Not Controllable (Red Eyes MC Romance Series - Book #5)

by Blair Grey

  Holly

  My Saturday stakeout started out pretty boring. Grant was at his house, and it seemed like he wasn’t planning on leaving for the entire day. I settled in to wait, trying to amuse myself. But to be honest, stakeouts were pretty boring. Especially when I was still having a hard time feeling like I was going after a bad guy.

  Ryan was so sure that these Red Eyes guys were all scum and needed to be cleaned off the streets. That they were a danger to our communities and that they were dealing drugs. But seeing Grant, well, I was having a hard time reconciling the picture of the man that I had met with some terrible criminal who needed to be locked up. Grant just seemed altogether too human or something.

  And that meant that I didn’t feel particularly good about the stakeout. I didn’t exactly feel like I was accomplishing anything. But at the same time, I knew that I needed to be here both to gather information for Ryan and to advance my career.

  I would rather feel like I was helping people. I was still waiting to learn something horrible about Grant, something that would make all of this seem worth it.

  But today, when he left the house, he headed straight to the hospital. I trailed along after him, watching as he hurried into the building. I could tell that he was worried, and I wondered what he was doing there. Before I could think too much about it, before I could decide if I wanted to try to follow him into the hospital, my phone started buzzing in my pocket. When I saw Ryan’s number flash on the screen, I immediately answered.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “Just wanted to check in with you since it’s been a few days,” Ryan told me, and I could hear a certain impatience in his voice. He wanted more information, and he wanted me to gather it even faster. I rolled my eyes, glad that he couldn’t see me. I bet he’d never tried to seduce someone in his life. I couldn’t just fling myself at Grant, though, or he’d fuck me and forget all about me—the complete opposite of what Ryan wanted.

  I knew how guys like this worked. Or how all guys worked, maybe. They only wanted you until they knew that they could have you. I couldn’t let Grant get to the point where he was bored with me. I needed to keep him wondering.

  “Any new information?” Ryan asked.

  “I talked to Grant yesterday,” I told him. “I got his number.”

  “Have you arranged to meet him yet?” Ryan asked, and this time, the impatience in his voice was full-blown.

  “Not yet,” I said. “I’m still learning his patterns.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “At the hospital actually,” I told him.

  “What happened? Did he get hurt?” Ryan asked sharply.

  “No, I think he’s visiting someone,” I said.

  “Do you know who?”

  “No,” I told him. “I was about to follow him in when you called me.”

  Ryan sighed. “All right. Keep up the work. Get me some information. I’m ready to bring these fuckers down.”

  I rolled my eyes again, but I didn’t respond as I hung up. I kind of wondered what these guys had ever done to piss Ryan off. But then again, they probably hadn’t done anything. They were just an easy target for him, one that he could use to make a name for himself. I hated that this was some kind of crusade against the motorcycle club, but I had to trust that Ryan knew what he was doing.

  If nothing else, I supposed they were stealing money from the local businesses. That deserved punishment of some sort. They might not be the worst criminals that we had ever come across, and they might have nothing to do with drug trafficking, but that didn’t mean our society benefited from having them in it.

  Even if they were all nice guys like Grant, who were terrible at giving directions so they offered to walk lost girls like me to the library.

  I hung around for a little while longer and eventually watched as Grant walked out of the hospital with Cameron. I still wondered who Grant had been there to see since he had told me that he didn’t have any close family here. But seeing Cameron there with him gave me a little clue. Maybe something was going on with Red Eyes.

  Now, I really wished that I’d been able to follow him in there to find out. Ryan would be over the moon to find out that one of our targets was already in the hospital. I couldn’t help feeling a little irritated that he had called to check on me when he had. I knew he was just making sure that everything was going okay, that I was still with him and making progress, but at the same time, shouldn’t it be my job to call him whenever I came across something interesting? I had already told him about the recruits—that should count for something.

  I followed Grant as he walked with Cameron. Whatever they were talking about, I could tell that it was serious. I had already considered planting a bug on Grant at some point so that I could hear what he was talking about, but Ryan seemed sure that I could convince Grant to spill all his secrets without having to eavesdrop on the guy’s other conversations, and now I felt like I needed to prove that I could.

  Cameron and Grant split up, heading in different directions, and I watched Grant for another minute. He definitely looked troubled by something. Who was in the hospital? Was there any way for me to find out?

  Well, I could talk to him. Maybe he would tell me. I should at least get to know him a little better. Make sure that he was still thinking of me.

  I pulled out my phone and dialed the number that I had already memorized. Then, I watched as Grant answered it. I didn’t have a good view of his face from where I was, but I hoped it was okay that I was calling already. Maybe it was too soon. But Ryan was impatient for more information, and anyway, Grant had seemed pretty open to seeing me again when he had given me his number.

  Besides, drinks with a girl might be just what he needed to distract himself from whoever he had gone to visit at the hospital.

  “Hi, Grant,” I said, putting on the charm. “How’s it going?”

  “Hey, Holly. Are you lost again?” Grant asked teasingly.

  I laughed. “No, not lost,” I told him. “Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink tonight. You’ll have to pick the place because I still don’t know the area too well.”

  “I think I can do that,” Grant said. “And I’d love to get a drink with you. Why don’t you give me your address and I can pick you up around eight?”

  I grimaced. Of course, he was going to be a gentleman. But I couldn’t let him know where I lived. Bad enough that he knew my name. Pretty soon, he would have enough details about me to realize that I hadn’t just moved here from Montana, and then the jig would be up.

  I had to think fast. “Actually, I’m having dinner with my sister in town, so why don’t I just meet you there?” I blurted.

  “All right, sounds perfect,” Grant said easily, and it was clear that he didn’t suspect anything. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Is this your number? I can text you the place.”

  “Yeah, I got all my phone stuff sorted out, so this is my number,” I told him, having forgotten that that was another of the lies I had told.

  Jesus, I was proving to be terrible at this undercover thing. Tell me to seduce a hot biker dude who was apparently my kryptonite. Ugh.

  “Cool, I’ll make sure I save it,” Grant said. “And I’ll see you later.”

  “Sounds good,” I said, hanging up the phone. I shook my head in disgust at myself. The good news was, I felt like I had him right where I wanted him. He had been all too quick to give me his number before, and now he had been even quicker to agree to go out for drinks with me. He had said that he was going to save my number, meaning he thought that tonight was going to go well and that, potentially, he would want to see me again in the future.

  But I felt like I was turning into the stupid bimbo who I was pretending to be, falling all over myself to get him in bed with me, forgetting that this was a mission and that I had to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. Grant wasn’t supposed to spill his secrets to Holly York. He was supposed to spill his secrets to that hot blond bimbo who he met for
drinks one night. I needed him to trust me enough that he would share those secrets, sure, but he didn’t need to know everything about the real me.

  I almost felt like Vera would be better at this whole seduction thing. At least maybe she could help me figure out what I was supposed to wear that night. I might have to borrow something from her. I wasn’t sure that I had anything that was particularly girlie and flirty anymore. Most of my clothes were much more utilitarian.

  9

  Grant

  When I got to the bar on Saturday night, I looked around for Holly but couldn’t find her. I gave a mental shrug and grabbed a drink, finding a space toward the back where I had a good line on the front door. She had said that she was having dinner with her sister first, so probably she had just gotten delayed there. Or maybe she had gotten lost again.

  I grinned to myself, remembering that cute innocence when she’d admitted that she was lost. I wasn’t surprised that she had called me because I could see the way she had been eyeing me. Like she was just as interested in ending up in bed together as I was. But I was pretty glad to hear from her.

  Especially on a day like today. I needed something that would take my mind off Ray and Red Eyes and everything that came with it. Getting drinks with Holly might be just what I needed.

  Sure enough, when she walked in the door, all other thoughts went out of my head. She was dressed pretty simply in a low-cut red top and black shorts, but her hair, instead of being braided like it had been the other day, spilled down around her shoulders to about halfway down her back. Couple that with a pair of plain high heels that made her legs look even longer, and I was about ready to drag her into the bathrooms for a quick fuck.

  But there was something about her that screamed that she deserved more than a quick fuck in the bathrooms, so I told myself to be patient. She seemed like a good girl, and I didn’t want to scare her off.

  Besides, I kept thinking that I could use a friend outside of Red Eyes. I obviously couldn’t tell her about my worries. About how Ray might want to make me leader of the MC and how I wasn’t sure that I was ready for that. She couldn’t know about the MC at all. If she asked what I did for work, I was going to have to lie. But as with the diner, maybe she could be a sort of oasis for me. A part of my life that Red Eyes didn’t have a hold on.

  Holly’s eyes scanned the bar, and she grinned when she saw me. “Hey,” she said, sitting down across from me. “Sorry, I know I’m running late.” She didn’t give any excuse, and I liked that about her.

  “Don’t worry about it,” I said, grinning right back at her. “Hope you found the place okay.”

  “Yeah, no problems there,” Holly said.

  “Can I get you a drink?” I asked, already flagging down one of the waitresses.

  “I’ll have whatever you’re having,” Holly said, nodding toward my porter. “Looks good.”

  I raised an eyebrow at her. “A woman who drinks dark beer? That’s not something that you see every day.”

  Holly laughed. “Yeah, my dad raised me right, I guess,” she said. “Too bad he’s not around to see me now.”

  “At least you have your sister, though,” I pointed out. “I never had siblings. It must be nice.”

  “Not always,” Holly said, her eyes twinkling. “Vera and I are pretty close, but we still used to fight a lot. We got a lot closer after our parents died. We were teenagers at the time, and Vera pretty much took care of me while I finished up high school. She’s still taking care of me today, I guess.” She gave a little chuckle. “I’m a terrible cook, so Vera’s pretty much the only reason I don’t eat microwaveable meals every night.”

  I laughed. “That’s great that the two of you are still so close,” I said. I liked hearing her talk about her sister. I could tell just how close they were from listening to the fondness in her voice. “Close enough that you moved from Montana together even.”

  “Yeah,” Holly said. “I don’t know. Things just seemed to align for both of us at the right time and in the same place. And I guess we were both at a point in our lives where we needed a change.”

  Uh oh. That was a red flag if I ever saw one. “What? Did you go through a nasty breakup or something?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light. If she was dealing with baggage like that, she might not be ready to fall into bed with the first person who took her out for drinks, even if I could tell that she was actually interested in me. I tried not to feel disappointed about that.

  But Holly snorted and shook her head. “Nah, not me,” she said. “To be honest, I’ve been so focused on school and stuff that I haven’t really had time for dating. Hence it being time for a change of scenery.”

  “What did you study?” I asked.

  “History,” Holly said. “I know that, like, doesn’t set me up at all to get a job in the future, but I was super interested in it. And I guess now I’m looking for teaching jobs or something like that. Maybe preschool. I’ve always liked working with kids.”

  “Huh,” I said. I could tell that she had to be pretty smart, and I tried not to feel like she was out of my league. But I had dropped out of high school, and I definitely hadn’t gone to college. I couldn’t imagine moving to a different state for the same reason that I couldn’t imagine leaving Red Eyes behind. What would I even do with myself? How would I support myself? I just didn’t have any ideas.

  But I didn’t want to talk about all of that.

  I shrugged. “My parents died when I was a lot younger,” I told Holly, surprised at how easily the words came. I didn’t usually talk about my past with anyone, but I guess because she’d been so open about her past, I felt the need to tell her about mine. “And like I said, I didn’t have any siblings.”

  “But you said that you sort of have family in the city, didn’t you?” Holly asked. “Like, distant relatives or something?”

  “Not quite,” I told her. “I guess they’re just my friends, but they might as well be my brothers. If that makes any sense.”

  “Of course it does,” Holly said warmly. She looked like she wanted to ask something else, but whatever it was, she stayed quiet.

  I supposed I should just be glad that she hadn’t asked me what my job was. For some reason, I didn’t feel like lying to her. That was kind of silly since it wasn’t like we were in a relationship. And I wasn’t looking to get into a relationship with her. She might be attractive and sweet, but I definitely had enough stuff on my plate right now without adding a girlfriend to the mix.

  And if Ray was about to make me leader of Red Eyes, I definitely couldn’t have a girlfriend. I could only imagine what would happen if I did.

  Because after thinking about it for the whole afternoon, I suddenly realized that the biggest problem of Ray making me leader wouldn’t be Braxton’s response or my own personal misgivings about having the position. No, it was that once word got out that the leader of the most powerful MC in New Mexico had handed over the reins, especially once everyone found out that he had handed over the reins to a twenty-four-year-old kid, there were going to be challengers.

  I thought back to when the Unknowns were trying to take over. And I knew that they weren’t even the most vicious of the opponents that we might face. They had trashed our clubhouse and stolen our businesses, but things had never really gotten violent.

  Not like when Landon and Braxton went to Florida to help out the Red Eyes chapter there, and Landon ended up getting shot. People had ended up dead in that altercation, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to have blood on my hands.

  I didn’t think I’d ever be ready to have blood on my hands.

  I couldn’t drag Holly into something like that. She was too pure. Too innocent. And if other MCs came after me, I knew there were some who would be cruel enough to go after her to get to me. I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t start a relationship with her.

  I probably shouldn’t even be here with her right now.

  Abruptly, I stood up. “I have some things that I need to do tonig
ht,” I told her.

  I could see the look of disappointment on Holly’s face, clear as day despite the dim lighting of the bar. “All right,” she said. She looked down at her drink for a moment and then looked back up at me, cocking her head to the side. “Do I get to see you again? I had fun tonight.”

  She looked so hopeful that I had no choice except to say yes. “I’ll call you,” I promised her.

  “I’m going to hold you to that,” she said, and I could tell that it was meant to be a joke, but I could also tell that she didn’t think that she was really going to see me again. I left the bar feeling horrible. If only things weren’t so complicated right now.

  10

  Holly

  On Sunday morning, I woke up early. For a while, I lay in bed, thinking back to the previous night. Things with Grant had started out so good. He’d looked hungry when I first walked into the bar. Like he couldn’t wait to have me. And I’d been prepared to be the one walking out of there first, the one keeping him on the line. But instead, things had suddenly taken a turn and he’d abruptly gotten up and walked out of there.

  What’s worse was, we had agreed that he would be the one to call me, but I wasn’t sure that that was going to happen.

  Reasons seduction should not be part of my job: I’m apparently terrible at it, I thought.

  I didn’t know what had gone wrong. The conversation about our families had really been flowing, and I hadn’t asked about his friends when he brought them up, figuring that he probably meant the other guys in Red Eyes when he was talking about brotherhood. I hadn’t asked what he did for a living. I didn’t let him know that I was a cop.

  But something must really have Red Eyes in turmoil right now, because I could tell that his attention hadn’t been entirely focused on me over the course of the night. And I had to wonder if maybe they knew that they were all under surveillance.