Falling By Firelight (Christmas Romance)

by Rose Ivory

  He was stooped on the other side of her lawn. It was impossible to see what he was doing over there, but she assumed it was much the same as her assembly line. Good. Actually, great. We should be able to get out whatever this tension is here and now. With brute physical activity. This was not the means by which Kate usually dealt with emotions. But, under the circumstances, it felt right. She loaded up her arm with ammunition, relieved to see that his back was still toward her, and stalked toward her prey.

  When she was less than five feet from him, Nolan whipped around and she began her assault. She fired with intensity, force, and half-baked precision. It took Kate a moment to realize that Nolan had no snowballs of his own. Instead, every projectile she lofted his way, he batted out of the air using his fists. She threw faster, harder, and he swung at the snowballs with expert accuracy. At some point in the assault, both dissolved into laughter, but neither let up. They had somehow slipped back into childhood. The adolescent glee that filled the moment was intoxicating, liberating. A huge relief.

  Only when Kate ran out of snowballs did they fall still, smiling and panting like maniacs. “See?” She pointed at him with one hand and grasped at her knee with the other, doubling over from the exertion. “You feel better. And I’m not freaking, I’m a badass.” She wheezed in a frozen breath, the sting echoing through her lungs. Their eyes met and the laughter faded. A heavy stillness took its place. A tension, ten times stronger than the one before, strung between them like a tightrope. Or more like something with magnetic pull. Their smiles faltered, fell away. The pull deepened.

  Neither one knowing who moved first, Kate and Nolan crashed against one another. Their frozen lips met fiercely as she wound her arms around his neck, his trapping her waist. No matter how hard they grasped at each other, it was never too much. Neither loosened. They couldn’t be close enough. Kate’s bust pressed against Nolan’s firm chest, flattening slightly to bring her racing heart closer to his. His tongue glided between her lips, softly first, then with gentle domination. Claiming her.

  Her hands wove through his short blonde hair, tightening into fists as the kiss deepened. Kate’s skin tingled, a mix of the frosty air and the tender excitement of his mouth on hers. And the want. As the kiss went on, went deeper, grew more passionate, a carnal need spurred deep inside her. Her spine arched up, inviting him further in. Between her legs, Kate could feel a new heat radiating out. Nate’s hand moved down her waist, inching lower. As it did, the wetness pooled in her panties, the pulse of her sex matching the erratic, frenzied beating of her heart.

  She had let go. Finally. And now, in one debilitating rush, all the feelings and longings that Kate had dammed up inside came flooding out. The kiss gained urgency, gained intensity, she pressed her hunger against him, and then…it stopped. It all stopped. It took her a moment to realize that Nolan had gone still in her arms. Opening her eyes, she took in his slack face. A bowling ball of lead sank into her stomach. His eyes held something like horror. Immediately she dropped her arms to her sides. Took a step back. They stared at one another. Both in their own form of shock.

  “Katie—“

  “Kate.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “What.”

  The question hung heavy in the air. Thick with pain. The snow swirled between them, slicing at their cheeks, urging them inside. But neither one moved.

  “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  Her dark brows crept high on her forehead, showcasing her wide green eyes in all their disgust and rage. “Of course not,” she replied.

  “It’s not that, obviously, I mean,” he cleared his throat. This was the most nervous she’d ever seen him. The most off-kilter. “I can’t put you through this.” He shook his head, the regret so palpable that she had the sudden urge to wind up and punch him right in his perfect jaw. “I’m sorry.”

  Nolan turned toward the cul-de-sac and started walking. Kate watched him, frozen, jaw unhinged. Only when he entered his own dark house did she turn and race back into hers. Kate slammed the door behind herself. The heat from the fire stung at her too-cold skin as she ripped her jacket off, throwing it to the floor. Her breathing was heavy. Her jaw set. Flailing with a white-hot intensity, she kicked off her boots and ran into the kitchen. The wool of her socks was soaked with the already-melting snow. She didn’t bother to take them off. Instead, she grabbed her phone from the counter and dialed, seething off into space as she waited.

  “Hey babe!” The melodic female voice carried over the line, happy and carefree. Kate’s, by comparison, was a good few steps beyond cutting.

  “Elena, I have never been this mad in my entire life.”

  “Oh my god.” Her friend’s voice dropped. “What did he do?”

  Kate paused. Blinked. “Who?”

  “Matthew?” Silence. After a moment, Elena’s voice came back harsher. One of her signature reality checks. “I’m sorry, Katie, were you implying that it is not the man who married you, cheated on you repeatedly, stomped all over your heart, and is now expecting a child with someone else, that he is not the person who’s made you ‘the maddest you’ve ever been in your entire life’?”

  Kate’s face fell. Her breathing came close to steadying, but the anger was still there. Just now with a dash of realism. “OK, that was a slight overreaction. But I am very very very fucking upset over here.”

  “What happened? Do you need me to drive back?” Even in her frustration, a small smile spread across Kate’s frostbitten cheeks.

  “No, you do not need to drive the three hours back from your parents’ house in a blizzard for me. But thank you.” She sank into the plush leather cushioning of the couch, taking her head in her hands. “That helped a little bit.”

  On the other end, Elena groaned. “Honey, you’re not telling squat.”

  “It’s Nolan,” she said through her hands.

  “Who?”

  “Neighborhood asshole.”

  “Um, what?”

  “I’ve seen him a few times. And he wasn’t actually that much of an asshole, not like we thought so much anyway, but then he came over today and we built a fire and played in the snow like kids and then,” she grimaced, bracing for impact, “and then we kissed.”

  “WHAT?”

  “And then he freaked out!” Kate threw herself down on her side, pressing her hand into the seat as her words gained momentum. “He had said before that he didn’t have, I don’t know exactly how he said it, but that he was just out of this divorce and he like, couldn’t deal with it, and I don’t know! Does it really matter? Because after he said it, he still kept looking at me like I was, like meat! But really really good fancy meat that deserves nice things. And then he called me weak—“

  “What?” Elena cut in, her voice pic axe sharp.

  “Maybe not exactly using that word, but it definitely was the implication. That I was a pushover and—“

  “Well, hon,” now Elena’s voice was soft, tentative, “you do a little bit let people walk over you. Not all over you…but maybe one or two times in a row. Per person.”

  “Can I finish?” she cut back.

  Her friend sighed. “Of course. This is way better than watching my brother’s kid try to put a circle in the square hole. Let’s go.”

  “So then we’re in the snow, and we kiss, right? And it is…” The memory washed over Kate like a hot bath. For a moment she lost herself in it, reveling in the way that he had pulled her back to the land of the living. How she’d finally felt passion again, and it was better than any drug she’d tried. Coffee, liquor. Even better than the pain meds they put her on for her adult wisdom tooth removal, and those were a real trip. This was still better.

  “Katie?” A hint of amusement tinged Elena’s voice.

  “What?”

  “This is what you’re quote unquote mad about? The maddest you’ve ever been?”

  She winced at the overkill of her own words, thrown back in her face. “I already said that was an exaggeration, Elena. But yes, I’m
obviously mad!”

  “Hmm.” Elena murmured. Then said nothing. The silence only stoked Katie’s annoyance.

  “What does that mean?”

  “That I don’t think you’re actually mad.”

  “Oh, but I am.”

  “I think you like this guy. And you’re scared. And maybe he’s scared. I mean, judging by the crap he was spinning you, he’s definitely scared, but—“

  “Fine.”

  This time Elena waited, but Kate didn’t want to say it. Not really say it. Not out loud. “Fine?” Elena prompted, drawing the word out long and lyrical.

  “Fine-maybe-I-like-him. Slightly. At least,” another minor melt, “at least kissing him. I like.”

  “After this long, I think that’s enough. So he left?”

  Kate closed her eyes, trying to block out the image of his horrified face. “Freaked out and ran home.”

  A sigh carried over the line. “Then why don’t you just go get him?”

  “Ha. Funny.”

  “No, it’s being realistic. If he’s just freaking out, he can probably be calmed. You know, like with your bod-ay.”

  Kate’s eyes rolled in a grand sweep. “Oh yeah, that’s how to handle this kind of problem.

  “Never hurts to try.” Then Elena’s voice became more measured, more serious. “Katie, you haven’t even thought about kissing someone in so long. Maybe don’t let this get screwed up just because he’s scared and he says so? You deserve to be happy. Don’t you think?”

  CHAPTER NINE

  SHIVERING, HALF FROM the cold, half from the heavy rush of nervous energy, Kate trudged through the snow to Nolan’s front door. It was up to her knees now, coating the bottom of her jeans and soaking through. The biting chill of the wet denim was probably for the best. It didn’t let her take her time. It pushed her to bite the bullet. To suck it up. To knock.

  Kate tucked her stiff hand back under her arm and waited, shaking one leg hard beneath her to generate some warmth. The door swung open and Nolan looked down at her. Unreadable. Since going home, he’d added a few layers, including a thick plaid blanket that was wrapped repeatedly around his shoulders.

  “Hi?” he said.

  “Oh my god, you look frozen.” The concern was heavy in her voice, so heavy she cringed inside.

  “It’s not so bad, really.” His face could not have been less convincing. Giving him a stern look, Kate edged past him and walked into the dark house. Just a few steps in, the debilitating cold hit her.

  This might be worse than it is outside. How is that possible? She wheeled around and planted her feet in her most confrontational stance. “Nolan, you can’t stay here.”

  His brow ticked up. “Excuse me?”

  “You’ll get sick. Just come back to my place.” At the hesitation in his face, the shifting of his weight between his feet, her confidence began to crumble. “Look, I get it. You aren’t interested in me, and that’s fine. I never implied interest in you. Did I?” He slowly opened his mouth to answer, but she beat him to it. “No. I did not. But we were getting along just fine before, and I’m not leaving you here to freeze, so let’s go.” With unwavering authority, Kate stomped her way out of the house and onto the front step. She looked over her shoulder, waiting.

  Nolan scanned her. He seemed to be trying to decipher something. Fighting some internal battle that she couldn’t really picture. He took a deep breath, a pain from the cold crossing his face as soon as he inhaled the frozen air. “OK. Just let me grab something.” He headed back into the house, into the darkness, and she waited. When he returned less than a minute later, she noticed no difference. He nodded at her, not quite smiled. “Let’s go then.”

  Nolan grabbed his keys and wallet from a small table by the door and followed her out into the tundra. They walked in silence, Kate blazing the trail. Only by the crunching footfalls behind her did she know that he was there, keeping pace. That knowledge made her feel a little bit better. A little bit closer to being on solid ground.

  In her living room the fire was blazing bright, but the fuel supply was fading. Kate shut and bolted the door behind them, then set to adding more logs to the pile. Nolan moved to help but she pointed to the spot immediately before the hearth.

  “You need to warm up before you’ll be any good to anyone. You got that?”

  The corner of his mouth crept up, his eyes narrowing just slightly. “Do you happen to be hiding a kid around here someplace? Because you have excellent mom voice.” His smile was so inviting, so warm, but his words lodged an icicle in her heart.

  Not wanting to let on, Kate plastered on a smile and turned sharply back to her work. “I guess that we don’t have to worry then. If you’re thinking about me as your mother, then there’s no way in hell I’m gonna get the wrong idea, right?” The joke didn’t quite land, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. With the fireplace filled to the brim with new tinder, Kate pulled herself up to her feet. The wetness of her pants was moving beyond uncomfortable. From the back of her mind, a devilish voice piped up. Why don’t you just change right here? If it’s so easy for him to write you off, to push you away, then he shouldn’t mind taking in your legs. And you even shaved yesterday! It’s like fate!

  She shook the voice right out of her head. Her sweatpants were laying close to the fire, warming in anticipation of her return. As casually as she could, she scooped them up from their place on the floor. Nolan watched her as she walked back behind the couch, almost turned down the hall, but stopped. She stood there, turning slightly from side-to-side, looking around like she was pondering a deeply important matter.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  Kate’s molars locked. “OK, don’t get weird about it, but this is the only warm room in my house right now and I need to change my pants.”

  Nolan cocked his head to the side, the amusement firmly back in his gaze. It sent a rush to her core. For someone who’s supposedly not interested in flirting with me, this guy is not doing the best job. He searched her face, shaking his head slightly. “Were you waiting for my opinion on this?’

  “No,” she spat back. “I was telling you so you would turn around and stay that way.”

  “Ah,” he nodded, “no problem.” Nolan turned back to the fire. For a moment she wanted to say something else, do something else, but it all felt silly. Instead she set to unzipping her jeans. She peeled the fabric down off her legs, struggling a bit at the wet ends as they fought for suction on her skin.

  Briefly, she stood behind him, nearly bare from the waist down. She was wearing crimson lace panties. They’d been a festive choice, to keep herself in the spirit, but she also knew that they stood out against her creamy skin in a way that would entice any interested party. Her knees began to quake. She was hit by the idea of coughing. Of making some sort of fuss so that he’d turn around and actually see her. Some small part of her believed that if he saw her like this, right now, it would be over. He’d be hers for the taking. But his face stayed firmly toward the fire, the back of his blonde head almost a taunt. With some bitterness, she shoved her legs through the soft shoots of the pants and plodded back to sit beside him. The sour feeling in her stomach was ripe, growing. It threatened to overtake her entirely when he cleared his throat.

  “I brought something for you.”

  Kate turned to face him, finding that his expression was softer again. “What?” she asked, turning back to the fire. Her heart was already racing, her frozen chest starting to thaw. She understood how treacherous it would be to let it warm to him entirely.

  Nolan pulled a large package of bratwurst from beneath his blanket shaw. He handed over the shrink-wrapped parcel and she took it with a bemused look. “I thought you might be hungry,” he said. “You know, since you weren’t planning to be here for the holiday, I didn’t know if you’d have anything in the fridge. And I thought…” He nodded toward the roaring flames. They reflected in his eyes, adding an edge to the sparkle that had seemed to return there. An
other crack ripped through the ice in Kate’s core. A flutter emerging. Her fingers tightened around the plastic.

  “OK, yes. Let’s eat.” She nodded hard. “Let’s eat a ton.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  OVER THE TAPERING flames, Kate and Nolan held metal skewers, each boasting two hearty brats. They held the skewers with patterned holiday throw towels, padding to keep from burning their fingers. Nolan’s had a mix of gingerbread men. Kate’s was all snowflakes. While they cooked the franks, turning them slowly, Kate found that they were edging closer to one another. She did her best not to instigate it, and yet it was still happening. Nolan, deep in a story about Maggie, didn’t seem to notice.

  “And I didn’t understand why they’d called me in.” He shook his head disdainfully. “She didn’t bite the kid, she just almost bit the kid. And he was the one who wouldn’t stop poking her! If a kid was doing something like that to me, I’d bite him too.”

  “Oh yeah?” She barely fought the wide smile as it curled her full lips. “You’re cool with biting children now?”

  Nolan’s free hand shot up, palm to the sky. Kate’s skewer was heavy enough that she required two hands, but he clearly didn’t have that problem. “I’d only bite him if I were also a child.”

  She chuckled. “He probably wouldn’t be poking you in either case. You aren’t a girl. That,” she pointed a finger his way, keeping the other nine wrapped securely around her towel, “is womanhood. That’s what it’s all about, all the time.”

  “Hmm.” He sat back, rotating his brats another quarter turn.

  Kate’s stomach growled, bringing a blush to her cheeks and grin to his. “Think they’ll be done soon?” she asked.

  “Sure. And they’re pre-cooked, so it’s not like you’ll get sick in any case.”