Friends With Benefits

by Lisa Swift

  ‘You loved him once though.’

  ‘I thought so. I mean, I did, it was real, but…’ She paused. ‘I loved him, but I wonder if I ever really knew him. The person he was underneath.’

  ‘Why did you fall for him?’

  ‘I can tell you why I unfell for him. Connor. The way Daryl pushed him away all the time.’

  ‘That wasn’t what I asked.’

  Lexie shrugged. ‘Well, he was handsome, successful, steady – the sort of thing that feels like it matters when you’re twenty-three. He could be fun, and very sweet at times. Our second date, he turned up with my passport, a packed suitcase and two tickets to Venice – he’d bribed my housemate to help him surprise me. And knowing how he’d lost his wife… I couldn’t help melting.’ She sighed. ‘Where did it all go wrong, Ton? I never thought we’d spend all our time yelling at each other.’

  ‘I did wonder, in the early days, if you’d cope. Daryl was barely there, and you were very young to manage Connor alone.’

  She smiled. ‘Yes, Connor. The one good thing that did come out of my doomed marriage. Even on his sulkiest teenager days, I’ve never regretted that part of it.’

  ‘You sure?’ Tonya said, lifting an eyebrow. ‘I know you always wanted a baby of your own. Wasn’t there even a little part of you that thought Daryl moving abroad was your chance to break free of the Carson family and start afresh?’

  ‘Not even a flicker,’ Lexie said firmly. ‘Daryl’s welcome to sod off halfway round the world for my money, but I’ll never regret being Connor’s stepmum. I’ve not done much in my life I can be proud of, but I’m proud of him.’

  ‘You haven’t given up on a family of your own though, have you?’

  ‘Connor is a family of my own.’ She fell into thoughtful silence. ‘I would like to meet someone else though. I’d still love to have a baby.’ She glanced up at Tonya. ‘But whatever happens, I won’t walk away from Connor. Even if it means I can’t have those things until later in life – even if it means I can never have them. He’s just as much my kid as Daryl’s.’

  Tonya smiled. ‘I don’t know why I asked when I already knew the answer.’ She stood up and rested a hand on Lexie’s shoulder. ‘Well done,’ she said quietly. ‘On behalf of my Elise. I know she’d be grateful for all you’ve done for her boy.’

  Lexie dipped her head for a moment.

  ‘Thank you,’ she whispered. ‘I know I’m not perfect but I’ve done my best. Knowing you believe in me… it helps.’

  ‘Let’s talk about happier subjects, eh?’ Tonya gave her shoulder a rub and sat back down. ‘So what are you doing tonight while Connor’s off losing his innocence?’

  Lexie winced. ‘Ugh, don’t even joke. I’m worried enough as it is.’

  ‘Oh, let him enjoy himself. And you go enjoy yourself. Have you got plans?’

  ‘Yeah, Theo’s coming over. We’ll probably watch a film or something.’

  ‘Theo? I’d have thought you’d be sick of the sight of him after seeing him at work every day. Besides, he was Daryl’s friend, not yours.’

  ‘Not since we took over the restaurant. Honestly, Ton, I don’t know how I’d have coped without him this past year. He’s the best friend I’ve got these days.’

  ‘Haven’t you got other friends you can go out on the town with? You’re still young, Lexie. You’ll only end up talking business with Theo.’

  ‘No I won’t. We talk about lots of things.’ Lexie finished the last of her drink. ‘I dunno, it feels like hard work when I get together with my old mates now – ever since me and Daryl separated. Half of them are still single, and the ones who’ve got families, their kids are in nursery or primary school. And there’s me with a kid of fourteen that I’ve inherited from my not-quite-ex-husband… I feel like they’re not sure how to talk to me any more. Like I’m some sort of freak.’

  ‘Oh, that’s your imagination.’

  ‘Perhaps. Still, I find it difficult to join in the conversation. Our worlds are just so different.’ She stood to put her glass in the dishwasher. ‘I know exactly what they think. They think Daryl’s walked out on me and lumbered me with his kid, and I’m too much of a pushover to walk away. They always did think I was a mug to get involved with a single dad at twenty-three. Maybe I am imagining the pitying looks, but they still hurt.’

  ‘What about Connor’s friends’ parents?’

  ‘We get on all right, but they’re all so much older than me.’ Lexie sighed. ‘I don’t know where I fit any more, Ton. I’m starting to feel seriously old before my time.’

  They heard the front door open, and the words ‘Honey, I’m home!’ rang through the house.

  ‘Theo,’ Lexie said, smiling. ‘He never knocks.’

  A second later, the man himself appeared.

  ‘Evening, ladies,’ he said. ‘As you were. No need to stop talking about me.’

  Lexie smiled at him. ‘I’d like to say that’s your ego, but by sheer coincidence we actually were just talking about you. I was hatching a plan to lure you to the pub after your chat with Connor.’

  ‘Well, that sounds like the cue for me to love and leave the pair of you,’ Tonya said, standing up. ‘I’ve got packing to do.’

  ‘Not another cruise?’ Theo said. ‘Ton, you really ought to stop watching those Miss Marple repeats on ITV3. You’re a sucker for the Saga ads.’

  ‘Listen, young man, how I choose to enjoy my retirement is my own business.’

  ‘I bet they’re full of octogenarian swingers and champagne lush army majors, aren’t they?’

  She grinned. ‘Wouldn’t you like to know?’

  ‘No, actually.’

  ‘What’s the chat with Connor in aid of then, Theo?’

  ‘Birds, bees, that sort of thing,’ Lexie told her. ‘I thought he’d appreciate some fatherly advice before he spends the night at Sophie’s. Well, godfatherly advice.’

  ‘I still can’t believe I agreed to do this,’ Theo muttered. ‘Where is the boy, then?’

  ‘In the hall, talking to his dad.’

  Theo’s brow darkened. ‘So Daryl’s remembered he’s got a son, has he? I guess Neptune must be in retrograde or something.’

  ‘Actually, no. I asked him to call me about the house.’ Lexie stood up and kissed him on the cheek. ‘Thanks for doing this, love. I’ve got spag bol and a bottle of red for afterwards as your reward.’

  ‘All right, I’m going,’ Theo said. ‘But it’d better be a bloody good red wine, that’s all. And you owe me a pint at the pub as well.’

  Chapter Five

  Friday was Theo’s day off, and he’d come straight from the gym to catch Connor before Lexie drove him to his girlfriend’s. The thought of the ordeal ahead wasn’t a happy one, but a promise was a promise, after all. Besides, Lexie was right: it was hard luck on the kid not having his dad around to help him through the more excruciating aspects of puberty. Theo knew from experience what that felt like, growing up with just his mum. At Connor’s age, he’d often secretly wished he had someone – maybe an uncle or a grandad – he could talk to. But the only male presence in his life back then had been his mum’s boyfriend of the moment, and he tried not to get too attached. They never stayed long enough to make it worth his while.

  Anyway, as painful as it was no doubt going to be, Theo was Connor’s godfather and it was time he stepped up. He girded his loins – well, it was really more of a buttock-clench, since he wasn’t exactly sure how loins were meant to be girded – and stepped out into the hall.

  Connor was just hanging up the phone, face like a thundercloud. Since Theo knew that this was the habitual expression of the species teenageus boyus, he tried not to take it personally.

  ‘All right, mate?’ he said with a friendly grin. ‘So, I hear you’ve got a sizzling hot date tonight.’

  ‘Um, well, I’m staying at Sophie’s.’ Connor summoned a smile. ‘Hi, Uncle Theo. Sorry about Spider-Man. We can watch it next week.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it
.’ Theo nodded to the stairs. ‘You got five minutes? I wanted a quick word in private.’

  ‘Now? I need to pack my stuff.’

  ‘It won’t take long.’

  ‘All right.’ Looking puzzled, Connor led Theo up to his bedroom.

  ‘Um, pull up a beanbag,’ Theo said, gesturing to the one in the corner.

  Connor flopped down, his long, skinny legs stretching out in front of him like a knock-kneed spider not sure how to arrange its limbs. Theo perched on the edge of his godson’s gaming chair, trying to pretend he hadn’t noticed the mess.

  Christ, or the smell, he thought, wrinkling his nose. Dirty mugs – some sporting an impressive coating of mould – littered the place among unwashed underpants, discarded socks that looked as though rigor mortis had long since set in, well-thumbed comic books and copies of SFX magazine, plus God knew what other crap.

  Teenagers were disgusting. Had he been this bad when he was Connor’s age? He made a mental note to take his mum some flowers the next time he went to visit.

  ‘So… have you decided what you’re wearing to the 1940s fest?’ he asked. ‘I know you love an excuse to dress up.’

  ‘Jesus, I don’t have to go to that thing, do I?’

  ‘Course you do. You’re going to look adorable in a little evacuee costume. Short trousers, Fair Isle tank top, a pair of woollen knee socks…’

  ‘That’d better be a joke, Theo.’

  He smiled. ‘Yeah, it was a joke. We’ll get you a nice, sexy GI uniform, eh? You can pretend you’re pre-Captain America Steve Rogers.’

  ‘Why did you want to talk to me in private about 1940s costumes?’

  ‘I didn’t. That was just to break the ice.’ Theo reached up to rub his neck. ‘Look, er… son. We’ve known each other a long time, right? Since one of us was born, in fact.’

  ‘Well, yeah.’ Connor frowned. ‘Shit, you’re not dying, are you?’

  ‘No, but if the ground wanted to open up and swallow me then I wouldn’t complain,’ Theo muttered. He looked at Connor, who was combing his fingers through his too-long brown curls. ‘Lexie asked if, um… if I might have a word with you. Man to man.’

  ‘Man to man? Oh God.’ Connor groaned. ‘Please say we don’t have to do this.’

  ‘Look, I’m not going to start asking questions about your balls or anything,’ Theo reassured him. ‘Your stepmum just thought you might like to have someone to talk to who knew about stuff. You know, boy stuff. I mean, man stuff.’

  ‘Uncle Theo, it’s fine. I know how it all works. I’ve known since I was five.’

  Theo blinked. ‘Have you?’

  ‘Yeah, my nan got me a book. With cartoons and that.’

  ‘Right,’ Theo said. ‘To be honest, it wasn’t really the technical side of things I was expecting to have to speak to you about. I just thought you might have, er, questions. About Sophie.’

  Connor frowned. ‘Questions about Soph?’

  ‘Yeah, things you might be worried about. Sex stuff, you know?’ Theo glanced at the cover of a gaming magazine on Connor’s bed, which bore a lurid illustration of a generously bosomed female elf wearing the skimpiest of armoured bikinis. ‘Then again, maybe I should be the one asking you for tips.’

  Connor flushed. ‘Please, Theo. Please can we not do this? I’ll pay you actual money to not do this.’

  Theo sighed. ‘Look, Con. You can trust me when I say I feel as awkward about this conversation as you do, but sex is really nothing to be embarrassed about. Pretty much everyone does it – or will do it someday, in your case. I just want you to feel you’ve got someone you can talk to, OK? Maybe not right at this moment, but if you ever feel you need advice. I know you’re not going to want to talk to Lexie or Tonya about that stuff, and your friends… well, it might be a long time since I was fourteen, but I do remember that I was full of bullshit, and so were all my mates. It goes with the territory for lads your age.’

  Connor blinked. ‘Does it?’

  ‘Yep. Plus everyone’s got that one knobhead mate who claims he’s really sexually experienced but in reality has never had a sniff. Who’s your one?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Come on, I know you’ve got one. Which of your friends reckons he’s had sex with loads of girls?’

  ‘Oh. JJ,’ Connor said. ‘So you had a mate like that at school too?’

  Theo nodded. ‘I told you, everyone does.’

  ‘Who was yours?’

  ‘You know him actually,’ he said, smiling. ‘Daryl Carson.’

  Connor raised his eyebrows. ‘Dad?’

  ‘Yeah, till he started going out with your mum in Year Eleven. And he was full of it as well, just like your friend JJ. I can guarantee you the lad’s still a virgin, as are all the boys you know, no matter what bollocks they come out with.’

  Connor’s blush was still a fixture, but his lips twitched with a smile.

  ‘Thanks, Theo.’

  ‘No problem. So, er, was there anything you wanted to ask me?’

  ‘Not really. I’ve got the internet.’

  Theo laughed. ‘And I’m sure your search history makes for a fascinating read.’ He reached over to clap Connor on the shoulder. ‘You know where I am if you need me, OK? Just on the end of the phone.’

  ‘Yeah. Cheers.’

  Theo made as if to go, then, in his best Columbo impersonation, stopped at the door and turned back.

  ‘Oh, by the way. There was one more thing.’ He took a blue, cellophane-wrapped box from his jacket pocket. ‘I’m sure you won’t need these for a while yet, but it’s better to be safe than sorry, isn’t it? Just tuck a couple in your wallet, then whenever the time comes – I mean, many, many years from now, when you’re physically, emotionally and legally ready – you’ll know you’re prepared.’

  He tossed Connor the box, and the boy’s eyes widened.

  ‘You know how to put one of these on, right?’ Theo asked. ‘You’ve learnt about it at school?’

  ‘Yeah, I know.’ Connor’s face was now roughly the colour of an over-ripe pomegranate. ‘Bloody hell, Theo!’

  ‘Because I could show you. There’s probably a courgette in the fridge I could—’

  ‘Jesus Christ, please no.’ Connor buried his face in his hands. ‘This is it. I am officially dead. This moment has literally just ended my life.’

  ‘All right,’ Theo said, holding his hands up. ‘I get the message. Awkward conversation over, never to be mentioned again. But if you do find things with Sophie are getting a bit heavier than anticipated—’

  ‘Oh God!’ Connor wailed.

  ‘—then just make sure you’ve got something on you. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you about the dangers of unplanned pregnancies, STDs, et cetera. Be prepared, that’s all I’m saying. You were a boy scout, it ought to come naturally to you.’

  ‘Please, Theo. If you really care about me, just go, now, before I die of embarrassment right here on this beanbag.’

  Theo smiled. ‘Well, I tried.’ He patted Connor on the shoulder. ‘Just look after yourself, kiddo. I’ve only got one godson; you can hardly blame me for wanting to keep him safe.’

  * * *

  Lexie was stirring bolognese sauce on the hob when Theo, looking mildly traumatised, entered the kitchen.

  ‘So, how did it go?’ she asked.

  ‘I think there was mutual unspoken agreement that we would never, ever speak of this day again. Oh, and Connor owes your swear jar about six weeks’ pocket money.’

  ‘That bad, eh?’

  ‘Let’s just say it’ll be at least a week until my toes uncurl.’ He managed a smile. ‘Still, I think I got the message across. I told the lad he knows where I am if he needs someone to confide in.’

  ‘Thanks, Teddy. I appreciate you stepping out of your comfort zone to do this for him.’ Lexie squeezed his elbow. ‘You dish up while I drive Con over to Sophie’s. I won’t be ten minutes.’

  * * *

  Lexie dropped Connor off outside the Cavendi
shes’ place in the neighbouring village of Morton just before six. Sophie must have heard them pull up, since she opened the door before he’d even raised his fist to knock.

  ‘Con! Yay, you’re here! Thanks for coming, sweetie.’

  Connor blinked. Sweetie? Did they sweetie now? They’d never sweetied before.

  Sophie took his hand to pull him into the house and kissed him on the lips, but Connor moved away.

  ‘Aren’t your mum and dad here?’

  ‘Yeah, but they’re out in the summer house so no need to worry about them. Ol isn’t here yet either, which means I get you all to myself for a bit.’ She tugged on his hand. ‘Here, come up to my room. I want to show you something.’

  He flushed. ‘Um, OK.’

  ‘Well, what do you think?’ she said when he’d followed her into her bedroom. She gestured to a scale model of the Millennium Falcon on her desk. ‘I got the kit for my birthday. It’s taken me ages to build it.’

  ‘Whoa!’ Connor ran a reverent finger over the body. ‘Serious collectible, Soph.’

  ‘I know, right? Oh, and guess what else I got?’

  ‘What?’

  She took two tickets from a drawer and waved them at him. ‘Ta-da! Leeds Comic Con tickets, for me and you. Just us, none of the others.’ She flushed. ‘I thought it’d be romantic. You know, for our eight-month anniversary in October.’

  ‘You’re not serious.’ He took the tickets from her and stared at them. ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe your parents got these for us! I’ll have to bring your mum a fruit basket or something.’

  She laughed at his excitement. ‘So who do you think you’ll go as?’

  ‘Boba Fett,’ he answered immediately.

  ‘Again?’

  ‘Course. Why be anyone else when you can be Boba Fett?’

  She smiled. ‘And this, Connor Carson, is why I love you.’

  His cheeks heated as he wondered whether she meant it. Probably not. Girls said stuff like that all the time, didn’t they?