(3 Book Box Set) "Cowgirl Desires" & "Last Chance Cowboy" & "Embracing Love Again"
Page 16
"No he didn't. He is missing."
"Yea, maybe so. But why haven't you heard something? Anything? So you're going to live your life in misery and be lonely because he is missing or maybe even dead? That's worth seeing a therapist over."
"Hey, can I try that foundation? I've wanted to change to a darker shade."
"Sure. Sit down and I'll put it on you. You were never good at applying foundation. You always had streaks."
"What!" Jerking the tube back away from Amber, she stood and looked in the mirror.
"Well, it's true."
"Why didn't you tell me then?"
"I didn’t want to hurt your feelings?"
"Oh, you don't mind doing that now?"
They laughed and stood side by side, comparing new wrinkles that they thought were forming. After several minutes of fighting over who had more, they moved into the kitchen and began hunting down something to snack on.
"My mom has got to be the worst mom when it comes to buying snacks. She thinks cold veggies are snacks" as she slammed the frig shut. She turned to Livy.
"So, did he kiss you?"
"I'm not talking about that!"
"So he did then. Why not talk about it; you used to tell me everything."
"Because a lot has changed since then."
"Really? He kissed you, how much could have changed about that?"
She was right, and Livy knew it. His kiss hadn't changed one bit. He still had it and his lips felt just like they did in high school.
"Livy, do what your heart feels. Just follow your heart; it always leads to the brain."
Livy cracked up and she said, "You know that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Your heart makes some of the biggest mistakes; you of all people should know that."
"Yea, I know. But what else are we going to follow?"
Chapter Eight
Livy was right about one thing. Her mind believed that she'd be cheating on her late husband. Whether he was dead or alive, she believed it. After she returned home, she went to her bedroom and plopped down next to Maxwell. Taking the plush toy into her arms, she held him close. He was easy to love and easy to understand. Men, on the other hand, were not. She sprawled across her bed, stretching her legs out and dangling her feet off the edge. Leaning against Maxwell, her face sunk down into his brown, soft fur. As she turned over, she caught a glimpse of a picture that she had set on her dresser. It came in a silver lined frame, and it was a head shot of Curtis with his new haircut. Nearly bald, it made his eyes pop even more. Grabbing the framed picture, she rolled over on her back. Within minutes the tears began to flow. She traced the frame all along its edges and then touched his face. Following the outlines of his face, her fingers gently circled around and then stopped at his lips. The first thing she recalled was the sounds of his laughter. The gentle vibration of his deep joy came from his mouth as she laid on her back, gazing into his eyes. Then she heard her name being whispered, him repeating it twice to grab her attention the way he always did. She could hear the question in his voice when he told her he loved her, just to tease her. Memories flooded her mind, the first time they kissed, the ride down the river sharing a raft and him saving her from a spill. Sharing a cold bottle of sprite, and sitting on the tailgate of his truck as they watched fireworks under a lit up sky. The babies they planned to have with the long list of names they had picked out and the many discussions they shared about their future. Everything good she could remember returned to her.
But with the good came the bad and she sat up and stared down into what was gone. He was gone; their dreams were gone. She was left behind, expected to go on without him. A strange feeling came over her and the tears subsided. A silence fell over the room and she stared down at Maxwell who had become her only companion she could relate to. She had changed and she could feel the emptiness of the fact. Her life had become a recluse for over two years. She was too young to sit in agony as she watched lovers stroll the park, hand in hand. She stared at Curtis, traced his face one more time and then she stood and walked to the jewelry box sitting on her dresser. It was a safe place to tuck special things. It came with a lock and key, and she raised it on its side, took the key and unlocked the tiny box. When she raised the lid, a soft tune played with the sounds of someone else's love song and she dropped the picture inside. Standing alone in her room, she made a decision. She was changing. Again, she was changing. She could feel her heart crying out to live, and she could feel the need to go on. She turned the key in its lock and placed it under the box. She had to find the way to go on without Curtis, Her mother and Amber were right. There had to be a life out there that would carry her through. There had to be more than living in a silent pain that held her back. It was time.
That night she slept without the dreams. Curtis didn't come to her in the night, standing at the end of her bed. She didn't hear him calling her above the sounds of the crickets and the frogs. She closed her eyes, gripped hold of Maxwell and didn't wake until the morning sun shone through her window. When she did open her eyes, she could almost see a difference. She felt brilliantly alive, stretching her arms and sensing pleasure. This time the first thing she thought about was seeing Brad. She couldn’t wait to announce the truth to him. She did love him; she always had loved him.
It was early, yet she felt the need to rise from bed and dress quickly. Not making a sound, she slipped into her favorite jeans, a tank and her riding boots. She was going to take an early morning ride on Marcy, and then she would visit Brad. Before she walked outside she wrote her mom a note and left it on the kitchen table.
***
Bending down she smoothed his hair with her hands and then kissed him. When she went to the barn, he followed her into the yard, yipping at her heels. Saddling up Marcy, she then slid the bridle on her face and kissed her nose.
"Let's go for a ride Marcy. We both need it." She stepped into the stirrups and threw her right leg over the saddle. Straddling, with her legs on both sides, she wiggled down and found her place. With a light flick of the reins, she left the barn for the expansive open yard. The trees and flowers were flashes of color as Marcy galloped pass them, God I love this. She could feel the wind blowing in her hair; Olivia had not felt so free sense she was a child, untarnished by the pain that came with being an adult. She thought about how her life had changed since Curtis died; she thought about how she had been able to let go of Curtis. She had a loving mom that would not let her give up on finding love. And she had reconnected with friends and hopefully she could stir the embers of love.
She rode Marcy hard, galloping through the field. She could hear the morning birds chirping at her as she passed by, and she could see the tiny heads of squirrels and raccoons peeking out of the brush. The smells of freshly bloomed wildflowers and even the fading dead grass had such amazing aroma. It was good to be home. Just like a well-fitting rocking chair, her heart had finally found home. Marcy slowed to a trot; she took in air and released a long held sigh. Coming to a slowed stop, she then walked Marcy deep into the coverage of the woods. Alone they walked, she could feel the silent that held her in bondage began to fade away. She was free; finally she was free. Tears had spilled with her undying love for Curtis and it was time to move on without him.
By the time she had ridden back to the barn, she was satisfied with her decision. Taking over two years to grieve Curtis, she was ready to be in love, to take that chance on Brad. It wasn't like he was a stranger that might be hiding something. She'd loved him before and she still had that tingle when he came near her. With a smile and a happy heart, she fed the animals and put them out to pasture and collected the morning's eggs.
***
When Olivia opened the back door, she could smell fresh biscuits and frying bacon. She ran to kiss her mother's cheek.
"Well, looks like the mornings are good to you, sweetheart." Her mother was elated to see her so happy and bright.
"Mom, I've settled it."
Looking concerned, her mot
her turned and set the fork down in a tiny saucer on the stove. "What have you settled honey?"
"I've laid Curtis to rest. I'm ready to live."
Coming to her in a rush, Diane Tifferton was thrilled. "Darling that is wonderful!"
"I'm going to see Brad this morning. Do you need me to do anything before I go?"
"Yes. I need you to eat a healthy breakfast first. Then, the day is yours."
Pulling out a kitchen chair, Livy sat down. Everything was ready as Diane placed the bacon on a platter and removed the biscuits from the oven.
They shared a breakfast and then Livy jumped into the pickup and made the drive over to Brad's farm. Turning off the engine, she sat in the seat for a minute, and then excitement came over her. Closing the door behind her, the creak was heard and she stepped away. Gripping the door handle, she felt the firmness of her hold, and then she let go. Fingertips slid away from the cold, hard steel, one by one. She was standing on her own, letting go. By the time she made it to his door, he had come to meet her. He could only hope for the best and he studied her eyes when the door flew open. Neither said a word. There wasn't a need to speak. Voices spoke through the eyes, and he took her by the hand. Quietly their bodies followed their passion, climbing a flight of stairs they both entered his bedroom..
***
When they did finally open their eyes, the early morning had passed away and breakfast was on the horizon. Looking into her beautiful blue eyes, he whispered, "How about breakfast?"
"Sounds great." She blushed at the thought of what they had done. She felt at home in his arms and she rose to her bent elbows and kissed his lips. Gently, their tongues locked, and they had another passionate kiss. He finished her off with kissing alongside her face, tracing the contour of her cheeks and returning once again to her lips. He raised his head and stared down at her.
"You so beautiful Livy and you are an amazing lover."
"And you aren't too bad yourself," She replied. Standing side by side in the kitchen, they cooked an amazing breakfast. Sitting naked across from each other, made them both giggle like children. Young at heart and in love, she had finally given herself permission to be happy again.
Chapter Nine
Livy and Brad spent the day together, filling their time with laughter, and several rounds of chase around the farm… in the nude. No one could see them for miles, and the idea of danger lurked over them was exciting and fun. Several times they found places to hide and make wild and passionate love. All day they rode the waves of every lustful desire. He kissed her goodbye at her truck; with a promise to see each other the next day, he watched her leave.
It wasn't until she pulled into the drive that she let go of Brad's face. Readjusting her clothes, she quietly slipped in the back door. Her mother met her with a smile, but carrying something hidden. It was her eyes that gave it away, and Livy questioned that look.
"Mom, what is it?"
Her mother led her to her room, opened the door and stared at the bed. Livy followed her eyes and landed upon it. There was Curtis' Military uniform spread out on the top cover.
Silence. Total silence.
Then she walked over and picked up a corner of the jacket.
"Why? Where did this come from?" Her eyes plead with her mother to deny its being.
"It came yesterday while you were gone, through UPS."
They stood for a time in the stillness of the horror. He was back, filling her mind with her steadfast devotion. She broke down in tears as her mother came to her side. Diane Tifferton knew that nothing else would do, and she took her daughter into her arms, rocking her back and forth. The battle had returned and it was raging on in Livy's mind. The chance to love again had just been shattered, destroyed and she was spiraling into an abyss of what-ifs.
All kinds of thoughts came to her while her face was buried in her mother's lap. Visions of making love to Brad stung and pained her heart. She had been guilty after all, not being strong enough to hold herself back. In her mind, she had been unfaithful and was guilty of adultery. Diane Tifferton could feel her daughter's battle raging inside. She held her arms around her, stroking her hair as her head twitched back and forth, as she tried to deny the sight of the stiffened uniform. Olivia wailed in agony. Diane fought back open sobs, as she placed her head above Livy’s not wanting to expose her daughter to her rare pain. Diane knew that Livy wasn't guilty of a thing. She had suffered for over two years before she was even able to experience any joy. But she know in her daughter's mind, another story rang true. She bent her head down close to Livy's ear, speaking with whispers.
"It'll be alright Livy. It'll be alright. Just let it out." In her mind though, Diane wasn't so sure it would be alright. It was a cruel thing what Livy's mind was doing to her, keeping her held captive in a make-believe world.
Her daughter felt the heavy weight on her shoulders, and it was not justified. No matter how Diane looked at the situation, her daughter needed to be set free. As she held her tight, her own anger at the curse of it all began to overtake her. It was going be a very long summer, and watching her daughter suffer wasn't an option. Something had to be done Diane thought.
After being held in her mother's arms, Livy relaxed her shoulders. She moved about on her mother’s lap, then she sat straight up. Diane thought that perhaps she had settled down, but in moments, the anger hit. Livy lashed about, grabbing the uniform and throwing it across the room.
"I'm going for a ride!" She stormed from her bedroom before Diane could stop her; she was headed for the barn. When she approached Marcy, it was as if the golden mare sensed trouble. Marcy stood still as she became bridled and saddled, which was somewhat uncharacteristic. Marcy usually scraped the earth with her hoofs or shook her mane in excitement. But now, she was staring into the eyes of a known pain. Softly, she swished her tail back and forth, feeling compassion for the tender young woman who had loved her and taken her home. Marcy was ready to hand back a favor, any favor that she could give. She knew that the quick movements of Livy were due to a broken heart. She had felt them herself, once or twice. Running, speeding through an empty field, she had cantered through the wind, releasing her anger at belonging to no one.
With a flick of the reins and a little kick, Marcy started in a trot off. Building was a new feeling of rage and she had to escape herself. Marcy ran under Livy, and she watched carefully as her feet came down on the hardened soil. Wanting to protect Livy, she was careful with each step. Her eyes opened wide, scanning the field for any signs of danger. She knew from Livy's behavior that something was wrong and that she was in need. She could sense her deep anger and she could hear her cries atop of her. A harsh curse had fallen on her loved friend, and determined to keep her safe; she strode across the field, carrying her with care.
They were alone for a long time. Sometimes walking, allowing Marcy to rest and graze, Livy was still functioning with a big heart. Other times, she'd fight against her thoughts and flick the reins with that familiar clicking of her tongue. From the time she left the barn, she threw herself at Marcy's mercy, trusting her to carry her through. At one point, Livy hopped down to the ground, walked around and buried her tear stained face into Marcy's mane. It was soft, not prickly and felt comforting. Marcy stood still, except for her beautiful snowy white tail swishing under the tree. There was a conversation taking place, one of the heart. Animal and human, connected through their love.
After her ride, she put Marcy into the barn, and put away the bridle and saddle. Feeding her and giving her fresh water, she walked away.
There was something else she had to do, and she headed to the truck. She knew her mother wouldn't agree, so she didn't give her the chance to share her point of view. She was going to see Brad.
When she pulled up in the truck, he ran to meet her with her favorite smile. Pausing for a minute, she took it all in. He was standing there, shirtless. His strong arms bulging with muscle, he was a dream to any returning cowgirl. Tennessee had lots of hot guys, but st
aring through the window, she knew that she had found the hottest Tennessee cowboy around. Sadness came over her because she knew why she was there. She was going to reclaim her love and devotion to Curtis, the one who she'd chosen so long ago. The unexpected appearance of his Military uniform had taken her full circle, and she had no other choice but to end it with Brad. It had only gotten started, and the sooner the better. Her world was crashing right before her and she could already feel misery sinking in. She looked out at him, standing on the other side of the door, and she could barely push the handle down on the door to get out. He stepped back, holding the handle on the other side, but his face grew long, holding dread.
Brad wondered what could have happened. She had left him with a love making glow lighting up her face, and now she had a drawn look. Finally, she turned the handle and stepped out.
"Hey, you want to go for some coffee?" Looking to the ground, she kicked at the dirt.
"Sure. But can't we have it here?"
"I'd like to go into town and we can stop by Missy's Cafe."
"I'm not even dressed yet."
"That's okay. I'll meet you there." She turned away and started to pile into the truck.
Brad knew. His shoulders dropped and he felt the crush of the blow hit him in the chest. He could tell by her eyes that she was there with bad news.
"Tell me that you haven't changed your mind." His eyes straight ahead.
She couldn’t. She had changed her mind.
"Livy, what's going on?" He began to pace in front of the truck.
"I'd rather tell you about it in town."
"No. You can tell me right here and right now."
She led him by the hand over to this front porch and sat down. When she was finished telling him about the uniform, he gave her a blank stare.
"His uniform shows up and we're done?. What does his uniform prove?"
"That's not the point."
"It's the whole point. He's gone."
"I'm still not over him, Brad. I still love Curtis."
"That's funny. You didn’t have a problem yesterday and last night."
"That's not fair. That was just lust." She teared up, but he wasn't letting her off that easy.