All the Pretty Lies

by Melissa Toppen

  Of course he’s prom king. Not like it’s a big shock or anything. But seeing him walk up on stage and accept his crown, seeing the smile on his face as he leans down and fist bumps several of the football players that have made their way up to the stage, seeing how carefree and casual he seems, it’s like a slap in the face. A stark reminder that what I thought we had, what I thought was happening between us, really was all in my head.

  “And your prom queen...” another dramatic pause. “Annika Hopkins.” Again, the crowd erupts in applause.

  “Of course she is,” I grumble under my breath. Ethan’s hand tightening around mine tells me I didn’t say it as quietly as I had intended to.

  I watch Annika make her way on stage, her silver dress twinkling under the lights as she is awarded her sash and crown. She looks on top of the moon, not that I can blame her. Prom queen and she gets to be Callum Hansen’s date. Right now it seems like she’s got it all. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it too.

  I watch them make their way onto the dance floor for the traditional king and queen dance, and the pit in my stomach grows larger with each second that passes until I’m pretty certain I’m gonna be sick.

  And then, to add insult to injury, right as Callum is pulling Annika into his arms, his eyes meet mine.

  It’s brief. A split second. But it’s enough.

  “Hey, um, do you wanna get out of here?” I look up at Ethan.

  “You wanna leave?”

  “There’s only about an hour left.” I shrug.

  “Yeah, okay. We can go.”

  “Shit.” I haven’t moved an inch when I remember we rode here with the others and that we can’t leave until they’re ready. If I know the girls, they’re going to want to stay until the last minute. “We don’t have a ride.”

  “Actually, we do. I parked my car here and had Brock swing by and get me.”

  “You did?”

  “I wanted to ensure we could leave when we wanted to.”

  Something about the way he’s looking at me makes me feel uneasy, but I shake it off, thankful that we have a way out.

  “Perfect. Let me just go tell the girls.”

  “WELL, HERE WE ARE.” Ethan puts his car in park along the curb and kills the engine outside of my house.

  “Here we are.” I shrug out of my seatbelt, prepared to get out of the car. But as I reach for the handle, something stops me. “Can I ask you a question?” I shift back toward Ethan.

  “Anything.”

  “Why now?”

  “Pardon?”

  “Why notice me now? Why ask me to prom now?”

  “Um, I’m not sure I understand.”

  “For two years I’ve had the biggest crush on you. I’ve flirted with you, dropped subtle hints, tried everything I could without outright saying the words, yet you never seemed interested.”

  “Poppy, I’m a guy. Picking up on subtle hints isn’t exactly my strong suit.” He smiles, reaching out to brush my hair over my shoulder.

  “Okay, but that still doesn’t answer my question.”

  “I’m not sure I know how to answer your question.”

  “Is it because of Callum?”

  “Is what because of Callum?” He seems really confused.

  “Why do you all of a sudden like me? Why did you ask me to prom?”

  “I asked you to prom because I wanted to go with you.”

  “No, I know. But what made you want to? At what point did you look at me and think, I like this girl?”

  “You want an exact moment?” He chuckles.

  “Was it after I started dating Callum?”

  “Yeah, I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always found you attractive, but I guess I always looked at you as more of a friend. But then at the camping trip, I don’t know, I started to see you differently.”

  “So it was after Callum?”

  “I guess, but what does that matter?”

  It means that Callum was right all along.

  “It doesn’t.” I shake my head.

  Clearly over this conversation, Ethan leans in close, his hand hooking around the back of my neck.

  “Is your mom home?” he asks.

  “That would be a no.” I snort, realizing he probably has no idea why I said it the way that I did considering he knows nothing about me or my home life.

  “Two years, huh?” He licks his lips.

  “Huh?” My nerves spike.

  “You’ve had a crush on me for two years.”

  “I did.”

  Clearly he doesn’t pick up on my usage of the past tense, because he leans in closer.

  “So then why don’t you ask me the question we both know you want to ask?” His cheek slides against mine as his mouth comes to rest directly next to my ear. “Ask me to come inside.” He nips at my earlobe, dragging it through his teeth.

  I’m glued to my seat, not really sure what to say, and honestly caught off guard by his forwardness.

  On one hand, I’m appalled. On the other, I almost feel like it would help. And it doesn’t hurt that it would be a big middle finger right at Callum. But then again, that should never be reason to sleep with someone.

  Am I really even considering this?

  He kisses across my cheek, rubbing his nose against mine as he waits for my response.

  I try to suck in air but I feel like I can’t breathe.

  And then, before I can think, hell, before I can even move, his mouth closes down over mine.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CALLUM

  “BABE, WHAT DO YOU SAY we get out of here and head back to my place?” Annika rubs her tits against my arm as she leans into me.

  Tonight has been fucking torture.

  Watching Poppy, seeing her dance with Ethan, it’s been a hell of a lot harder than I’d expected. All I wanted was for it to be me. The guy whose arms she was in. The one making her smile. I feel so upside down that I don’t even know how to fucking act anymore.

  I wanted this... Didn’t I?

  I ended it.

  I’m the one that walked away from her.

  So why do I feel like it’s her that walked away from me?

  “Hey, guys.” I look up to see April and Brock as they slide down into two empty seats at our table.

  “Hey.” I lift my chin in their direction.

  “Congrats on prom king,” April says. “Though we all knew you’d get it.”

  I give her a one shoulder shrug.

  Who gives a fuck about being a king when the queen on your arm is the last person you want there?

  “And of course we knew you’d get queen,” she says to Annika, but I know it’s only to be polite.

  “Where’s the rest of your group?” I ask, though what I really want to know is where’s Poppy?

  “Marshall and Camila are around here somewhere.” She gestures around the room. “Poppy and Ethan took off a few minutes ago.”

  “Wait, they left?” My voice is strained and my shoulders suddenly give in under the immense weight that’s been pressing down on them all night. “Where did they go?”

  “Probably to do what I want to be doing,” Annika purrs next to me, the sound making me half sick to my stomach.

  “Not sure,” April answers. “I assume back to her house.” She gives me a look like she’s trying to telepathically communicate something to me.

  I don’t know what comes over me.

  Fear.

  Panic.

  Jealousy.

  All I know is that what once seemed so clouded, now appears crystal clear.

  I think about Poppy. About the way her eyes seem to sparkle when she looks at me. About how her skin feels beneath my palm. About the way she laughs. How the sweet sound is my absolute favorite thing to listen to. About how good I feel when I’m with her.

  And then I think about the fear, the panic I feel every time I get too close to her. It’s what drove me away four years ago and again last week.

  I’ve always
been terrified of how she makes me feel. Afraid to let myself embrace it because I know that she has the power to absolutely fucking annihilate me.

  But I’m done being scared.

  Fear is nothing compared to what I feel right now.

  “I love her,” I admit, not realizing I’ve said the words out loud until several sets of eyes come to me. I hone in on April, her expression soft and understanding. “I love her,” I say again.

  “You love who?” Annika asks, but I keep my focus on April.

  “Then go get her,” April says so softly I barely catch her words over the loud music thrumming through the room.

  I nod once.

  “I gotta go.” I stand abruptly, ignoring Annika’s protests. “Can you find a ride home?”

  Her face pinches.

  “Wait, you’re leaving me here?” She seems shocked, hurt even.

  “Can you find a ride home?” I ask again.

  “We can give her a ride if she can’t find another,” April chimes in.

  Something tells me this is the reason she came over here. Maybe she could see what I couldn’t. That I’m in love with Poppy Harris.

  Fuck, it feels good to admit that.

  Because I am.

  I have been for years.

  April was probably betting that telling me about Poppy leaving with Ethan would light a fire under my ass, and she was right.

  “Thank you,” I mouth, grabbing my tux jacket off the back of the chair before sprinting out of the room.

  “POPPY.” I RAISE MY fist and beat on her front door, my heart feeling like it’s about to pound right out of my fucking chest. “Poppy,” I holler again, ringing the doorbell several times.

  The porch light flips on moments before the door swings open, revealing the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.

  She’s not wearing her dress anymore. Instead, she’s sporting a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a tank top, her hair twisted on top of her head.

  My stomach twists.

  Fuck...

  Am I too late?

  “Is he here?” I rush out, not giving her a chance to speak.

  “Callum? What the hell? What are you doing here?”

  “Is he here?” I repeat, looking over her head into the house.

  “Is who here?”

  “Ethan.”

  “He already left.”

  So he was here...

  “Did you sleep with him?”

  “What?” She draws back, her face pinching in anger.

  “Did you sleep with him?”

  “Pretty sure that’s none of your business. Now if you don’t mind.” She starts to close the door, but my hand juts out, preventing her from doing so. I push my way inside the house, stepping directly into her space. “What the hell, Callum?” She stumbles back a few steps.

  “Did you sleep with him?” I ask for the third time.

  “Oh my god.” She tosses her hands in the air. “Is that why you came here? You don’t want me but no one else can have me either.”

  “Please, P.” My voice turns pleading. “Tell me the truth.”

  I can see indecision waning on her face.

  “No,” she admits, her words barely above a whisper.

  “No?” My heart leaps.

  “He, uh, he wanted to. But I couldn’t. It didn’t feel right.”

  “Why didn’t it feel right?” I take a step toward her.

  “I don’t know.” She keeps nervously looking down at the ground.

  “You do know, Poppy. Tell me why it didn’t feel right.” I take another step toward her, leaving only a few small inches between us.

  “Because he isn’t you.” She looks down at her feet as she says it.

  “Look at me.” I reach out, tipping her chin up. “Say it again,” I request when her eyes finally meet mine.

  “Because he isn’t you. There, are you happy now?” Anger slides through her tone. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

  “Yes,” I admit unapologetically.

  “Well, if that’s all you needed, you can go now.” She starts to turn, but I grab her arm, keeping her in place. “I’m sure Annika is waiting on you.”

  “Fuck Annika.” Her eyes widen at my words. “I don’t want her. Hell, I don’t think I ever wanted her.”

  “You sure have a funny way of showing it.” I don’t miss the hurt in her eyes.

  “I love you,” I admit, watching her exhale so harshly you would think someone punched her in the stomach. “I love you.” My voice softens, as I step toward her.

  “You don’t love me, Callum. You don’t know what love is.”

  “But I do. Because of you.”

  “Well if this is how you treat someone you love, I don’t want you to love me.”

  “Look.” I take a deep inhale, preparing to lay it all on the line. “I fucked up. I know that. I hurt you. I hurt you four years ago when I pushed you away and then I hurt you again last week. I never wanted that.”

  “But you did it anyway.”

  “Out of fear.”

  “Fear?”

  “My feelings for you.” I shake my head. “P, they’re unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. And I know it doesn’t make much sense given how happy my parents are together, but the thought of giving myself wholly to another person has always terrified me. Every time I thought about it, I’d get this heavy feeling in my chest and this sick knot in my stomach. I don’t know how else to explain it. And I don’t know why I fear being close to someone so much. Why it’s so hard for me to let someone in.”

  “That’s why you’ve never dated anyone for long.”

  “I always ended it before it ever went there. The fucked-up thing is, I don’t think I even realized that’s what I was doing. Looking back now I can see it so clearly, but at the time I was doing what felt right to me. And that’s why I pushed you away all those years ago.” I pause. “Do you remember the trip we took to the beach with my parents the summer before freshman year?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “You were wearing that bright orange bathing suit and you had your hair in those fucking adorable pigtails.”

  “How do you even remember that?” Her voice trembles.

  “Because that was the day. That was the day I realized I was in love with you. And that is why I stopped talking to you almost immediately after. Because it scared me shitless. I didn’t understand the feelings. I was young and immature, and I let the fear of what I was feeling define my actions. I felt that same feeling the night we slept together.” I take both of her hands in mine, wanting to make sure she’s hearing me. “I knew it way before then, but it wasn’t until after, when I pressed down on you, that it hit me. It hit me so damn hard I thought I was going to be sick. I panicked and I ran. I know it’s not a good excuse, but it’s the only one I have.”

  “Why are you telling me all this now?”

  “Because tonight, watching you with Ethan, it was torture. And when I learned you had left with him, that’s when I realized why I was running. Deep down I’ve always known the truth, but the thought of losing you to someone else? It’s what made me face the feelings I have. The feelings I’ve carried with me for the past four fucking years. I’m in love with you, Poppy, and I want you to be mine. Not my friend. Not my fake girlfriend. Mine.” I drop her hands, reaching up to cup her face. “Tell me I’m not too late.” My gaze burns into hers. “Tell me I haven’t lost you.”

  “You haven’t lost me.” Her voice barely breaks the surface.

  I move without thinking, pulling her so close you wouldn’t be able to tell where my body ends and hers begins. Sliding my hands up, I cup her face in my hands.

  “I love you,” I whisper, lowering my mouth to hers.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  POPPY

  I ROLL TO THE SIDE, my eyes sliding open when I feel the ripple of hard abs underneath my palm.

  Callum...

  He’s asleep.

  I take a moment to
study him, to memorize every line of his face the way I’ve done a million times before. Only this time, I don’t have to wish that he was mine. He is mine.

  Nothing could have prepared me for last night.

  From what happened with Ethan to Callum showing up here after he had left. The entire night feels like a dream.

  In the car, when Ethan kissed me, I tried so hard to force it. I tried to make myself feel an ounce of what I feel when I’m kissing Callum, but the two simply did not compare. I could tell he was disappointed when I told him I didn’t feel that way about him anymore, but I also didn’t want to give him false hope. And it wasn’t only about Callum, it was about me too. Jumping into something to attempt to dull the pain wasn’t going to do either of us any good. I guess my mom did teach me some valuable lessons in what not to do.

  Memories of what happened after Ethan left flood my vision.

  Callum showing up. What he said. The way he acted. The way he looked at me. I’ve never seen him so vulnerable. And truth be told, it only made me fall even harder.

  I’d wanted to put up a bigger fight. Make it harder on him. But how could I after everything he told me?

  It would have been pointless anyway. I knew I was going to cave to him the moment I saw him standing on my porch.

  I can still feel his lips pressed to mine as he carried me up the stairs. His hands as they slid across my skin while he explored every inch of my body. It’s like every moment, every touch, has already been burned so deeply into my mind that all I have to do is think it, and it’s like I’m there again. Callum on top of me. Callum whispering how much he loves me as he slides inside of me. Callum taking my body to places I never knew were possible.

  Just the memory has my hand sliding lower down Callum’s abdomen, the need to touch him again more than I can resist. I graze my fingers along his shaft, the ache between my thighs growing stronger.

  I never knew how addicting sex could be. Then again, I think that addiction has a lot to do with the man lying next to me whose eyes pop open and instantly meet mine, a sleepy grin tugging at his lips.

  “What are you doing there?” He juts his hips up slightly and I grip him tighter.