up a bodyguard service for witches and Nightcrawlers and help where needed. It was slow going, but the community was more trusting of him with a Raven for a mate. With Hew’s help, he was doing some good anyway.

  I would have loved to follow in his footsteps and do something similar, but I couldn’t take the guilt I felt every time I thought of touching a sword again. It was bad enough interacting with Lorelai, who might not be a witch but felt like one. I couldn’t even begin to imagine facing other witches after everything I’d done.

  I was sure there was a way to atone for my sins, but I just had to find the thing that was right for me.

  Of course, that assumed I could find something to do. Maybe I wasn’t just unemployable, but also beyond saving.

  No.

  I refused to believe that just yet. I still had lots of resumés to send, many things to try, and I would, goddammit. I wasn’t going to give up that easily.

  Something dry-choked me and I coughed, bending in half while doing so. Green dust sputtered out of my mouth, and before it reached the floor, it exploded.

  Vines appeared out of nowhere and wrapped around every surface of the elevator and me.

  No, not again. What the hell? Why was it happening again? This was supposed to have been a one-off. It wasn’t meant to happen again. It couldn’t be happening again.

  I stretched my hands, trying to break free of the vines, but the more I did, the tighter they became.

  This was my punishment, wasn’t it? For killing all those witches and stealing their spells and allowing myself to fall for both Christian’s and the force’s lies.

  Sure, I never had a chance to not believe anything Christian told me, but God didn’t care about that, did he?

  I pulled at the vine wrapped around my legs and felt the burn on the inside of my palms as the friction caused my skin to redden.

  The one wrapped around my neck tightened dangerously and restricted the airflow. I felt like I was about to die in this bloody lift without having a chance to say goodbye to Caleb and Winston, and maybe even Annabel before I accepted the punishment for my sins.

  My legs and fingers were going numb as my circulation stopped distributing evenly.

  I wasn’t going down that easily, dammit. I kept pulling and grabbing at every piece of the vine that I could. Surely there’d be a weakness in it. Somewhere. Anywhere.

  Just as quick as the vines had appeared, they disappeared, leaving me alone in the lift to catch my breath and massage my bruised ego.

  “What—“ I started to say when the lift doors opened and Mrs. Weatherby greeted me in her usual manner with a cheeky grin and a wave of indifference.

  She was wearing the same blue suit jacket and skirt as she always wore and the fascinator I was starting to think had been glued on her head because it was always appeared to be set on the same spot, every time I saw her. She stepped into the lift, and I nodded at her and leaned against the elevator’s wall.

  “Aren’t you getting off, dear?”

  How could she ask that when only moments ago I was fighting for my life? Because she hadn’t been there to witness the horror. Thank goodness for that.

  I was in serious need of help. What if this stupid spell had come out when I was with Mrs. Weatherby and it had killed her before I could stop it? Not that I knew how I’d stopped it, but that was beside the point.

  Every step I took was putting someone in danger. I was a menace, and I couldn’t ignore the signs anymore. I had managed to put both Caleb’s and my life at risk in under an hour. What could happen within twenty-four hours? What could happen within a week? I wouldn’t always be lucky enough to have Caleb’s help or to have the spell’s strength expire, because I assumed that’s what had happened.

  I stepped out of the elevator and took another glance at Mrs. Weatherby, who smiled.

  “Where is that lovely man of yours?” she asked.

  “H-home,” was all I managed to say before the doors closed and I was left to face my demons in solitude again.

  I started to walk towards my apartment, but after a couple of steps, I couldn’t bring myself to go any farther.

  I had to get help, and I knew just the person to give it.

  I turned on my heel and bounced down the stairs, running as if I was on fire. In one way, I guess, I was. The more time passed, the more danger I was putting everyone in. There was only one person I could think of who could help me.

  Feeling slightly hopeful at the possibility of getting whatever was wrong with me fixed, I exited the apartment block that I’d entered moments ago and headed north. I would have taken the bus or train, but I was scared of what might happen if I did. Of what accidents I might cause. So instead, I walked. I walked all the way to Camden, flinching at every passerby and trying to keep my thoughts in check in case they had anything
to do with the outbursts.

  I didn’t want to hurt anyone, even if they were strangers to me. My days of killing people were over and there was no return. There were no excuses anymore. I couldn’t live my entire life blaming someone else for what was happening to me. It was about time to start taking charge of my own life, and as long as these spells were inside me, waiting like a timebomb, I wasn’t in control.

  It took me over an hour to get there, and by the time I did, I was exhausted. I was thirsty and hungry, but I was too scared to go into any establishment and get myself something to eat or a bottle of water to drink. I couldn’t live the rest of my life like this, in exile so I didn’t hurt anyone. There had to be a way to get rid of this…curse.

  It dawned on me that I’d lived my entire life thinking I had one curse, and when I’d got rid of it, I’d got myself another one.

  I bit my lip and I mulled it over. If that asshole had never made me snort spells just to get a kick out of torturing me, this wouldn’t be happening today. How was it possible that my life was still dictated by the dead dhampir?

  I’d thought with him dead, my life would be back on track. I could fall in love, maybe have a family, make something out of my life, but I couldn’t do any of those things or enjoy them while I was a walking danger. Finally, I reached the bridge in Camden and walked under it where Mother Red Cap lived. I didn’t have a spell, and even if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to use it, but I was hoping she could still hear me and let me in.

  “Mother Red Cap, please open the door. I need to talk to you. It’s important,” I said and waited.

  Nothing changed. No door appeared on the wall. No water started to boil. I remembered the first time we’d visited it had taken her a few good minutes to let us in; maybe that’s what was happening now. I punched the wall, hoping she could hear it as a knock, but the wall was thick and barely anything other than a quiet thump was heard.

  That was fine. Magic didn’t work the same way as I’d thought. Perhaps she could still hear me, and this was just a test.

  “Mother Red Cap, please let me in. I wouldn’t have come to you if I had a choice.”

  A couple passed by and giggled, pointing at me as if I was a drunk that had had one too many drinks. I guess I was talking to a wall and waiting for an answer. Couldn’t blame them. It was better being a crazy drunk than a timebomb. I had to do something.

  “Mother Red, open this fucking door. I need to talk to you,” I shouted and kicked the wall for good measure.

  Of course, nothing changed. Why would it? Why would my life be made easier?

  “I’m begging you, open the door. I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t.” The words barely left my mouth before the tears took over me, and I had to turn around and steady myself on the railing.

  I wasn’t one to cry, especially not easily like that. I’d just been through hell, and it seemed that my return had never been secured. I was still stuck even if I had good company.

  The thought of losing Caleb, of doing something to hurt him and little Nora, I couldn’t live with myself. I also couldn’t imagine having a life without him. He had given me mine back, but what was it worth without him?

  My stomach rumbled, and I felt sick at the thought. The tears wouldn’t stop, and I leaned over the water as my sick exploded. With it, dust came out. Magical dust that settled over the patch of the canal before it sunk and mixed with the water.

  I heard a bolting noise behind me, and I turned to find the door on the wall.

  “Finally,” I said and pushed it open. I found myself in the corridor lit by torches with only one way to go. Straight ahead. I ran until I came to the wooden door, the last thing between me and the sage witch behind it.

  She was sitting in the middle, by the fire pit, and she seemed to be gazing inside the flames, looking for answers to questions I wasn’t privy to.

  “Mother Red, thank you for letting me in.”

  She cocked her head and glanced at me.

  “Come and sit, my child.”

  I walked to the middle and stepped down to sit a few feet away from her.

  “Don’t sit all the way over there. Come closer,” she said and patted the space next to her.

  She hadn’t been this friendly before, but I thought nothing of it. I got up and sat down next to her. Before my ass hit the cushion, she turned around and grabbed me by the throat.

  “Never do this again. There’s a reason I’ve survived hundreds of years, and it wasn’t because I’d let any old beggar into my den. Do you understand? You’ve just put me at risk by doing this.”

  I didn’t know what I’d done wrong. I’d done just what Caleb had, sans offering a spell to her unless you counted my remnants as one. It hadn’t been my intention to put her at risk or to piss her off. I needed her help.

  “You came to me in the middle of the day, shouting outside my house. The mortals might not realize I exist, but those looking for me do. Do you understand? You put my life at risk because you need help with yours. That’s not okay, Wade. It’s not okay.” She removed her hand from my throat.

  Dammit. I forgot she could read minds. I had to be careful what I thought of in her presence. Especially if I wanted her to help me.

  “What do you need from me?” she asked, and I could still detect the irritation in her voice.

  “I’m really sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight. It won’t happen again.”

  She nodded in understanding.

  “I know you’re new to this world, but you need to think about the consequences of your actions.”

  “That’s exactly why I am here. It seems that the magic I used to inhale is coming back.”

  “What do you mean coming back?”

  “It means the spells I’ve used are somehow activating and putting people around me in danger. I was in bed with Caleb, and I nearly set him on fire, and then I was in the elevator and I almost choked myself with those vines that came out of nowhere. I’m afraid to go anywhere or do anything in case I hurt someone. I need your help.”

  “That’s highly unusual. I’ve met people who used spells as a drug before, and it never, ever came back to activate. Especially since you don’t know the spellwords, and you’re not a witch. I can’t understand why this is happening.” She turned to look at me, this time with less fire in her eyes and more compassion.

  “Caleb thinks it’s because of the ley lines surging,” I said, and her eyes widened.

  “Of course. The surge. If that’s what it is, there’s nothing I can do to stop it. There’s a reason why the ley lines have been sealed for centuries, and that is because they contain uncontrollable magic. If that’s what’s happening, you have to ride it out.”

  “No, I couldn’t do that. I would be risking everyone’s lives.”

  “Magic is emotional. If you’re scared of hurting anyone, just try to control what you’re feeling, and perhaps—I can’t stress this enough—perhaps it might not happen again. But I believe riding it out is your only solution.”

  So this was it. I would have to live the rest of my life with another curse.

  Fuck. My. Life.

  Five

  Caleb

  After everything that happened in my house, I had to find out how I could help Wade, and if that meant doing what Graham wanted me to do, so be it.

  Looking into the surge reports, there seemed to be a lot of aligning data between cases. There were many witches under Graham’s protection now, which I wasn’t happy about, but there were also reports of magical happenings without a witch attached to them. It was simply as if a bunch of witches had come into their powers, caused a scene, and then two seconds later they were off the grid. None of it made much sense, and I couldn’t understand what was happening.

  “My God! What are you doing in the dark? You scared the living crap out of me,” Lorelai exclaimed when she entered the cafe a little after six.

  I couldn’t blame her for being shocked to see me. I was usually the one late to
arrive. I hated waking up early, but after what had happened two days ago, I couldn’t get any sleep.

  “Sorry. I-I came over to study these reports. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  She approached me with her hand still on her chest, her eyes pinned on mine.

  “Startle? Try scared shitless.”

  I furrowed my brows and looked at her.

  “I thought you had a good sense of smell.”

  “And? Do you think I was concentrating on who was in the shop while it was still closed? My mind was busy.”

  “Busy? What’s occupying your mind at this time of the day, El?” I asked, but she didn’t give in.

  “None of your fucking business. What are those reports looking like? Any clue yet?” she asked and looked at the case files in front of me.

  “No, not really. All these incidents and fledgling witches going off-grid. I don’t know what to think.”

  Lorelai sat down opposite me and cocked her head, her eyes narrowing over the case files.

  “If they’re new witches and they’ve got no clue what’s going on in the witch world, how would they know how to go off-grid?” she asked.

  “That is the question. It’s as if there is someone helping them, but none of the high council members are taking responsibility, which doesn’t say much considering most of them are big-shot lawyers.”

  “And murderers. Let’s not forget that,” Lorelai added.

  “Trust me. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I don’t know what’s happening, El. What do you think?”

  She shrugged.

  “Are there any witches that have left the coven and are doing their own thing? Like starting their own coven maybe?”

  “No, Graham gave me the files of all the witches that have left the coven on bad terms, and the majority have moved out of London. A lot of them seem to have gone to the States actually.”

  “I can ask around the Nightcrawlers. Maybe they’ve seen something.”

  “If you can do that, that would be amazing.”