I loop an arm around her and pull Zoe against me. “I like that idea.”
Laughing, Zoe shoves away from me, stumbling before steadying herself, then points a finger at the open door. “In. You’re going to have fun if it kills us both.”
“As long as we go together.”
Zoe’s amusement dims, her smile drooping and features pulling down, before she turns and makes her way around the back of the car. “Let’s avoid that. Okay? Dying is on the absolute bottom of things I want to do.”
Knowing what’s attached to her soul, I couldn’t agree more. I get in, buckle, then glance at my true mate. “What do you have in store for us?”
Zoe cranks up the modern radio, an addition I insisted on when restoring the car despite my sister-in-law’s objections, and pulls out. “How about world domination?”
I chuckle. “I’m pretty sure that’s not on my list of things to do.”
“Okay, maybe not world domination, but how about shifter world domination?”
The rush of landscape blends into a blur of shadows. Even the nearly full moon is lost among the dark clouds. I don’t need to see the moon to feel its influence, just as I don’t need to admit how Zoe’s idea appeals to me, but there is one thing worth mentioning.
“Asa wants that.” I look from the blur rushing by us to take in Zoe’s profile. “To give the shifter world someone to fear. Cedric did too, but I think he was just echoing what his alpha desired.”
“And Vince wants Asa dead.” Zoe catches my gaze for a heartbeat before focusing on the twisty road. “If you can believe him, anyway.”
“Do you?”
“He also wants to protect our family. Supposedly. He said Asa is very interested in Mira’s babies. And by interested, I don’t mean in a good way.”
“Funny you should say that. Asa said he wants to protect them.”
“One of them is lying.”
“Which one, though?”
“I don’t know.” Zoe slows the car and turns onto a narrow road, a shortcut down the mountain to the amusement park we’re apparently going to break into. “But I’m going to find out. I don’t like being in the dark. Truths are twisted, and memories are distorted, and motives are skewed. I’m tired of it. I’m going to find out the truth about everything.”
“I can help you.”
“You already have.” Zoe stops at a four-way but doesn’t take her attention off the empty road. “But it’s time you find out what you unknowingly signed up for. Once you do, you might want to take the out I have for you.”
“Nothing will make me want to abandon you. You’re my—”
Zoe leans over and presses her finger to my mouth. “I’m a package deal, and you haven’t met my crazy side yet. Once you do, you might not feel the same way.”
She’s wrong. Nothing will change things between us. I don’t tell her this. I nod. If she wants to talk, she can talk. I have my own things to say. When I’m done, she might be the one looking for an out. Too bad there is none. I took that choice away. And I’d rather suffer in Hell than take the one she has to offer.
Twenty-Seven
Zoe
An empty amusement park in the dead of winter has got to be one of the creepiest places on earth. In a way, it’s a fitting place for our first official date. I am one of the scariest people alive. At least that’s the only assumption I can make with everyone telling me I should’ve been killed years ago. Too bad I can’t see the danger I pose. I’m just me—messed up, doing my own thing, and trying to make the most of the life I’ve been dealt.
Tonight’s all about living in the moment. Depending on Kade’s choice, it might be my last. If not, tomorrow I bleed. After that? I have no idea.
With Kade’s hand in mine, I scan the rides. The nearly full moon adds some light to the otherwise darkened landscape, but without a layer of snow to reflect the moon’s rays, shadows creep over everything. I could’ve been dreaming. This is how my crazy side prefers the world—dark, spooky, and cold. The warm body at my side grounds me in reality, however.
I glance into Kade’s face. He’s watching me. He has most of tonight. His silent study is calm and reassuring. I can’t help but feel his support when his emotions flow through me with a comforting caress. Nothing bad can happen to me when Kade’s here. That’s the sentiment resounding in my soul. I believe it too. With Kade, my mind is quiet.
He brightens my world and my soul.
“But he’s not stronger than me. Remember that, Zoe Jane. Remember who’s in charge.”
With my entire being centered on Kade, I ignore my crazy doppelgänger, who is nothing more than a pathetic demon stupid enough to get trapped inside me. She doesn’t deserve my attention. Kade does.
“Soon, little queen. Soon you’ll understand. Nothing happens without reason. Nothing.”
Darkness eats at me, chilling me from the inside out as the sensation of her moving inside me, filling my limbs and stretching me as if trying on a new outfit, consumes me. I breathe through the discomfort, using Kade as my focal point even as the pain spreads.
His golden lashes lower slightly over his honey-brown eyes, and small lines form at the corners. I don’t need to look at his mouth to know there’ll be a small smile there. The surge of happiness within me chases her back, the receding ice melting and leaving my limbs tingling and eager for Kade’s embrace.
Kade touches my face with the lightest of caresses. “This is bad for my ego.”
“What is?”
“The way you see me.”
Not how I look at him. The distinction furrows my brows. “You don’t hold a piece of my soul. You can’t possibly know how I see you.”
Kade’s featherlight exploration reaches my eyes. I close them, and he brushes his finger over my spiky lashes before tracing my lower lip. The makeup leaving my features as much in shadows as my soul’s been for years won’t rub off with Kade’s gentle strokes, but I don’t bother telling him. His soft caress makes me feel beautiful.
“Your eyes tell me everything I need to know.”
“Expressions can be faked.” I speak the words while Kade’s wandering finger slips to my chin.
He drags his nails over the front of my neck, and I tip my head back on a sigh once he reaches the base of my throat. “Not when I see your soul reflected in your eyes.”
And just like that, my body droops. With hunched shoulders, I turn from Kade. He loops an arm around my waist and draws my back to his chest, then holds me without saying another word.
After a moment, I fill the silence, starting the conversation I know we need to have but don’t want to broach. “Then why do you look at me the way you do? Or feel what you do for me? Maybe I don’t necessarily have the right words to describe the emotions. They’re unlike anything I’ve ever felt, but my heart understands what you feel.”
“That you’re my life.”
“Yes.” Though I wouldn’t have used those words exactly. Everything I’ve experienced wants me to label Kade’s feelings as something romantic and sweet. “But this thing between us isn’t exactly a love story. At least not in any traditional sense I can define.”
Kade rests his chin on the top of my head. “Because it was never meant to be.”
“It’s about power.” He told me this. The goddesses never promised love. They guaranteed true mates would enhance each other, transforming into the best they could be. “But isn’t that love? We’re better together than apart.”
“It’s more than love. You are my life, Zoe Jane.” Kade lays his cheek over my hair and tightens his hold on me. “My strength. My comfort. My home. My life. Everything I am and everything I do stems from you and for you. Your comfort, your pleasure, your safety, your happiness—all these things are mine to secure. Call it honor or duty or instinct, but it all comes down to one thing. You hold my soul—my life—in your hands. That’s more than any human definition of love. It’s everything. It’s knowing my safe haven is only a thought away even if you’re miles
from me.”
My heart swells with the surge of warmth, and yes, if I’m honest with myself, a sense of power builds. This dominant alpha has just vowed to treat me like the queen he’s called me. His devotion only makes what I have to offer hurt that much more.
“I loved BJ.” That fact isn’t one I can deny. Despite everything, I did love him. He loved me too. “But he loved Elixir more.”
“Vince got him hooked.”
“Yes. BJ started taking Elixir a few months before he died. He was stressed. We didn’t plan on a baby. He was a senior. I was a junior. I didn’t even know how to drive, and there I was, sitting in a class with other pregnant girls, learning how to take care of a baby while he was turning down scholarships at universities across the country so he could enroll in the community college. We were in over our heads.” Saying the truth out loud lifts a weight from my shoulders. Or maybe it’s Kade’s strong body supporting mine and allowing me to relax. Either way, the words flow from my soul.
“And that’s why BJ started taking Elixir? Because he was stressed.”
“And I wasn’t enough. Our baby wasn’t enough. I tried. Believe me, I tried. So did he. We made promises of forever. Told each other how much we loved each other. That even death and time wouldn’t break our commitments. We were soul mates, or so we both professed. We did little things to show how special we were to each other. We made love every chance we got. Planned what our future would be like and how we’d accomplish our goals. Everything was great. We were going to have the perfect life.”
“But?”
I slide my hands higher over Kade’s arms until my gloved fingers touch his rolled sleeves and grab on to the bunched cotton, squeezing his arms tighter around me. “But he found out about me and Vince, and BJ started questioning whether the baby I was carrying was even his. Vince made it worse too. All of a sudden, he decided we should get together, and everything me and BJ had worked so hard to create started to unravel.”
“All of a sudden?”
“Just about. Vince’s cousin came out to see him. Nolan or something. It doesn’t matter. But we all hung out, and his cousin made some comments about how nice we’d look together and how a girl like me could make him even more powerful than their uncle. That with me, Vince could take over their family’s holdings.”
“And you dismissed Vince’s advances?”
“Yep. I was in love with BJ. I knew he was my baby’s daddy too. Vince was just being a dick. That’s how I saw it at the time. I didn’t know Nolan’s talk about leading the family meant taking the alpha role from Asa. At the time, I didn’t know Vince wasn’t human. We’d known each other since preschool. We were…” The truth sits on my tongue, but I hesitate uttering it for fear speaking it would wipe away all the hate I feel for Vince. There’s no denying the past, however. “We were friends.”
“And lovers.”
“Just once.” My instant reply doesn’t make it untrue. Once was enough to make us lovers. “He wanted to know if we were true soul mates. That’s the term he used. Now I know he probably meant true mates.”
“Vince isn’t your true mate.”
“I know. You are.” I turn in Kade’s embrace. “And BJ wasn’t my soul mate.”
“He was a man you loved.”
I smile, letting Kade know how much his acceptance matters to me. “But he wasn’t my life. You are.”
“I’m also the one who took your choice away, not once but twice.”
“When you gave me a piece of your soul.”
“And when I claimed you as my beloved human.”
“Why did you?” I map Kade’s face, the moonlight bright enough to make out his features but not the nuances of his expression. “Did you recognize me as your true mate back then? Because you didn’t act like it.”
“I claimed you out of an obligation to your brother. Because of the rule I made forbidding you from going to a hospital for treatment. Because there was nobody else there who would do it. There was nothing romantic or special about me claiming you. I had to.” Kade softens his voice. “I looked at you and saw a potential threat to my holdings, not the woman I wasn’t sure I’d ever find.”
“Then what convinced you? Was it us having sex?”
Kade shakes his head. “It was you leaving me, but I’d started to suspect it before then. I simply didn’t want to consider it at the time. There was too much going on.”
“When I came over to your place and puked all over your bathroom?” I laugh at the memory that left me dreaming of the man who held me all night instead of taking advantage of me.
“Yes.”
The heat in Kade’s voice cuts my amusement. “I missed you. Every day I was gone. It made me angry and annoyed, and I wanted to punish you, but nothing I told myself changed the fact that I missed you. It was as if I left a piece of myself behind with you.”
“Then why did it take so long for you to come home?”
I look over my shoulder at the park where I spent my summers working and playing. “Being in this valley is hard. When I leave, my memories don’t haunt me. She doesn’t haunt me.”
“Who is she?”
The careful tone Kade uses matches the caution spreading tension through me. He knows what I am, or at least suspects what’s living inside me. It wouldn’t surprise me all that much. He walked though my soul and left his warmth behind. I might not be able to see my own soul, but I knew I was cold. My thoughts were dark, and my urges were perverse. I wasn’t right, and I knew it all along. I simply never had a name for why. Now I do.
Shaman—possessed by the very evil I called forth.
Without losing my grip on Kade, I slide out of his arms and step forward. “What’s your favorite ride? I might be able to get one of these suckers started. I did work here for several summers. This place is not exactly high tech, and unless they changed keys, we’re golden. I stole one of the master keys way back when, and I know where the electrical boxes are located. So pick your chariot, my king.”
Kade squeezes my hand and draws me into his side, stopping me from leading us deeper into the park. “Why did you steal a key?”
“Seemed like a fun thing to do.” I snicker. “I told you I had my run-ins with the law. The goofy things I did were fun at the time. Many of them were also illegal. I know better now, but it doesn’t change the mistakes I made. That’s what I need to tell you about before this thing between us goes any further. I’ve got to tell you what I did, and why my sin is yours now.”
“I know you’re a shaman.”
My laugh is dry. I force a smirk anyway. “Well, there you go stealing my thunder. Now all I have left to tell you is about the demon living inside me.”
Caution. That’s what I feel from Kade. That’s what I see in his expression. Even with the piece of his soul I hold, I can’t tell if I’ve shocked him or if he’s waiting to see my reaction to determine how he’s going to act. Either way, I have to finish this.
I tug Kade forward. “How about my favorite ride, then? The carousel should be the easiest to get started too. It’s an antique, and someone needs to load the rings in the dispenser, but I can preload three. Whichever one of us gets the most will be the winner.”
Kade falls into step with me. “I’ve seen images of carousels in movies but never in person.”
“Because you’ve never had fun before me.” I urge him to run with me. Cold air bites my face and makes my every breath hurt, but I laugh as my ponytails flop and Kade hops over the concrete curbs, and our footsteps echo on the wooden bridge leading to the old section of the park, where the boring, antique rides are hidden away. Trees shade this area during the summer, the heavy canopy of leaves a welcome relief to the summer heat. Tonight, the skeleton limbs stretching over the area give the illusion of evil waiting to snatch an unsuspecting soul.
Releasing Kade once we reach the carousel, I tip my head back and spin until dizziness and my giggling nearly knock me over. Kade catches me, supporting me as the world teeters arou
nd me. His smile draws me closer. I link my fingers behind his neck and lean back, letting his hold on me be the only thing stopping me from crumpling. “Are you going to tell me why we just ran through a park like fools?”
Scrunching my nose, I make a face at him and then smile as his grin dominates his features. “Because it was fun, and because I can. That’s what being alive and being free means. If I want to do something goofy, there’s nobody stopping me.”
“Freedom means that much to you?”
“Yes.” I take in Kade’s profile and his considering, wise eyes. Maybe his wisdom comes from being alpha. Maybe it’s age. Maybe it’s simply who he is. “And you recognize that about me. That’s why you took your guards off me.”
“As much as I want you to see me as perfect, I can’t say that’s the only reason. I have an image to uphold, and you are as much a part of that as how I present myself to the shifter world, but I admit, Josh’s warnings about you being a flight risk did play a role in my decision.”
Kade slides a hand over my back, then slips his warm fingers underneath my sweatshirt. Two layers of thermals separate us, but he makes no move to push the material out of his way. He covers the small gun I shot him with that I have in a holster tucked at the base of my spine. “And after evading every hunter I sent for you and then you demonstrating your skills with a gun, I made the choice to put your life at risk to prove a point.”
“What point was that? Because I got to say, this explanation doesn’t sound as sweet and understanding as I’d thought. Here I was thinking you trusted me not to run on you and that I could keep myself safe.”
“Trust is part of it, but mostly, I was giving you a choice. I wanted you to pick us and our future over your past. Maybe that’s selfish, but I need you to willingly commit to me while proving to the shifter world you’re strong enough to walk through eternity at my side.”
Kade steps back, his hands skimming over my waist and down my arms until his fingers cover mine, not holding me, but connecting us. “Because I can’t promise you won’t be targeted. As a human, other shifters will see you as an easy way to take me out. Kill you, kill me. You’ll become my greatest weakness.”
Possessed by the Alpha Page 27
