December
Page 2
of pain for lusting after and taking up a woman. But, Leila is special. She is beautiful and bold. She was daring me to make a move. I introduced her to the guys and they gave us some space. I knew they would bug me about her. I told them so much about her that they called me “Mrs. Leila.” I have loved before. I have been smitten but never like this. It’s like she’s some drug that I cannot do without. The more she pushes me away, the harder I go after her. We talked for a while and she let me drive her home. Leila didn’t say anything in the car. She looked outside the window the whole time. She only said four things: “Beethoven’s- Fur Elise, Mozart’s- Adagio Piano Sonata in D Major, Chopin- Nocturne, and Debussy- Claire de Lune.”
Those were the compositions that played on my stereo. She was right on all four accounts and the ten more after. Her voice drifted away once or twice. I didn’t say anything. I figured that maybe silence is the best understanding between lovers. But, who knows-she loves me in her own way. I still don’t know which way that is, but she loves me. She still has my ring and even wears it to bed. She invited me into her apartment and offered me supper. She made me ugali, sukuma wiki and beef stew. We ate in silence as we watched some documentaries she was working on. She told me she would visit some of those places to see the people. It was her job to make follow-up calls and see that people were doing better. I listened to her, but felt hollow. How could a woman as gifted as her not know just how much I wanted her? I mean, if I love someone I tell them. I not only love Leila, I want to spend my life with her- that’s not a joke. She’s testing me and maybe I will pass. If I fail, I don’t know how much of it I will take. What I recall of our meeting is our parting conversation.
“I have to get going now, thanks for supper and it’s good seeing you again Leila.”
“You’re welcome Max.”
“But before I go, I have something I’d like your input on.”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“I have this good friend, who is madly in love but he doesn’t know how to make the girl see that, he’s done what he can- and doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong, being female, can you relate to that?”
“No, people are different. I am female, your friend’s girl is female too but we have different upbringing and experiences and temperaments, so that makes it hard to tell exactly what your friend can do.”
“But, what if this friend was talking to you now, would it make a difference?”
“No, because I am still not your friend’s girl.”
“Are you mine?”
“Should I be?”
“I want you to be.”
“Make me.”
“I did, I still am- guess what I am saying is that I want to spend more time with you. To call you, take you out and at times just sit holding you and listening to your slow music – just as long as I am near you.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“You are.”
“How am I stopping you Maxwell?”
“You are making it so hard to know what to say and do, it’s like I have to ask your permission to do anything-at times, it’s hard for me to be in control around you-and I don’t mean to be a pervert or sleazy but it just is-I mean look at you!”
“You didn’t ask my permission to give me a ring and kiss me, why do you feel as though you do now?”
“It felt right and so good by the way. You are different Leila, and that’s what keeps me, it is knowing that you know who you are and why you do what you do. I know I am not making sense-and when you look at me like that, like you are doing right now-I just want to shut up and kiss you to make you know it all.”
“What is stopping you Maxwell?”
“Do you love me Leila?” She held up her finger and looked at me. I looked at her hoping she’d say something but she stepped up to me and kissed me. She did it right this time and I didn’t hold back. I couldn’t believe that she was doing so, but with Leila everything is a mystery. My friends were right. She needed time. She didn’t want to think about my proposal, but she wanted me to think through it. And whether you think it’s right or not, she’s mine. She is one tough woman. I am going to need lots of friends like Job, who understand her. I cannot stand classical music. There are no lyrics, just musical notes. And why do they lull me to sleep? When I am with Leila, every note makes sense. I watch her take in every note and smile. I don’t have too much time to spend with her- but I will make the most of what I have. I am hoping that this December I get my break. I want to know more about her and to show her my world. I guess I am just some lucky guy who will have to step up his game every second. She doesn’t want my money or cars, just me. I don’t know so much about me, except for the fact that she made me write her a letter at 2am. She made me listen to music that lulls me to sleep. She holds my hand. She smiles at me when I am about to lose my temper. She challenges me to read the Bible more. When I lost a patient, she sat with me out on the cold bench till 4am. By then I just thought she was being a friend. She even came in her pyjamas. That was back in March, it was the first time I wanted her so bad. I watched her walk to catch a bus and swore I would make her mine. We had a fall out in June, through to September because of William and Nancy. I kissed her in November. It was our first kiss, on Friday night. I gave her my ring then. I didn’t see or hear from her in the next three weeks. I found her and she’s loved me all the while. She’s always got my back and even as she kissed me as I left her apartment all I could think was “she loves me and she’s always been mine, and I’ve figured it out in December.”
The End
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