All the Pretty Lies

by Melissa Toppen

  Like I’m caught in this incredible storm that’s both mesmerizing and terrifying.

  Callum lowers me to the bed, stalking up my body like a predator about to feast on his prey. And I am all too happy to be his lamb.

  It isn’t until he settles in between my thighs, the weight of him resting against me, that the first sign of nerves makes an appearance. It’s not enough to make me want to stop, but it does force me to take a breath and face what I’m about to do.

  But when I look up at Callum, when I see the way he’s watching me, any ounce of doubt that may have creeped in takes a swift turn in the opposite direction.

  “It’s now or never, P. Say the word and I’ll stop.” His voice is husky, thick with desire.

  “I don’t want you to stop.” I reach up and tangle my hands in the back of his hair, pulling his face to mine. “I don’t ever want you to stop.” I kiss him deep, making sure he feels every morsel of the need I have for him.

  I gasp into his mouth as he slides inside of me. Slowly at first, inch by inch, letting my body adjust to his size. It hurts. But not like I expected it to. And after the first few seconds, pain is the furthest thing from my mind.

  All I feel is pleasure.

  Unexplainable. Incomprehensible. All-consuming pleasure.

  Callum plays me like a piano, hitting the right keys, creating a masterpiece with his fingers, or in this case, with his whole body.

  I’m putty beneath him. Molding to his every whim.

  I am his.

  First my heart.

  Now my body.

  There isn’t a part of me he doesn’t own.

  The build comes on fast and strong, taking me over, stealing my breath. My entire body trembles. My eyes close because I can’t possibly hold them open. My nails dig into Callum’s back, marking his skin.

  And then everything goes fuzzy.

  My body explodes around him.

  I cry out.

  I bite his shoulder.

  I try to hold the sound in but it’s impossible.

  It feels too good. Too overwhelming. Too much. Yet not nearly enough at the same time. Because with Callum, I don’t think there is such a thing as enough.

  He finds his release seconds after mine, collapsing down on top of me in a heap of sweating skin and labored breaths.

  If I thought the orgasm was the best part, I was wrong. This is.

  Holding him. Feeling him completely sated and satisfied as he lays on top of me, his heart thrumming wildly against my chest.

  This is it.

  This is everything.

  Or at least it is until Callum abruptly shifts and climbs from the bed.

  “I, uh...” he stutters, quickly gathering his clothes from the floor. “I gotta go.” He steps into his boxers before throwing his shirt over his head.

  I’m confused.

  Hell, I’m more than confused. I’m downright dumbfounded.

  What the hell?

  “Callum?” I sit up, pulling the blanket up to cover my bare chest.

  “I’m so sorry, P. I got caught up. My parents...they’re waiting for me. I told them I’d just be a minute.” He slides on his shorts before turning toward me. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” I say, even though I could not put my level of disappointment into words if I tried.

  “I’ll call you later.” He turns, giving me a swift kiss on the forehead before he’s practically running out of the room.

  I stare at the doorway long after he’s gone, wondering what in the hell just happened. And more importantly, what the hell did I just do.

  I’D TOSSED AND TURNED all night Friday, replaying every detail of my night with Callum. I thought I’d feel differently, having had sex for the first time. Like I’d wake up and suddenly be a completely new person, but come Saturday, that simply wasn’t the case.

  I tried really hard not to read too much into Callum’s abrupt departure, but when Saturday passed with no word from him, uncertainty started to kick in.

  Sunday was even worse.

  Knowing he was right next door, that all I had to do was walk out of my front door to get all the answers I so desperately needed, was almost too much to resist, yet somehow I managed to stay put. I wouldn’t be the one to go to him.

  I had hoped that everything would be back to normal on Monday but that hope quickly diminished when Callum avoided meeting my gaze in class and didn’t even bother coming to lunch.

  By last period, I was so sick with nerves that I could barely sit still in my chair. And when the last bell rang, I hightailed it out of there like someone had lit the room on fire.

  I don’t understand what happened.

  I thought we were on the same page.

  Clearly, the joke is on me.

  “Hey, you okay? You seem... off,” Camila notes as we make our way out of the building.

  “Yeah, just not feeling well.”

  I haven’t told her or April about what happened.

  I think deep down I’m ashamed.

  Ashamed that I did what I did.

  Ashamed that I was foolish enough to sleep with Callum, even though I know the kind of guy he is.

  Hell, I’m just plain ashamed.

  “Well you better not be getting sick. Prom is this weekend and I swear your ass is going. Even if you have to carry a puke bucket around with you.”

  I force a laugh but it feels foreign on my lips.

  “I’ll be fine,” I tell her, my steps faltering when I catch sight of Callum heading toward his Jeep. “Hey, I gotta go. I’ll call you later?”

  “Okay.”

  I don’t wait for her to say anything else as I take off through the parking lot, jogging toward Callum in an effort to catch him before he has a chance to drive away.

  “Callum,” I call after him, watching his entire body go tense at the sound of my voice.

  He turns, painfully slow, his green eyes unable to meet my gaze.

  “Hey.” I try to seem casual, even though I feel anything but. “I didn’t hear from you this weekend. Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I... I just had some stuff to take care of.”

  “Oh, okay.” I shift my weight from one foot to the other.

  God this feels... awkward. Why does it feel so weird when three days ago being near him felt as natural as breathing.

  “So, um...” I bite my bottom lip, not really sure where to start. “Are we okay?” I ask.

  “Yeah, fine. Why?”

  “Well, you, um, you ran out pretty fast Friday. And if I had to guess, I’d say you’ve been purposely avoiding me since.”

  “I haven’t.” He shakes his head.

  Something is off. I can feel it in my bones.

  “You sure? Because it sure seems that way.”

  “Poppy.” He lets out a loud sigh, his gaze finally meeting mine.

  “I know Friday was... unexpected. But I don’t regret it. Being with you...”

  “I think it’s time we end this,” he cuts me off, his words slicing me wide open.

  “What?” I take a step back as if something has just knocked into me.

  “Prom is Saturday. We said we’d end it before then.”

  “I know, but... I thought.”

  “What? You thought Friday would change something? That we’d be a real couple now and ride off into the sunset?”

  “What? No, of course not. I just... I guess I was hoping after everything that maybe we could at least go to prom together.”

  “I’m going with Annika.” I swear my lungs dry out and suddenly I can’t breathe. “I asked her earlier today.”

  “Annika.” My bottom lip trembles.

  “We had a plan, P. You and Ethan. Me and Annika.”

  “I thought you were just trying to make her jealous.”

  He shrugs indifferently.

  “Look, I let this go on a lot longer than I should have. I let it go a lot further than I should have. But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep living a li
e. It’s time we ended things and you got back to your life and I got back to mine.”

  Tears sting the backs of my eyes.

  “Callum.” My voice is barely a whisper on my lips.

  I feel like I’m stuck in a bad dream. One where my worst fears are suddenly my reality. I can’t think. Can’t speak. I’m stunned.

  But didn’t I know this was coming all along?

  Was I really so blind to think that a guy like Callum Hansen would ever want a girl like me for real?

  Did I really think sleeping with him would somehow solidify our relationship? Then again, to be fair, I wasn’t really thinking. For the first time in my life I let go. I let myself take what I wanted without apology.

  I just wish I knew how badly it would hurt when I finally returned to earth.

  “I have to go.” He yanks open the door to his Jeep and quickly climbs in.

  I stand there for several long seconds, waiting, thinking maybe he’ll change his mind. Thinking maybe this is some cruel joke and at any minute, he’s going to climb out of his car, pull me into his arms, and tell me I’m the one he wants.

  But that doesn’t happen.

  Instead, I watch him start his car and drive away, leaving me as nothing more than another broken heart in his rearview mirror.

  “WAIT, YOU SLEPT WITH him?” Cam is sitting on the edge of my bed, concern laced into her flawless features.

  I called her and April as I was leaving school. I had been crying so hard I could barely see the road, yet by some miracle I managed to make it home in one piece. Callum’s Jeep wasn’t in his driveway when I arrived, so I guess God does show some small mercies.

  They were both here within fifteen minutes and I’ve spent the last twenty crying, trying to explain what happened, but being too upset for it to make much sense.

  “When?” she asks when I still haven’t answered.

  “Friday,” I choke out past the thick knot in my throat.

  “Poppy.”

  “It was stupid. I know.” I pick at a loose thread on my comforter.

  “So he just... bolted?” April asks.

  “Yep.” I nod, swiping at the fresh tears sliding down my cheeks.

  “And now he’s going to prom with Annika?” Camila confirms.

  “The happy couple, back together,” I spit out bitterly.

  “What a fucking piece of work.” Camila looks like she’s ready to rip someone’s head off while April is quietly watching me from the chair.

  She’s never seen me like this before.

  No one has.

  This is what I’ve spent my entire life hiding from.

  The pain.

  The disappointment.

  The feeling of my own heart splitting in two.

  It’s honestly more than I think I have the strength to bear.

  “But I don’t get it. Everything was fine until Friday, right?” Cam asks.

  “Guess I should have listened to Ethan when he told me Callum was just using me. Turns out, he was right.”

  “It just doesn’t make sense.” Camila stands, pacing the room. “You two, you acted like you were crazy about each other.”

  I suck in a breath, knowing what I have to do.

  “It was fake,” I blurt, feeling both sets of eyes hone in on my face.

  “What?” April leans forward, placing her elbows on her knees.

  “It was all fake. Callum and I were never really together. We were only pretending to be together to make Ethan and Annika jealous.”

  “I’m sorry,” Camila interrupts. “But I’m going to need you to say that again. I think I’m hearing things. Did you just say you and Callum were faking it?”

  “That’s how it started anyway. It was at the lake. I saw Ethan making out with Heidi and Callum just happened to be walking by. He caught the look on my face. Called me out. Then he proposed the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard.”

  “So ridiculous that you went along with it.”

  “What can I say? He’s very persuasive.” I shrug. “I guess I was so desperate to get Ethan’s attention that I couldn’t see the forest through the trees.”

  “And you didn’t tell us?” Here comes Cam’s anger, I knew it wouldn’t be long.

  “Callum thought it best no one else knew. That way we didn’t risk anyone finding out about our scheme.”

  “But us?” Cam’s voice gets louder. “Your best fucking friends.”

  “Looking back, I see how stupid and wrong it was. But in the moment, I don’t know. I guess I was embarrassed.”

  “That should have been your first clue it was a bad idea.”

  “I know.” I sniff. “I hated lying to you. Both of you.” My gaze goes to April who, unlike Cam, doesn’t seem so much mad as she does hurt.

  “And yet you did it anyway.”

  “I did,” I admit softly.

  “I just can’t... I can’t fucking believe you right now. And to make matters worse, you slept with someone you were in a fake relationship with.”

  “So, you sleep with people you have no relationship with at all,” I fire back, taking some of my frustration out on her.

  “But I wasn’t in love with any of them!” she yells. “That’s the difference. You entered into a fake relationship. Lied to everyone. And you did a damn good job too, because you sure as shit had me fooled. And then you go and do the stupidest thing you could do. You fall in love with the asshole. How did you think this was going to end, P? Huh? What did you think was going to happen?”

  “I don’t know, okay?” Emotion overtakes my voice. “I don’t know.”

  “That’s enough, Cam.” April stands. “She’s been through enough already. She doesn’t need us ganging up on her too.”

  “She lied to us.”

  “And she regrets it. People make mistakes.”

  “Oh, so now we’re condoning liars.”

  “No, we’re standing by our friend, no matter how poorly she misjudged a situation. Because that’s what friends do.”

  Cam thinks on that for a long moment.

  She’s hot headed and not one that lets anger go easily, but after a few seconds her features begin to soften.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry, P. I just...”

  “I get it. If either of you kept something like this from me, I’d be upset too. But please know I didn’t do it with the intention of hurting you. I just didn’t want to be alone anymore.”

  And there... The truth is finally out.

  Why I was so desperate for Ethan to notice me.

  Why I agreed to his stupid idea.

  Why I held on so tightly even when deep down I knew I’d lose him too.

  Because I just wanted someone. No, I needed someone. I needed someone to care. I needed someone to see me. I needed someone to put me first.

  “P.” Cam’s arms are around me before I can even think to move. April’s are next, coming in around me from behind so that the two are cocooning me. “You’re not alone. I know it may seem that way sometimes, but you’ve got us. You’ve always got us.”

  “I know.” Fresh tears form behind my eyes. “But you know it’s not the same.”

  “I do. And I also know that you sit here in this house, day in and day out, completely isolated. You don’t have a family to come home to. A mom that you can share details of your day with. And I can’t make that better for you. But I can tell you that I will always be here. You are my sister, do you hear me?”

  “I love you guys,” I say through my tears.

  “We love you,” they say in unison.

  And just like that, all is forgiven.

  Because while I may not have much, I have two of the most incredible friends any girl could ask for.

  If only that were enough to heal the ache in my chest.

  To fill the void in my heart.

  To quiet the voice in my head. The one screaming for me to go to him. To fix this.

  Only I can’t fix it.

  Because I’m not the one who b
roke it.

  And somehow, someway, I’m going to have to find a way to live with that.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CALLUM

  “SO.” TRIPP PLOPS DOWN in the seat next to me, dropping his lunch tray on the table. “Rumor has you ended things with Poppy and you’re going to prom with Annika.”

  “Well, this time the rumors are true.” I keep my hands on the table in front of me, having not gone through the line to get something to eat.

  I’m not hungry anyway.

  “Seriously? And here I just told Avers he was so far off base he was running in the wrong direction.”

  I snort.

  “What is it with you and sports references? I’m starting to think you don’t know how to carry on an actual conversation without them.”

  “Fuck you.” He shoves my shoulder. “Seriously, though. What the fuck happened? I take it you sealed the deal?”

  “Have I ever not?” I give him a knowing look.

  “Fair point.” He chuckles. “Well, was it worth it?”

  “Dude, I’m not talking to you about my bedroom activities.”

  “Why not? You’ve never been tight lipped about that kind of shit before.”

  I shrug, choosing not to comment.

  “So, how’d Poppy take it?”

  “I’m not sure. She seemed pretty upset yesterday, but today...” I gesture across the cafeteria to where she’s sitting next to Ethan, laughing at whatever stupid shit just came out of his mouth.

  I clench my fists.

  It’s taking every ounce of restraint I have not to go over there and rip his fucking ass right out of his seat.

  I don’t have a right to be pissed. Doesn’t mean I’m not though.

  “Damn, dude. Looks like you’re finally getting a taste of your own medicine.”

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothing.” He thinks better than to say whatever bullshit was about to come out of his mouth. Smart guy.

  “Hi, baby.” Annika appears on the other side of me, the sound of her voice like nails on a fucking chalkboard.

  I don’t know why I asked her to prom.

  No, that’s not entirely true. I know exactly why I asked her. Because I knew it would be the one thing that would hurt Poppy the most.