All the Impossible Things

by Lindsay Lackey

  “No,” Gamma had said, slamming her palm down on the counter. “No, you can’t, Wanda. Not anymore! Not when you have a child.”

  “She’s more yours than mine,” Wanda said. “She loves you best, and we both know it.”

  “I’m here. That’s the only difference between her love for us.”

  Red shook the memory away and glared at Ricky. She couldn’t let her mother forget herself. Not this time. Red needed her now more than ever. Wanda had promised to be there for Red. She’d promised. Red needed to remind her of that.

  But the only way she could think to do it was to talk about Gamma.

  Anxiety fluttered through her. She didn’t want to talk about Gamma, about her cancer. She didn’t want to remember those weeks and months when Red felt so alone and scared while Gamma got sicker and sicker.

  When Gamma was diagnosed, Red’s mom left. She just left. One day she was there, hearing Gamma’s news alongside Red, asking questions about treatment plans and alternative care. And the next day, Red came down for breakfast, and Gamma was at the table, head in her hands. Red knew without asking. She knew without Gamma saying a word.

  Her mother was gone.

  Wanda came back once. Gamma was on her sixth chemo treatment at that point, and was really tired and weak all the time. She was in a lot of pain, too. Red used to hear her crying at night through the bedroom wall. Crying because she hurt so bad and nothing helped, not even the pills the doctors gave her.

  When Wanda came back, she’d lost weight and had dark circles under her eyes. She was jumpy and cranky, snapping at Red for every little thing. She said she wanted to help, that she felt bad for leaving. She said she knew Gamma needed her, and that Red shouldn’t have to take care of Gamma alone. Red wanted to believe her, and she could tell Gamma did, too.

  But two days later, Wanda and Gamma had a fight. A bad one. That afternoon, Gamma bought Red the impossible notebook, and told her hard wasn’t the same as impossible. The next day, Wanda stole Gamma’s bottle of prescription pain meds and vanished again.

  Red put down her spoon. The ice cream her mom had ordered her for dessert was much too sweet. Across the table, Wanda was talking to Ricky, her hands moving as she spoke. She didn’t even look at Red.

  If she reminded her mom about the promises she’d made after Gamma died, if she told her about Celine, would it help? Would it keep Wanda from disappearing, or would it make her run?

  Wanda had already broken her promises. But that was before she went to prison, before rehab. She was stronger now, wasn’t she? She had a job, she was going to school. She wanted to be better. And she was trying to get custody again. She was trying to start over. She was succeeding, too.

  As long as she stayed away from Ricky.

  Red sat up straighter. “Mom, what kind of cancer did Gamma have?”

  Wanda’s hands froze in midair. “What?”

  Red tried not to squirm. “What kind of cancer did Gamma have?”

  Her mother adjusted in her seat so she was facing Red. “She had leukemia.”

  “Oh, yeah.” Red looked at Ricky, who was sitting back a little from Wanda now. “I went to a lot of appointments with my gamma.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Yeah? Well. You’re a good kid.”

  “My mom couldn’t come to any appointments, though. Mostly, it was just me and Gamma. Alone.” Red sighed. “It was really hard.”

  He nodded. “I bet.”

  Wanda’s eyes narrowed. “It was a long time ago,” she said.

  “Did you know I’m in foster care?” Red kept her attention on Ricky.

  “Um. Yeah. Yeah, your mom told me.” He picked up a limp fry.

  Red nodded. “I had to be, after Mom got arrested.” She pushed the ice cream in her bowl around, but didn’t eat it. “Foster care really sucks.”

  Ricky cleared his throat. “Um, yeah. I bet it does.”

  “The family I’m with now is nice, though. They have a lot of animals.”

  He glanced at Wanda, shifted in his chair. “Oh yeah?”

  Red nodded. “But I’m really happy my mom’s back.”

  “You and me both, kid.” He smiled. “Your mom’s awesome.”

  Red bit her lip and set down her spoon. They looked at her crumpled expression and exchanged another glance.

  “What’s wrong?” Wanda asked.

  Red’s eyes filled with tears. “It’s just…”

  Her mom leaned forward. “What?”

  “My foster … Celine has cancer.”

  Wanda’s eyebrows shot straight up and she sat back hard, like Red had pushed her.

  Red continued, her voice trembling. “They just found out. And I don’t know if they’ll be able to take care of me very much longer. But it’s okay. You know why?”

  “… Why?” Ricky asked.

  Red could feel discomfort breezing from her mother’s skin. Wanda pulled her hair over one shoulder, gripping it in her fist to keep it from blowing around her face.

  “Because as long as my mom does what the judge says and doesn’t take those pills anymore, then I can live with her again. She’ll be there for me.” She shifted her gaze to her mother. “Just like she promised.”

  For a moment, Red wasn’t sure what she saw on Wanda’s face. Shame? Sorrow? Humiliation? But then she saw something she did recognize: anger. The air pressure in the room changed, making Red’s ears pop, as Wanda plucked her napkin off her lap and dropped it onto her plate.

  “We better get going,” she said, standing. “Thanks for lunch, Ricky.”

  Ricky stood, too. “Yeah, sure, of course.” He rubbed his hands together. “Um. It was good to see you again.”

  Wanda picked up her purse. “Yeah. You too. Come on, Red.”

  Red bit back a smile as they wound around tables on their way to the exit. The air in the aquarium lobby blew cold against Red’s face. Her mother’s wind should have made her nervous, but she didn’t care. She’d gotten what she wanted. Wanda couldn’t ignore her now.

  That was worth any windstorm.

  Chapter

  44

  “What was that, Red?” Wanda slammed her door and jammed the key into the ignition. “Are you trying to humiliate me?”

  Red’s hair blew back from her face as she clicked her seat belt into place. “No.”

  “Oh, really? I had to go to foster care after Mom was arrested.” Her voice was a high, whining imitation of Red’s. “Mom abandoned me when Gamma was dying. Geez, Red!” She smacked her hands into the steering wheel.

  Red’s wind pushed against Wanda’s, scooping up receipts and discarded papers from the floorboards and plastering them against the windows. “I didn’t say that.”

  “Yeah, you basically did, Red.” Her mother shot her a dirty look, then turned away. She took a shuddering breath and suddenly her breezes quieted.

  Red could see Wanda’s reflection in the window. Her eyes were wide and shiny, like she was about to cry. Red bit her lip. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean that.”

  Wanda was silent a long time. Then she swiped a knuckle under each eye before turning to her daughter. “Well, it’s kind of true, I guess.” She twisted the ends of her hair. The expression on her face made her look younger. “I wasn’t around really.”

  Red said nothing.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Ricky worked here. I’m sorry I sprung him on you like that.”

  Red squeezed her fingers together. “It was our day, Mom.”

  Wanda nodded, her lip caught between her teeth. “Yeah. I know. Sorry.”

  Red’s wind calmed, too. They didn’t speak. Snow began to fall. The flakes were teeny, tiny hailstones. They shushed against the windshield like sand.

  Wanda dragged a hand through her hair. “Why do you hate Ricky so much?”

  “He gave you pills.”

  Her mother pressed her lips together and closed her eyes. “Yeah. He did. But I was messed up before that. I’ve been messed up for a long
time.” Wanda opened her eyes and faced Red. “He’s my friend. But if you’re gonna get so upset, I won’t see him anymore.”

  “Promise?”

  Wanda rolled her eyes and a breeze ruffled Red’s hair. “Yes, I promise. Geez. I swear, you’re too much like Gamma sometimes.”

  Red was glad.

  Wanda started the car. Cold air blasted from the vents and they both aimed the slats away from themselves.

  Wanda clicked off the radio and buckled her seat belt. “So … does she really have cancer?”

  Red nodded.

  The car groaned when Wanda put it into gear and released the break. “I’m sorry. You must be scared.”

  A family crossed the parking lot in front of them. Red watched the three kids. The youngest was in her mother’s arms, and a little boy held the father’s hand while clutching an otter stuffie. A girl about Red’s age walked between them, gesturing as she talked, a wide smile on her face.

  “I want to live with you again.” The words were quiet, unexpected. But true.

  Wanda pulled out of the parking lot as soon as the family was clear. Something in the car’s engine rattled like a loose tin can.

  “I’m trying, Red. I’m doing what the judge asked.”

  There was a but in her voice. Red could hear it. She looked at her mom and waited.

  “It’s just—it feels impossible. They know all the mistakes I’ve made. They know Gamma had to help me a lot when you were little. And then, after she died, I didn’t take you to school enough and you had to repeat a year. Plus, my … problem. And the arrest. You know. I have a lot to prove, is all.”

  “It always feels impossible until it’s done, Mom.”

  Wanda laughed and shook her head. Red stared at the twisting metal frames of thrill rides at the Elitch Gardens across the street. The theme park was empty this time of year, and the abandoned red-and-white tower and looping blue roller coaster looked like forgotten toys.

  “Can I help?” Red asked.

  Wanda smiled. “Maybe. Just tell them how great I am.” She winked at Red. Then her smile wavered a little. “And maybe don’t mention Ricky? They might not understand.”

  Red nodded again. She didn’t understand either, but her mom had promised. And for now, that was good enough.

  Volcanoes are dangerous.

  When they erupt, they can bury whole cities. It happened to a place called Pompeii a long time ago. People were killed by hot ash while they were eating or sleeping or just living their lives. There wasn’t any warning.

  This still happens, even now.

  The Fuego volcano erupted in Guatemala, and whole villages just disappeared.

  In Hawaii, rivers of lava poured out of Kilauea. Hundreds of homes were destroyed.

  It seems impossible to think of volcanoes as a good thing.

  But they are still important.

  Volcanic soil is full of minerals that help plants and crops grow. The gases that come from volcanoes make up Earth’s atmosphere. Volcanoes even create land in the middle of the ocean, like Hawaii.

  Sometimes the things that make up our world are scary. Sometimes they hurt us. Sometimes they destroy everything we love.

  But that doesn’t mean we don’t need them.

  Chapter

  45

  “We went to this festival in honor of Pele. She’s the goddess of fire. The park where it was held overlooks a huge lava flow that’s not active anymore. The whole thing is solid black. It’s crazy!”

  Marvin hopped from one foot to the other as he spoke, pretending to tiptoe through a field of hot lava. Red tried to picture a solid black landscape, but since the one she was currently looking at was white with snow, it was hard to imagine.

  “Mom and Tūtū were excited because they knew some of the dancers. They used to be their students, and now they’re competing and dancing professionally. During the show, some of them grabbed Tūtū’s hand and made her go up onstage to dance. Everyone was cheering. It was really cool.”

  “I wish I could have seen that,” Red said. She still hadn’t seen Mrs. Kapule dance since her storm had interrupted their lū‘au back in November. Marvin had shown her videos online, though, and she thought hula was beautiful.

  “It was cool. Look out!” He leaped from one mound of snow to another, absorbed in his own game.

  Red focused her attention on a clump of soggy leaves sticking out of the snow and sent a current of air in their direction, trying to bury them. A few sparkling flakes danced and shimmered over the brown leaves. She’d been practicing with her wind in the weeks since Christmas, trying to control it, to make it playful and gentle. Or at least not dangerous. It was the middle of January, but she hadn’t made much progress. Whenever she was upset, her wind would ripple and shiver from her skin like always.

  She frowned, giving up on burying the leaves. “Did you see all your cousins?”

  Marvin had a lot of cousins. So many cousins, in fact, that he hadn’t even met some of them. It had become a joke between them, since Red didn’t know if she had any cousins at all.

  He stopped jumping. “Not even close. Oh, but I did meet my new second cousin. Wait. First cousin once removed?” His face scrunched up in thought. “Maybe third cousin? Is there such a thing as a third cousin?”

  Red shrugged. “I didn’t even know first cousin once removed was a thing.”

  “Maybe it’s my second cousin. Anyway, someone I’m related to has a new baby. His name is Nolan, and he’s super squishy and cute.”

  They were in the Kapules’ backyard, both bundled in thick coats and scarves. Red was staying with them for the weekend while Jackson and Celine visited a cancer treatment hospital in Texas. According to Jackson’s research, one of its doctors was the leading specialist in the type of cancer Celine had.

  “Do your grandparents still want to move back there?” Red asked, pushing away her anxiety about Celine.

  Marvin’s dimples appeared just above the zipped-up collar of his coat. “Nope! Well, maybe a little. But I showed them the video I made, and Tūtū hugged me really hard and started crying and said she loves me even more than she loves the ocean. And that woman loves the ocean!”

  The snow around Marvin’s feet was crushed from all his pacing and hopping. They were trying to build a snowman, but the snow wasn’t sticking together very well. Red pulled her glove back on, then scooped another handful onto the base of their snowman pile. They’d given up trying to make three snowballs and stacking them. The snow just crumbled like dry sand every time. Now they were building a mound and hoping to chisel out features later.

  Marvin stepped back and examined their snow pile. “It doesn’t look like a snowman.”

  “Nope.”

  “It kind of looks like Luke Skywalker’s house on Tatooine. Except dirtier.” Marvin turned to her, his eyes wide with some brilliant idea. “Hey! We could make it Luke Skywalker’s house on Tatooine!”

  Red laughed. “I don’t know what that is.”

  “Holy bananas, Red. We have got to level up your Star Wars game this weekend.”

  While Marvin gave her instructions on how to make the snowman into a more accurate depiction of Luke Skywalker’s ancestral home, as he described it, Red was coming up with an idea of her own. During her last therapy session, she’d asked Dr. Teddy if there was something she could do to help convince the judge that Wanda was ready to have custody again. He told her that some kids wrote a letter saying what they wanted. He said the judge always took the kid’s opinion into consideration. Wanda’s next court appearance was at the end of February. That gave Red six weeks to figure out what she wanted to say.

  What if, instead of a letter, Red did something even bigger? Like a video. Marvin would help her, she knew. It would be so much better than a letter. Marvin’s video had convinced his grandparents not to move back to Hawai‘i, so maybe Red’s video would convince a judge that she should move back in with her mom. The sooner the better, too.

  Celine would
be having surgery and starting treatment soon, and Red remembered how awful Gamma’s treatment had been. How she’d been sick for days, and too weak to do anything. Once, she’d slept on the bathroom floor for three days because she was too weak to get into bed after throwing up so much. Red had brought her blankets and towels, food and water. Gamma kept apologizing, saying Red was too young to have to take care of a sick old lady. But nobody else was there to do it.

  Remembering Gamma’s treatment filled her with dread. Even though she liked living with Celine and Jackson, she knew the last thing they needed was to worry about a foster kid while Celine was sick.

  No. Red had to live with her mom.

  “Maybe we could make the ice caves on Hoth, too!” Marvin’s voice sliced through her thoughts. “I mean, we couldn’t make a real one. There’s not enough snow. But we can do a miniature, like the Tatooine house. We could make replicas of tons of things. And then we could take a spin-eo of the whole landscape!” He started jumping up and down. “I LOVE THAT YOU’RE HERE FOR A WHOLE WEEKEND!”

  Laughing, she scooped some snow and lobbed it at him, hitting him in the shoulder. He froze, his expression stunned, then started chasing her, throwing handfuls of snow that disintegrated in midair. For the next few hours, all thoughts of cancer or videos or court dates were buried by laughter in the snowy desert of Tatooine.

  Chapter

  46

  Marvin stood by the whiteboard hanging on his bedroom wall. He’d already drawn a neat table with three columns in blue dry-erase marker. In each column, he’d started listing tasks.

  Pre-Production

  Production

  Post-Production

  script

  shooting

  editing

  location scouting

  music

  storyboard

  preview/final cut

  “The first thing we need to do,” he said, “is decide what story you’re trying to tell.”

  Red tossed his pineapple pillow into the air and caught it. “I just want to live with my mom,” she said.