by Jordan Deen
knew him but tears started to form in my eyes. I shot straight up in bed trying to untangle myself from the mass of sheets that were twisted around my arms and legs. The room was still dark, the sun not coming in the windows and there was no wind. Alex hastily wrapped his strong arms around me as I glanced at the clock. 3:48am.
“What’s wrong?” Alex was panicked. I could feel his heart beating rapidly; his chest pressed firmly to my side. I took in several deep breaths. “Babe?”
“I’m fine. I’m sorry.”
“Did you have a nightmare?” Alex pulled my hair back from my neck and pressed his lips to my shoulder.
I nodded. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry.”
“That’s ok. I’m sorry you are still having bad dreams. I’ll never let anything happen to you.” He kissed me and pulled at my arm to snuggle back down into bed with him. Trying to shake off my dream, I rested my head on his chest and relaxed my body into his as he rubbed my spine. “What was your dream this time?”
My heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t tell him that I had dreamed waking up next to someone else. “I don’t really remember.”
Alex hesitated before responding. “Well, hopefully whatever it was is gone for good now that I’m here.” He kissed my forehead and held me tightly against him. I wasn’t sure I wanted Brandon gone, even though I had Alex.
Remember Lacey, Remember.
c h a p t e r
EIGHTEEN
Brandon’s words haunted me, as I got ready for school on Monday morning.
I will die.
Alex was already waiting at the curb for me when I walked outside.
“Hey babe. You look fantastic.” He opened the car door for me. “Did you get grilled when I dropped you off yesterday?” He grinned. “I almost felt bad leaving you here to deal with them alone.”
“I think Mom made me turn around twenty times to check me over.” I laughed. “I think she was checking to see if you left any marks.”
“I could’ve …” Alex narrowed his eyes and pulled up one corner of his mouth. My heart fluttered when he looked at me like that. “If I had known you were into that.”
I smacked his arm. “I’m not into that.”
“Oh ok … I thought I missed my chance.” He laughed. “So has anyone called about Grant yet?”
I looked down at my book bag. “No, nothing.”
Alex squeezed my hand. “I’ll get you another dog. Just say the word. What kind do you want? Lab? Poodle? Cocker?”
“No, my dad would kill me. He didn’t want me keeping Grant in the first place.” I stared out the window just in time to see one of my lost signs on the telephone pole by the school. It was crumpled and weathered; the writing had started to run. “I’ll have to hang up more signs.”
“I can help you this weekend, if you want. Do you have to work until 7 again tonight?”
“Yeah, Aunt Jamie said that she has two surgeries this afternoon, so I’ll probably be there late.”
Alex pulled into his normal spot in the parking lot. “I can wait for you.”
“Actually, would you mind if my aunt gave me a ride home? I have something I need to talk to her about.”
Alex examined my face for a moment. “Sure. Do you want me to come over afterwards?”
I hesitated. I had spent every free minute with Alex the last few weeks.
“I don’t know what time I’ll be home.” Alex put the car in park and turned off the engine. He sat still as a statue in his seat staring over the dashboard. There was an uncomfortable silence in the car.
“Is there something wrong?”
“No, why?” I didn’t want to tell him I was used to being alone.
Alex drummed his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel. “It seems like there is …”
Silence.
Silence.
“Is this about Saturday?” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the bracelet that I had slipped into his coat pocket when he dropped me off. He laid it flat in the palm of his hand and rubbed his fingers slowly over each of the diamond flowers; his flower pendant hung just below the collar of his shirt. “Because it kind of felt like you were looking for closure when I dropped you off yesterday.”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t accept the bracelet and I had no idea what to say after sharing a bed with him, and dreaming about being in love with someone else all night long. I was betraying Brandon just being in the car with Alex this morning if what he told me in my dream was true. Brandon said if I fell in love with Alex he would die. That was the last thing I wanted.
“Alex, I can’t accept such an expensive gift. My parents would never allow it.”
“Did you bother asking them?” He outstretched his hand and wrapped his fingers around mine.
“No, I know they wouldn’t. That bracelet is way too much.”
“Well, you didn’t think they’d let you stay at the hotel either. You deserve the bracelet. It’s not too much.” He hesitated and furrowed his eyebrows. “Why didn’t you call me last night?”
“I had homework I had to do and I had to face the Spanish inquisition from my parents about the fact that I stayed all night in a hotel room with a boy they barely know.” I didn’t break eye contact with him, even though my palms were sweating. He was challenging me and I wasn’t backing down.
Alex tightened his grip on my hand. “I thought you said it wasn’t that bad.”
“I didn’t want to make you feel bad. Mom quizzed me for over an hour before Dad started in.” I was laying it on thick. Both my parents did ask questions, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Alex glared at me and for a moment I thought he knew that I was lying to him. “I’m sorry they were so tough on you.” He swiftly shoved the bracelet back into his pocket and silence filled the car again. I shifted my weight on the seat and watched students pass the car heading into the school. We would be late if we lingered in the car much longer but that was the least of my problems.
“Alex …” My voice sounded meek. I had no idea what to say. I was confused. If I loved Alex, why did I dream of Brandon? And if I loved Brandon then why would my mind and body want Alex.
“Lacey, I love you more than anything.” Alex searched my eyes. “I want you to be happy … with me.” He squeezed my hand. “If I’ve done something to upset you or if I made you uncomfortable with anything I did on Saturday, please tell me.” My skin tingled under his fingertips; his eyes made the butterflies in my stomach threaten to fly out and around the car. “I don’t want to sound like a broken record. I’ve never slept with anyone.” I smiled uncomfortably. “I meant, I’ve never stayed overnight with someone like that. I just don’t think I knew what to say to you the next morning. I mean …” I couldn’t find the right words. I really didn’t know what to say to him the next morning and I felt uncomfortable being near him, but not because I slept with him. If Brandon insisted on disappearing all the time, I just wished he’d stay gone so I could move on.
“So it’s not because you didn’t want to stay in the hotel with me …?”
“No, not that. I wanted to stay with you. I guess I’m just not good at these types of things.” I half smiled at him, hoping he was ok with my explanation.
“Come here babe.” He pulled at my wrist. “I love you.” Alex kissed me softly and I kissed him back, pushing the thoughts of Brandon from my mind as I focused on Alex. My skin rippled with goose bumps; my head telling me this was wrong, my heart saying this was right.
“I love you too.” I say as my thoughts swirled with confusion.
“We have to get going. We are going to be late.”
In the first three classes all I did was let my mind run through my awkward conversation with Alex that morning and the desperation in Brandon’s voice that he would die if I fell further in love with Alex. I wished Brandon would come back and prove to me that his presence in my life was real; that I wasn’t really losing my mind and that this relationship we had lived in dreams w
as my destiny.
Jillian met me in the hallway before the fourth period. She was beaming still after her night with Gavin. “How are things with you and Alex? What did he say this morning about you giving him the bracelet back?”
“He was upset.” I paused and looked to see if Alex was around. “He was really pushy about why I didn’t call him last night. He is being …” I couldn’t find the right words. “I guess possessive. I think he thinks I don’t want to be with him.”
“Is this about Brandon?” Jillian folded her arms across her chest and tapped her foot on the ground; her hair fell around her shoulders as the sun accentuated her newly faked tan. She almost looked … plastic; like she was trying hard to imitate Courtney and her posse.
“No …” I couldn’t decide whether I should tell her about my dream on Saturday night or not. I didn’t really want to hear her opinion right then, or hear how much she felt I was crazy for the dreams I was having, or the fact that I questioned my relationship with Alex.
“You don’t sound so sure.” She curled her lip and sneered. “What does this Brandon guy have that Alex doesn’t? I mean seriously; the guy shows up and doesn’t explain anything and then disappears. You haven’t even seen him. I think he’s a loser. Alex is way better for you than Brandon is.”
Her indignant tone rubbed me the wrong way; other than the snobs at school, I had never heard her put down anyone. Before I could tell her I thought she was being a bitch, Alex appeared with a single red rose.
“For you my love.” He kissed my cheek and
