Lost in You (Flirting with Forever Book 1)

by Amanda Bailey

  Sophia: SHAWN. Definitely Shawn.

  Sophia: Right, Madi?

  Me: I wouldn’t kiss Chase if you paid me.

  I take a deep, fortifying breath and forge on, done with all the secrets.

  Me: It actually came out that Chase cheated on me more than once. It’s a whole story, but essentially, I went into this weekend believing that Shawn had cheated on Dana, but the real truth is that it was a lie Chase made up to cover up the fact that he’d cheated on me.

  Piper: We’re going to need the long version of that story at some point. It sounds like a real whopper.

  Quinn: What an asshole!

  Zoey: He sounds like a real slimeball.

  Hadleigh: Okay, we’ve established that he’s gross and you’re done with him.

  Hadleigh: But you skipped over whether or not you and Shawn played tonsil-hockey.

  Hadleigh: Or maybe you’re already to the horizontal mambo.

  Piper: Maybe they’ve decided to just be friends.

  Me: We definitely aren’t just friends.

  Sophia: Atta girl.

  Me: But he doesn’t know I’m the one who talked to Dana, warning her about his cheating.

  Sophia: Uh-oh.

  Quinn: But to be clear, he didn’t cheat.

  Zoey: What a mess.

  Me: No, he didn’t. And I didn’t lie. I only told the truth as I knew it.

  Me: I’m still hoping it works out. I have to tell him, but I’m still trying to figure out how.

  Hadleigh: If not, at least you got to get with that at least once.

  Zoey: OMG, Had, what are we going to do with you?

  Me: Sophia, don’t say anything to Heath. I need to work this out for myself first.

  Sophia: I’d never. Listen, we want the best for both of you. I’ll keep quiet.

  Hadleigh: Okay, enough talk with us. You’ve got a man in your bed.

  Hadleigh: Go let him tickle your fancy.

  Me: Pretty sure I already did that.

  At least my friends can make me laugh even when shit could be seconds from hitting the fan. I giggle and power down my phone.

  Shawn pokes me in the side. “What’s going on? What’s funny?”

  “Oh, nothing. They just make a lot of assumptions about what goes on when you get stranded somewhere with a guy.”

  “Are they wrong?” He rolls me back toward him, his hand finding my breast and giving it a squeeze.

  “Oh, um, not really. That’s why I’m laughing.”

  Chapter 28

  Shawn

  “So, you … told your friends that we’ve …” I wiggle my eyebrows at her from where I lie next to her on my side.

  She glances over at me with a sly smile. “Well, not in so many words.”

  I chuckle. “What does that even mean?”

  “I told them we aren’t just friends. They are doing rather nicely at drawing their own conclusions from that, complete with some of Hadleigh’s sex euphemisms, which is what had me laughing.”

  “I see.” I clear my throat. “So, when you guys are together, is it, like, no holds barred, or what? You all just discuss anything and everything?”

  “Pretty much.” She rolls toward me. “What are you worried about?”

  “I don’t really know.” I give her a scared face. “Should I be worried?”

  She licks her lower lip, her eyes flicking over my features like she’s trying to figure out if there is a way to see right inside me. “No. You have nothing to worry about at all. Do you not share things with your friends?”

  I scratch my head. “I mean, I do to a certain degree. It’s a little awkward as an adult when your best friend is your brother, though, you know? I really haven’t bothered forming too many other close relationships.” I let that hang in the air, not saying that my experience with Chase soured me on the idea of having many real friends outside of my family. I’m sure she knows well enough what my hesitation would be. “I trust my brother and that’s about it.”

  “Oh. Right. I understand.” She reaches over and brushes her hand through my hair. “So, what’s Shawn’s big secret, then? Something you’ve never told anyone else. Got one of those?” She gives me a broad smile and blushes. “This is payback for your epically embarrassing ‘where do you like to be kissed’ question.”

  I throw my head back, laughing. “Well, finding out the answer was the best part of my day.”

  She blushes and swats at me, shaking her head.

  We’re both quiet for a few seconds as I let myself think about her question. My jaw works back and forth. I don’t ever want to be anything but honest with her. “Um. Well, I guess it would be that I’m a bit jealous of Heath and Sophia and what they have.” I roll to my back so I don’t have to look directly at her. “I thought maybe I’d have that with Dana. I actually assumed I’d be married by now. I thought—” My voice hitches and I just stop. She doesn’t need to hear all of this.

  Madison sits up on the bed, facing me. She has a wild look in her eyes like she’s about three seconds from a major breakdown. She clears her throat, tucks her chin to her chest, and lowers her eyes. Her lashes flutter over her cheeks. It almost seems like she’s trying not to cry. “I have to tell you something.”

  I scramble to a seated position, facing her. I reach out and tuck my knuckle under her chin, guiding her face up so she’ll look at me. “I’m sorry. I upset you with the Dana talk. That was rude of me. I shouldn’t have brought her up.”

  She shakes her head almost violently. “No.” She swallows visibly. “Don’t you see? It’s me who should be apologizing to you. Me. It was me, Shawn.”

  I reach for her head, clasping it between my hands. She stares at me, and her green eyes are liquid pools of regret. “I don’t understand. What was you?”

  “I told her. I-I told Dana.”

  For a count of five, I’m quiet, processing the information she’s just laid at my feet. Unable to think straight, my eyes search hers as everything we’ve been doing this weekend crashes down around us.

  Tears begin to spill from her eyes as she starts from the beginning. “Chase told me it was you fooling around in his truck. I should have kept my nose out of it. Instead, when I discovered the bracelet and he told me it hadn’t been Dana with you, I went all girl-code on the situation and I felt I had to tell her what Chase had told me.” She grimaces, wiping her face with one hand. “He made it seem like it’s just something you did all the time.” She scoffs, “I didn’t know what to think of that because the idea of the boy I’d had a crush on—the man I was coming to know better—behaving in that way didn’t jibe with what he was saying you’d done.” She stops, her breathing erratic. “But I knew I couldn’t not tell her.” She covers her face with her hands and mumbles through her fingers, “Because how would I feel if it was me? And then to find out that it was me all this time? Oh, Shawn, I’m so sorry. I messed everything up.”

  My head explodes with the realization that if Dana had allowed me to talk things through with her, we probably could have figured out the tangled web that Chase had woven us into. Oh my God, everything was fucked up because of Chase’s lies. I have the urge to hunt him down and really lay into him.

  My mind stumbles over itself with what-ifs—what if Dana and I had continued on with our relationship, no interference from Chase’s cheating? What if I’d asked her to marry me, like I’d planned to? Hell, would we be married right now? Would we have had children already? All the possibilities slam me in the gut, and my mouth clamps shut.

  I take a deep breath and blow it out through my nose. Madison looks more miserable now than she had last night when Chase admitted the truth to her. I stand up and pace the room, then stop and close my eyes for a few seconds. My fingers thread through my hair, gripping the strands tightly in frustration. I mumble, “I need to be alone for a few minutes. Wrap my head around this.” Without a backward glance, I pull on clothes and shoes, grab the key, and take off. Chase had better not fucking be wherever I end up, bec
ause I will knock his damn lights out.

  Down in the lobby, I text my brother to tell him the revelation I’ve just had. Not ten seconds has passed when the phone lights up with his incoming call.

  “What the hell, man?” His voice is gruff and irritated on my behalf.

  “I know. It’s like everyone had different pieces to the puzzle, and it just all fell into place.”

  “Chase. I never did like that fucker. And you say he’s been holding it over Madi’s head that she is the one who told Dana you were cheating on her?”

  “Yeah, he said something like I wouldn’t want her anymore if I knew. Which is so not true.”

  “Dana is pretty far in the past. It doesn’t really matter who told her what. She chose not to listen to you. Wouldn’t even let you explain. She didn’t trust you enough. Which is dumb. You never gave her any reason not to.”

  “I didn’t.” I let out a big sigh. “I think Dana and I were good together most of the time, but I also know we had our issues. Looking back, maybe we’d have worked out … but more than likely not.”

  “Well, I hope you all can sort through this. Madison is a sweet girl.”

  “Yeah. Me too. I’m going to go back up and talk to her now. Night, man. Thanks for always being there.”

  “Right back at ya. Talk soon.”

  I disconnect the call and slip my phone in my back pocket as I dash back up the stairs.

  It’s not Madison’s fault. I don’t believe that at all. She didn’t even know it was Chase who had cheated until last night. But I bet she’s been beating herself up about it since the second she found out.

  It explains the chaotic swings of emotion from her since the run-in with Chase. The way she’d reacted to what Chase said. I feel terrible for her. The words he’d thrown at her for no other reason than to hurt her—"he won’t want you if he knows.” What a prick.

  The other truth hits me right in the chest, too. If none of this had ever happened, I wouldn’t be here with Madison right now. I wouldn’t be falling for her because we probably would have never had the chance.

  In a sudden burst, I jog down the hall and throw open the door, needing to hold her in my arms and tell her everything is going to be just fine.

  But she’s not here … and all of her things are gone. The room closes in on me, strangely empty and cold.

  Chapter 29

  Madison

  I hurriedly dash down the hallway with my bags. I’d thrown everything into them, hoping I wasn’t leaving anything behind. The honest truth is I’m unable to bear seeing that wounded look in Shawn’s eyes again. The way he’d yanked on his hair like he was going out of his mind is like a knife slowly twisting in my chest. And then he’d bolted from the room, leaving the knife plunged deep. It’d hurt like hell. I really hope James responds to my text soon because I don’t know where else to go.

  I sigh with relief when my phone buzzes in my hand.

  James: We’re in room 16. Second floor.

  James: But what the hell is going on?

  I don’t bother to respond; I just keep hustling down the hallway. I rap my knuckles sharply on their door.

  James swings the door open, takes one look at my face, and waves me inside.

  I hastily enter, yanking my roller bag behind me, and come to an abrupt halt when I see Emily sitting on the bed. I drop my other bag to the floor and cover my face with my hands. “I’m so sorry you guys. I-I’ll go see if there is another room I can stay in.” My eyes drift shut, and I cover my face with both hands. I don’t want to interrupt their weekend together.

  This is so damn embarrassing.

  “Madi, tell me what’s happened. Is it Chase? Because if that dick is bothering you again …”

  Slowly, I lower my hands, looking back and forth between them, not sure if Emily wants to be subjected to my mess.

  Emily rises from the bed. “I can totally go get coffee or something.” She swallows and holds her hands out. “But can I give you a hug before I go? You look like you need one.”

  I blink as my eyes fill. She doesn’t wait and rushes forward to wrap her arms around me. “Oh, Madison. I’m so sorry for whatever has upset you.” She squeezes me tightly before easing away.

  “Please don’t feel like you have to leave. I don’t want to put you out. I don’t mind if you stay. Unless you’re uncomfortable.” I heave out a sigh as I turn to look at my brother again. “James, you’re not going to believe what I’ve done.”

  Over the course of the next twenty minutes, I tell them every last detail—from my schoolgirl crush on Shawn to telling him that I’d ruined his relationship with Dana and everything in between—including this weekend’s fake relationship that had become very real, very fast. And all the while, my phone has been lighting up in my pocket with call after call, message after message.

  James grunts. “Chase had better hope I don’t see him before we leave. I will totally break his face.”

  Emily winces at James’s words, but doesn’t say anything. She’s been more than kind this whole time. I’ll have to remember to tell James how much I like her.

  I shake my head. “No, don’t do that. Chase is nothing. I don’t even want to think about him. I don’t want anything more to do with him ever again.”

  “And Shawn? What are you going to do there?”

  I get up to pace, hands on my hips. My gaze flickers over to my brother and his girlfriend and then down to the floor again. I wet my lips before I take a deep breath and let everything out. “He’s literally the man of my dreams. But now I don’t know if he can possibly feel the same way toward me as he did. Or like Chase said, if he’ll even want me anymore.”

  Later, wrapped up in blankets on the floor of my brother’s hotel room, I cautiously thumb open my phone. Ten missed calls and a fuck-ton of messages. My hand shakes as I hold the phone in the darkness of the room, trying to figure out what to do. Will it hurt less if I just delete the messages without reading them? Breaths shudder in and out of me as I stare, unseeing, at the phone screen. I can’t do that. I won’t do that to Shawn. He deserves better. He deserves everything.

  I swallow back the emotional lump in my throat and open the messages.

  Shawn: Butterfly, please come back. I didn’t want you to go. I didn’t mean for you to think that.

  Shawn: I was just trying to wrap my head around everything.

  Shawn: I think we should talk. Please answer your phone.

  Shawn: Madi?

  I see from the timestamp that a few minutes had gone by while he waited for me to respond. When I hadn’t, he’d finally broken down and continued.

  Shawn: I don’t want to have this conversation via text.

  Shawn: I’m not mad. This wasn’t even your fault.

  Shawn: Please just come back so we can talk.

  I wipe the tears from my cheeks, trying to figure out what to say and find the courage to type it out and send it.

  Me: I think we need some time to figure out how we feel and to decide whether we pushed things into overdrive this weekend because of the circumstances.

  Me: And I’m scared to really look inside myself and find this wasn’t real.

  Me: Or maybe I’m more afraid that it was and I’ve messed it all up.

  As I lie there on the floor, it hits me that Shawn is so goddamn nice—not at all the cheater I’d believed, not the asshole who’d do something like that to his girlfriend—and he’s likely pissed off, but doesn’t want to say so.

  And I knew the truth. I’d kept it from him. He’d told me how he thought he’d be married to Dana and have babies with her by now. I’d taken that from him—his wife and a family. He’s jealous of his brother because Heath has everything I’d ripped away from him. I’d single-handedly destroyed all of his dreams for his future with my big fat mouth. Uncontrollable guilt rushes through me, overwhelming, making my head pound. I grip it with my hands, rocking myself and silently crying. No matter what he says about not being mad, I can’t forgive myself.
And I sure as hell don’t deserve him.

  I see the little jumping dots of a response being drafted, and I begin to panic.

  Me: No. Please don’t say anything right now.

  The dots stop jumping.

  And the odd thing is, I can’t decide whether I’m glad he adhered to my wishes or if I’m sad that he didn’t ignore it and just say what he wanted to say. I set my phone aside after turning it off and curl up on my side. Sleep doesn’t come for several long hours after that.

  Chapter 30

  Madison

  Several days later, I drop into a chair at the coffee shop for our book club meeting, grateful when I see someone has already ordered for me. Five pairs of curious eyes immediately pin on me. Everyone sits forward in their chairs. I take a quick sip of my toffee latte before I allow my eyes to roam over my tribe. I wonder what they think of all this.

  Piper bites her lip, and then asks, “Well, how did it go?”

  “I’ve been dying not knowing how everything went after our last round of text messages.” Hadleigh grins at me with wide eyes, and Zoey nods her head in agreement.

  “Did the whole fake boyfriend thing work?” Quinn asks. “I was afraid you’d get tripped up somewhere along the way.”

  My eyes flit over to Sophia who is looking down at her hands. She briefly glances at me and gives a little shake of her head. She’s told them nothing. I send her a small smile of thanks.

  I take a deep breath. “One thing at time. It was … a weekend of revelations.”

  Hadleigh pouts. “You have to give us more than that.”

  “In short, we pulled it off. I ended up telling my brother what we’d been up to, though. Because I did finally tell Shawn that I was the one who’d told Dana that he’d cheated.”