Reluctant Host

by Robin Roseau

  “Thank you,” I whispered. Seconds later, I slept.

  * * * *

  When I woke, Shi`nual was holding me. We were alone in a room, and at first it was very confusing, then I said, “This is my mind.”

  “Yes,” she said.

  “Did you do more after I fell asleep?”

  “Perhaps,” she replied. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m wonderful,” I said, my tone dreamy. “I feel really good.”

  She gave a gasp. “Good.”

  “Hey!” I said. “What’s happening.”

  She offered another gasp. “Are you sure you want to know?”

  “Is it a man?”

  “No. That isn’t one of my tastes.” She smiled and pulled me into a kiss, but then I wasn’t kissing myself.

  I was kissing Filfoyss. Someone else was lapping at me, and it felt really, really good. But then, while she continued to see to me, I pulled Filfoyss around, and she perched over me, offering herself to me. I extended my tongue and then pulled her onto it.

  * * * *

  It wasn’t love. It was sex, pure and simple, and in a variety of combinations. Several times, I passed from awareness, but every time I woke, I was in bed with someone, or twice we were in the baths, my fingers buried inside Lal Keshia the first time and Mayolin the second.

  It was a big sex fest. I’d heard that term before, but I’d never experienced one. But it was a big sex fest, and we wore the five of them out, filling us with pleasures and more pleasures.

  But then I came to awareness, and I was surrounded by warm, sleeping bodies. I looked around, and then the world faded, and Shi`nual was holding me. “We finally wore them out. Five is fun.”

  “Maybe you’re in control, but this is a mortal body. Shouldn’t I hurt?”

  “You would, but why would I let you hurt?”

  I laughed and cuddled into her.

  “I want you to understand something, Jeraya.”

  “Oh?”

  “I’m giving you more attention than I typically give my hosts.”

  “Am I special?”

  “I don’t want to have to leave because I am hurting you,” she said. “And I think you need little breaks like this with me.”

  “I think you’re right.”

  “I probably won’t keep it up.”

  “If you decide you have to leave, can you please help Lal Keshia before you do?”

  “I’ll try,” she said. “It’s dawn. They’ll sleep for a while. I am going to go for a walk. Do you want to sleep or walk with me?”

  “Walk with you. It’s only dawn?”

  “It’s dawn, three days later.”

  I laughed. “That makes more sense.”

  The world faded, and then I was outside, walking from the house to the edge of the cliff. “Jeraya,” I said. “Unless it is very, very important, I would rather you no longer talk to me unless we are in the other place. It is distracting, and I prefer to experience life. The only exception to my request is that you may whisper sweet encouragement during sex. I also assume you may at other times react to what is going on, but if you are too distracting, I will take away your ability to do so.”

  I said nothing, as she’d asked me kindly not to talk. And so, we walked.

  We approached the edge of the cliff, looking over the edge. The waves were crashing against the rocks below. We watched them for a while before turning right and walking along the edge.

  * * * *

  I could see Lal Keshia’s relief when we returned. We walked straight to her and pulled her into a deep, deep kiss. “All of you come,” I said, and then I pulled Lal Keshia into the house, up the stairs, and to her bedroom. I had my dress off in seconds and then climbed onto the bed. Mayolin and Filfoyss saw to the sandals, and then I said, “Pleasure me, and we’ll discuss your questions later.”

  Discussion

  I lay in the bed, Alyidil and Mayolin cuddled against either side. Filfoyss was offering me food. I’d lost track of Burquiri. Lal Keshia was seated at the foot of the bed, massaging my feet. It felt quite nice.

  “Ask carefully,” I said.

  Lal Keshia nodded. “How do I return home?”

  “How were you sent here?”

  “Lal Selgen used a full coven,” she replied. “Of them, three were people I thought I could trust.”

  “Are you going to spend a question on why they betrayed you?”

  “I don’t know,” she said. “It will depend on earlier answers.”

  “You hope I can bring you directly, or that I can make arrangements for you.”

  “Hope, yes.”

  “I can’t,” she said. “I cannot bring you with me. A double-coven might be able to bring you back, but it would need to include the entirety of the first coven. You can imagine the likelihood your sister would assist.”

  She bent her head, focusing on my feet. I waited a minute then said, “You would need a coven here and a focus besides. They would need to be trained and powerful.”

  “Magic here is very rare,” Lal Keshia replied. “I have seen nothing with more power than a few simple charms.”

  “I thought so,” I replied. “You can either build a coven yourself, or you can make a home here.”

  Lal Keshia grew silent, but she continued to see to my feet. It felt very nice, and I enjoyed what she was doing. I enjoyed feeling Alyidil and Mayolin cuddling with me, too. Finally, Lal Keshia said, “Building a sufficiently powerful coven would take a long time, and I would need your help.” I said nothing. She lifted her eyes. “It took years to find someone I thought you might accept as a host. There are only two moons here, and my next opportunity is five years away. I suppose that gives me the chance to try to find another host, but I have little faith. Red hair is uncommon here, and violet eyes even more so. The combination is exceedingly rare.”

  “Do you want to ask your next question now, or think on it a day or three? I can give you time, Lal Keshia.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered. “I’d hoped for a different answer.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “I think… I should think.”

  “That may be best,” I agreed. “Does the village have an inn that serves dinner?”

  “Yes. It is simple food, but wholesome.”

  “We will have dinner there. I wish to go riding. Alyidil, will you join me?”

  “I’d love to.”

  * * * *

  We rode south, past the village, following the coast. “Alyidil,” I said, perhaps twenty minutes into the ride. “You understand that Jeraya is listening, but you should think of me as Shi`nual.”

  “I understand.”

  “Alyidil, Lal Keshia is going to make the wrong choice.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “She is going to spend her chance asking the wrong questions. I think she can figure out the right questions, but I believe she is impatient.”

  “So, tell her what to ask.”

  “It doesn’t work that way. I can’t even tell you what to tell her to ask.”

  “But we can have this conversation.”

  “We can,” I said.

  “You want to help her.”

  “She needs to think this through.”

  “Why are you telling me this instead of her?”

  “Because you can tell her to be careful without telling her we talked.”

  “I don’t understand half of this,” Alyidil said. “I don’t know what a coven is. Can you tell me?”

  “No, but Lal Keshia can. You’re an intelligent woman, and she needs to talk through this with someone before she asks her next question.”

  We rode quietly for several minutes before Alyidil said, “She shouldn’t talk to you until she has explained everything to me, and I’ve asked her all the questions I can think of.”

  “That sounds like a good plan,” I replied. “Do not tell her we talked. If she asks, tell her you asked questions but I didn’t answer.”

  “Tha
nk you for trying to help her, Shi`nual.”

  “You’re welcome, Alyidil.”

  * * * *

  We made it back. Lal Keshia looked pleased to see us, but Alyidil said something to the others in her language and then turned to Lal Keshia. “I’d like to speak with you, please.”

  “Take your time,” I said. “Burquiri and I are going to enjoy the view of the ocean.” Then we took Burquiri’s hand, and it wasn’t long before we were making love near the cliffs. Mayolin and Filfoyss joined us a short while later, and I learned a few more things before I passed out from the bliss.

  * * * *

  “Wake up, Jeraya.”

  I opened my eyes. I was cradled in Shi`nual’s arms. “Did you make me do that?”

  “Sleep? Yes. But I want to ask you something.”

  “Anything.”

  “What do you want to happen when this is over?”

  “When you leave, you mean?”

  “After I leave.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Lal Keshia is staying here, isn’t she?”

  “For now, yes,” she replied. “Maybe someday she’ll find a way to return.”

  “Did you have your remaining conversations while I was sleeping?”

  “Yes.”

  I closed my eyes, but I didn’t squirm away from her. “Is that why you made me sleep?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did she ask the right questions?”

  “She did.”

  I opened my eyes. “That’s a good thing, then.”

  “Yes. I taught her how to disguise herself. Anyone who knows what she is will see the true form, but everyone else will see nothing extraordinary.”

  “Did she ask you to tell people what her sister did?”

  “No. I worried she might. I worried she might look for a rapid solution.”

  “Why did you make me sleep?”

  “You haven’t answered my question, Jeraya. What will you do after I leave?”

  “I don’t know,” I told her. “I couldn’t make my way back to Rosegrove alone, and even if I did, my job won’t be there, and they wouldn’t take me back after disappearing for a few months.”

  “Family?”

  “My father died in an accident; my mother died trying to give birth to my little sister. They both died.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “Do you still hate Lal Keshia?”

  “No.”

  “Are you in love with Alyidil?”

  “Yes,” I whispered. “I think so. I’ve never been in love before.”

  “Do you want to stay here, with them?”

  “It won’t be the same.”

  “I imagine not,” she said. “I have a way of lowering inhibitions between people.”

  “You’ve been having sex with Alyidil, her sister, her cousin, and her cousin’s friend. They treat each other like sisters.”

  “Well, I’ve been having sex with them, and Lal Keshia has been having sex with them. But they aren’t having sex together. Although from the looks Filfoyss and Mayolin have been sharing, I’m not sure they haven’t been having sex for years. Why won’t you answer me, Jeraya?”

  “Because I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  “So, you are no longer convinced you want Lal Keshia punished for what she did to you?”

  “I think she’s been punished enough. Are you staying a while?”

  “A while. I like using your body, Jeraya. I intend to do things with it you would never, ever do. I’m going to make you watch for some of them.”

  “Are you trying to scare me?”

  “No. I am expressing joy. Perhaps I should leave you in this room until you’re ready to answer my questions.”

  “Please don’t,” I said. “Are you in a hurry for an answer?”

  “You would like to talk your way to a path forward?”

  “Yes, I think I would.”

  “All right. We have established you have forgiven Lal Keshia.”

  “I don’t know. Have I?” I thought about it. “I hold no continued ill will towards her. Is that forgiveness?”

  “It sounds like forgiveness to me. We have established you believe you are in love with Alyidil.”

  “Is she in love with me?”

  “The signs are that she is, but you’ll have to ask her.”

  “Her first loyalty is to Lal Keshia. I don’t think I deserve coming a distant second for someone.”

  “There are ways to resolve that.”

  “Will you share some?”

  “You could ask her to change her allegiance.”

  “I don’t think I can ask her to leave her sister.”

  “Or you could also offer your own loyalty.”

  “To the woman who kidnapped me.”

  “To the woman who you just said you’ve forgiven.”

  “You’re telling me I should stay here.”

  “I am only pointing out options. You could pretend you are not second, and form a life in the village. I imagine you would be disappointed from time to time, but much of the time, you could be happy. Or, of course, you can make a life apart from her.”

  “I don’t want to,” I said in a subdued tone.

  “Then I think you’re choosing a path. If you could help Lal Keshia return to her old home, but it would take a long time, would you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Why don’t you know? I imagine you have somewhere else to be, or a more important devotion.”

  “That is a somewhat obvious attempt to manipulate me.”

  “Of course, she did kidnap you.”

  “She did.”

  “And you suffered because of it.”

  “I did.”

  “And she made you sleep on a down mattress.”

  “In the dark.”

  “And spent two weeks offering you interesting pleasures. Did you enjoy their attention?”

  I laughed. “I did.”

  “I wouldn’t blame you if you hated her. I wouldn’t blame you if you enjoyed the idea of her suffering.”

  “I don’t want anyone to suffer. Maybe her sister.”

  “You have taken a side.”

  “I suppose I have. If I knew her sister, would it be harder to take Lal Keshia’s side?”

  “If you knew everything? Lal Keshia wasn’t an easy older sister, but true bitterness was not born until Nur Mareet chose her over Lal Selgen.”

  “That’s no excuse.”

  “No, it’s not. No, Jeraya, I do not believe you would change allegiance if you knew them both equally well.”

  “I bet there’s a question she didn’t ask.”

  “There are a dozen questions she didn’t have time to ask.”

  “She didn’t ask if she is better off accepting a life here.”

  “No, she didn’t. I might not have answered any more clearly than I’ve answered some of your questions. I do not believe it is in her nature to give up.”

  “I can understand wanting to return to her wife, but it will be too late, won’t it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I think it will be too late. I can understand wanting to return to her friends, to her way of life, and to all the other things she is missing. But Shi`nual, I think she looks for vengeance. If she could achieve that quickly, maybe that’s not so bad, but if she spends a long, long time, what does that do to her?”

  “I imagine it makes her a very hard person.”

  “I don’t want to be part of that,” I said. “If I were to remain, I would certainly become fond of her. I would probably grow to love her. And I would watch her become hard and bitter. She’s already hard, and sometimes I can see she’s bitter.”

  She said nothing, but she continued to hold me. Finally, I said, “That’s not the answer you wanted.”

  “I didn’t expect you to realize the things you said. So, you don’t want to stay and help.”

  “I’m nobody,” I said. “She needs a coven. What is that?”

  “T
welve people who work powerful magic together.”

  “So, I’d do what? Serve them dinner when they meet?”

  “What if you were the only person who could help?”

  “I’m not, though. I’m one person, and I don’t know anything about magic.”

  “I want an answer to my question,” she told me. “If you were the only person who could help her, would you?”

  “It’s a ridiculous question.”

  “I am a goddess,” she replied. “I never ask ridiculous questions. Perhaps you aren’t ready to answer. Would you like to see what we’re about to do?”

  “Will I like it?”

  “It’s something you’ve never done before.”

  “It sounds better than staying here,” I said, gesturing to the room.

  “Excellent.”

  * * * *

  A moment later, I was outside near the cliffs. I looked over the edge. “Don’t distract me now,” I said. And then I threw a rock out towards the water. “One. Two. Three.” A moment later, the rock splashed into the trough of the waves below just as the preceding wave crashed into the rocks. “Perfect.”

  I said nothing, but I didn’t understand. I was about to regret inviting her to stay. I turned away, walking from the cliffs, then I stopped, my head cocked. I could hear the waves as they crashed far below.

  And then, with no warning at all, I spun around and ran as hard as I could.

  For the cliff edge.

  “No!” I screamed. And then I leapt into the air.

  “No!” I screamed the entire way down.

  I hit the water. It was the coldest thing I’d ever felt. I gasped, bringing in a rush of seawater. The fall hadn’t killed me, but the cold would, or I’d drown, or I’d be bashed against the rocks.

  “Why?” I screamed.

  And then I knew no more.

  Am I Dead

  I woke, and the world was grey, all grey, except for the lounger I lay upon. “She killed me,” I said. I sat up and looked around. There was nothing to see.

  I was cold, and when I looked down, I was still in the dress, one of Alyidil’s dresses, I thought, and soaked to the bone.

  “You killed me!” I screamed. “You killed me! Why!” I screamed the last word for a long, long time.