Shut Out: Contemporary Sport Romance (Hockey Boyz Book 3)

by Angela Stevens

  He rolled his eyes at me. “Whatever.” Then he took another bite of his sandwich, chewing it for a minute before he swallowed it. “Did I see Nora with your cousin last night?”

  I’m not sure if Kai was still fishing for information about who I was with or if he genuinely thought he was changing the subject, but I couldn’t disguise the annoyance in my voice. “She is not with my cousin.”

  “Fuck. What the hell is up with you today?” Kai got up, crumpled his napkin in his hand and dropped it on the table. “Maybe you could let me know when your period is over. Honestly, there is no talking to you sometimes.” And with that, he grabbed his bag and stormed out of the cafeteria.

  I took the long way back to our place and ended up down by the lake. Leaning on the wall looking out into the deep blue waters, I pulled my jacket closer, as the icy temperatures coming off the lake chilled me to the bone. As I stood still for a few moments, Nora crept back into my head. That girl was already under my skin. As soon as I thought of her, my arms broke out in gooseflesh, and I became a little excited. She was a firecracker in bed, and I loved how she felt when I was buried inside her, and I loved the way she moaned when my mouth was on her, too, and, most of all, I loved how she sounded when I made her come.

  Fuck, I’d already decided she had to sleep with me again tonight. After a few hours of working out with her, I’d been sleeping like a fucking baby. The last couple of nights I’d had the best damn sleep I’d had in years. And this morning, I’d felt alive, like I had all this pent-up energy swishing around my system. It was fucking ridiculous, really, as I should have been feeling totally the opposite. But for whatever reason, I felt like I was Superman or something.

  When I got home, the house was quiet, as everyone was out. I dumped my stuff in my room and was shocked at the mess I found in there. The bed was a wreck, covers and sheets screwed into a ball, and some of my clothes from yesterday were still on the floor. I put my bag away and then set about cleaning. After changing the bedsheets, I put last night’s sticky bedding through the washing machine, along with the rest of my laundry from the last two days. After that, I dusted and polished my room, emptied the trash from my waste paper basket, and got everything back to its usual neat as a pin state. While I waited for the sheets to dry, I went through my assignments, methodically finishing them one by one.

  Kai and Angie came in around nine. I could hear them chattering in the kitchen for a while but was reluctant to go join them. There was only one person I wanted to see, but I had no idea where she was.

  It wasn’t until an hour later that I heard the front door open again. Jeez, the sound caused a Pavlovian reaction in me, and I shot to my door. Nora was just walking past it as I opened it, and it startled her.

  “Jesus, José.” She laughed and put her hand over her heart. “You scared me half to death.”

  “Sorry.” For some reason, I felt a little shy around her and didn’t know what else to say. Luckily, she wasn’t feeling the same.

  “How was your day?” She blushed slightly, “Did you make it to your class on time?”

  “By the skin of my teeth. Actually, I was late, so I got reported for tardiness.”

  She smiled back at me. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry.”

  I didn’t know what made me do it, but I reached out for her and tugged her towards me by the lapels of her winter coat. She shuffled forward, showing no resistance, and as I bent my head to kiss her, she lifted her face to meet mine. We kissed. It was just a fleeting peck really, but it ignited something inside me that made me want more.

  “Don’t be sorry. As far as I’m concerned it was a good reason to be late.”

  Her cheeks flushed a little more, and the pinkness ran down her neck and across the swell of her breasts. She caught me looking at her cleavage and took a step towards her room. “I should probably let you sleep, you have practice tomorrow, don’t you?”

  But I didn’t let go of her lapels, instead I stepped backwards into my room, taking her with me. On the other side of the door, she put her hands to my chest and lightly pressed me back. I had been devouring her neck, and my fingers were in the middle of wrestling the buttons open on her blouse.

  “Mmm, what, baby?”

  She was panting, and even though she kept her hands where they were, there didn’t seem to be a lot of conviction behind her action. “What are we doing, José?”

  I tilted her chin and took her mouth again. A few seconds later, I released her and grinned. “We’re kissing.”

  “And?”

  “And in a minute, we’ll be fucking.”

  She laughed and raised an eyebrow. “That’s not very romantic.”

  I frowned at her. “Not romantic? I thought we had fun last night and this morning.”

  “We did.” She agreed.

  “So…”

  “Seriously? Come on, José, I need to know what this is.”

  “I told you last night.”

  She slipped out of my arms and scurried across the room, leaving me feeling bereft at the distance she put between us.

  “You weren’t making sense last night. You… you said I was yours, but I don’t know what that means.”

  “Take off your coat, baby, I’ll show you.”

  She hesitated, then did as I asked. “I like you, Nora, and I really fucking liked what we did last night.”

  She nodded. “Me, too, but you never sleep with the same girl twice.”

  That made me wince, but she was right. “Maybe I never found someone I wanted to sleep with again.”

  “You don’t date.” She didn’t say it in an accusatory tone, but like she was just confirming things.

  “No, I don’t.” I sighed and sat down on my bed. I guess I owed her an explanation. Reaching out, I took her hand and pulled her down next to me. “I want to be successful, Nora, I want to make it to the NHL. I want what fucking Charlie has, but to get that, I have to work harder than he does. Do you know how many professional teams there are in North America? And I’m not talking NHL here, but all the ones that have a professional status and pay their players? Ninety-eight. That’s it. That means there are exactly one hundred and ninety-six jobs for goalies. In the NHL, there are literally only thirty-one starting goalies. Thirty-one, Nora. Every team in the league has just two goalies listed, while they have seven defensemen and thirteen forwards. That means the chances of me being a starting goalie are fucking minute compared to Charlie or Kai becoming defensemen or forwards.”

  She blinked at me, and I wasn’t sure she was following what I meant. I put my hands to her face, hoping she’d understand. “I like you, Nora, a lot. And the last few nights have been fucking amazing. But… my career comes first. So, you are right, I don’t date. I can’t have that type of distraction.” She shuffled along the bed away from me, but I followed her. “But I do want to spend time with you.”

  “And other women, too?”

  “Shit, no. You. I only want you.”

  She chewed on her lip, and then rolled her eyes back into her head and stared up at the ceiling. Eventually, she looked back at me. “If I agree to this, there have to be rules.”

  “Rules?”

  “Yeah. I won’t be on rotation with other women. I’ll be your non-girlfriend, your… what is this? Friend with benefits? Whatever term you want to use, but I will not be part of a harem.”

  I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “Seriously? You think I would still want to be with other women? I just told you I can’t be distracted.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Seriously. Whether I am your girlfriend or non-girlfriend, I am not okay with you fucking around on me. You do not sleep with anyone else while we are together, while whatever this non-relationship thing we have is going on.”

  “Okay. You, too. I don’t want you seeing other men.”

  “José! Oh my God, what do you think I am?”

  “Sorry.” That had actually come out before I’d thought it through. “I wasn’t suggesting you would. Look, I k
now this all sounds weird, but this is all I can offer right now. If you can’t deal with this, it’s okay to say no. I’ll leave you alone, and I won’t come on to you again.” Except I wasn’t sure I could do that. I was already desperate for her to say yes.

  She got up from my bed. “I need to think about this.”

  I slumped back on my mattress as she left the room. Closing my eyes, I already knew I’d fucked things up. Nora was never going to speak to me again.

  Thirteen

  Nora

  May 1st, Five Months Later…

  “Wait, say that again?” Angie looked at me with wide incredulous eyes. She lowered her voice. “You are seeing José Estrada? How long has this been going on?”

  I pushed my chicken spinach salad around my plate. I had a bad taste in my mouth, knowing I really shouldn’t have confided in her. Angie was all about old-fashioned romance. Her ring finger sported a glistening diamond engagement ring, and most of our conversations revolved around the plans she had for her wedding to Kai the month after they graduated next year. But for just over five months, I’d kept this secret non-relationship to myself, and it was getting harder and harder every day to avoid being spotted by Kai and Angie.

  I was pretty convinced they must have guessed we were up to something, anyway, but looking at the total surprise on Angie’s face, I figured she’d been oblivious, after all.

  “Five months.” My cheeks heated. It was five amazing months of sleeping in his bed every night. Five wonderful months filled with passionate and sexy nights, and it was five hellish months I had to pretend we were not together whenever we were out of that room.

  “You’ve been seeing him for five months?”

  “I’m not seeing him, we just have sex.”

  Her cheeks turned the color of beets. “Oh, my God, seriously?”

  I nodded. “José has to focus on his career, and we agreed that we would just keep this… casual.”

  “Um, so, how does that work? You just hook up once a week, or every so often?”

  I swallowed another piece of chicken, and wished I hadn’t. Maybe it was my bad mood, but the thing tasted weird. Angie was staring at me with one eyebrow cocked, and I really wished I’d kept my big mouth closed because explaining what José and I had was making me take a good look at our arrangement. “Every night.”

  “Every. Single. Night? Oh, my God, Nora! Even Kai and I don’t, um, you know… not every night.”

  “Well, that’s because you two have been dating for a year. It’s um, still new to us.” And he was like some freaking sex god under the sheets. He’d made my body crave him so much, I would have serious withdrawal symptoms if we didn’t fuck.

  Finally, I gave up on eating the salad. My appetite was truly turned off by the conversation and the strange taste of the salad dressing. At least, I thought it was the dressing. “Does this taste weird to you?”

  Angie peered at my plate. “Look’s fine, but I don’t eat chicken anymore since I saw this documentary about a processing plant. Ugh, you should see what they do to it!” She sipped her coffee for a few minutes, and I swear I could see her ruminating on my answers. Eventually, she put her cup down, and I braced myself for more questions.

  “So, every night you sleep with him, and every night you stay in his room?”

  “Yes.”

  “But you don’t go out on dates?”

  “No. But it’s not just about sex. We talk and watch movies, and we study together, and sometimes I play games with him on his X-box.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me. “But he’s not your boyfriend?”

  “No.”

  “Does he see other girls?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “Do you see other men?”

  “Angie!”

  “Just checking.” She sat back and folded her arms across her chest. “So, this thing you have going on kind of follows the same rules as dating someone?”

  I shrugged again since it was hard to explain. I wasn’t sure I quite understood what it was between me and José either. “Pretty much, except we aren’t dating. It’s no strings. Um, we don’t let our emotions get in the way, and no one knows we are…” My voice trailed off, as I was confused myself.

  Actually, that was probably the reason I had decided to talk to Angie in the first place. It was becoming harder keeping it a secret from her and Kai, but there were other complications adding to our arrangement, too. Even though José and I had agreed to only keep things physical, I wasn’t sure that was true for me any longer.

  I’d always been a teensy bit in love with him—okay, it was more than that! I’d had a big fucking crush on him for a whole year before we eventually slept together. But that crush had turned into… infatuation? A voice in my head yelled, You know it’s love, you ninny!

  I brushed the voice aside and ignored the way my stomach was churning over. There was no way I couldn’t acknowledge that love, least not while this ridiculous thing with José could end at any moment. “Do you think I’m a slut for doing this?”

  Angie put her arm around my shoulders. “Of course not, Nora. Jeez, it seems to me that you guys are in a committed relationship, even if neither of you have put that label on it. Honestly, I can’t see much difference in what you have with José from what I have with Kai.”

  “Except Kai loves you, and you love him.”

  Angie blushed a little more and lowered her eyes. “Yes, we do. But can you honestly say you don’t love José? I’m having a hard time seeing how either of you can still be together after five months and it not involve you loving each other.”

  My jaw dropped open at the revelation. Since I’d agreed to José’s casual arrangement, neither of us had talked about it again. We had this unvoiced rule that, outside of his bedroom, we pretended we were just friends, but inside it, we got to know each other, went to each other for advice, and we fucked—a lot. After, when I laid in his arms, we’d talk about the future like any other couple. Both of us presumed the other would be there. He stroked my hair and told me I was beautiful and sexy, and I knew he cared for me in his own way. But we never exchanged those words, because both of us knew that letting our emotions into the arrangement would destroy it.

  I groaned. “Oh, God, Angie, I do love him… I love him so much, but I could never tell him. If I did, he would know I broke my promise. He’d end things, and…”

  I covered my face with my hands. I really didn’t have any damn reason to feel as emotional as I did. José had made things very clear from the start, falling in love was not on the table—but mind-blowing sex and friendship were. I should have known back then that I wouldn’t be able to keep my promise, and sure enough, for the last four months of our long arrangement, I had been biting my tongue every goddamn night so I didn’t blurt out that I loved him and ruin everything.

  “Oh, Nora. Here, have a tissue.” She pulled a mini-pack of Kleenex out of her purse and handed them to me. “This is a pickle.”

  Even though I felt so sad, I had to laugh. That was so like Angie. My monumental fuck-up was simply a pickle to her. “It sure is.” I sniffed.

  “So, do you want to end things with José?”

  I glanced up at her, and a wave of nausea wafted over me. How I wished I could be more like her. Angie would never have agreed to this stupid arrangement, neither would she have crushed on a man who didn’t love her for so long. “I-I don’t know. I should really. He was very clear from the start, we—I mean, I—wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him.”

  “Hmm, José sounds like he is emotionally impeded. Did he really think this could work?”

  “I think he did.”

  “Well, he is being unfair. That sort of arrangement could never be sustainable. I mean, how long does he expect you to do this for?”

  “I… um, we never talked about that.”

  “Well, I think it is time to renegotiate the rules.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes, I do. Does José show any signs
of wanting to date anyone else?”

  “I told you he doesn’t date. That’s why we are in this mess.”

  “Well, does he give you the impression that he wants to be with other women? Because now you have told me all this, I can see there has been a change in him. A big change. He doesn’t play around with anyone at the after parties anymore. He totally ignores the puck bunnies, and he is…” Angie wrinkled up her nose like she was trying to think how to explain her thoughts. “He is calmer, not so highly strung. Honestly, there were times when he used to scare me a little, but recently, he has been so much more approachable. Content. Oh, and have you noticed his obsessive tidiness hasn’t been as bad recently? He often leaves his cleaning up until the morning, and he hasn’t been running the washing machine every day.”

  Actually, I hadn’t noticed, but now that she mentioned it, his room wasn’t quite as tidy as it used to be. But that was probably my fault, as I did tend to drop my stuff everywhere, and while I wasn’t a full-on slob, I did have some messy tendencies. At the beginning of this arrangement, I’d wake to find my clothes neatly folded on the table. At some point, he must have stopped getting up in the middle of the night to do that because lately both our clothes littered the carpet.

  And then there was the bathroom thing. When we first started sleeping together, I would race across the corridor in the hope of not being seen when I needed to pee or shower, but a couple of months ago, he’d pulled me into his shower with him, and from then on, I found I was using his bathroom instead of the one in the hallway.

  Angie placed her hands on the table. “You know what I think? I believe José’s feelings have changed too. I’m willing to bet a mocha Frappuccino that he sees this as more than just an arrangement. I’m even willing to bet a fancy coffee for every day of the week that he loves you, too.”

  Her words bounced around in my head, sending a little thrill through my veins. “So, what do you think I should do?”