“Bullshit. I can always tell when you’re lying. Something’s up. Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. If I started talking about it, the emotions I was desperately keeping at bay would come spilling out of me, and there’d be no way to get control of them again. “I can’t talk about it right now, Steph.”
“Later?” she asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.
“Maybe. I have a feeling my schedule is going to open up a bit.”
“I’m going to hold you to it.” She took a left to head to a different ward. “I miss my bestie!”
I smiled and waved, and as soon as she put her back to me, my smile fell.
I missed my bestie too. But even when I was with her, it didn’t feel like I was with my Stephanie. She was consumed with talking about Parks or how hot another doctor was. All she wanted was to get her claws into one of them, like it was a claim to success.
I could attest to the fact that it wasn’t worth it. All it did was bite you in the ass later.
30
Aiden
Three weeks later
I hadn’t let her spend another night at my house, even though waking up alone was difficult to do. I wanted to be the type of man who could rest on lust alone, but it was a lie. We had messed around a bit in my office off and on but hadn’t had sex since that morning three weeks ago after our dancing date.
A large part of me wanted to tell her that I would simply help her with her finances because I cared about her and because I wanted to see her succeed more than anything. She was brilliant and had quickly stolen the hearts and attention of most of the staff in the cardiology ward, mine included.
I glanced up from my desk as Peter filled up the door to my office.
“You doing okay? I heard you had a rough time in the operating room this morning.” He walked in after I motioned for him to do so.
“Yes. I guess.” I got up and walked around him, closing the door. We’d been together for all of my career, and I needed advice. I was starting to feel the burden of falling in love with Elizabeth and wanted to move from lust to love with her, but that would require sacrifice from one of us. I couldn’t be her mentor and have her as my woman. It wasn’t accepted, not even for me.
Peter sat down in the chair in front of my desk and crossed his legs as he watched me. “Well, as long as this isn’t about you packing up and leaving me, I’m good with talking about anything you need to get off your chest. We’ve been friends for a long time.”
“Friends. Is that what we are?” I had to know where I stood before I started the conversation about Elizabeth. No one knew how I felt about her, least of all her. I’d done a damn good job of keeping myself in check, though it was impossible when she was on her knees in front of me or sitting in my lap as I ran my hands over every part of her. Love was so incredibly present in those moments that it left me aching for something more than the future I’d planned and set in motion.
“Absolutely. Do you feel differently? Have I done something to upset you?” Peter’s words were filled with concern, but his expression remained calm.
“No. Not at all.” I dropped down in my chair and let out a long sigh. “Do you remember the story you told me about you and Martha?”
“About us falling in love and having to keep it a secret?” He chuckled as a smile lifted his lips. “You old dog. You’re in love with Elizabeth, aren’t you?”
“What? How did you know that?” I sat up and pressed my hands to the desk in front of me. If Peter knew and we barely saw each other, then maybe I hadn’t been as sly as I thought.
“How could I not know? You watch her with this deep adoration every time I’m around the two of you. Others might think that it’s simply pride in your pupil, but I’ve known you for the last ten years, Aiden. You were my pupil. You’re in love with the girl, and it’s killing you. Isn’t it?” He brushed something from his slacks and let a comfortable silence fall between us.
I nodded as he glanced up. “Yes. I thought maybe I could just let it go, forget about it, forget about her, but I can’t. I’ve never wanted to give anyone the world or share my own, but I do with her.”
“And what about her? Is she in love with you?”
“I don’t know. I think so, but I stay as far away from the emotional side of our relationship as I can.” I groaned softly and glanced up at the ceiling. “Give me my options. I need to know if there’s any hope for us without having to turn our worlds upside down.”
“The hospital rules are quite specific, Aiden, but let me read them over again.” He stood. “You need to try to get a hold of yourself. You cracking up and turning into a bear in the middle of the operating room isn’t going to fly, and you know it. You’re known for your calmness and professionalism. Don’t let that change. It’s not worth love or anything else.”
I nodded but didn’t respond. He had no clue what Elizabeth’s attention meant to me. Everyone could pretend to understand—should I share my truth—but it would be a lie. I had no sense of what an intimate relationship could be until now.. And I had been fine with that up until she showed up in my hospital. I believed, foolishly, that I would never want such a thing. I thought it was a burden.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
A page called out over the speakers above me, saving me from the torrent of emotion that wrecked my insides.
“Dr. Crawford. You’re needed in ER. Stat.”
I jumped up and grabbed my phone, tucking it into the back of my scrubs and jogging toward the ER. I passed up Peter and gave him a quick “Thanks” as I moved toward the action. Hopefully, it would help me settle myself and find my center again. I wasn’t going to last more than another week as Elizabeth’s mentor, her friend, or her lover. I wanted far too much from her, and it was unfair to both of us.
Something had to give.
* * *
“Great job in there today.” Karen patted my back as we walked to the wash room just outside of the OR.
“Thanks, you too. It felt good to save a life. I don’t think I could ever grow tired of it.” I washed my hands and let her dry them as my eyes shifted to the opening just behind her. Elizabeth stood watching us, a sweet smile on her beautiful face.
“I’m here for my shift. Where do you want me?” She walked in and patted Karen on the back. “You guys having a good day?”
I turned and wiped my hands on another set of paper towels as my heart constricted in my chest. “I want you with me. We’re going to have to deliver some bad news to a family, and I think it’s time that you took on that task. It’s the worst thing we have to do by far, but it’s something you have to get used to.”
“I’m having a good day.” Karen chuckled. “He’s been incredibly moody, but I think you’re used to that.”
“I have not.” I glanced over my shoulder and smiled at the older nurse. “You’re just being sensitive today because it’s your birthday.”
Elizabeth let out a sweet yelp. “It’s your birthday? Happy birthday! That’s great. Did we get a cake?”
I nodded and turned to face them as my eyes moved over her curvy frame. I knew what every inch of her looked like, felt like, tasted like. My pulse sped up, and every cell in my body screamed for me to cross the room and pull her into a passionate kiss.
Yeah, it was time for a change. These feelings were still so intense and I’d refrained from indulging them for three weeks now, hoping I’d be able to move past my crippling desire for her. I hadn’t.
She and I would have to talk later that afternoon after our shifts were over. I needed her to move to another mentor, or we had to stop fooling around. Hunger for a long weekend of feeling her pressed beneath me rode me hard, and I was close to breaking down and inviting her in fully. She wouldn’t appreciate it, and I wasn’t ready for her rejection.
“It’s chocolate, and it’s in the breakroom. We’ll get a piece after we talk to this family.” I walked out of the OR and back to my office, expecting Elizabeth
to follow me.
Parks was waiting in there when I approached, and I growled at him as I stopped short.
“What do you want?” I moved into the office as he turned.
“Well, hello to you, grumpy butt. Jeez.” He sat down in the chair across from my desk and glanced up as Elizabeth moved to stand beside him. “Hey, Lizzy. You look hot today.”
She rolled her eyes. “Hush. No one is in the mood for your antics.”
“I second that.” I sat down in my chair. “What do you need? I have a family to visit with, and it’s not pretty.”
“Aw, I’m sorry, man. I know how much you hate that shit.” Parks stood up and slid his hands into his pockets. “We can talk later. I just need some advice.”
“I have a few minutes now.” I forced my expression to soften. There was no reason to reject the guy. He’d been too good to me and like a little brother for the last few years. I was being a dick because I was struggling with indecision. It had nothing to do with him. The only issue was the fact that I was almost positive that his need to talk had something to do with his desire for my girl. Not good.
“Nah, it’s cool. I’ll catch you later.” He turned and walked out, not saying anything else as I let out a short sigh.
“What’s going on?” Elizabeth closed the door behind her and moved around to my side of the desk, forcing me to turn in my chair so she could slide onto my lap. “You okay?”
Her arms wrapped around my neck, and I slid my hand up her back, cupping the back of her neck as I drew her close to me and pressed my lips to hers in a hungry kiss. I wanted her so fucking badly that I ached at the thought of it. She was addictive and my drug of choice.
I knew showing her this affection was going to hurt her more in the long run. But damn it all to hell, I couldn’t help but want these last moments with her.
She pressed into the kiss and ran her nails rhythmically over the back of my neck as I made love to her mouth. My cock twitched to life and pressed against my scrubs painfully. She seemed to notice and reached down, rubbing her hand over my erection as she licked and sucked at my lips and tongue.
“I want you,” she whispered against my mouth. “Take off tonight and let’s go back to your place. You haven’t let me come over in weeks. Why?”
I sat back and pressed my hand softly against her chest just above her breasts. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. Let’s go deal with the family, and we can grab a coffee and talk afterward.”
She nodded and got off my lap, her expression showing me that she felt rejected, which was the opposite of what I wanted her to experience.
“Yeah. Of course.” She brushed her fingers through her hair before pulling it up into a loose bun.
Just the smell of her drove me crazy, but there was nothing I was willing to do about it until we had a little bit of resolution. I prayed like hell that Peter would get back to me with some good news and soon. My mood was souring more and more every day, and I knew I was going to hurt her, to push her away, but it was simply my defense mechanism, and it was already starting to churn.
“All right. Here’s the file. Read it over, and prepare as we walk down there.” I handed her the file and opened the door.
“Aiden, are you upset with me? You’ve been a little edgy lately. Did something—I don’t know—did something change?” Her face was a mask of indifference, but I could see pain in her eyes.
“No. I’m just struggling with a few things, but everything is fine. I promise.” I reached out and touched the side of her face. “You do look hot today. Parks was right.”
She nodded but didn’t return the smile that I’d forced onto my face. I moved out into the hall, and she walked slightly behind me, her head down as she scanned through the file. I kicked myself internally for being so damn flaky around her. It was tearing apart her confidence and affecting her as badly as it was me.
“You ready?” I glanced back as we stopped outside the patient’s door.
“Yep.” She was all business and didn’t wait for me to open the door, but moved past me and opened it herself. “You don’t need to come in unless you want to. I’m a big girl. I’ve got this.”
I stood there as the door closed in my face. She was hurt, and she had a right to be.
I just had to figure out if I was going to reach out and help make the bleeding stop. I had to fix my own shit before I could help fix hers, though.
Karen walked down the hall behind me and gave me a friendly smile. “Aiden, Peter wants to see you if you’re free.”
“I am. Thanks.” I turned and walked toward the front of the hospital, grateful for the reprieve and yet feeling like a bastard for wanting one.
31
Elizabeth
If I didn’t feel like a useless whore before, I did now. He was pulling away from me, and if it had just been about the arrangement, I wouldn’t have cared. I might have even been a bit relieved to have an out, but it had nothing to do with the sex. I was in love with him. Every part of him stimulated me and left me panting for more. I wanted to be in his life as his woman, not just in his bed or his hospital.
The older woman who sat just beside the patient’s bed glanced up at me when I walked into the small room. I could sense the sadness all around me, but the weariness that sat on her features was heart wrenching.
“Hi, Mrs. Peterson. I’m Elizabeth Jenkins, Dr. Crawford’s resident. Kind of like his righthand man.” I gave her a tight smile and moved to stand beside her husband’s bed as I checked the machines for his vitals.
She groaned as she got up and moved to the other side. “Well, it’s nice to meet you. Call me Susan, please. Aiden has been with me and Lance for the last ten years. He’s a good man and a great doctor.”
I nodded and let out a soft sigh as I glanced up at her. “I know that you were hoping that Lance would wake up from his coma, but Aiden has looked for every possible solution, and your husband’s organs are starting to shut down. It’s time to call in the family.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she nodded. “I know. I prayed about it this morning, and I honestly believe my Lance is already dancing in the clouds somewhere.”
She pressed her hand to the older man’s chest as a soft sob left her. My heart broke.
“How long were you married?” I pressed my hand to the top of hers as it rested on his chest. Tears rolled down my cheeks and hers as well.
“For forty-three years.” She laughed through her tears and looked over at me. “He was the greatest gift I’d ever experienced. There is nothing like living life with your best friend.”
“I can’t imagine.” I let her go and moved around to the other side of the bed as she started to cry harder. I pulled her into a hug, knowing that Aiden would probably kill me. He was caring and seemed to truly invest himself in his patients, but hugging them was most likely off limits.
She squeezed me tightly and let her pain out against my shoulder in hard sobs.
“I’m so sorry. I wish there was something else we could do.” I held her until the door opened a few minutes later, and Aiden poked his head into the room.
“Susan.” His voice was soft, and his expression calm. I was furious with him and destroyed by his callous, uncaring attitude toward me as of late, but the way he spoke to the woman melted a part of me. I wanted to hear him call out my name with such reverence, such kindness.
“Oh, Aiden.” Susan moved from me and walked quickly to Aiden as he opened his arms to her. He kissed the top of her white curly hair and glanced up at me with sadness in his eyes.
Tears were still dripping down my face, and I was sure that I would get negative marks on my assessment for being overly emotional, but I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t wanted anything like what Susan and her husband had before coming to St. Mark’s, but now, after getting to know Aiden better, I wanted it all. With him.
The older women cried hard as her thin shoulders shook. I moved past them and avoided Aiden’s eyes, not needing to see disappoin
tment in them. He hadn’t seemed to have a kind word to say over the last week, and undoubtedly, I’d done something wrong the last time we made love in his bed because I hadn’t been invited back.
After slipping out into the hall, I walked to the breakroom and grabbed a cup of coffee. Parks walked in behind me and stopped short as he studied me.
“You okay?” His voice was soft, not the usual playful tone he took with me.
“Yes,” I whispered as a fresh wave of pain rolled through me and forced more tears from my eyes. “Ignore me.”
“Not happening.” He set down the file he held in his hands and moved toward me, pulling at me as he wrapped his strong arms around me and tightened them.
I sunk into his hold, not caring if Aiden or Steph walked into the room. They both could bite my ass. I was tired of the lies and the games, and I was tired of Aiden only using me when he wanted to and leaving me out to dry when he was tired or satisfied.
I didn’t know who the hell I was anymore, with the drama that raged around me almost daily.
“I need to go home and get some sleep. I must be worn out.” I moved back, but Parks kept his arms around me.
“Let me take you. I’ll drop you off at the door and not even make any sexy jokes.” He chuckled as I laughed through my tears.
“No. I’m good. Really.” I pushed at his chest, and he dropped his arms from me but reached out and brushed his thumbs over my cheeks as he cupped my face.
“No, you’re not. You haven’t been for a few weeks. Wanna tell me what’s going on?” He smiled down at me, and I honestly felt nothing but the warm friendship that was building between us.
“What are you guys doing?” Aiden’s voice was tight and filled with angst as his frame filled up the doorway to the break room.
I moved back from Parks and shook my head. “Getting a cup of coffee and going home. I know my shift’s not over yet, but I need a break before I crack.”
Between The Sheets Page 18
